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Game of Thrones S05 E10 – Shame, Shame, Shame.

by Marines January 28, 2016 Game of Thrones
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I’m so scared.

Democracy Diva: Me too.

Mari: Camp Liar, Liar, Heir on Fire. Icicles are melting and Melisandre looks super pleased with herself. She goes into Stannis’s tent to continue being pleased with herself and the Lord of Light. She says that Stannis will for sure capture Winterfell because the Lord of Light has shown her Bolton banners burning. Melisandre is trying to be affectionate with Stannis but I guess he’s a little bit bummed about setting his daughter on fire, or something. He leaves her, bumping her in the face as he goes.

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Supernatural S05 E07 – Dean is Hamiltrash.

by Samantha January 27, 2016 Season 5
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We open with a woman on the couch reading one of those trashy magazines that declares the Apocolypse here. A man comes in the front door and she greets him but he just runs straight upstairs. He heads into the bathroom all sweaty and panicked. He looks into the mirror as his skin begins to wrinkle and his hair falls out. He turns into an old old man and collapses into a cabinet. (K: It’s very…Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)

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Supergirl S01 E09 – I am not okay with this.

by Samantha January 25, 2016 Season 1
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The episode picks up right where the last episode ended. Supergirl and Non go busting through the ceiling of Lord Technologies and begin to duke it out in the sky. They’re briefly interrupted by an airplane RUDELY flying in the middle of their fight but they carry on by smashing into the ground. Non has Supergirl in a chokehold and tells Supergirl that she’s as weak as any human. Hank comes out with a blaster gun thing and Non drops Kara to go after Hank. Is this a good time to ask what they wanted with Lord Technologies in the first place?

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Jessica Jones S01 E03 – Scary Tennant

by Stephanie January 25, 2016 Jessica Jones
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We open with the wonderful credits which go on for a half hour because I’m still watching them over and over. (Ha ha. JK. That would be weird…)

Credits over, the scene picks up where we left off last time. Jessica is still feeling up Luke’s unbreakable pecs and abs, but this time, in a more sexual manner. She tears off his shirt (M: how is he even getting home now JESSICA) and they start aggressively making out. The pants are quickly unzipped and they have super powered sex against a wall.

Sadly, they’re interrupted when the male half of the Creepy Twins peeks in. Jess slams the door in his face.

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Doctor Who S04 E02 – Caecilius est in TARDIS

by Kirsti January 14, 2016 Doctor Who
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First things first: if that post title brings up all kinds of horrible childhood memories for you, WELCOME TO THE CLUB. For those of you who looked at it and went “Whut”, just know that Caecilius was an actual resident of Pompeii, and he and his family form the basis of the first book in the Cambridge Latin Course, used to teach children all over the world – including me – a dead language since 1970. In short, how could I not?!

Marines: Those of us who were never forced to learn a dead language still commiserate with your childhood trauma. The Snark HQ liquor cabinet is open and well stocked.

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Supernatural S05 E06 – Don’t piss off small children

by Kirsti January 13, 2016 Season 5
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Is anyone else going to spend the next eternity with that stupid song lodged in their brain on an endless loop, or is that just me?

Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There’s a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all “OMG WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!” as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she’s babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He’s got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That’s ketchup to you, America.)

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Supergirl S01 E08 – Just rocks.

by Catherine January 12, 2016 Season 1
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So after last week’s surprise family reunion, Astra has two of her lackeys holding Kara on a rooftop somewhere.

Astra asks Kara if she really thought their fight was over and Kara answers that by putting the smackdown on her two silent captors. She almost manages to fly away before one of the lackeys grabs her and Astra hauls her up to her feet. (S: The way they just grab her and yank her back down looks so lame on all accounts lol.)

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The OC S03 E23 – Why are teenagers so dramatic? Because they aaargh!

by Dim January 7, 2016 Season 3
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Hi everyone, time for the potted history of The OC and me- I LOVE this show! At age 17, this was my life. I laughed, I cried, I flunked my AS levels due to bingeing on the boxsets instead of studying. I even wrote an article about it for my school magazine entitled “The OC: why we’ve all gone Obsessive Compulsive over Orange County.” I’m actually not allowed to watch any of the dramatic episodes, or the final episode, because I cry so much that my sister always rushes in from wherever she is to see if I’ve finally impaled myself on one of the glass swans that my parents are so fond of. (I’m very clumsy, it could happen.)

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Doctor Who S04 E01 – Adorable fat

by Marines January 7, 2016 Doctor Who
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DONNA THE TOTAL BEST is wearing a business suit and walking purposefully through a busy street. The Doctor is walking in the opposite direction. They both end up in front of the same building: Adipose Industries.

Donna walks in the main entrance and the Doctor sonics his way through a back door. Donna flashes an ID to a security guard and says she’s from Health and Safety. The Doctor does the same, flashing his psychic paper. Neither of the guards these two encounter look particularly interested anyway.

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Supernatural S05 E05 – What’s a VIN number?

by Samantha January 6, 2016 Season 5
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Confession time. Whenever I rewatch this show I usually skip the teaser at the beginning, if it doesn’t have the boys in it. Why? Because at one point I developed a weird fear that someday I will be the person in a teaser-like situation. Yes, I am aware that monsters are not real but also you never know, you know? They always end bad and bloody and I’ve just taken to avoiding them. The things I do because I love you all.

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Charmed S02 E20 – Chimps or Monkeys?

by Stephanie January 6, 2016 Charmed
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Breakfast at the Halliwell Manor. Phoebe asks Piper if she got “the postcard” from Dan and I’m confused because aren’t they not on good terms after he attacked her boyfriend for being a liar and a war veteran? Apparently he’s having a great time wherever he is, so… great?

Marines: He probably only sent the postcard because he’s having a good time and stupid ex-girlfriends need to know that.

Stephanie: Anyway, Piper is distracted by a letter from the doctor that treated her when she got sick from handling space fruit. Yup, we all wanted to revisit that plot.

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Supergirl S01 E07 – Dark and scary hallways

by Marines January 5, 2016 Season 1
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Supergirl is getting something like a super-physical. A voice-over of Holo-Mom explains that Kara’s cells have drained after fighting that robot thing last episode. She’s basically a real girl now and things will be able to hurt her. Her powers should return as soon as she’s absorbed enough yellow sun power. (S: Thank god she doesn’t live in Ohio. I haven’t seen the yellow sun in a week.) We cut to the Back Room of Solitude, where Holo-Mom is wrapping up her handy information in a slightly impersonal, AI kind of way. Supergirl sighs.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E04 – College plans lead to booze

by Kirsti January 4, 2016 Dawson's Creek
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We open in Joey’s bedroom. Pacey’s reading 1984 and declares himself to be bored. There’s no point, he says, in reading about the future when it’s already the past. He grumbles about how people in the 1950s got totally caught up in what the future would be like, and then 1984 wasn’t that bad. “Except for that whole Boy George thing…” he says, and DAMMIT, PACEY. Now I want to watch The Wedding Singer…

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Jessica Jones S01 E02 – Awkward ’cause of sex.

by Samantha January 4, 2016 Jessica Jones
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I love this shooooooooooow. Okay. We open with the Marvel logo and the pretty and disarming credits. I love how the music starts kind of low key and quaint and then builds into this more rock thing.

Credits over, Jessica Jones is sitting in a police interrogation room. A detective comes in and she tells him that she’s not sure how much more she can tell him. He comments on her tension and she’s basically like “Yeah. I watched people get murdered by an abused and controlled girl at the end of last episode. Of course I am.” He asks how she got in touch with the Shlottman’s and how she found Hope.

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Supergirl S01 E06 – Angry anger

by Samantha December 9, 2015 Season 1
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Okay so the episode starts with Kara flying over the city. Alex beeps in to ask if everything is okay since usually flying = cheesy battles. But no, this time Kara is just flying to clear her head. But, of course, duty calls and Kara hears some trouble a brewing.

Marines: I don’t want to start every episode with Supergirl flying and making some statement that then gets immediately negated. I DON’T WANNA.

Samantha: We cut to the spin off Fast and Furious show that Vin Diesel has been talking about and I get excited! Two guys are yelling at each other and banging their cars together. It’s Fast and Furious: Road Rage, y’all. Of course they’re doing this in a school zone and almost super murder a bunch of little kids crossing the street.

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