snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

A lying liar who lies

A person who is a srsbsns liar. You know this thanks to the repetition. There are liars, people who lie, and those known for lying. Then there are lying liars who lie. It’s another level.

Dawson’s Creek S04 E16 – Your penis ain’t special.

by Kirsti April 28, 2017 Dawson's Creek
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Oh, hey, friends. Long time no see. MY BAD. Honestly, a big part of the delay on this has to do with the fact that I needed to find gifs for it, and finding gifs for Dawson’s Creek is practically impossible after season 3. I mean, there are Pacephine Tumblrs, but they suck at tagging things, and I’m not about to wade through 64 pages of posts on the off chance there’s something useable there. So instead I… just kind of gave up on giffing. Sorry. Have a giant wall of text instead?

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 13 – Wolves and their shorts.

by Catherine March 6, 2017 Books
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Hi, hello there! I’m back from 1- Three business trips in a month 2- moving into a new apartment in a nearby city 3- CATCHING THE FLU and 4- having Breaking Dawn be number 247 on my list of overall priorities. Luckily for you all (?), I missed you guys and so here we are.

Annie: I don’t know if I’d use ‘lucky’ and Breaking Dawn in the same sentence, but let’s do this. 

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BrainDead S01 E12 – Another Fine Mess

by Dani Denatti December 2, 2016 BrainDead
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Our singing recapper (aka THE BEST THING EVER) (M: I’m gonna miss it so much) tells us what happened last week:

We begin with Luke telling Laurel about the bug briefing he got from Bob Isenstadt, the grandfatherly “Director’s Director” of the CIA. Laurel is rightfully suspicious, but Luke thinks she should be happy because this means she was right all along, and now the professionals will handle the crisis. He tells her she has to back off and let the CIA do their job.

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Supergirl S01 E17 – That’s not how any of this works.

by Marines October 3, 2016 Season 1
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Kara is wearing flannel over her Supergirl costume and eating a donut on the couch so that her brooding is super telegraphed. She’s watching coverage of a bank robbery she tried to stop, but people are still pretty wary of her after she murdered alcohol bottles with peanuts, or whatever. (S: And wore extra cute clothes!) (C: Boo the lady with the fashion sense.) 

At Cat Co, Cat is having a bad day because “Sandy Bullock” stole her exercise machine and also because National City is being slow to forgive Supergirl and the crime rate is up.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E13 – Just A-ing around.

by Samantha August 25, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she’s out on bail for murder she’s not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.

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The OC S04 E09 – Are you my daddy?

by Marines August 16, 2016 Season 4
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Summer is in bed staring at her ugly engagement ring. Taylor walks in, asking for help with her resolutions. So far she’s got “get a job and stop mooching off of other people’s families” and “take calcium supplements.” That’s basically it.

Samantha: Taylor, if you’re gonna take calcium you might as well take iron, too. Get a well rounded supplement system going. 

Mari: After a beat, Summer suggests she add one more thing: plan Summer’s wedding.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E12 – Thanksgiving murder

by Marines July 14, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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It’s Thanksgiving Day and Aria, Hanna and Emily are sadly standing outside of a house. There are police cars everywhere and some police tape is blocking off the entrance to the house. Ezra is there too, but I try to ignore him as much as possible.

Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.

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Supernatural S05 E21 – O Death (we love your intro scene so much!)

by Samantha June 16, 2016 Season 5
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So we open in Iowa, at a fancy old person home hospital thing. Freaking Pestilence walks into an old lady’s room. I dunno you guys, I had somehow convinced myself that all of the Pestilence stuff would be finished in the last episode and that I wouldn’t have to recap him again. I was wrong. He sits down on the old lady’s bed and acts all Good Doctor-y.

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Supernatural S05 E17 – The Kool-Aid can’t be far off.

by Kirsti April 27, 2016 Season 5
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The previouslies show us Lisa, from season 3, who has a son named Ben. It was the episode with the creepy ass children.

Kirsti: I’m sorry, you’ll have to be more specific. There are at least 2 episodes a season with creepy children…

Samantha: This segues us into the Impala burning rubber down a highway at night. Sam’s arm is injured and they are both a little frantic. They mention how they’ve never seen that many in one place before, just as the Impala screeches to a halt in front of a flaming barricade in the road.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E10 – Oh, damn. Choir auditions.

by Marines February 18, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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We start right back in the LOLPD station. The man who “kidnapped” Ali is staring creepily at the one-way window. On the other side, Detective Tanner is talking to Papa DiLaurentis. She explains that one of Ashley Marin’s neighbors saw creepy dude (Cyrus) lurking in her backyard. Tanner tells Papa D to keep his mouth shut until the cops have evidence to press charges.

Papa D asks to see his daughter. We cut to a room where Alison is having emotions while looking at a mug shot of Cyrus. Papa D comes in and asks if this is the man who hurt Alison. She makes about 37 more faces before saying she doesn’t know.

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Supernatural S05 E08 – What’s on the telly?

by Kirsti February 17, 2016 Season 5
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We open at the Motel of the Week. (S: I’m so excited I’m so excited I’m so excited.) “Supernatural is filmed before a live studio audience,” Dean voiceovers. Music tinkles and the entire colour palate is a million times brighter and happier than usual. Inside the motel room – which has a huge and very clean kitchen – Dean has made a comically oversized sandwich. A studio audience offscreen cheers and claps. “I’m gonna need a bigger mouth,” he says. Canned laughter.

Sam enters to cheers and applause. Dean asks what’s happening. “Just the end of the world!” Sam says, all upbeat.

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The OC S03 E23 – Why are teenagers so dramatic? Because they aaargh!

by Dim January 7, 2016 Season 3
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Hi everyone, time for the potted history of The OC and me- I LOVE this show! At age 17, this was my life. I laughed, I cried, I flunked my AS levels due to bingeing on the boxsets instead of studying. I even wrote an article about it for my school magazine entitled “The OC: why we’ve all gone Obsessive Compulsive over Orange County.” I’m actually not allowed to watch any of the dramatic episodes, or the final episode, because I cry so much that my sister always rushes in from wherever she is to see if I’ve finally impaled myself on one of the glass swans that my parents are so fond of. (I’m very clumsy, it could happen.)

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Jessica Jones S01 E02 – Awkward ’cause of sex.

by Samantha January 4, 2016 Jessica Jones
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I love this shooooooooooow. Okay. We open with the Marvel logo and the pretty and disarming credits. I love how the music starts kind of low key and quaint and then builds into this more rock thing.

Credits over, Jessica Jones is sitting in a police interrogation room. A detective comes in and she tells him that she’s not sure how much more she can tell him. He comments on her tension and she’s basically like “Yeah. I watched people get murdered by an abused and controlled girl at the end of last episode. Of course I am.” He asks how she got in touch with the Shlottman’s and how she found Hope.

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Supergirl S01 E02 – Inspirational scores for days.

by Marines November 7, 2015 Season 1
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I haven’t even pressed play to start rewatching this episode and I’m already rolling my eyes. So that’s how I feel about this, friends.

We start with an inspiring voice over as we get an extended sequence of Supergirl flying around. It’s been a week since she’s revealed herself and things are going pretty well. CUE A MISSILE COMING AT HER har har har.

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Twilight Chapter 17 – It’s a penis metaphor.

by Marines October 21, 2015 Books
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I got the sparkling chapter and now the baseball chapter? Cool.

We start with Edward driving Bella back to her house but ruh-roh, Billy and Jacob Black are there. Edward is muttering things in a “low, harsh” voice so Bella knows trouble is brewing. Billy Black’s face is “impassive as STONE,” which is extra stupid because Stephenie not only uses that word way too much, she’s now using it for people who aren’t even vampires.

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