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Dawson’s Creek S03 E07 – 300 Years of Slut Shaming

by Kirsti January 26, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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For the first time in approximately a million episodes, we DON’T start in the Shrine o’ Spielberg. SCANDAL. Instead, we’re at the video store, being reminded that Dawson has a job. Joey walks in and asks if there are any copies of The Crucible left. There aren’t and she headdesks for being “that girl” who leaves her schoolwork to the last minute and who had no chance to read the book. Dawson’s surprised, and she tells him she was too busy looking after Alexander and setting up the B&B to study. He’s double surprised because apparently his best friend didn’t bother to tell him that her house is being turned into a B&B. LOL. There’s some awkward life catch-up back and forth, then Joey goes to leave and face her inevitable failure.

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Gotham S01 E12 – Electric Stuff

by Alex January 26, 2015 Gotham
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It’s been nearly two months since I last wrote a Gotham recap, but it still feels like this one came around far too quickly. I know Sweeney and Mari have been feeling really guilty about asking me to recap this show with them, and all I can say is…

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E20 – Burn it!

by Jessica January 23, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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We open on Spencer, who has fallen asleep at Ezra’s desk, and is drooling all over the Ali Diary. Ezra walks in, wakes her up and asks what she’s doing. She’s confused, just as anyone would be to realize that they’re in their pajamas, at school, and this is not an actual dream. She tries to leave but he creepy stops her and tells her the path she’s on is dangerous, then the bell rings and she uses it to make a break for it. Ezra creepy stares after her. But I guess he’s used to people fleeing his dead-eyed stare.

SHHHHH.

Coma-makeup!Spencer is changing in the girl’s bathroom. Hanna and Emily walk in, and Hanna immediately judges Spencer’s flip flops, shorts and sweatshirt look.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E06 – This is some serious horseshit.

by DemocracyDiva January 22, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it’s refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her “alternative” vibe is what’s drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her “exquisite breasts” to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.

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Doctor Who S02 E02 – I am not amused.

by Sara January 21, 2015 Doctor Who
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A group of monks approach a castle and a bald one, the head monk presumably, tells a man that they want the house, and they will be taking it now. The owner is like LOL okay, do you want my wife, too? But Bald Head Monk isn’t kidding around and says that he will take that shit with his fists. He kicks Home Owner to the ground and a fun(ny) fight scene develops as Bald Head Monk orders the other monks to remove their hoods, revealing a group of Not Monks who are actually Ninjas with badass fighting sticks. They fight their way through the entire castle, taking it over. Learning martial arts would be so be worth it if it kept you from having to sign a 30-year mortgage loan.

Marines: A+. As Snark Ladies, I feel like we all have to keep growing up and stuff, but we’ll never quit using TV to imagine ways to stop that from happening.

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Charmed S02 E07 – Nothing makes sense

by Stephanie January 17, 2015 Charmed
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We open at a museum with a tour guide describing a legendary book known as the Akashic records, thought to contain an account of all of time’s significant events. Everyone from Hitler, to probably, most likely warlocks has been looking for it. The guide leads his group to a tablet of dead language engravings and explains that anyone who can decipher it will learn the location of the records. As the tour guide speaks, a shifty eyed guy watches another guy who’s examining the tablet and taking notes. Note Guy announces that he’s figured it out and runs off leaving Shifty to look even shiftier. Maybe don’t talk out loud about your deciphering skills near a tablet that no one can decipher?

Marines: Unless you are trying to get murdered, in which case, keep doing you!

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E19 – IDK.

by Sara January 16, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Spencer, Emily, and Hanna are breaking into EzrA’s classroom in the middle of the day (Saturday? School day? Who knows.) to try to find something that will convince Aria that Ezra is a lying liar who lies. It’s cool that they’re already prepared for Aria being an asshole who’s going to be all, “NU UH” about it.

Marines: “HE DOESN’T LIE. Only to people who would care he’s dating his student, duh.”

Sara: Spencer finds an envelope with Ali’s journal in it, so they take off with it. Before they can leave, they hear footsteps approaching and watch as Mona lets herself in to Ezra’s classroom.

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The OC S02 E17 – Naked mistakes

by Mallory Walker January 15, 2015 Season 2

Mallory: We start off with what is basically my dream come true: Sandy Cohen offering up chicken parm for dinner. Kirsten is too preoccupied talking to Carter about Newport Living magazine to appreciate Sandy’s chivalry. Seth and Ryan swoop in to grab their chicken parm and get back to a “very crucial Playstation game,” but Sandy traps them into a family dinner. He puts his foot down hard about the family dinner – I’ve never seen anyone seem quite so intimidating while wearing a lavender cashmere v-neck.

Marines: I almost hate to say it but not really: it’s the eyebrows.

Sweeney: The eyebrows explain it all.

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Doctor Who S02 E01 – Freaky Friday

by Kirsti January 14, 2015 Doctor Who
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The Tenth Doctor and his Converse take charge of the TARDIS, and fiddles with various things on the console. He flicks a switch, and the engines start up, and he grins. It’s pure Tennant “OMG THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD DREAM COME TRUE” and I love everything about it. Outside, Rose hugs Jackie and Mickey goodbye and runs in with what’s clearly an empty pack on her back.

Marines: At least she’s graduated to proper goodbyes with her family now. The sadness on Mickey’s face as he watches her walk into the TARDIS and Jackie just walking away, sending her girl back into danger? I want to hug them both.

K: Same, girl, same.

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Dollhouse S01 Wrap-Up Post

by Marines January 13, 2015 Dollhouse
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GUYS. I was not expecting this when we decided to start recapping Dollhouse. This customary dance is not only for finishing a thing, but for also for such a pleasant experience.

We’ve mentioned pretty much all of this throughout the recaps, but I think it’s safe to say that this has been the show most improved by the recapping process. It’s one thing for a show to simply withstand the scrutiny (Firefly, Veronica Mars) but I truly think this show is BEST when examined closely. When you think about what that means for plot, writing, world building and characterization? I’m just amazed by what Joss Whedon created here and pretty sad I spent so much time thinking this wasn’t good.

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Gotham S01 E11 – WALK AWAY.

by Sweeney January 12, 2015 Gotham
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I have no idea what I did this weekend, except discover that procrastinating the watching of Gotham is an amazing way to make a weekend absolutely disappear. Somewhere in the procrastination fever dream of my weekend, I watched half a season of X-Men: The Animated Series because I was sick and decided to extend my Gotham-vacation.

I don’t ever wanna go home!

But alas, even the best vacations must end.

Let’s do this.

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Dollhouse S01 E13 – Hot Water

by Marines January 9, 2015 Dollhouse
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I’m absolutely certain that last episode was the last one I saw during my first watch. If I recall correctly, Fox didn’t air this episode, so THIS IS EXCITING! Snow status activated.

Stephanie: I’m jealous! Can I be a kinda-snow because I don’t remember what happens? 

Sweeney: It’s a white Christmas around here! WINTER HAS COME.

Mari: Felicia Day! starts us off in some clearly combat sort of scenario.

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Doctor Who S02 E00 – No, seriously, doctor who?

by Marines January 7, 2015 Doctor Who
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First, there is a mini-episode that connects The Parting of the Ways with The Christmas Invasion, which you can watch here. Mostly it’s Rose asking this new Doctor who he is. It’s a single shot, tight scene that looks like it was filmed like this: Hey. No one move! Read this script real quick! We’re gonna shoot it in five. And I mean that it in the nicest way possible, as I think this was aired to benefit charity… Point is that the acting is a bit off and it is a strange introduction to David Tennant’s Doctor. I watched this and at the end yelled, “BRING BACK ECCLESTON.”

Kirsti: Whereas, you know, I watched it after I’d already seen all of Ten and I squealed.

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Charmed S02 E06 – Second hand embarrassment

by Marines January 7, 2015 Charmed
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We start in nature with two guys who clearly want to be bear-mauled. By that I mostly mean that they are in nature and seeking out a particular cave. Their faces are really dirty and I don’t know why. I guess they rolled most of the way here? Hesitant Dirty Face thinks the cave looks small for a mine shaft, but Stupid Dirty Face is all, “s’whatever. Let’s go in.”

Inside the cave/shaft, they quickly come upon “get the hell out of there” things like cob webs, a skeleton and bats. (S: They’re like, “Oh hey, look, a skeleton.” Totally normal for those to be lying around near cave entrances.) Stupid Dirty Face thinks this is all great and believes the gold they are looking for is in or behind a wall with ominous red markings. He starts chipping at the wall (?) and very soon, smoke pours out of a crack.

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The OC S02 E16 – Bonfire designs

by Kelly Summers January 5, 2015 Season 2

My history with the OC is that I watched obsessively in high school, but I can’t remember how many seasons I got through. All I really remember is rooting for Anna, and I’m pretty sure her time here has come and gone. (M: SADLY.) I do know the basics of the main drama-makers here.

We open at what I assume is their high school, though everyone is a good seven years older than I was in high school. They must be a bunch of idiots.

Seth is reminiscing about how last year was so much better, even though his list of last year includes “possible illegitimate daughter”, but I get too distracted by Seth’s sweater vest and the fact that I think Ryan is wearing bell-bottom jeans to really pay close attention.

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