Fifty Shades of Grey
Anastasia Steele is seriously mentally unwell, proven by the fact that there are multiple people speaking to her in her head, and some times she sees projections of them, their facial expressions, their dance moves and their wardrobe. Ana suffers from crippling low self esteem issues and though we are told she reads A LOT, she may be the dumbest person to ever graduate from college, ever.
Christian Grey is a mother fucking creep, but one with a lot of money. He stalks Ana, manipulates her, hits her (oh, but it’s BDSM! LOL!) threatens her and also takes out her tampon for shits and giggles. Why anyone in the world finds him attractive is beyond us.
Ana and Grey don’t really speak to each other that much, so we aren’t sure they have anything in common other than their penchant for unhealthy relationships based on unrealistic depictions of sex and emails that would annoy any person living in the 21st century.
E.L. James’ writing makes us want to destroy innocent things. Her characters are constantly murmuring, whispering, muttering and sputtering, and we have a feeling it’s some reflection of what happens in her head. Some of the least erotic things we’ve ever read in our lives are featured in this erotic novel. We like to account for all tastes though, so if constant mentions of children near or around sex, sharing toothbrushes, vomit, and period blood are your thing, Fifty Shades of Grey is for you.