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Dawson’s Creek S03 E19 – HMAS Pacephine

by Kirsti July 3, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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In order to adequately recap this episode, I need to start with Snark Lady Storytime: once upon a time (read: July 3rd 2014) in a faraway kingdom (read: Snark HQ), two Snark Ladies were trying to work out how best to recap Dawson’s Creek after season 1. Should we alternate? Stick exclusively to odds/evens? Or alternate and then split the season finale? And I’m not going to lie: my decision was made solely based on the fact that I’d get to recap this episode, and Diva was nice enough to not interfere.

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The OC S03 E11: Operation Free Marissa.

by GeGi July 3, 2015 Season 3
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First off, like so many guest recappers, I have to admit this is the only episode of the O.C. I’ve ever seen. Everything I know about the show comes from reading Snark Squad posts, which basically means I’m pretty sure this is a show about Sandy Cohan’s Eyebrows being the paradigm of good parenting, and also trying to interpret what Ryan and Marissa’s expressions mean. (M: Damn, we’ve done a good job of capturing the essentials!)

ANYWAY, we open with the staring foursome drinking “mocktails” and having a meta conversation about winter break and the show – I mean school – starting back up.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E18 – Stop blowing holes in my ship.

by DemocracyDiva June 29, 2015 Dawson's Creek

[…]

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Supernatural S04 E08 – Hate keeps me warm

by Kirsti June 27, 2015 Season 4
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We open with a woman showering and lots of long, lingering shots of her back and legs, because OF COURSE WE FUCKING DO.

Marines: I don’t know why TV and movies try to make us thing that showers are evil. I love showers. Stop trying to ruin it for me, dammit. 

K: EXACTLY.

The door opens behind her and a scrawny looking teenager steps in. The music gets murdery and we get a bizarrely long shot of the shower head. I’m also 90% sure her hair would be really dry because she’s not actually rinsing anything off it.

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Doctor Who S03 E03 – Big ole face

by Marines June 27, 2015 Doctor Who
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We start on a static-y screen. A cheerful news reporter says that there are reports of a stockpile of cars and carjacking. We zoom out and see that we’re in a vehicle of some sort and this couple is at the helm:

Kirsti: A+ description. 

Mari: I’m almost sure that is really what they were going for? I can’t imagine why but it had to be purposeful.

Something is banging up against their vehicle, growling. Ma American Gothic is freaking out while Pa American Gothic assures her that the police are on their way.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E17 – Something, something and a kiss.

by Kirsti June 25, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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We open in the Witter Jeep, with Pacey driving Joey to the train station. She gushes about how she’ll finally get to use those dance lessons they took, and Pacey squints at an ornate invitation. Apparently AJ has won a creative writing award and there’s a big celebration and dancing?? I’m as confused as Pacey is. He grumbles about it, then tells Joey to ignore him and have a good time.

Democracy Diva: The dancing thing is dumb and only exists so the Powers that Be Contriving can name this episode Cinderella Story. 

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The OC S03 E10 – Convoluted fundraising

by Alex June 25, 2015 Season 3
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I should confess right now that I haven’t been keeping up with the OC recaps at all, so I have absolutely no idea what’s happening on the show at the moment. I thought I had watched all of Season 3 when it first aired, but there were people in the previouslies that I didn’t recognise at all, so I’m going to have to just wing it.

From the title I know that this is a Chrismukkah episode, but we open with a bunch of shots of a very sunny OC which just seems wrong to me, typing this just after Christmas while wrapped in a blanket watching the snow fall outside.

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Supernatural S04 E07 – Crossover weirdness

by Kirsti June 24, 2015 Season 4
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We open two days before Halloween with people setting up their front gardens and shit. IDEK, you guys. Australia doesn’t do Halloween. It’s kind of hard when it’s spring and everything’s green and leafy, and it doesn’t get dark until 8pm…

Marines: You guys are missing the point then, which is mainly: CANDY.

K: Yeah, but like, just go to the supermarket and buy it yourself. Then you don’t have to talk to people. Or dress up.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E05 – Church slap fight

by Jessica June 23, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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So this is the 100th episode of this show. Let’s do a quick round-up of what we know after approximately a century’s worth of episodes.

Question 1: Is Alison alive?

Answer: Yes!

Question 2: Who is A?

Answer: No freaking clue.

Ok good, you’re all caught up. On to the episode! (M: This is my favorite thing that’s ever happened.)

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E16 – Pacey is no Duckie.

by DemocracyDiva June 22, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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PTA meeting. A parent accuses the school board of sentencing their kid to death, which is quite extreme, and also not at all what is going on here. The board has urged Principal Green to reconsider his decision to expel Douchey Jock. Mr. Douchey Jock Sr. is all, “my kid didn’t do anything wrong,” but Joey stands up to speak her mind about how this has all been blown out of proportion. The school board president basically tells her to sit down and shut up. DJ Sr. says that Principal Green’s draconian methods of punishment are more appropriate for an “urban war zone” than civilized community. You see, because Principal Green is black, DJ Sr. can’t just call it a war zone. It has to be “urban,” because racism. This dude is the grossest. Joey agrees, and so does one member of the school board, who tells DJ Sr. that his son’s issues are a result of his own shitty parenting.

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Supernatural S04 E06 – Dean doesn’t wike it

by Kirsti June 17, 2015 Season 4
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We open on Dean running for his life, totally terrified. Large sounding dogs bark from behind him. He rounds a corner and collides with a homeless man. He gets up and screams at the homeless man to run for his life because “it’ll kill you!“. The man looks down to see a tiny Yorkie with a pink bow sitting there staring at Dean.

Dean’s eyes grow wide in panic, and he starts running again. The Yorkie skitters off after him with a yap.

CREEPY BIRDS.

After the Not Credits, we’re in Rock Ridge, Colorado two days earlier as the Bromobile pulls into town.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E15 – Remember this?

by Kirsti June 15, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Remember that whole thing from AN ENTIRE SEASON AGO where Joey was into art? Yeah. Apparently she’s into art again, because she’s painting a mural on a wall at school. She’s also borrowed Buffy’s Overalls of Overall Sadness. (D: Between this and the tabula rasa” reference later in the episode, I’m considering this two #crossovermagic episodes in a row.) (K: Motion carried.) Pacey walks up and smiles at her fondly. I flail a little. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says he’s hoping he’ll absorb some of her genius by osmosis or something. Joey joins the dots and realises that he’s been kicked out of home again. Pacey says that his eldest sister has left her husband and moved home, along with her small screaming children. Oof.

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Game of Thrones S05 E05 – Dragon dinner

by Marines June 11, 2015 Game of Thrones
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The last scene of the previouslies is the massacre from last episode, so I hope everyone is ready for happy fun times. The credits take us to King’s Landing, Bolton-Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen and Dorne.

Post-credits, we see Grey Worm on a sick bed as Missandei watches over him and cries. Out near her throne in the Pyramid of Power, Danaerys and Daario stand over Barristan Selmy’s slain body. I had a feeling one would die and one would survive. And then the reasonable part of my brain went, “both of them will die; this is Game of Thrones.” (S: That was my reaction so Grey Worm being alive was a pleasant surprise? This show.)

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The OC S03 E09 – Vicodin Love Confessions

by Marines June 11, 2015 Season 3
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Ryan is driving Johnny home from the hospital with Marissa and Seth along for the ride. Apparently this kid’s mom was like, “I’d like to see you discharged from the hospital but I gotta work.” Sweet.

There is a bit of an awkward moment about Johnny’s “poor people house” but it’s cool because Ryan comes from poorer and Marissa is poor now too. Poor can happen to anyone. (D: #snarksquadmottos) Johnny struggles a bit on his crutches while trying to climb the steps to his house. Marissa has free period at school so Ryan tells her to stay with Johnny and help him get settled. Seth starts to say something but Ryan cuts him off before he can. Johnny doesn’t have anyone and he trusts Marissa not to be a cheatery cheater. I’m sure this will end well.

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Charmed S02 E14 – Because Leo says so

by Marines June 10, 2015 Charmed
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Halliwell Manor. The P’s have somehow scraped up enough friends to throw a party even though they only ever hang out with each other. Prue congratulates Piper on her successful shindig, but Piper’s too busy fretting over the fact that her dull boyfriends are chatting with each other.

Marines: Piper is on screen for two seconds before she’s talking about Dan and Leo. Make it stop.

Steph: It’s going to go on until the end of the season isn’t it?

Phoebe appears on the stairwell irritated by the noise because she’s studying phobias for her exam. She’s wearing a kimono with chopsticks in her hair. You know, regular pajama-type clothes.

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