Previously: Reunited and it feels so good!
The Gentleman’s Name is Gorgon
Marines: Attilan. Max rounds a corner and suddenly the whole royal family materializes in front of him, transported by Lockjaw. Max immediately says he totally didn’t mean it. Things got out of hand. He’s quietly surrounded and threatened by the royals. Max appeals to his brother, but Medusa tells him it won’t work. Black Bolt knows it was really Max who killed their parents. Max says that isn’t true, but BB grabs him and sharply inhales, which counts as a sound? But only exhales kill? IDK, seems like fake science.
Max startles awake. He fell asleep on the throne, embarrassing.
Dani: Worst. Usurper-King. Ever.
Jessica: Still an impressive feat – that throne looks rather uncomfortable.
Sweeney: One day we’re gonna watch a show where people are coveting a throne that actually looks worth sitting on. One day.
Mari: SYMBOLS AND LOCKJAW.
Horse Dog Ranch. Vet Tech aggressively says that Lockjaw’s side is all swollen again. They need to stop teleporting around and let him rest. She stomps out as she tells Crystal to just take him home. Crystal reminds everyone she can’t go anywhere without her family. Vet Tech asks how many of them there even are and shouldn’t they be on a register or something? Crystal asks what she’s talking about, and Vet Tech whips out her phone to make sure “they” (the man) have a picture of Crystal. She uses her powers to set the phone on fire. Vet Tech drops it and says she isn’t afraid of Crystal. Crystal thinks Vet Tech should be. Vet Tech says this isn’t over and leaves.
Dani: I’m no fan of Vet Tech and her stompy acting, but if SuperBrat exploded my phone after I’d been keeping her stupid secret and healing her stupid dog I would be PISSED.
Dave warns that they should take Vet Tech’s threat seriously. Crystal thinks VT was right, though. They wore Lockjaw out. And wasted precious time whooping in the ocean, or whatever, but no one mentions that. Dave suggests using Crystal’s power to send a signal to her family. Crystal wants to start a lightning storm RIGHT NOW, but Dave stops her, so she doesn’t burn anything down. They decide to find high ground instead.
In the forest, Medusa asks Louise how she found them. She distractedly tells them about the energy bursts she detected when they landed, and then realizes that means they can find Crystal, too. (J: Well looks like they didn’t need Locus after all. RIP person we already forgot.) While Louise works on that, Medusa asks her family what their plan is once they are back on Attilan. Black Bolt points to Karnak, but Karnak doesn’t trust himself with plan making just yet. Gorgon wants to just charge in and tear shit up because get it that’s his thing. Black Bolt signs that they need to take down Maximus. Medusa tries to have a little sidebar to be all like, okay, but really? Maybe we shouldn’t kill your brother? Black Bolt pats her head. It’s weird, but let’s assume it’s code for, “but look what he did to you!” Medusa pulls his hand away and asks if they’ve learned anything from her parents.
Dani: The answer is no, Medusa. No one on this show has learned anything from anyone.
Mari: Louise is back and she says that another Inhuman definitely landed after they did on the north part of the island. Karnak notices that Louise is vibrating. She admits that she somehow put Locus’s comlink back together in the middle of the woods during gun fights, or whatever. Medusa grabs it from her and answers. It’s Auran. She says she’s got Helpful Inmate and Declan hostage. Medusa says they aren’t going to just walk into that trap but Black Bolt nods his head that yes they are. (J: How’d this guy get to be king again?) Auran assumes that they have Locus, who can lead them to her, so Medusa breaks the news that Locus is dead. Auran shortly tells her they are at the lab.
The gang all keep heading back to Louise’s car. Medusa says Crystal is still their priority. Black Bolt thinks they should split up with Karnak and Gorgon going after Auran and him and Medusa finding Crystal. Karnak is still full of doubt, so Medusa tells him he’s the best fighter on Attilan. Gorgon says second best. That’s enough of a pep talk for Karnak and he’s ready to go. Louise gives them directions to the lab, and then drives off with BB and Medusa.
Moon. Bro-papa and Bronaja walk together. Bro-papa is really excited about potentially dying for freedom, but Bronaja is less excited. They join a meeting in progress. Max gives a big speech to a group of lower caste Inhumans, telling them that Black Bolt is definitely planning to come back and make them go back to the mines. (J: I mean, he is, right?) Max calls Eldrac, the doorway guy, who snarks a bit about how many people he has to transport now. The mine-fighters all step through. Tibor once again warns Max about what the people will think of him sending miners to fight. Max says the people love him so it’s fiiiine. Plus, if Black Bolt kills all the mine-fighters, everyone will just hate him more. Bronaja overhears that last part and doesn’t look happy.
The mine-fighters arrive on Earth. Bro-papa is really excited about the grass, but Auran tells him to STFU because he’s a soldier now and soldiers can’t be bothered by grass.
Jessica: She treats them pretty badly. So, is she a higher caste person? But no, right, because she follows Maximus? I thought all the miners were also people without powers? I am confusion. I’ll go back to my popcorn now.
Sweeney: I think you’re right about the miners and her being a higher caste. Her decision to follow Maximus is some backstory that could have been cool to have if this show were actually well written. My guess is that she’s leapfrogging up the ranks by following Maximus. In my imaginary better written story there’s maybe some other bond between them, but that story is not the one we are actually watching.
Mari: I thought the miners had the less exciting powers, but now these miners are being sent to fight because the have pretty good powers? IDK, man. We’re trying.
Back on the the moon, Tibor and the Rebel (J: Band name! Called it) are whispering about what to do about Max, especially since he’s getting more and more paranoid. Tibor seems to suddenly be on team WE NEED TO ATTACK NOW, so he tells Rebel to gather up some other rebels pronto.
Louise is lost and they come up against a dead end. While she tries to figure out where she’s going, Black Bolt and Medusa get out of the car to stretch their legs and their feelings. Black Bolt asks why Medusa brought up her parents. She says that he needed to be reminded of his promise not to be like them. And while Max is the worst, they should put him on on trial and let the people decide his fate.
Dani: Normally I’d be all “Medusa’s right,” but after Brexit and the 2016 election I’m not a big fan of the whole “let the people decide” thing. People are stupid.
Jessica: Also, in a royal society, it seems like “let the people decide” probably isn’t a great idea.
Mari: Plus, Max is decidedly the worst.
Black Bolt hates the idea of a fair trial, too. Medusa says she isn’t trying to protect Max, but Black Bolt from himself.
Max is meeting with some of his guards in the throne room in order to come up with a plan in case the royals make it back. Tibor interrupts and requests a private audience. Once alone, Tibor tells Max that there is a rebel group conspiring against him. Max repeats that the people love him, but Tibor insists. He proposes that they keep this between them and use the Minority Report twins to find the rebels and make an example of them. Max agrees to this, though I can’t tell if he’s suspicious. Mostly because he always looks shifty but also because he gets thrown into a flashback.
Sweeney: EVERY EPISODE IS THE SAME. FLASHBACKS ARE MEANINGLESS BECAUSE TIME IS MEANINGLESS HERE.
Dani: I don’t understand how that flashback was related to the scene with Tibor. Are they trying to prove Max is cunning and therefore probably suspects Tibor? Or is he just fantasizing about beating someone with a big stick?
Jessica: Both maybe? IDK. Regardless, it enforces that Max’s entire character can be summed up by the phrase “murder eyes.”
Mari: Declan Lab. Auran briefly tells the mine-fighters the plan: the royals are going to show up. Surround them. (D: Great plan.) Plant Girl bumps shoulders with Bro-papa and tells him to stay out of their way. Auran notices that the back of her hand still has burn scars. Declan notices as well and asks her if she’s ever had a DNA test before. Turns out, her telomeres are getting shorter so it appears that she won’t be able to heal herself forever. One day she’ll die and not come back. That’s the best news this show has given me since the teleporting dog.
Crystal and Dave reach the highest point in Oahu. She marvels at the beauty and Dave says they should take a trip somewhere once they find her family. (D: Slow down, creeper. You’ve known each other for like two minutes.) Crystal’s face falls, on account of no Dave, it’s not gonna happen. And then it’s time to do the lightning thing.
Nearby, Louise stops again to check the map. Apparently, she can fix a comlink in the forest but doesn’t have a GPS of any kind. They notice the lightning, but brush it off. Louise asks why they are even hiding on the moon anyway. Medusa says it’s for their safety from bad humans. More lightning, which Louise calls weird. She’s more interested, though, in saying #notallhumans. What if she assumed that all the moon people were like Maximus? Medusa gives a dry, “that’s a good point,” and then quickly asks where they even are. Lightning strikes again and Black Bolt understands: it’s Crystal.
Sweeney: Crystal clearly has the coolest power set of anybody on this show, but Crystal’s lack of an actual character to match is an insult to badass lightning throwing ladies.
Max faux-sympathizes with Bronaja’s worry for his father and then threateningly asks if Bronaja wants his father to come back home safely. If he does, he better answer: is there reason for Max to distrust Tibor? Bronaja says no. Max replies that in that case, he wants Bronaja there when he meets Tibor. Bronaja doesn’t appear to like the sound of that.
Karnak and Gorgon are sneaking up on Declan’s lab. They are having more chats about how! different! they are and Karnak is still sad his power is broken. While discussing how to get into the lab without the humans getting hurt, Gorgon points out that Auran and co. don’t know that Karnak’s powers aren’t working.
Gorgon keeps sneaking along until he finds the electrical box and cuts power to the lab. Auran helpfully announces that “they are here,” and Mordis sasses her accordingly. She leaves the humans with Mordis and her and Plant Girl go check out what’s up. What they see is Karnak walking straight for them. Plant Girl tells Auran to shoot him, but Auran thinks that must be what he wants. He must’ve used his snazzy power to see this is the decision that best suits the royals. We cut to Karnak repeating, “don’t shoot me, don’t shoot me, don’t shoot me.” (J: Good thing no one there has super hearing. Sheesh.) That really exemplifies Karnak’s plight more than any of his BUT CONSEQUENCES? speeches in that past couple of episodes. (D: It’s almost like scenes are better when the writers do more showing and less telling. Who knew?) Auran doesn’t shoot. Karnak pulls down his hoody, smiles confidently and greets Auran. She ducks down and hides.
Inside, Bro-papa is with the rest of the mine-fighters, but Karnak sneaks in and manages to grab the other mine-fighters in a split second.
Mordis next goes after Karnak, who is hiding and watching him. Mordis knows that Karnak likes to tell his enemies all the ways he can defeat them, and invites Karnak to do so now. Instead, Karnak starts story time about the day Mordis had his terrigenesis and how scared and alone he was. Karnak was the one who pleaded with the Genetic Council to give Mordis a chance, even though his face murdered a bunch of people right out of the gate. (D: The fact that this can happen, and yet there are no precautions taken for it, makes the whole terrigenesis ceremony seem even more stupid.) The Genetic Council’s idea of giving him a chance was to lock him up in a cell. Mordis yells about how unfair that was when Black Bolt is just as dangerous and he was given way more opportunities. (D: Fair point.) Karnak says things can be totally different now. Mordis says that what happened to him wasn’t necessary. There were other options. Mordis yells for Karnak to show himself, but it’s Gorgon who answers. Mordis turns and Karnak sneaks up behind him and chokes him until he passes out.
Jessica: AND THEN THEY JUST LEAVE HIM ON THE GROUND seriously did no one remember the “literal face of death” line just recently uttered?
Sweeney: Everything is the same forever.
Mari: Karnak and Gorgon free Helpful Inmate. He offers to stay and help, but Gorgon tells him to get to safety now so they don’t have to worry about him later. Helpful asks if they have powers too. They confirm that they do, which makes Helpful happy because it means he isn’t a freak. Gorgon assures him he isn’t a freak and off he goes.
Gorgon asks if the story Karnak told Mordis was true. Karnak scoffs it off because he totally wanted to kill Mordis, too. Wow. Everything you heard about the moon royals is true. Gorgon calls dibs on Auran. Karnak warns that Auran has a gun, but Gorgon is all cocky confidence. The kind that gets you KILLED.
Karnak finds Bro-papa and distracts him so easily by being like, “hey! I remember you!” that he deserves the karate chop that knocks him out.
Auran has Declan at gun point. Gorgon confronts her, pushes her fast enough to disarm her, and they start fighting. It looks pretty evenly matched, but mostly because Gorgon is not hoofing it as much as he should? Use your gd powers. But no, he gets Auran down the old fashioned way and she surrenders before he can stomp her face.
Sweeney: Perma-regeneration powers or not, nobody wants to get their face stomped.
Mari: Karnak finds Declan, who wants to know who tf Maximus even is. Karnak gives the cliff notes: traitor brother of their king Black Bolt. Declan reveals that Maximus is also the one who paid for all this research he’s been doing. Karnak wants to continue this conversation outside. Declan grabs his briefcase full of research before he goes.
Crystal and Dave are waiting, giving them enough time to flirt and make out. No one cares, so it is actually a blessing when Medusa, Black Bolt and Louise show up. There are hugs and introductions to the humans in attendance, and then Black Bolt signs that they need Lockjaw in order to get Karnak and Gorgon and then go home.
At the lab, Auran is tied up. She asks what happens when they get home and see that the people prefer Max as king. Karnak says they’ll see when they get there. Gorgon and Karnak tie Mordis up just as he wakes up. He’s not about going back to the moon to live in a cage. He makes to reveal his murder face. Gorgon grabs and stops him as he yells for everyone else to run out to safety. He hoof stomps now, but of course, it backfires because he stomps the ground and brings the building crumbling on top of him. (J: Bye, Gorgon.)
Medusa, Black Bolt, Crystal, Louise and Dave arrive at the Horse Dog Ranch where Lockjaw is waiting safely. Louise is so impressed and can’t wait to go to the Moon with Lockjaw. All the Inhumans give her a look like, “oh. Honey.” Medusa offers to be the one to break it to her, but is interrupted by the arrival of the police. Dave heads out there to see what’s up. It’s Vet Tech, who has brought the police to see the alien dog and alien girl. Inside the barn, Medusa asks Louise to do them one more favor and handle the police. There really is no reason this has to happen except BYE LOUISE. Lockjaw takes Medusa, BB and Crystal away and leaves behind a v sad Louise.
Mari: The cop opens up the barn door and finds only Louise. She tells them that Vet Tech locked her in here because she’s Dave’s new girlfriend. The cop says he’s walking away now, which is a weird reaction to a kidnapping claim, but okay. Vet Tech insists that there really was an alien, but the cop won’t listen.
Lockjaw brings Medusa, BB and Crystal to the lab. Black Bolt walks into the destroyed lab and finds Karnak near Gorgon’s dead body in complete shock. They carry Gorgon’s body out of the lab and we get an extended shot of everyone having a lot of emotions over his death. I wish I could say the same. Gorgon is not a least favorite, but he did feel like the most dispensable royal, despite the attempt over the last two episodes to give him some character.
Dani: Wait, does that mean Mordis is dead, too? Dammit, he was my favorite character!
Mari: Nothing (halfway) good can last (for more than a hot minute on this damn show).
On the Moon, Maximus of course guessed that Tibor was in on the coup because everyone in Attilan is the worst liar. He slits Tibor’s throat and yells a lot about how NOTHING! NOTHING! can stop him. He has his guards lead away the other rebels. Bronaja asks what’s going to happen to the rebels. Maximus points to Tibor’s dead body and asks if in that vision Bronaja had if Tibor had a knife. “Maybe,” Bronaja says because he has no sense of self-preservation? IDK. Maximus loses his shit a little bit and says that he’s trying to lead Bronaja to something great. The he dips his finger in Tibor’s blood and wipes it on Bronaja’s face? And then he makes Bronaja say, “long live King Maximus.”
We can only hope that his cocky confidence means he’ll also die soon. (D: fingers crossed!)
Two more episodes!
Next time on Inhumans: The Royals head back to Attilan in S01 E07 – Havoc in the Hidden Land.