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Doctor Who S01 E10 – Questionable plot device.

by Marines November 26, 2014 Doctor Who
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We pick up right where we left off, with the Empty People closing in around the Doctor, Rose and Jack. The Doctor yells at them all to go to their room. They pause. With more conviction and a hand point, the Doctor says he’s very cross and again orders them to their room. We cut between him and the Empty Child who was closing in on Nancy. The Empty Child hangs his head, chastised, turns around and leaves. All of the Empty People do the exact same.

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Charmed S02 E01 – Another season of nonsense.

by Stephanie November 26, 2014 Charmed
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When Mari asked me if I’d like to take on another show and told me Supernatural and Charmed were both available, I immediately jumped on this one because I like pain.

Marines: Um, I don’t care why you’re doing it. HOORAY!

Steph: Come along, friends, as we enter another season of utter nonsense.

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Supernatural S03 E01 – Seven’s the magic number

by Kirsti November 26, 2014 Season 3
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First things first, please welcome my shiny new partner in Supernatural recapping crime, Anna! I am so ridiculously thrilled that she agreed to join me, because words cannot describe how much I did NOT want to recap another seven (or more) seasons of this show alone. (But mostly because she’s hilarious and adorable and spells “realise” the same way I do. #CommonwealthPower)

Anna May: HI. Not gonna lie, I did a little celebratory dance when Kirsti asked me to join her on the Supernatural recaps. All aboard the snarkmobile. Doot doot. (And +1 for non-USA spelling *side-eyes autocorrect*)

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Dollhouse S01 E11 – Princely Rescuing

by Stephanie November 25, 2014 Dollhouse
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A man rummages through a pile of trash in a dark alley. He sees a hand and instead of being like, “hell no!” he goes in for a closer look. The hand reaches out and grabs him. What were you expecting, guy? (S: Even worse than Mickey investigating that crazy trash can.)

At an orphanage, Echo reads Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty) to a group of children because no one can read better than a doll. Just think of all the jobs dolls are stealing from capable people who need them. Plus, dolls cost way more money! Anyway, a girl standing away from the rest of the children calls the story crap.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E16 – Best of Both Worlds

by Sweeney November 25, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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We begin exactly where the last episode ends. Given that no episode seems to span more than one or two endless days, the trend toward running episodes one into the next like this only contributes to the overall meaningless of time in Rosewood. The Pretty Little Liars struggle with GPS and technology and stuff and try to make their way to the Busy Bee Inn, where Ali may or may not be hiding out.

Busy Bee Inn. The liars go into a room that appears to have broken into (shattered window) and which has been occupied by a female squatter who dresses kind of like Ali.

Marines: She picks up a single floral blouse. “Ali would wear this!” And so would a gabillion other girls and some boys, congrats.

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Veronica Mars S02 E21 – Magical law breaking

by DemocracyDiva November 25, 2014 Season 2
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We begin in court, with Aaron Echolls’s testimony, which of course references his career highlight of being Sexiest Man Alive. Whatever, dude – we all know that the real sexiest men alive refuse that honor repeatedly because they’re too serious for that shit. (I’m talking about you, Ryan Gosling.) Aaron begs for sympathy by bullshitting about how hard it is for men to age in the film industry. Hilarious, when films constantly pair twenty-something year old women with fifty-year-old love interests and no one bats an eye. But Aaron pretends that men don’t get better roles as they age, because that makes all the idiots in this courtroom feel for him. Anyway, that’s when Lilly entered his life and started worshipping him. He gives the Bill Clinton “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” defense.

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The OC S02 E12 – Valentine’s Mad Libs

by Jessica November 24, 2014 Season 2
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OK so disclaimer, the previouslies showed me some things that haven’t been snarked yet at the time of writing (apparently Sandy lied to Kirsten about someone being dead!) so I’m not 100% up to speed here, plotwise. But I think that’s part of the beauty of these recaps, so I’m just going to take this episode in stride and try not to be too confused by all the dramz. No promises, though.

Marines: I can assure you that by knowing who Sandy and Kirsten are, you’ve overcome most of the battle. You got this.

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Gotham S01 E09 – Fun with ringtones

by Alex November 23, 2014 Gotham
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Gordon arrives home to an empty apartment, bringing Selina with him. While Selina heads into the kitchen to help herself to food, he reads Barbara’s note in which she apologises for being so jumpy and useless lately, and says she’s leaving town for a while to pull herself together. (M: I even hate Barbara when her presence is merely implied by a letter.) Gordon gets a phone call, so Selina takes the opportunity to sneak a look at the note and pry into Gordon’s personal life while she swigs from a bottle of milk. I see what you did there, show. Selina is the future cow-woman!

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Charmed S01 E22 – Death for all.

by Marines November 22, 2014 Charmed
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The Evil Internal Affairs Officer we’re supposed to suddenly care about in the season finale is going through pictures of the Halliwell sisters. Every time he flips to another picture the music goes DUN. Sparks fly out of his fireplace and materialize into a hooded figure. Evil IA drops to a knee and greets “Tempus.” There was a bad guy on Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman named Tempus. I’d rather be watching that.

Tempus tells Evil IA that he was sent as a gift, as he dramatically removes his hood. Evil IA says he doesn’t need help defeating the Charmed Ones. Tempus is all, “PFFT,” on account of how the girls have defeated so many bad guys this season with their spectacular squinting, reciting, rushing around and dumb luck.

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Doctor Who S01 E09 – Nope Nope Nope

by Sweeney November 22, 2014 Doctor Who
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We begin with the Doctor and Rose frantically chasing something with the TARDIS. It’s mostly a lot of frantic camera motions and the Doctor explaining to Rose that “mauve” is the universally recognized by-everyone-who-isn’t-human color for danger, and what they are chasing is totally mauve. Also it’s headed for the center of London, as dangerous wibbly wobbly timey wimey things tend to do.

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Supernatural S02 Wrap-Up Post

by Kirsti November 22, 2014 Season 2
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Holy shit, you guys. I love season 2 a lot, but there were honestly times when I never thought I was going to finish it. It turns out – perhaps unsurprisingly – that recapping a show by yourself is a hell of a lot more work than recapping a show with one or two other people, even if the recaps are about 1,000 words shorter. So it is with much relief that I reach the end of my solo recapping career. (Anna, don’t ever leave me…)

Anyway, it’s time for the obligatory end of season dance party:

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E15 – Get help yesterday.

by Marines November 21, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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We pick up right after the last episode, with the girls hanging out at the mausoleum, the hot spot of all the young liars in town. Spencer has flipped through the journal and doesn’t recognize any of the names in it. Hanna says that Ali changed the names around, because she was the kind of girl who even lied to her own diary, or something. Spencer wonders why Hanna kept this to herself for so long and she tries to carefully explain that there is stuff in there that they may not know about each other or stuff they may want to forget. Emily and Spencer get snippy with her for keeping the thing to herself, but Aria calms everyone down.

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Dollhouse S01 E10 – Dead alive

by Marines November 21, 2014 Dollhouse
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Rich people stuff like large lawns and horseback riding: a woman rides up on a horse and calls out to a man named Jack that she’ll be done shortly and he should behave himself. Rich Lady (Margaret) blows him a kiss and rides off. Jack is sitting with a group of his buds and they joke about not actually ever playing tennis, and just sitting around day drinking. It’s all fun until one of his bros sees Margaret’s horse, suspiciously sans Margaret.

Echo is in the chair just after an imprint. She sees Adelle and greets her with a familiar “Addy?” Adelle looks pained as she tells Echo!Margaret that she’s very sorry to be the one to break the news. Margaret is dead.

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The OC S02 E11 – In the mourning

by Tom November 20, 2014 Season 2
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After some scandalous “Previously Ons,” we open on Sandy driving up to the Cohen supermansion. Chirping birds quietly assure us it is, indeed, morning, despite the fact that it could also be, you know, noon. In the magical kitchen, where Ryan is fully dressed and studying for a test, Seth wanders in in a bathrobe and wants to discuss his love life. Ryan displays more of the surliness I would expect from a teenager in the morning, but this seems to be more due to him WANTING to study versus the horrific reality of it being morning and ANOTHER GODDAMN DAY.

For those following along at home, I was the kid who liked to remind everyone that morning and mourning were homonyms FOR A GODDAMN REASON.

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Charmed S01 E21 – Deep love places

by Marines November 19, 2014 Charmed
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Are we done with season 1 yet? Almost? Cool.

Somewhere in San Fran, a woman is clutching a paper bag and walking nervously to her car. Once she gets there, she drops the bag and cuts her hand on a broken bottle. A hand on her shoulder makes her jump, but she’s relieved when she sees that it’s Leo. I guess she didn’t first hear his TINKLE TINKLE TINKLE Whitelighter sound effects. Leo tells Daisy to stay strong for a little longer, until she’s safe. Daisy is worried about a certain “he” with lots of scary powers. Leo heals her hand and she’s shocked by it. He tells her she’s got a special future and he brought her to San Francisco because he’s got powerful friends who can help her. Also, the Charmed Ones are here. (He probably meant them, but whatevs.)

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