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How to Get Away With Murder S01 E11 – Truth over Brussels sprouts.

by Marines February 26, 2015 How to Get Away With Murder

Annalise is in a hotel room somewhere, crying in bed. She gets up to grab some alcohol from the mini-bar, then we cut to her eating some delicious pasta, ignoring a call from Nate and hopping back into bed. We see this happen again and again- eat, drink, sleep drink- as title cards let us know that this is all taking place from Christmas to New Years. Plus, the show plays to its strengths and we get a few quality shots of Viola Davis’s Tears.

Democracy Diva: First of all, there are worse ways to spend a holiday season. Second, I would wear the shit out of a perfume called Viola Davis’s Tears.

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Supernatural S03 E06 – How the sass tables turn

by Kirsti February 25, 2015 Season 3
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A young woman runs along an abandoned dock at night in tiny shorts and a sports bra. I roll my eyes so hard they nearly fall out of their sockets because no woman on earth would go running alone at night dressed like that. (A: +1.) She stops to get a drink at a water fountain, then looks up when there’s a crack of thunder. She sees a ghostly sailing ship float past, then vanish. She runs off, looking freaked out.

Cut to her house, where she’s showering. Segue: does anybody actually do a shampoo advert style hair flip in the shower? Because I call bullshit. It just makes the ceiling wet and drippy.

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Gotham S01 E14 – Don’t wear it out.

by Marines February 24, 2015 Gotham
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Yes, I’m doing another Gotham recap because we’re real behind and Sweeney is “too busy” to do these recaps. Mmmhmm.

Kidding! I love Sweeney and am totally okay taking one for the team. I also expect an extra round or two of alcohol when I see her face in April. So.

Sweeney: I mean, you already resolved to steal all the wine all the time always because of some other thing that happened in some other recap. I don’t really remember except that you’re gonna steal wine and also I’m tired and now I’m also stalling because fuck this show. But yeah, sure, lots-o-booze, girl. Promise, promise.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E10 – Needs more Pacey. REALLY.

by DemocracyDiva February 23, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson is watching his Really Dumb Witch Island Movie. Joey climbs in the window just to make us all aggravated when the episode has barely begun. Dawson is nervous about an upcoming screening of his Laughably Terrible Witch Island Movie, but Joey reassures him that it’s great and will help him make his dreams come true or some bullshit like that. (K: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Sure it will, Joey. Sure it will.)

Joey also helpfully exposits that she has a contrivance college tour this weekend where she’s staying with a random student.

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Gotham S01 E13 – 10 minute plot points

by Marines February 21, 2015 Gotham
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Murder Warehouse. You can tell by the lighting. Fish is brought in and strapped to a table. She laughs a little even when the transport baddies introduce her to Bob, her torturer. Bob even does a little evil rubber glove snapping, because we need at least one cliche in the first minute, amIright?

Sweeney: We watch a lot of TV – this show is just trying to helpfully assure us that we’re on the right show.

Mari: Jada Pinkett Smith and a cliche? Yep. Gotham.

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Dollhouse S02 E02 – Knife Murderer

by Stephanie February 20, 2015 Dollhouse
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We open in the imprinting room with Paul approaching and then curiously fondling the chair. He walks around it a bit before sitting down and making a constipated face.

Sweeney: Watching TV I often find myself wondering at the frequency with which the direction was clearly, “Now look real constipated!” This has to be on purpose. I refuse to believe this constipated face epidemic is pure coincidence.

Marines: Plus, the only reason to sit in the nefarious, mind wiping chair is because you are constipated and you need to sit ASAP because of discomfort.

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Doctor Who S02 E04 – Time helps you get a head.

by Kirsti February 18, 2015 Doctor Who
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We open at Versailles in the height of its opulence. Courtiers run and scream from an unseen threat. A man in a red velvet coat approaches a woman in a dress four times wider than she is, and tells her that they have to go. It’s Sophia Myles, who I know better as Beth from Moonlight and Beth from Spooks. Also as Fanny Price’s little sister from the Mansfield Park movie.

Marines: MOONLIGHT! It is my far away dream to recap some one-season-wonders a la Firefly, and Moonlight is way high on that list. Also, Sophia Myles was dating David Tennant at this point, which is fun.

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Supernatural S03 E05 – Who’s the fairest of them all?

by Kirsti February 18, 2015 Season 3
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Maple Springs, New York. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as we pan across a billboard for a housing estate that starts “Once upon a time”. You know, just in case you couldn’t tell this was going to be fairy tale themed. We pan down further to the construction site where three somewhat chubby brothers are talking. There’s a growly sound and one looks around. His brother pooh-poohs the noise, and the trio go back to arguing about whether they should be using cinder blocks or bricks rather than timber in the construction, because “One gust of wind and the whole place is gonna blow over!”. Do you get who they are yet, or should the writers hit us with the obvious anvil a few more times?

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How To Get Away With Murder S01 E10 – We’re all in this together.

by DemocracyDiva February 12, 2015 How to Get Away With Murder
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Welcome back to Shondaland! Let’s see if the new year has brought us some new love for these characters. Probs not, though.

Marines: I like that you at least mentioned the possibility! That’s positive.

Diva: I try.

We begin, as we always should, with a stripped-down, natural Annalise in front of the mirror. This is already so much better than any episode that starts with the murder!bonfire. The Voiceover Police question Annalise about why she thinks her husband murdered Lila. She explains that he’s “missing.”

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Charmed S02 E08 – For some reason.

by Marines February 11, 2015 Charmed
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We start at someplace called Camp Skylark. Prue is staring at a lake and she broods all the way into a flashback of the day Mama Halliwell drowned. We watch her being zipped up into a body bag, while Baby!Prue yells for her mommy. A police officer scoops her up, but then just puts her down within dead-mommy-viewing distance. Thanks a lot, cop. In the present, Prue is still crying and staring at the lake.

Stephanie: I had no idea this was how Mama Halliwell died. Was I supposed to?

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Supernatural S03 E04 – It’s the fedora on the inside that counts.

by Anna May February 11, 2015 Season 3
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We open in a church at night, a priest and a nun tidying away the hymn books as the spooky indoor wind of spookiness messes with some candles.

Kirsti: Nuns, creepy music and spooky indoor wind? Always a good start…

Anna: They’re about to leave when a man on the balcony (Andy) claims that God isn’t with them—and if he is, he’s not a nice bloke. The priest tries to talk him down but Andy promptly shoots himself in the head. What a drama queen.

~~SATAN’S SCREENSAVER!~~

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E21 – Big eyes mean bad things.

by Marines February 10, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Aria cries as she fills her friends in on the ever-increasing creepiness of Ezra Fitz. See, he didn’t kiss a random girl and THEN find out she was 16. He knew all along that she was a minor but he’s awful and decided to exploit her anyway. Additionally, he had a “brief” relationship with Alison when she was 14. So. I actually just got really, really gaggy.

Sara: It seems like the word ‘relationship’ is not really accurate considering it was between a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD and a grown man in college. Gross gross gross gross.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E09 – Strictly ballroom

by Kirsti February 9, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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We open, as always, in the Shrine o’ Spielberg where Pacey and Jen are making out. DUDE, NO. Who breaks into their best friend’s house (although given the ladder, it’s not REALLY breaking in, I guess??) to make out in their bed? Gross.

Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O’Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.

K: Truth.

Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).

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Doctor Who S02 E03 – Blast from the past

by Marines February 5, 2015 Doctor Who
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We’ll start this with an announcement: Sweeney is officially bowing out of these recaps. It’s mostly because she needed to reorganize how she spends her time and this was an easier thing to take off her plate. She can probably tell you all her reasoning in the comments, because she’s still going to try and hang out there and perhaps keep up with the series. That said, Sara will be joining us as the third recapper and our official Snow. YAY SARA!

Now episode:

GILES. I’m glad we’re getting this out of the way so soon in the episode because GILES, GILES, GILES!

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Dollhouse S02 E01 – Dolls are people too

by Marines February 3, 2015 Dollhouse
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Imprint room. Echo is in the chair and Paul is nearby A smarmy handler, who I probably just think is smarmy because he kind of looks like the guy who raped Sierra (S: He also wiggles his brows around all creepy-like when he talks), tells Echo she’s got a big day. She gives the appropriate blank reaction and gets lowered for the imprint. Paul is worried about Echo glitching, as we’re back in the regular timeline, probably soon after the Omega stuff. Topher is his usual, “nothing can go wrong! It’ll be great!” self, and it’s weird to have Paul being the voice of, “you sure?” and not Dominic or Boyd. Where’s Boyd?

Sweeney: “WHERE’S BOYD?” INDEED. “Needs More Boyd” is a general note I have for most of always.

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