snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die


Dollhouse S02 E02 – Knife Murderer

by Stephanie February 20, 2015 Dollhouse
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We open in the imprinting room with Paul approaching and then curiously fondling the chair. He walks around it a bit before sitting down and making a constipated face.

Sweeney: Watching TV I often find myself wondering at the frequency with which the direction was clearly, “Now look real constipated!” This has to be on purpose. I refuse to believe this constipated face epidemic is pure coincidence.

Marines: Plus, the only reason to sit in the nefarious, mind wiping chair is because you are constipated and you need to sit ASAP because of discomfort.

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Dollhouse S02 E01 – Dolls are people too

by Marines February 3, 2015 Dollhouse
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Imprint room. Echo is in the chair and Paul is nearby A smarmy handler, who I probably just think is smarmy because he kind of looks like the guy who raped Sierra (S: He also wiggles his brows around all creepy-like when he talks), tells Echo she’s got a big day. She gives the appropriate blank reaction and gets lowered for the imprint. Paul is worried about Echo glitching, as we’re back in the regular timeline, probably soon after the Omega stuff. Topher is his usual, “nothing can go wrong! It’ll be great!” self, and it’s weird to have Paul being the voice of, “you sure?” and not Dominic or Boyd. Where’s Boyd?

Sweeney: “WHERE’S BOYD?” INDEED. “Needs More Boyd” is a general note I have for most of always.

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Dollhouse S01 Wrap-Up Post

by Marines January 13, 2015 Dollhouse
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GUYS. I was not expecting this when we decided to start recapping Dollhouse. This customary dance is not only for finishing a thing, but for also for such a pleasant experience.

We’ve mentioned pretty much all of this throughout the recaps, but I think it’s safe to say that this has been the show most improved by the recapping process. It’s one thing for a show to simply withstand the scrutiny (Firefly, Veronica Mars) but I truly think this show is BEST when examined closely. When you think about what that means for plot, writing, world building and characterization? I’m just amazed by what Joss Whedon created here and pretty sad I spent so much time thinking this wasn’t good.

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Dollhouse S01 E13 – Hot Water

by Marines January 9, 2015 Dollhouse
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I’m absolutely certain that last episode was the last one I saw during my first watch. If I recall correctly, Fox didn’t air this episode, so THIS IS EXCITING! Snow status activated.

Stephanie: I’m jealous! Can I be a kinda-snow because I don’t remember what happens? 

Sweeney: It’s a white Christmas around here! WINTER HAS COME.

Mari: Felicia Day! starts us off in some clearly combat sort of scenario.

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Dollhouse S01 E12 – Everyone’s a doll.

by Sweeney December 23, 2014 Dollhouse
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Dollhouse S01 E11 – Princely Rescuing

by Stephanie November 25, 2014 Dollhouse
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A man rummages through a pile of trash in a dark alley. He sees a hand and instead of being like, “hell no!” he goes in for a closer look. The hand reaches out and grabs him. What were you expecting, guy? (S: Even worse than Mickey investigating that crazy trash can.)

At an orphanage, Echo reads Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty) to a group of children because no one can read better than a doll. Just think of all the jobs dolls are stealing from capable people who need them. Plus, dolls cost way more money! Anyway, a girl standing away from the rest of the children calls the story crap.

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Dollhouse S01 E10 – Dead alive

by Marines November 21, 2014 Dollhouse
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Rich people stuff like large lawns and horseback riding: a woman rides up on a horse and calls out to a man named Jack that she’ll be done shortly and he should behave himself. Rich Lady (Margaret) blows him a kiss and rides off. Jack is sitting with a group of his buds and they joke about not actually ever playing tennis, and just sitting around day drinking. It’s all fun until one of his bros sees Margaret’s horse, suspiciously sans Margaret.

Echo is in the chair just after an imprint. She sees Adelle and greets her with a familiar “Addy?” Adelle looks pained as she tells Echo!Margaret that she’s very sorry to be the one to break the news. Margaret is dead.

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Dollhouse S01 E09 – Botanical Sculpting

by Sweeney November 14, 2014 Dollhouse
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This episode begins with lots of horror movie-esque flickering of lights in the imprint room. I can see Topher and Boyd and other people I can’t identify. Echo and Sierra are down in the main room, looking up at the weirdness through the frosted glass windows. Sierra asks what’s happening and Echo answers that “she made a mistake – now she’s dead,” and then a shot is fired and blood spatters on the window. This seems contrary to the idyllic, cushioned environment the Dollhouse aims for.

12 Hours Earlier: Echo is in clothing pulled from the BDSM Escort section of the Bad Girl Styling closet explaining to Boyd that it’s not about the pain but trust.

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Dollhouse S01 E08 – Echoline

by Stephanie November 4, 2014 Dollhouse
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Paul is in his apartment without a shirt. (M: Very important detail. I like the way you recap.) Someone knocks at the door and it’s Echo in a very boobalicious black dress. She ditched an engagement to deliver a message. That message is that she has something Paul needs – her mouth on his mouth. Paul’s all pissy because he’s not a client, but they move to the couch and make out a ton anyway. Mellie appears from the shadows to be jealous. Paul insists that he has something Echo needs (dem abs, dat back) so they keep with the kissing. Mellie interrupts again, saying Echo doesn’t need anything because she’s dead. Paul pulls away from Echo, who’s now pale and corpsified.


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Dollhouse S01 E07 – Whedony humor.

by Marines October 28, 2014 Dollhouse
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Seven episodes until we got a episode named something Echo-ish. That’s some self-restraint.

Sweeney: I only give them partial credit, since they named the girl with all the glitchy remembering stuff issues ECHO. Half points.

Mari: We’re nothing if not fair.

We flashback to Caroline and Adelle, making the deal we first saw in Ghost. All Caroline wants is to be left alone, but Adelle says they are past that.

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Dollhouse S01 E06 – Calm Down, Paul

by Sweeney October 24, 2014 Dollhouse
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We begin with an ominous fuzzy screen title card telling us that we’re about to see Testimonial Documents in the DOLLHOUSE Interviews in Los Angeles. A reporter speaks into the camera explaining that some people in LA know of “The Dollhouse” as something seedy. Cut to an interview with a random super sketchy dude, insisting that “everybody knows” it exists. Continuing his report, the journalist explains that dating back to the 1980s, The Dollhouse is LA’s most famous urban legend and he explains quite accurately what it is before clarifying that “most everybody” regards it as science fiction. This report isn’t about the legitimacy of The Dollhouse so much as a series of MAN ON THE STREET interviews with people about their reactions to the idea of The Dollhouse. (M: You can’t see me, but I’ve giving you an imaginary Title Star, girl. Good job.) (S: Since nobody actually gets it this episode, I’m just gonna go ahead an take it.)

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Dollhouse S01 E05 – Well Deserved Face Punches

by Stephanie October 21, 2014 Dollhouse
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First I need to share that when I realized I would have to recap this episode, I yelled out, “NO!” That should be enough to let you know how I feel about it.

Lorraine: A common Snark Lady problem. In fact, Kirsti was known to work out who would get what episode during entire seasons of Buffy. That moment of realization that an episode is yours is best drowned in Goblets of Win.

Sweeney: Not knowing what trauma lies ahead is one of the occasional perks of Snow Life.

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Dollhouse S01 E04 – Blue skies and snowy mountains

by Marines October 17, 2014 Dollhouse
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Mountains Somewhere. We hear a woman moaning and I’m pretty sure it’s done specifically in a way so the first thing you think is, “sexy time.” But no. Some woman is giving birth and now I just feel all awkward. (S: Best PSA ever! YOU THINK SEXY TIME FEELS GOOD, KIDS? WELL THIS IS WHERE IT LEADS.) Echo is the midwife and WHY? WHY WOULD ECHO BE THE MIDWIFE? Are these parents on the run from the law? Is that baby the second coming of some deity? Did part of the job include scaling the mountain before assuming midwiferly duties? NO? No need for a doll to be the midwife.

Stephanie: This show obviously takes place in an alternate universe where everyone is terrible at their jobs, thus dolls are necessary to keep society functioning.

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Dollhouse S01 E03 – Stalker Anthem

by Sweeney October 14, 2014 Dollhouse
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This episode begins at a club with a girl dancing very sexily on stage on a cage I assumed it was a strip club, but it’s much classier because she’s a singer. Sorry girl. I had to Google her and it was a very confusing search because I was trying to avoid spoilers. The song is by Kimberly Cole but she is not acting in the episode, which is what I initially thought, because I’m stupid and identifying characters as a Snow is the hardest fucking thing. (L: Girl, I’m always an email away.)

Anyway, the character is Rayna Russell and she is singing a song called Superstar in a diamond bra with on-stage fireworks and other snazzy pop star trappings. I was just about to say something about how dangerous those fireworks seem when ONE OF HER DANCERS CAUGHT ON FIRE. Shit. Rayna is rushed off stage.

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Dollhouse S01 E02 – Worst Date Ever

by Stephanie October 10, 2014 Dollhouse
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Stephanie: We start the episode 3 months ago. A group of scared dolls are being ushered into their sleeping pods. They didn’t get to shower before bed, so clearly this is a serious situation.

Lorraine: Who knows what those dolls were doing earlier too. Serious and possibly smelly.

Stephanie: Out in the lobby area, Dominic is yelling orders to his SWAT looking security team. He tells them to secure the exits and shoot people in the head twice. (L: Double tap? ZOMBIES.) As the camera spins around all crazy-like, we see that there are dead bodies strewn out on the floor.

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