snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Supergirl S02 E04 – Super not even trying.

by Catherine January 16, 2017 Season 2
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We open on Daxam on The Day that Krypton Died. Fireballs are raining down on the planet and Mon-El and the Prince are running. They find a Kryptonian Ship that some dead emissaries left behind. Mon-El insists that the Prince escape in it but the Prince admits he cannot fly it. Mon-El gets in to pre-program the destination and then the Prince shut him in because he’s wounded and wants to go down with his planet.

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A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E01 – Not better than nothing.

by Marines January 15, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
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This show is based on some books I read many, many moons ago. I remember them vaguely. I also paid actual money to see the movie adaptation in theaters. That I remember more clearly. So, here we are.

Samantha: I read and loved these books too. I remember them well and push them at the children who come into my library all the time. “Terrible stuff happens to these kids but the fun is seeing how they take care of each other and think their way out!”

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 07 – The Mystical Pregnancy

by Catherine January 10, 2017 Books
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Yet another chapter begins with Bella’s fake psychic dreams. I’m not gonna recap this one and waste your precious time. Just imagine heavy-handed descriptions about dark “ruby eyes” and another vampire child and you’ve got the gist of it. Or just read the rest of these recaps and then go back and imagine that Bella had a dream that vaguely predicted the plot of the story for reasons that are never explained and never come up again.

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Gilmore Girls S01 E06 – Fancy and creepy.

by Catherine January 9, 2017 Gilmore Girls
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This episode opens with a Friday Night Dinner where only Emily, Lorelei and Rory are in attendance. See how I used the term ‘in attendance’ because this is fancy? That’s the kind of fanciness you can expect in my recap. If you’re not already wearing your cravat, you should be.

Marines: RSVP: YES.

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 06 – You’re getting very sleepy.

by Catherine January 7, 2017 Books
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Edward is sticking to his guns and refusing to have sex with Bella again as long as she’s human. Which is tricky cuz Bella can’t get enough of the sparkle peen and wants it bad.

Marines: Oh my goodness, you mean we are still denying Bella any fulfillment of her sexual desires with a ring on it? Color me shocked.

Kirsti: Whaaaaaaat?? I NEVER COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS TURN OF EVENTS.

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Doctor Who S04 E16 – Water, Water Everywhere

by Kirsti January 7, 2017 Doctor Who
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I’m going to be upfront about this – I’ve only ever seen this episode once because it scared the living shit out of me while also being not great. So… that’s something to look forward to?

Marines: Well, if it helps, I actually thought this episode was great and hands down the best of the Tennant specials we’ve seen so far. It is also terrifying, though, so 2/2 Snark Ladies agree on that.

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 05 – Facing the unknown

by Catherine January 6, 2017 Books
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Previously: Jacob got so pissed at Edward for thinking about sexing his wife. — Marines: Stephenie Meyer is terrible at transitions so instead of cutting to their arrival at their honeymoon destination, there is this weird crap where we start at a gate in Seattle headed to Houston? But then Bella wakes up and they are in front of the gate to Rio de Janeiro? How did she wake up off the plane? I’m guessing Edward just threw her over his shoulder and carried her because that is 1000% something he would do. Catherine: Definitely not a good sign that she’s already missing several hours of time.  Annie: Also, I’m pretty sure customs wouldn’t be cool with having some dude carrying an unconscious […]

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Gilmore Girls S01 E05 – Great restraint

by Annie January 6, 2017 Gilmore Girls
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Straight talk: I have a loooong history with Gilmore Girls. I watched the show when it first aired with my mum. It started out just the two of us watching, but eventually my brothers and even my dad would watch it with us. I have the complete series on DVD, I have watched the series all the way through so many times that I’ve lost count. Gilmore Girls coming to Netflix has only made it worse, because it’s much easier to rewatch it when I don’t have to change DVD discs every 3 episodes like a sucker. So now that I’ve exposed my probably unhealthy obsession with GG, let’s get to the recap!

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 04 – A wild tension appears!

by Catherine January 5, 2017 Books
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Bella tells us that the wedding flows smoothly into the reception which starts AT TWILIGHT. I see what you did there, SMeyer. You’re not even remotely subtle.

Anyway, apparently there are “another ten thousand flowers” outside with the marquee and dance floor, and I really hope that’s an exaggeration because that is a fuckton of flowers. If it’s not exaggeration, I hope they sent out antihistamines with the invitations…

Marines: There are only like 10 humans there and no one cares about them anyway.

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Charmed S03 E05 – A woman’s right to a crystal security system.

by Marines January 5, 2017 Charmed
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We open at P^3 where Phoebe is sending over drinks to one of Prue’s Generic Dates. Piper comes over to inquire if he’s been stood up since Prue’s caught up in a demon research obsession..

Phoebe changes the subject to Piper’s love life. Piper admits that her and Leo haven’t been sleeping together because Leo keeps being orbed out whenever they get frisky. Does this mean Leo appears before The Powers That Be totally naked or can he redirect the orb-travel to a closet first?

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 03 – Fucking snowflakes

by Catherine January 4, 2017 Books
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So, Bella wakes up from another of her dumb psychic nightmares that are never explained and she’s immediately pissed at herself for having such a disturbing dream the night before her wedding. Um, okay.

Annie: If I was marrying Edward, I’d be having nightmares, too.

Catherine: Fair.

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Doctor Who S04 E15 – Stingraliens

by Kirsti January 4, 2017 Doctor Who
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International Gallery. Four armed guards take their positions around a force field meant to protect a big ass golden goblet. I’m going to show you how they are protecting this and you tell me if you see any lapses in security:

Kirsti: As a former museum curator, THIS IS THE WORST SECURITY OF ALL TIME. Why the eff would you spend that much on laser systems and paying security guards and, you know, NOT PUT THE FREAKING OBJECT IN A SHOWCASE WITH BUILT IN ALARMS AND BULLET PROOF GLASS?!?!?!?! Sense: this doesn’t any make.

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 02 – Open-eyed kissing

by Annie January 3, 2017 Books
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We open this chapter with Bella and Edward whinging about having to be apart between ‘hot’ makeout sessions. Bella tells us how hard it is for her to remember Edward is a vampire. Not because he’s so perfect and wonderful, but because he shows such restraint for not ripping her throat out and drinking all her delicious blood until she’s dead, dead, dead. (K: Shame.)

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After Chapter 17 – Nice is a bad word.

by Marines January 3, 2017 After
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We ended the last chapter with Tessa asking Hardin why he doesn’t like her. He wants to know why she would even ask that. Tessa says it’s because she’s been nothing but nice to him (questionable) (S: Probably… not… though…) and she thought they could even be friends (in between judging his tattoos?). Hardin laughs at her because it’s obvious why they can never be friends: she’s too uptight and he thinks she probably grew up in the perfect home where she never had to work for anything. Well, we know she dresses like a Sunday School teacher Hardin, but that is presumptuous.

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After Chapter 18 – Used to this

by Marines January 3, 2017 After
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Tessa and Zed find the room but a dude is already sleeping in one of the beds. Zed is enthusiastic that at least one of the beds is empty. He then tells Tessa that he’s going to walk back to his place, and he has a couch she could sleep on, *wink wink*. Tessa considers this but realizes that Zed would probably expect them to kiss and she’s not really down for that. She also remarks on how easy it must be for Zed to get lots of girls to kiss him. She tells him she’s going to stay here and his face falls but he understands. He leaves and Tessa locks the door.

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