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Dawson’s Creek S03 E11 – We created canon!

by Kirsti March 26, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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We open at Capeside High. Dawson gushes to Joey about a particular type of camera and how it’s a million times better than shooting video and blah blah, I honestly don’t give a fuck about anything this dude has to say. They head to the film classroom to get the camera, and Kendra’s there fiddling with it. She and Joey exchange some polite small talk, then Dawson tells her to hand over the camera. She’s all “LOL NOPE” because she just checked it out for the next month. He gapes like a goldfish and Kendra says that she cleared it with the film teacher. Dawson wants to know when he’ll get the camera, and she tells him that film making is an art that can’t be rushed.

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Supernatural S03 E10 – Dream catch me

by Kirsti March 25, 2015 Season 3
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Bobby walks through his house with a flashlight in hand. He hears a noise and turns, but there’s nothing there. He heads into the kitchen and looks around, but it’s empty. Suddenly, a woman screams and attacks him. He falls to the floor, and she shakes him back and forth. The screen flashes white a few times and we cut to Bobby asleep in a motel bed. It’s daylight. A maid enters, and apologises when she sees him. She pulls the keys from the door, and they jangle. But Bobby doesn’t budge. She looks concerned and walks over to him. She shakes his shoulder a little, and he still doesn’t move. We cut back to the screaming woman in the kitchen and Bobby trying to fend off her blows.

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Gotham S01 E17 – New character danger

by Marines March 19, 2015 Gotham
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A crime van pulls up along a curb. A bunch of people get off, including one dude who was stuffed in the itty bitty trunk, even though there are at least three rows of seats in the van proper. Your friends suck, mate.

The five criminals walk in a line and Trunk Dude whips out his RED HOOD. The boss man asks him WTF is up with the hood and the Sucky Mates wonder if they should’ve gotten hoods too. Boss Man look a little put-off but not enough to stop the heist. They bust into the bank and Red Hood pushes to the front and starts with the dramatics, yelling at everyone that they just want the money and hopping up on the teller desk.

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Supernatural S03 E09 – Pass the misogyny shots

by Kirsti March 18, 2015 Season 3
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A posh looking couple in formal wear walk into their bedroom talking about how tedious the party they just attended was. He wants to have some sexy times, but she says she needs a few minutes and excuses herself. She heads into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Elsewhere, a match strikes and a woman starts chanting in a language that Google Translate is telling me could be Latin, Irish, Croatian or Danish. I don’t even think you tried, Google Translate. (M: “It’s definitely a language! Probably.”) The camera pans across a bunch of occult objects, including a used toothbrush, as the unseen woman continues chanting.

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The OC S03 E02 – Pancakes with extra butter and a side of NOPE

by GFM March 16, 2015 Season 3

We start in the Cohen kitchen, where it looks like rabid raccoons have just finished having a banquet. Haha, nope. The kitchen is filthy because the lady of the house has been away, and we all know only women know how to keep a kitchen clean. (M: It’s coded in that extra X chromosome. #science)

Sandy Eyebrows Cohen is expressing how important it is for them all to still eat together as a family because it’s a special day for Seth and Ryan; the first day of their senior year.

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Supernatural S03 E08 – Merry Murdermas

by Kirsti March 14, 2015 Season 3
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Seattle, one year ago. A grandfather is greeted at the door by his grandson, who asks if his grandfather has brought Christmas presents. The grandfather is all “Pff, NO” because that’s Santa’s job. After the kid’s asleep, the grandfather dresses up as Santa and rings a set of bells. The kid sneaks down the stairs and watches as Grandpa Santa puts presents under the tree. There’s a thump on the roof, and the kid excitedly whispers to himself that it must be reindeer. Some soot falls down the chimney, and Grandpa Santa looks over in surprise before going closer to investigate. Obviously, something grabs him and drags him up the chimney with a series of crunching sounds.

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Charmed S02 E10 – Stupid Cupid

by Marines March 14, 2015 Charmed
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Here we are again.

Stephanie: What? You’re not excited? This one’s gonna be good. I know it.

Mari:

The episode starts at some kind of office building. We notice a a Generic Charmed Man leaning against a wall as a couple greet each other and cautiously flirt. (S: They flirt about Y2K and it’s incredible.) Generic Charmed Man proclaims them a match, and I know Cupid is going to be in this episode so let’s just call him that.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E23 – Dem bones

by Jessica March 13, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Nighttime in the woods. Spencer wanders around in a bridal dress, getting tangled in the trees. She is being stalked by a black clothed figure, then we hear a stabbing sort of sound and she gasps. Is something exciting about to happen, you ask? Or something about to be revealed? PSYCH! No. Not even close.

“48 hours earlier” appears across the screen. Ah, that old trope.

Rosewood’s one coffee shop. All four Liars are discussing the fact that Paige tipped the cops off about Ali being alive.

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The OC S03 E01 – Thank God for a Montage

by Jorge Farah March 12, 2015 Season 3
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Jorge: Have you ever watched Spike Jonze’s Adaptation?

Marines: …what? No. Where is this going?

Jorge: Oh man. You totally should. It’s the sorta-real-but-not-exactly-real story of screenwriter Charlie Kaufman, played with aplomb by Nicholas Cage, as he takes on the challenge of adapting Susan Orleans’ book The Orchid Thief for the big screen. Orleans’ book is a rumination on passions and disappointments, framed by a story about orchid poaching in Florida.

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Supernatural S03 E07 – Crossover Vampires

by Kirsti March 11, 2015 Season 3
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Night. A fancy Mercedes is parked by a deserted looking bridge. Bela returns to her car with a briefcase that’s presumably full of money and gasps when she sees someone reflected in the window behind her. It’s Gordon, though she doesn’t know that. He introduces himself and she looks momentarily freaked. She says that she’s heard of him, and thought he was in prison.

Anna May: MORE BELA YAY. Also it’s been so long since I watched Supernatural in a non-snark capacity and I’m rapidly realising that I’m not far off a Snow here– I’ve completely forgotten who Gordon is. Guess I’m going to find out.

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How to Get Away With Murder S01 E12 – Metal, steel, or JUSTICE.

by DemocracyDiva March 10, 2015 How to Get Away With Murder
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We begin with a news report that tells us, yup, Sam Keating’s body was definitely found, because you guys are bad at getting away with murder. (M: Okay, so don’t throw the body away in a trash can. Got it.) Dumbledore’s Army debates whether Annalise ratted them out, and we play another fun round of “no, it’s your fault!”

Meanwhile, Frank is in his car, being angry and bearded.

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The OC S02 E24 – Mmm whatcha say?

by Jessica March 9, 2015 Season 2
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rom the previouslies, I can see that shit is going DOWN here at the O.C. Everyone is varying degrees of upset and angry and there was even a dramatic pool dive. And now it’s finale time.

Sandy talks to someone on the phone while looking over brochures for a swanky rehab place. He says he’ll meet them soon, right after this funeral he has to attend, which I take is that of Caleb. Ah Caleb, we knew ye too well to mourn ye.

Seth walks somberly downstairs and greets Kirsten. They make awkward small talk about Caleb that isn’t entirely true. Seth is looking for a cell phone charger and goes into Sandy’s office and rifles through drawers to find one.

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Doctor Who S02 E05 – Because it hurts.

by Marines March 7, 2015 Doctor Who
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Lab. A scientist we can’t see hits a button and electricity crackles. He tells someone else that the prototype has passed every test and is working. In the shadows, a man says that “working” isn’t the correct word because that would apply only to machines. The man comes out of the shadows so that we see he’s in a motorized chair.

Kirsti: I flail with excitement because it’s Owen from Vicar of Dibley!!! Excuse me while I spend the rest of the episode expecting him to talk about how he’s late because his sheep exploded or something.

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The OC S02 E23 – Ignoring Advice

by Ryan March 6, 2015 Season 2
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Hello! Deciding to guest write for Snark Squad was a slightly terrifying choice to make (all that EFFORT!), but it should be fun. My background with the OC only goes back to September of 2012 with SS’s first OC post, so this show is all new to me. Onto the craziness!

After the previouslies we fade into nighttime with Seth going into the pool house to wake up/bother Ryan. Or I guess it’s more to scare him awake because Ryan shoots up pretty quickly.

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Gotham S01 E16 – Cirque du Suck

by Alex March 5, 2015 Gotham
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We open with a few quick establishing shots of various Gotham residents: Bruce is asleep on the sofa, his murder-investigation notebook open on his lap. Penguin is proudly watching his mother singing on stage in his new club. Fish wakes up on the floor of her prison and claps her hands, giving her fellow captives permission to get up and drink some water.

Clocktower Apartment and OH, GOODIE. Barbara’s back. (M: NOOOOOO.) She arrives home wearing a sexy black dress to find Selina and Ivy camped out in the living room. Selina explains that Jim dropped off his keys last week.

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