snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Childhood Trauma Books

The original Snark Squad mission statement was to blog our way through “the books that ruined us for life.” While we adopted “The Snark Squad” from the outset, Childhood Trauma was the original blog name. So here it is: the place where we rip our childhood memories to shreds, and nostalgia comes to die. You can poke through all of those posts, or browse by series:

The Baby-Sitters Club | Sweet Valley High | Goosebumps | The Nancy Drew Files | The Boxcar Children

Goosebumps #039 “How I Got My Shrunken Head” – Island Edition

by Karina July 10, 2016 Books
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A while ago I asked Mari if I could hijack Snark Squad to do a Goosebumps post since I had found one of the books at my local library and she was a total sport about it. And then Samantha volunteered as tribute to be my trusty sidekick which is how we got here. (S: Hello!) Truth be told, I didn’t read Goosebumps as a kid or teen so this is an adventure for me on more than one level. (S: Omigosh same, I was a super scairdy cat!) I was an Enid Blyton and Agatha Christie (yes, even at that time) kind of reader.

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Sweet Valley High #015 “Promises” – Shared milk.

by Laura Shank December 1, 2015 Books
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Okay, here we go. I haven’t read a SVH book in about 15 years, but I do remember that I was slightly obsessed with Jessica because I am a complete and utter nerdy Elizabeth and I thought Jess was SO COOL DUDE.

Marines: If nothing else, I hope this experiment changes your mind about Jessica because that bitch is CRAZY.

Laura: One paragraph in, I’m immediately told the girls have large blue-green eyes! As if I could ever forget. And Tricia is dying, for realz this time.

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Give Yourself Goosebumps #01 “Escape From the Carnival of Horrors” – Adult Choices

by Marines August 13, 2015 Books
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*dusts off the Childhood Trauma section*

Hello friends! I know this is super weird to have a Goosebumps post up on a random Thursday but I’ve been working on this project for a long time and just couldn’t wait to publish it as soon as it was all done.

Sweeney came up with the idea of making an interactive series of videos where viewers could work their way through a Goosebumps choose-your-own-adventure book. We first collected video for this last year, but the project was shelved.

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Sweet Valley High #014 “Deceptions” – Possible crime.

by Marines February 27, 2014 Books
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It’s been a while, dear friends, since we visited the great and wonderful world of Sweet Valley. Things have changed a lot around here, but we never forget that this blog was created for the purpose of snarking the terrible books we read as kids.

Despite the fact that months have separated our last SVH recap and this one, we are actually picking up right where we left off. (S: It’s really rude that they don’t anticipate and respect our erratic blogging schedule.) Elizabeth Wakefield is enjoying her It’s Really Cool You Aren’t Kidnapped Anymore Party and a young man named Nicholas Morrow has just arrived.

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BSC #019 “Claudia and the Bad Joke” – PTSD

by Sweeney June 5, 2013 Baby-Sitters Club
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Sweeney: IT’S A BSC POST. WUT? I know. Madness. I don’t know why I’m doing this myself either, except that I was recently (LOL, I started writing this two months ago, so, uh, “recently”) reminded of how much fun it is to hate Kristy Thomas.

Lorraine: No, but seriously. Sweeney told me there was a Baby-sitters post ready for comments, and it took me a moment to remember what that even meant.

Sweeney: On that note, the book begins with this:

“You know,” said Kristy Thomas, “I have never been hit in the face with a pie.”

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Goosebumps #003 “Monster Blood” – Or I told you cats are evil.

by Marines October 31, 2012 Childhood Trauma
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Bad Decisions & False Choices: EXTRAS!

by Sweeney August 20, 2012 Childhood Trauma
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100th POST PARTY: Bad Decisions & False Choices [VLOG]

by Sweeney August 13, 2012 Goosebumps
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Sweeney: That is a screen cap of our WordPress dashboard before we hit publish on this post, making this the big one hundred. Obviously, it’s time to break out the streamers, chocolate, and wine. Especially the wine. (Lor: Especially the chocolate wine!) (Good call)

In celebration of this momentous occasion, it was necessary for us to do a “classic” Childhood Trauma post. However, rather than just reading and recapping any old Goosebumps book, we each read a “Reader Beware: Choose Your Own Scare” book, and vlogged our experience
Lorraine: Even though I was involved in the brainstorming for this, reading back that explanation of why we decided to do this made me LOL. We seriously thought, “a Goosebumps book isn’t BAD enough. We need something WORSE!”

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BSC #017 “Mary Anne’s Bad-Luck Mystery” – Trapped in middle school for the rest of forever

by Sweeney July 13, 2012 Baby-Sitters Club
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Unfortunately for Mary Anne, and more importantly me, she is trapped in the eighth grade for the rest of forever and it’s just not a good look for her.

Our story begins with the usual redundant nonsense. Kristy is gross, but Mary Anne is lame and obsessed with her, so we get to hear all about it. Today our girls are placed into predictable developing-complex-characters-is-hard boxes by way of introducing them alongside their lunch choices. Kristy gets the school lunch so she can be gross, Dawn eats granola and tofu and shit, and Claudia loves junk food blah blah blah. Oh and also Kristy lives in a giant-house-no-jk-a-mansion and Claudia is “exotic.” The usual.

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Sweet Valley High #012 “When Love Dies” – It’s my job to make fun of this, okay?

by Marines June 11, 2012 Childhood Trauma
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