Wow, never thought we’d be back here.
—
Marines: There are a lot of reasons why we could’ve chosen to ignore Midnight Sun. Ultimately, for me, deciding to do this came down to seeing so much unexamined nostalgia for the original series on social media. Nostalgia means people are more willing to look past the racist, misogynistic, terribly written pieces that make up Twilight. People aren’t likely to critically consume things they have nostalgia for, and I think it’s important that we pick this shit a p a r t.
This is a critical view of Midnight Sun. We hope to make you laugh along the way, but we do not hope to encourage you to buy this book and put money in Stephenie Meyer’s pocket. (For legal reasons, we all totally obtained our copies in legitimate ways.) That said, if you do have some spending money, may I direct you here: https://mthg.org. The Quileute Tribe is raising money to move one of their at risk communities to higher ground.
Amazingly, when I emailed the other Snark Ladies to get the gang together, they were all in. Welcome back, dear friends.
Annie: To be fair, I’m pretty sure at first I was like ‘hasn’t 2020 been bad enough?’ and ‘not this garbage again!’. But friends. Friends. There is work to be done. And what better way to pass the time during a pandemic than reliving the garbage of Twilight in this new *checks notes* 670 page (lolololololol, FML) book?
Kirsti: I fully anticipate regretting saying yes within about 50 pages, but what else am I supposed to do when Melbourne is in stage 4 lockdown, and I literally can’t leave my house for more than an hour a day while wearing a mask?
Catherine: I, personally, was waiting for the email about reviewing this like a 90’s teen girl waiting for a boy to call on my landline phone. “Did Mari email yet? SHE DID! I’m straight buggin! This is da bomb!”
Ok, so full disclosure. I had actually read this whole first part before. Meyer released the first, idk, 2 chapters or something a decade ago when I was still deep in my Twilight obsession. If I remember correctly (lol, I wish I could forget these things so badly) someone somehow obtained the beginning of Midnight Sun and posted it online. It devastated her so much that she gave up writing it altogether, a conclusion she probably should have stuck with, judging by the first chapter.
But here is another brain blast for you: she doesn’t appear to have edited this first couple chapters at all in the last ten years. I read it a few times back then so I remember it pretty clearly, despite many attempts to sandblast it out of my mind with alcohol. This is not any different. There’s even a typo that I think I remember being in there (on my copy, at least). Why would she not?? Edit it??
Mari: Because she doesn’t have to. There is nothing that could’ve been in these pages that would’ve actually discouraged people from paying money to read it. Hence: here we are. Thanks for joining me, Snark Ladies, and thanks for joining us, dearest readers. Here we go.
We start with an “explanation” as to why Edward goes to high school every day.
“This was the time of day when I most wished I were able to sleep.
High school.
Or was purgatory the right word? If there were any way to atone for my sins, this aught to count toward the tally in some measure. The tedium was not something I grew used to; every day seemed more impossibly monotonous than the last.
Perhaps this could even be considered my form of sleep– if sleep was defined as the insert state between active periods.”
Edward, pal, the fact that you can’t sleep explains why you need an activity to fill your days. And if you were trying to atone for being a serial killer, or whatever, maybe go Habitat for Humanity or join the Peace Corps or something. If you are just trying to approximate sleep, go to bed. None of this explains why you are being creepy at the local high school.
Annie: Imagine for a second if he just decided to quit going to high school? We could’ve skipped all of this *gestures at the dumpster fire full of Twilight books, films and merchandise I may or may not have started in my driveway.*
K: I will never ever EVER understand why they all kept going to high school rather than going to university where no one gives a shit if you’re a perpetual student and you don’t have to take the exact same classes over and over again. But, like, what do I know? I deliver the exact same classes over and over again.
Mari: Edward stares at the ceiling, imagining shapes in the cracked plaster, trying to drown out the voices in his head. Adding to the list of reasons why being back in high school is a bad decision for him, he’s surround a mass of people and can read minds. Choices.
K: I had legit forgotten that Edward can read minds, so this section was super confusing for a hot minute.
Mari: Yes, this book assumes that you remember Twilight like it was just yesterday, because it does absolutely no additional set-up or recap.
Edward says he ignores “several hundred” of these voices out of boredom because today, most everyone is thinking about the new person at school.
“I’d seen the new face repeated in thought after thought from every angle. Just an ordinary human girl. The excitement over her arrival was tiresomely predictable– it was the same reaction as one would get from flashing a shiny object at a group of toddlers.”
Charming.
Edward continues being superior, saying half the “sheep-like males” were already “imagining themselves infatuated with her.” Which is actually weird? They weren’t infatuated with her, they were imagining themselves infatuated with her? It’s like an extra step? They have to think about thinking about her all the time? Wow. (A: I have so many questions about this, but I’m scared that if I ask them, Meyer will feel like she needs to write another book to explain Edward’s perspective, so.)
Also, this is all hilarious coming from Edward who is soon to get one whiff of Bella and become King Infatuation.
Edward tells us that he only blocks out 4 voices out of courtesy instead of distaste: his brothers and sisters. It’s here that I notice that there is a bit of formality to Meyer’s writing.
“Only four voices did I block out of courtesy rather than distaste…”
“Try as I may, still… I knew.”
Ye olde heartthrob. (C: Anne Rice ass bitch.)
Anyway, even though he just made it seem like he could block people out, he actually can’t. He’s listening in on Rosalie.
“Rosalie was thinking, as usual, about herself– her mind was a stagnant pool with few surprises.”
Wooooooow. You were just connecting dots on cracked ceiling plaster, my dude, like turn the judgement down a fucking notch.
K: Let’s just pause for a moment of silence for how potentially not shit (or at least less shit??) this could have been if it was Twilight retold from Rosalie’s perspective. I mean, I remember not loving Rosalie in the original series, but I also remember that her origin story was very sad and very metal and that she’s got much more depth than Edward “I died of Spanish flu” Cullen.
Mari: Rosalie catches a reflection of herself (in someone’s glasses…?) and considers her own perfection. Edward is like “she is pretty hot.”
Annie: I appreciate how Meyer seems very quick to confirm what we’ve all been thinking: Edward is a complete asshole. This is your hero? This is the ideal ‘man’ that you want all these young girls to declare #relationshipgoals about? Hard pass. And also, thanks for reinforcing that brainless beauty trope with Rosalie. Great job.
C: He is SUCH an asshole. It seems incredibly obvious in this first bit that Meyer was relying on the nostalgia of former teen fans and the credit that she had already built up in creating Edward to get people to like him. We are not exaggerating when we tell you that his internal monologue is assholish. He is a *dick* in this thoughts. That comment about all the children being “sheep” is like, two pages in. He just thinks bitchy thoughts about people. That’s literally all he does.
Mari: Edward moves on to listening in on Emmett, who is frustrated because he lost a wrestling match to Jasper the previous night. Edward never feels guilty about listening in on Emmett’s thoughts because he’s a simple boy with simple thoughts. Everyone else thinks things they wouldn’t want Edward to know. “If Rosalie is a stagnant pool, Emmett is a lake with no shadows, glass clear.”
Next, Jasper. He’s suffering. (C: I would be suffering if I had to be around this asshole all day, too.) (A: So are we, Jasper… so are we.) (K: Yup. Huge mood.)
Alice calls Edward’s name in her head, so he switches his attention to her, but not very noticeably. Alice think-asks him how Jasper is doing. Edward frowns slightly, and makes sure to tell us in detail how stealthy this frown is. Meanwhile, Jasper is sitting too still and not performing the human ticks the way they all have to. Alice starts freaking out a little, wondering if there is any immediate danger. She starts searching through her visions, like maybe her visions are Google and all she has to do is type “does jasper…”
Mari: Edward turns his head to the left and then to the right. He tells us again how stealthy this is because only Alice would know he’s shaking his head. The others would assume he’s cosplaying humans.
K: FFS, Edward. Just, like, invent a way to communicate through blinking or some shit. Very slowly shaking your head is super weird.
Mari: Pretty on par with EL James and her slow smiles tbh.
Alice relaxes and think-tells Edward to let her know if things get too bad. Edward moves his eyes up to the ceiling and back down, another super secret code for “yes.” Alice think-thanks him for doing this. Edward is thankful that he doesn’t actually have to reply to that because he wouldn’t know what to say. My pleasure? Nah, this is too stupid a situation. He wonders at putting a dangerous young vampire in the middle of a bunch of humans to see if he can handle it. “Why flirt with disaster?” He wonders. I don’t know, Edward. I thought in book five and the third time Meyer wrote the damn thing, these would be the kinds of questions you would be answering. (C: Help us understand, Meyer. HELP US.)
It’s been two weeks since the Cullen-Hales have been hunting, which isn’t too big a deal for everyone except Jasper, unless a human walked too close or “if the wind blew the wrong way.” The absolute beauty of Edward, one paragraph ago, wondering if it wouldn’t be safer to just stay away, to now only go “we are totally okay and mostly harmless unless it’s windy, IT’S FINE.”
K: Okay so you know how dogs go completely hyper when it’s windy and start running in circles and biting at the air ? That’s now how I picture the Cullen-Hales.
Mari: Accurate.
Edward says they are also mostly fine because humans “rarely” walked too close to them, because their instincts told them to stay away. I love that they all assume its human instincts and not the fact that they are all sitting there silently, thinking they are doing a bang up job of blinking enough times per minute.
One second after telling us that humans have this great instinct for avoiding predators, he tells us that humans are actually really oblivious. The humans are all just eating their lunch without realizing that bunch of murderers are sitting amongst them, hanging out in high school because it’s their equivalent of nap time. Edward says they are more dangerous than an ambush of tigers. He blames human stupidity for the fact that they are just eating their lunch and minding their business, but it seems to me that this is cafeteria, sir, so all the humans just eating their lunch are in the correct place. Whatcha doing here, tiger?
K: Wait, I feel like the start of the first book was everyone being super thirsty about the Cullens to Bella though? Like… that doesn’t suggest that people Stay Away Because Of Danger where they’re concerned.
Mari: Since he keeps contradicting himself, it seems like Edward doesn’t truly believe that humans have a good survival instinct, so the answer is yes and no.
At that moment, and because again, all of these chapters have just been Stephenie Meyer saying something and then immediately negating it, a human gets close to the vampires. She’s at a nearby lunch table and she tosses her hair, and because the heaters are on, the scent carries to the Cullen-Hale table. So if you are keeping score at home, they only have to worry about wind, heaters and presumably AC, so like totally safe and basically never tempted by scent de people.
Edward describes what happens when he gets a nose-full of person: dry ache in his throat, hollow yearning in his stomach, automatic tightening of his muscles, excess venom in his mouth. I was fine until the “excess venom” bit. Ew. (A: Reads kinda like a fang boner to me. No thank you.) (C: It is really hard not to compare it to that, yes.)
Usually, Edward can deal with all of this just fine, but it’s extra difficult right now because Jasper is imagining murdering that girl, which Edward sees in his thoughts. Edward kicks Jasper’s chair to snap him out of it. Jasper gets all pouty, but apologizes. Alice soothes him by saying that he wasn’t going to do anything. She saw it in Vision Google, or whatever. Edward assumes she’s lying, but doesn’t give her away because they stick together as the “freaks” of the group that are already “freaks.”
Alice tells Jasper that it helps if he thinks of them as people and not food, but Jasper doesn’t want her advice. Apparently she’s talking really fast so the humans can’t understand her. Sure, they might not understand what she’s saying, but have you ever heard something super sped up? That’s… attention grabbing. But okay, tigers, keep on with your stealthy ways.
K: Also, how fast *IS* she talking? Because if an audiobook or podcast on triple speed is still understandable……
C: You guys are forgetting that humans are DUMB and SHEEP. Stupid human minds could not possibly comprehend something as mystifying as fast talking. And it’s not as if they could just whisper or anything, no! They have to sound like a broken VHS tape so that the SIMPLE-MINDED DULLARD CHILDREN will not understand them.
Mari: Edward thinks that Jasper is going to have to hunt tonight because it’s stupid to keep testing him this way and trying to build his endurance. Alice sighs and leaves, giving Jasper some space. Edward is thinking about Jasper and Alice’s relationship when he hears his name. He turns reflexively before realizing that someone has just thought his name, not said it. He locks eyes with “a pair of chocolate, brown human eyes, set in a pale, heart shaped face.” “He locks eyes with a pair of eyes.” Amazing.
Edward recognizes the pair of eyes as Bella Swan, the new girl everyone is thinking about. He looks away “bored,” but then continues to think about her so.
Bella wasn’t the one who thought about him; it was Jessica Stanley.
“It had been a while since she’d bothered me with her internal chatter. What a relief it had been when she’d gotten over her misplaced fixation. It used to be nearly impossible to escape her constant, ridiculous daydreams.”
Just quoting in case you were wondering if Midnight Sun would have Jessica hate. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that we are going to get a bunch of Jessica thoughts that are going to try and convince us that Jessica deserved Bella’s ire.
Edward hears Jessica thinking about how Bella isn’t even pretty, and she doesn’t know why Eric or Mike are staring so much. Edward, who remember was so bored he could barely be bothered, explains that Mike Newton is Jessica’s new crush. And the fact that Mike is staring at Bella means that Jessica’s thoughts have a mean edge to them, even though she’s being very outwardly nice to Bella and telling her all about the Cullen-Hales.
Annie: For someone who is so over high school, he sure loves the teen drama. I guess they don’t have Dawson’s Creek or The OC for them to watch on TV? I have a feeling he would LOVE those shows.
K: I feel like Edward is more… Ex on the Beach level drama than Dawson’s Creek level drama. Although he’s probably too good and pure and virginal to watch Ex on the Beach. So carry on.
Mari: Edward tells Emmett all the dramz with Bella and Jessica. For some reason, Edward is talking out loud and Emmett is replying in his thoughts. These guys are so good at being normal! Emmett think-asks what the new girl thinks of them. Edward listens for Bella’s thoughts, but first explains how he serves as a sort of lookout for the family, listening to see if any humans are suspicious of them.
Of course, Edward can’t hear Bella. He’s very confused, and looks up again, only to lock eyes with her eyes. Bella blushes, and Edward is thankful that Jasper didn’t see, because apparently blushing is also a big murder trigger, and I’m sure easily avoided around several hundred teens. Edward recaps all of the emotions that Bella experienced while Jessica told her about the Cullens-Hales, even though he just looked up so I’m not sure how he saw all of this. The point is that even though he can read her body language, he can’t hear her at all. It never once crosses his mind that maybe she’s just empty-headed.
He listens harder and gets a thought-blast of all the boys falling for Bella and all the girls, except Angela, being hateful or weird. Edward hears Bella ask for his name out loud, but still can’t hear her thoughts. Jessica thinks, “oh, good luck, idiot!” but answers that the boy is Edward, and he’s gorgeous, but doesn’t date because apparently none of the girls are good-looking enough for him. Edward smiles to himself, but then shockingly, feels a little stirring of emotion. What’s the first emotion that Bella stirs in him? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
C: Is horny an emotion?
Mari: Good guess, but in fact, he feels protective of her. He wants to step in between Bella and Jessica’s mean, mean thoughts, even though he was just calling every human boring and stupid and useless and snacks.
K: We’re only 2% into the book, and I’ve already basically rolled my eyeballs out of their sockets.
Mari: Edward takes another look at Bella, but this time through Jessica’s eyes, because apparently that’s something you can do when you hear people’s thoughts. Through Jessica’s eye-thoughts, he looks at Bella, and wonders if maybe he feels protective of her because she’s so weak. Her skin is so translucent, Edward can see the blood pulsing through her veins. (What.) (A: Ew, no thank you.) Edward can sense a lot about Bella’s mood from her body language but he still! can’t! hear her! He’s very frustrated by this, mostly because he’s not used to failing.
Rosalie calls his attention, and he’s relieved, because he doesn’t want to keep thinking about Bella and her thoughts, which he totally could hear if he wanted to, but he doesn’t want to because they are probably petty and trivial thoughts, so there.
Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper are all pretending to be seniors this year, so they leave separately. Edward is pretending to be a junior. Please don’t ask why.
“I headed off for my junior-level Biology lesson, preparing my mind for the tedium. It was doubtful Mr. Banner, a man of no more than average intellect, would manage to pull out anything in his lecture that would surprise someone holding two medical degrees.”
K: Okay so I guess that answers my “why didn’t they go to university??” question. THEY DID. And then decided to go back to high school. WTF.
C: I can’t imagine anything more horrifying then the thought of going back to high school as an adult, and I was homeschooled. Especially as a 100-whatever year-old adult. But, in other news, if you were wondering if Edward was just a dick to the teenagers because they’re teenagers, no! He’s a dick to the adults, too!
Mari: Edward sits at a table alone in Biology, making sure to tell us that his books are props because he’s too smart for them, and he sits alone because humans are too stupid to know he’s a threat, but still kind of know he’s a threat.
Bella and Angela walk in, so we are treated to even more of Edward being shocked! that he can’t hear her. The only seat available is right next to Edward, and he thinks about how unpleasant it’s going to be for her, sitting next to him for a whole semester. He thinks maybe he’ll get to hear her thoughts with her closer, but uh, not that he wants to hear them, because they would probably be stupid and uninteresting, he’s not obsessed with her thoughts, YOU ARE.
“Bella Swan walked into the flow of heated air that blew toward me from the vent.
Her scent hit me like a battering ram, like an exploding grenade. There was no image violent enough to encompass the force of what happened to me in that moment.“
- I love that the biggest real threat at Forks High is that damn heated air and the ventilation system.
- I extra love that Meyer gives us two images (battering ram, grenade) and then says “there are no images.” Bitch, you just gave us two. Your job here is done.
- Meet cute! (Meat cute?) It’s extra super cute now that we have Edward’s thoughts, so we know that Bella’s odor is exploding over him, but more violently than a grenade.
One of my favorite things about Twilight fandom is the way they do gymnastics to avoid that Edward was threatening to kill for like 99% of Twilight. So, this is a cool scene in which he talks about how Bella’s sweet blood is making him want to murder her right here, in front of everyone. And had he known that her blood existed, he would’ve found her and murdered her ages ago.
Bella sees Edward reacting with the reaction none of us can unsee.
Mari: Bella gets so nervous that she starts walking faster, and then trips of course. Edward is taken with how vulnerable and weak she is. And also how delicious, probably. And also he really wants to kill her!
“I knew what had to happen now. The girl would have to come sit beside me, and I would have to kill her.
The innocent bystanders in this classroom, eighteen other children and one man, could not be allowed to leave, having seen what they would soon see.”
Casually planning a massacre, but anyway, the part that jumps out at me is that he considers them all children, which makes the relationship he develops with a child later on super fine, and totally not creepy.
Edward starts planning in detail how he would kill Bella and then trap everyone else. Like paragraphs worth. He figures it wouldn’t suit to kill Bella first and then the other kids, because then his meal would grow cold. So he’d have to kill everyone else first and then Bella. Cool. Sorted. (K: This goes on for SO FUCKING LONG, and I am already over this book.)
Thankfully, some god damn hero at a nearby table slams his trapper keeper closed hard enough to waft some fresh air over at Edward so he can think clearly again. He thinks about how he used to be, a monster who killed humans, but only bad humans, but probably still a monster. And he thinks of his dad Carlisle, and what a good vampire he is.
C: Considering how fucking long this whole “Edward plans Bella’s murder” thing goes on for (like, multiple paragraphs long, you guys) and how, like I said, this part was originally released a decade or so ago, it’s impossible for me to imagine how the fandom would justify insisting that Edward never intended to harm Bella. I mean. He literally planned out her murder and the murder of 20 other people.
Mari: Bella sits down, and Edward starts to get angry at her for existing. He doesn’t want to be a monster and he doesn’t want to kill everyone in this room. “She couldn’t make me.” There’s not even a victim yet, and he’s victim blaming so that’s really impressive. Bella shakes out her hair, and Edward prays hard for another gust of fresh air. Does no one else in this classroom organize their notes in a binder?? CAN NO ONE HELP THIS MAN?
Oh, wait, Edward just suddenly remembered that he doesn’t have to breathe whoops, lol. Almost killed a bunch of people because he was huffing Bella blood when he didn’t have to. Not breathing helps, but he still remembers the scent of her blood, so not a lot. He doesn’t think he can run out, because if he moves, he’s just going to murder her. He only has to not kill everyone for one hour, which is easier said than done, because I’m not sure if he’s mentioned yet but he really, really wants to kill her, and he also hates her. (It’s presented as a “but” in the book. Like he wants to kill her BUT he also hates her. I am here to tell you that’s an AND.) He starts focusing on how much he hates her for existing and being desirable to him, which helps take the edge off of wanting to kill her. Gotta love when your misogyny helps keep your murderous desires at bay, I guess.
Not for long, though, because Edward moves on to daydreaming about leading her away from the classroom and killing her. And then he daydreams of killing her at her house, out by the woods, with no near neighbors.
“Even had she time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.”
It’s like selective formality to his language. Maybe it only really comes out when he’s feeling particularly murder-y.
K: It’s almost like this book is trying to be a thriller. But really boring. And old fashioned. And just indescribably dull.
Mari: Edward admits to himself that his hatred of her is unjust because he really hates himself, but he keeps hating her anyway. And he spend the whole Biology hour plotting ways to kill her, and figuring at least he would be less of a monster if he just kills Bella and not Bella and the entire class. After the bell rings, Edward super runs out of the class and hides in his car, Volvo Sparkle. He listens to a CD and breathes some clean air and he’s back to “normal.” He doesn’t have to kill anyone. He has a choice. He doesn’t have to disappoint Papa Carlisle or Mama Esme.
Edward wonders where Alice is, and why she didn’t see him vampire mauling a whole classroom in her visions. He figures that she must be concentrating on Jasper, and sure enough, when he thought-locates her, she’s busy doing minute by minute Vision Google searches on Jasper.
C: Alice monitoring everything but only being able to concentrate on one thing at a time must be like how Edward can block out thoughts but also no he can’t.
Mari: The detail, the world building.
Edward decides that he’s fine, this is fine, everything will be fine, if he can just avoid Bella all together.
To that end, he decides to use the last hour of the school day to head to the office and ask for a schedule change. The receptionist, Ms. Cope, is having all sorts of thoughts about Edward’s hotness and has to repeat “too young, too young” in her head to keep it appropriate. “Wrong,” Edward thinks. “I was older than her grandfather.” It’s true! He is older than her grandfather! And yet he’s still going to date a child. Here we are. (A: That old feeling of rage comes back so quickly to me. Good job, book!)
K: Everything about this is wildly unpleasant and wildly unnecessary. Like, I have literally never as an adult looked at a teenage boy and thought that he was so hot that it made me flustered. BECAUSE HE’S A TEENAGER AND THEY’RE LITERAL CHILDREN.
Mari: Ms. Cope should maybe look into a new job.
Edward tries to charm Ms. Cope into changing his schedule, but nothing is open and she won’t let him just drop the class. Someone comes in, but because they don’t think about him, he ignores it. He keeps asking and smiling and trying to charm his way into a schedule change, but then: WIND! INDOOR WIND! Some girl named Samantha Wells just walks into the office to turn something in and then walks out, and the door and her movement cause all kind of WIND! and suddenly, Edward can SMELL BELLA. I mean, she was standing there the whole time so I’m not sure why he couldn’t instantly smell her blood du jour, but no matter because the real villain is WIND.
K: NGL, all of this is much more entertaining if you picture the guy who played the Santa Ana Winds in that one episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend just flinging doors open all over the place.
Bella is stunned. Edward gets all growly again, but thinks of Papa Carlisle once more, and gets his murderous rage under control. He turns to Ms. Cope and scares the crap out of her with his murder face. He tries to control himself as he says never mind on the schedule change and then super runs out of the office, through the school, and back to Volvo Sparkle. His siblings are all waiting for him. They obviously want to know what’s up, but Edward says nothing and peels out of the parking lot like a menace, speeding home.
During the drive, Alice sees something in vision: Edward leaving. She asks him about it, but he returns the question. Is he leaving? She Googles again and sees something different: Bella dead. Her vision gets specific, and Edward can read it in her mind, so he begs her to stop. The vision of him running away spins back up, so Alice tells him that she’ll miss him, no matter how long he’s gone. Alice says to drop them off here, because he should go and explain to Carlisle himself what’s up. Edward agrees and stops the car. Alice tells him that he will do the right thing, and reminds him that Bella is Charlie’s only family. Losing her would kill him. Edward says yes. Alice gets out of the car, and the Cullen-Hales all super run into the forest.
Edward turns the car around, back to Forks, and wonders if he’s going to say goodbye to Carlisle or to go murder his soon-to-be-girlfriend.
Choices, choices.
Corresponding Twilight Recap: Twilight Chapter 01 – Bell-waaaah.
Next time on Midnight Sun – Edward goes camping, kind of, in Chapter 02.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I am a 30-something year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.