In 2013, Anna Todd started writing fan-fiction about the members of One Direction as college students, all from her Blackberry, probably all while she was on the pooper. It exploded in popularity and Simon and Schuster threw a six-figure deal at Anna to publish the garbage millions read for free. The trick was that it couldn’t be about Harry Styles anymore so now it’s about some wanker named Hardin. (See what she did there?)

Having little to no idea what they were in for, the Snark Ladies decided to see what the fuss was about, especially before the movie came out, (yes there is a movie deal…). What they found were the most maddeningly stupid chapter divisions, another douchey love interest in the vein of Edward and Christian, a main character who acts decidedly against her own interests, abuse hiding as romance, and so little plot that it hurts.