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Orphan Black S03 E01 – I say Helena, you say Helsinki

by Jessica April 25, 2015 Orphan Black
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First of all, thanks to the Snark Ladies for adding me to the Orphan Black recapping team. I started watching this show since you recommended it and am now thoroughly pulled in. Also, I am soooo excited for this episode. I’ve been watching the trailer and I’m curious to see how much having the male clones in the mix will change the game and change the consequences of the world.

Ok. Deep breath. Here we go.

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Supernatural S03 E14 – This is why I don’t answer the phone

by Kirsti April 25, 2015 Season 3
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We open at a big house on a rainy night. Inside, a middle aged guy paces back and forth, and jumps when the phone rings. The caller ID reads “SHA33″. He answers, and tells the woman, Linda, on the end to stop calling. She begs him to “come to me“. He hangs up on her. The phone starts ringing again. He answers and tells Linda to leave him alone. Linda says that they could be happy together and that she loves him forever. Ben hangs up. When the phone rings again, he picks up the receiver and slams it down several times, then rips the phone out of the wall and throws it across the room.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E12 – Squee Train, bound for OTP City

by DemocracyDiva April 24, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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We begin with the dulcet tones of “Ain’t too Proud to Beg,” and the dancing-in-the-kitchen scene from The Big Chill. Dawson, Joey, and Pacey debate over whether people actually dance in the kitchen. (I do, and I am not ashamed to admit it.)

Kirsti: I’m going to copy directly from my notes here. “Excuse you, Joey. Everyone dances in the kitchen if they’re doing life right.” So yeah. I do.

Diva: YEAH. WE’RE GOOD AT LIFE, DAMMIT.

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Charmed S02 E12 – BYE JACK

by Marines April 22, 2015 Charmed
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P^3. Piper is behind the bar chopping up some kind of fruit I can’t identify because I only eat cake and potato chips. (M: I’m eating potato chips as I comment. High five!) Phoebe shows up clad in pink fuzz, all excited because she’s just enrolled in college. This show doesn’t have enough boring side plots, so here’s another one. Phoebe needs some help narrowing down which classes to take, but Piper coughs her way out of that boring task. She’s been too busy doing things for P^3 to take care of herself, but she thinks the cough is probably nothing, which means it’s definitely something really bad. Phoebe starts helping with the fruit cutting and she’s as baffled as I am about what that thing is. Piper explains that it’s a kiwano melon that she had smuggled in from space South America.

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Doctor Who S02 E09 – The devil you meet.

by Marines April 17, 2015 Doctor Who
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We had such a lovely time last episode, I’m feeling all giddy about this recap! Shoutout to the, um, science side of that recap (basically Mairead…) for the insight into black holes. (K: SERIOUSLY. I may be shitty at replying to comments, but those comments were the freaking bomb.) Now, let’s all watch as the show ignores all that science and gets to the FEELS shall we?

Oh, we cut from really extensive previouslies to the credits:

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Supernatural S03 E13 – Andrew did it better

by Kirsti April 15, 2015 Season 3
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We open on two nerdy guys sitting in armchairs, and talking directly to the camera. Kind of like Andrew did in Storyteller, except without the word “vampyres.” (M: That basically changes everything.) (K: TRUE.) It’s Ed and Harry from season 1’s Hell House. They talk about how this is an unsolicited pilot intended for the hands of a network executive who’s been struck by the writer’s strike and is looking for alternative content.

Aaaah, yes. The writer’s strike of 2008. That was a dark time. At least it gave us Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog?

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Charmed S02 E11 – Three witches and a baby

by Marines April 14, 2015 Charmed
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So, I watched this episode like two weeks ago and then promptly laughed at Stephanie because she had the baby episode of Charmed. Shortly after that she was all, “I’m sooooo busy. Maybe you should take the next episode.”

That’s not exactly what happened but it doesn’t matter because: baby episode.

Stephanie: Baby episodes are the worst, but I’m sure there’s another episode riddled with dumb gender stereotypes waiting for me and the balance will be restored. Then again, I already covered the episode where Prue became a Bro.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E01 – Extra-deranged.

by Marines April 9, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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The happiest two seconds of the entire series happen when an EMT says Ezra’s pulse is getting weaker. The only one who is sad about this is Aria. Her friends hold her back and tell her she shouldn’t go with Ezra to the hospital because then the pesky cops will start asking her questions. Apparently, no one from the NYPD notices Aria hyperventilating after Ezra; they are busy questioning Noel Khan. Alison is on a fire escape, watching the ambulance ride by. A is– TRUE STORY– riding on the top of the ambulance like some kind of extra-deranged Spider-Man. I hate this show.

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Doctor Who S02 E08 – Hellmouth 2.0

by Kirsti April 8, 2015 Doctor Who

The TARDIS vworp vworps its way into a spaceship-y looking storage room. It sounds decidedly unwell. The Doctor and Rose walk out the door, and he makes worried sounds while stroking the TARDIS. Rose says if he’s worried, they can leave and go somewhere else, and they both fall about laughing.

Marines: Those crazy kids and their lack of self-preservation! But seriously, watching them laugh in those last two gifs is everything.

K: LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

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Supernatural S03 E12 – Busted

by Kirsti April 8, 2015 Season 3
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First things first: this episode is a bitch and a half to find gifs for on account of the Jus in Bello convention. So I’m sorry about any giant slabs of text…

Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it’s Bela’s room and they’re looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It’s Bela, who informs him that she’s two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she’s all “LOL NOPE”. He murder-nounces that he’s going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he’s about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.

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The OC S03 E04 – I Hear Poor People Theme Bad

by Katie April 6, 2015 Season 3
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I wanted to start off this recap by reminding readers, or telling those new to The O.C., that you have to look at Season 3 as the darkness before the dawn. Hang in there, because Season 4 is going to be SO much better. Too bad Season 3 scared away all the viewers and the show got canceled after the fourth season.

The core four drive up to Newport Union High School. Seth exposits that this is Newport’s answer to public education. Marissa, you see, having been kicked out of Harbor and left penniless by Caleb’s death, is now forced to endure the indignity of PUBLIC school.

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The OC S03 E03 – The Eyebrows Can Only Take So Much

by Katie April 2, 2015 Season 3
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The Core Four are sitting in the diner, with Summer lamenting Ryan and Marissa’s expulsions from Harbor. Ryan and Marissa try to tell her it won’t be that bad, but Summer says it will be for Seth, seeing how before Ryan, he was bullied by people who called him “Death Breath Seth,” and Marissa’s like, uh, YOU called him that. Summer ignores that and says this was supposed to be the best year ever. All Ryan and Marissa want is to go back to school, but Summer tells them it’ll be okay as long as they stick together.

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Doctor Who S02 E07 – Armed and clever.

by Marines April 2, 2015 Doctor Who
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Rain, thunder, lightening. Somewhere, a guy sits inside a shop, pouring over a book. A TV program is playing in the background. The announcer signs off just as the guy realizes he’s overdrawn and needs a money miracle. Watching TV while also maybe thinking about needing money miracles? MY LIFE. But with less “God Save the Queen” playing in the background.

Kirsti: I had a total “IT’S THAT GUY FROM THAT THING!!” moment when he came on screen, but wasn’t sure what that thing was. According to IMDB, it’s our old friend Britain Only Has Ten Actors, because he’s been in Hot Fuzz, Little Dorrit, and Chocolat.

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Supernatural S03 E11 – Tuesdays are the worst.

by Kirsti April 1, 2015 Season 3
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First things first: I have an irrational love for this episode. It manages to be feelsy and really freaking dark and hilarious simultaneously, and it’s just kind of great.

Right, on with the show. We open with a super close up of Sam’s closed eyes. Heat of the Moment by Asia starts playing, and he sits bolt upright in bed at the Motel of the Week. Dean, already dressed, tells Sam that it’s “time to rise and shine, Sammy!” This gives me horrible flashbacks to my teen years when my mother would burst into my room at like 9am on a Saturday and holler “Time for getting up now!” (M: My mom’s Saturday wake-up was the dreaded, “time to clean!” -_-)

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Doctor Who S02 E06 – Cyberman rave parties

by Kirsti March 28, 2015 Doctor Who
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After the previouslies, we go straight to the credits, because why the fuck not. DOO WEE OOH.

After the credits, the Doctor aims a mystery thing at the Cybermen, and a beam of orange light bursts out. It hits one Cyberman and spreads to the others, kind of like how the Nazis die in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The Cybermen crumble to ash and everyone makes a run for it.

I cannot stop laughing over that gif. Conveniently, Driver pulls up in the blue van and everyone piles in. Except for A Pete, who makes a run for the house to rescue A Jackie.

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