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Charmed S01 E13 – Superstition ain’t the way.

by Lorraine September 17, 2014 Charmed
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Prue and Phoebe are shopping when the shop owner tells them she wants to close up. Prue thought the shop was open until 1am, and usually it is, but not on the eve of Friday the 13th. Dawson Leery might be around the corner, waiting to scare you because he likes you. Prue tries to rush Phoebe along as the shop owner looks nervously at the clock. Phoebe quickly decides on a good luck charm.

At the register, Phoebe asks Prue to pay for her charm. The shop owner asks them to sign up for her mailing list and tells them about a Wicca gathering for the spring equinox. Prue says they never said they were witches and the shop owner gives them excellent, “bitch, please.” eyes.

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Supernatural S02 E06 – Oh God, no.

by Kirsti September 17, 2014 Season 2
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Okay, so I first saw this episode like two months after reading Devil in the White City. I barricaded myself in my bedroom after it aired. Is that a spoiler? Whatever. Also, I feel like I need to tell you guys that I’m not intentionally picking Dean gifs over Sam gifs. The internet apparently just loves Dean more… Anyway, let’s get to the episode, shall we?

Philadelphia. A young blonde complains over the phone about the flickering lights in her apartment and orders the super to come deal with it. She notices black goo pouring from a light switch, and goes over to investigate. She peers at the light switch and a bloodshot eye appears inside the wall. She screams, which is legit.

FLAME ON!

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Veronica Mars S02 E09 – Frozen rats and prom babies

by DemocracyDiva September 16, 2014 Season 2
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We begin with Health Teacher Ms. Hauser introducing Phase 2 of Neptune High Sex Ed: Fancy fake babies that know when you’re being a negligent parent! They must just cry nonstop in Traumaland.

Also, in my high school, we just had eggs, not babies with memory chips. We named ours Mr. Feeny, and I dropped him on the floor when I got jostled in our stupid over-crowded hallways. Anyway, before Veronica and Duncan can get their fake baby on, she gets called down to the vice principal’s office.

Lorraine: We got eggs except for like four babies which two random couples would be stuck with. I left my egg baby in a classroom the opening weekend of our performing arts group’s show and when I came back on Monday, someone had cracked it and stolen the Beenie Baby from it’s basket. I was most upset about the Beenie Baby.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E01 – Never Forget

by Sweeney September 16, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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The episode picks up where the last one left off and I’m actually kind of glad we’re not watching real time because if I had to wait months to see them open the trunk for this big reveal, I’d be pissed. The trunk contents? A dead pig. That’s it. This fucking show.

Lorraine: Mother of all curb-hangers.

Sweeney: The girls start to blame Mona for setting them up, but crazy bitch actually the only one thinking smart – she’s stealing the hard drive with the video of Ashley Marin running over Detective Wilden.

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Dawson’s Creek S02 E08 – Happy endings are bullshit

by DemocracyDiva September 15, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine O’Spielberg. Pacey is eating pizza and generally pissing Dawson off by noting that everyone in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is totally dead right now. After a discussion about how Dawson is Richie Cunningham Jimmy Stewart every nice guy in film/TV history, Jen stumbles in and collapses on Dawson’s bed, wasted. This scene basically just establishes that Jen is back to her hot mess Big City Girl ways, and Pacey likes pizza, because it’s yummy.

Kirsti: That Pacey. Always the sensible one…

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The OC S01 E23 – Nana is only nice when she plays by her own rules

by Renee Powers September 15, 2014 Season 1
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Forewarning: I’ve never seen a single episode of The OC until right now. And I’m starting with Episode 23 so I’m sure it’s going to make total sense. From what I understand, it’s about a bunch of rich white dudes, maybe in a blended family, set in California (arguably one of my least favorite states) (S: REALLY? SADZ.), and deals with rich people problems like sex, drugs, and alcohol.

Totally like my life.

Let’s do this.

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Supernatural S02 E05 – Use the force

by Kirsti September 13, 2014 Season 2
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The clock strikes 12.20pm (really?? It STRIKES at 12.20??). A guy answers his phone. We see hazy flashes of him picking up a shotgun and killing people, then back in reality, he says “Alright,” and hangs up the phone as a bus drives past. He heads into a store and asks to look at a gun. The shopkeeper is startled because Doc’s not the gun-toting type, but shows him a shotgun. Doc asks what kind of shells it uses, and the shopkeeper pulls out a box to show him. Doc loads the shotgun he’s holding. The shopkeeper gets shouty. “It’s all going to be okay…” Doc says before shooting the shopkeeper. Customers scream, but Doc repeats his previous statement before shooting himself.

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Veronica Mars S02 E08 – Bad idea gun

by Lorraine September 12, 2014 Season 2
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A hazy spirit!Meg asks, “do you love me? Did you ever love me?” Spirit!Meg says that before the crash, her life didn’t flash before her eyes. She thought back to her last perfect moment with (presumably) Duncan. We hear Veronica say, “please.” Veronica says Duncan can save her if he wants to. Veronica walks up behind Meg’s chair wearing some Bad Girl Styling that includes leather pants and fishnet, for real.

Bad!Veronica says she’s heard enough. Spirit!Meg asks what Veronica has that she doesn’t. Bad!Veronica ties a sleeping mask around her mouth and says that for starters, she’s conscious. Bad!V walks toward the camera and asks Duncan if that’s really what he wants. “Teddy bears and MASH notes? Grow up. Grow up and get over it.” Bad!Veronica slaps Duncan in the dream and this startles him awake.

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Pretty Little Liars S03 E24 – Inappropriate Parties

by Lorraine September 12, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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Emily, Aria and Hanna are downstairs at the Hastings House, waiting for Spencer. There is an impressive spread of finger foods that I want to reach through the TV and grab. Aria wonders if they talk about Toby. Emily is afraid of saying anything that could send Spencer back to Radley. Hanna says maybe there is still hope that Toby isn’t dead, but I don’t follow her logic as to why. Just go with it.

Spencer shows up and says hope breeds eternal misery. She looks spectacular though. Much better than her Pretty White Virginal Pajamas. (S: It’s also the first time in about a dozen episodes that she’s not sporting some of Faith’s coma makeup.)

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The OC S01 E22 – Welcome to The Valley, bitch!

by Lorraine September 11, 2014 Season 1
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Ryan and Seth are walking back to the hotel-apartment where Theresa was staying. Ryan left his watch. Seth asks him all kinds of awkward questions about when exactly he took the watch off. During the deed? During foreplay? Before foreplay, which he fears would be presumptuous? The fact that he picks on that one and not, say, taking off your watch mid-sex worries me. This one-sided bro-chat ends with Seth saying he likes to leave the watch on to try and beat his previous times.

Inside the office, the hotel-apartment worker makes things even more awkward when he asks if Theresa is Ryan’s girlfriend. Ryan blinks rapidly at him and looks like he might have to sneeze but it won’t come out. In Ben McKenzie, this might be interpreted as “uncomfortable.”

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Dawson’s Creek S02 E07 – Bad ideas all round

by Kirsti September 11, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine o’ Spielberg. Dawson wibbles about Shakespeare while watching the Elizabeth Taylor version of The Taming of the Shrew. The camera pans out to show us that his post-break up movie watching partner is Gail. LOL. Gail cries over the movie, and Dawson expresses concern over her excess of emotions. She, in return, says she’s worried about his LACK of emotions over Joey breaking up with him. Because apparently wallowing in being dumped makes you a better person. Or something…

Democracy Diva: Dubious advice, but it was nice to see these two have a cute bonding moment.

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Supernatural S02 E04 – The pinnacle of the friendzone

by Kirsti September 10, 2014 Season 2
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A slightly nerdy guy (Neil) sits with a pretty girl (Angela) and says he’s got all the supplies there to heal her broken heart, like booze and chocolate. She thanks him sadly. Someone bangs on the door, and Neil goes to answer it. It’s Angela’s boyfriend. He demands to see her, but when he talks his way past Neil, she’s gone. Cut to Angela driving down a rainy highway, crying. Her phone rings and she answers. Her boyfriend apologises and tells her to listen to him. She gets shouty in response, misses a turn and crashes into a barrier. We get a close up of her staring, blood-covered face and hear her boyfriend’s voice over the phone.

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Charmed S01 E12 – When all of a sudden, hair.

by Lorraine September 10, 2014 Charmed
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I love when we unintentionally develop crossover magic here in Traumaland. Here, we have another wendigo episode! If we really want to this a thing, Wikipedia tells these shows have wendigo appearances: X-Files, Blood Ties, Fear Itself, Haven, Grimm, Hannibal, Teen Wolf or My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. You never know.

Piper got a flat tire on the way to meet Prue and Phoebe for dinner. Phoebs is trying to talk her through changing a tire via phone call, but things go south quickly when Piper tries to use a wooden spoon to jack up the car. Phoebe offers to go and get her, seeing as how she’s stranded and only has a broken wooden spoon to protect herself. Somewhere, Buffy is all, “girl, that’s enough!” Especially in the later seasons when minimal effort was required to pierce through the chest.

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Veronica Mars S02 E07 – Exploring New Opportunities

by Sweeney September 9, 2014 Season 2
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Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Duncan’s trying to have sexytimes with Veronica, but he’s so incredibly boring that she’d much rather entertain herself with her adorable impression of The Dude. (L: Friend, even your KISSES are boring. Find help.) Duncan turns off The Big Lebowski and finally gets her attention, only to be cockblocked by the return of his new roommate. Things are awkward and Logan is generally as rude as possible. Veronica’s attempt at playing nice is interrupted by a knock at the door. It’s Kendall and she recognizes Veronica as “iPod girl with the waxy eared boyfriend.” Logan squeezes in a few more asshole comments and away they go.

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Pretty Little Liars S03 E23 – Definitely crazy.

by Sweeney September 9, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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Spencer is sitting alone in the common area at Radley when the PLLs drop by. It appears to be well past visiting hours, but Radley’s just making shit up as she goes. Anyway, the PLLs dropped by to let her know that they have good news, but they have a really interesting interpretation of “good news” because that news is that the cops found a camper’s body. I mean, yay for Toby, but also sucks for that camper and his family, you know?

Lorraine: Plus, they seem to have missed the part where Spencer is in there because she saw Toby’s body. “Good news, your boyfriend is alive, but you are DEFINITELY crazy!” Thanks, girls! Nice way to start the episode.

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