snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

a very traumatic holiday

What can we say? We like to infuse a little trauma into the holidays. Because we care.

To see how we’ve celebrated in the past, check out the posts below.

Pretty Little Liars S05 E13 – Just A-ing around.

by Samantha August 25, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she’s out on bail for murder she’s not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E09 – Have Yourself a Snobby Little Christmas

by Chelsea August 25, 2016 Dawson's Creek
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Lights up on Leery Manor as Dawson and a girl that COULD BE JOEY are in his room watching movies. Only just kidding, it’s totally Gretchen. And the movie they’re watching is one of Mr. Brooks’. Dawson laments that he wants to hate Mr. Brooks’ work (wonder what it’s like to want to hate something that badly, hmmm blonde spider?) but then goes on to call it a ‘heartbreaking work of staggering genius’ and I’m throwing up too hard to wonder if it’s hyperbole.

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The OC S04 E08 – Pizza Prostitution

by Catherine August 3, 2016 Season 4
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Seth and Ryan are at a gas station while Seth is simultaneously washing bugs off his windshield and being interrogated by Ryan.

Ryan is asking what’s going on and Seth snarks that it’s New Year’s Eve and they’re on their way to Las Vegas. Ryan’s all like, “I know,” but I’m like silly Ryan, that wasn’t for you! That was for us, your loyal viewers. Good exposition, show!
Apparently what Ryan was really asking was why the girls are acting so strange. Seth kinda verbally shrugs and Ryan says he thinks that he’s lying.

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The OC S04 E07 – Chrismu-COMA.

by Marines August 1, 2016 Season 3
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Alright, guys. I feel like we’re in the home stretch here and I’m going to try and crank out these last 9 recaps as quickly as possible because it’s time. It’s time to finish The OC and say goodbye.

So, here we go.

Ryan is in the kitchen enjoying his morning coffee, when Kirsten comes in and tries to casually ask if he’s going to invite anyone to Christmas Eve dinner. Ryan isn’t sure because if he invites Taylor, that seems pretty serious. Kirsten lightly laughs at him and says they make their own rules at Christmukkah.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E12 – Thanksgiving murder

by Marines July 14, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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It’s Thanksgiving Day and Aria, Hanna and Emily are sadly standing outside of a house. There are police cars everywhere and some police tape is blocking off the entrance to the house. Ezra is there too, but I try to ignore him as much as possible.

Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.

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The OC S04 E03 – Crazy Eyebrow Man to the Rescue!

by Katie June 4, 2016 Season 4
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Orange County is pretty! That’s how we open before settling in on the Cohen home, where Kirsten exposits that Ryan hasn’t spoken to them in days. Sandy says he’s not worried about Ryan not talking to the two of them, but he is concerned that Ryan’s still ignoring Seth.

Meanwhile, Ryan’s on the phone with Julie, who’s pouting about Sandy and Kirsten uninviting her from Thanksgiving. Kirsten and Sandy are discussing this as well, and Sandy says sending their kids on a murder mission knocks you off the guest list.

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Doctor Who S04 E00 – Hark the herald angels kill

by Kirsti November 28, 2015 Doctor Who
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We start where we left off – with the Titanic crashing into the TARDIS. After his “What?“s, the Doctor fiddles with something on the console panel, and the TARDIS is pulled off the ship. The hole in the side magically fixes itself, and the TARDIS vworp vworps onto the Titanic. The Doctor dusts himself off and heads off to explore. It’s all very Downton Abbey, with a piped orchestral version of Jingle Bells. There are also creepy animatronic angels standing around. Because, you know, we haven’t had enough angel related trauma already on this show. (M: I just want to blink freely.)

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Supergirl S01 E04 – No points for effort.

by Catherine November 20, 2015 Season 1
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This episode, a Thanksgiving episode, was supposed to air next week but because of the similarity between the Paris attacks and the content of this week’s episode, CBS apparently switched the order. This happens occasionally and I consider it a credit to the shows writing if it’s actually noticeable that the episodes are out of order. Usually it’s not.

I don’t normally like to refer to someone’s face as ‘messed up’ but this episode opens on an alien with a face that’s totally messed up.

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The OC S03 E15 – Pre-movie reunion

by Ryan August 17, 2015 Season 4
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Just a couple disclaimers for anyone who doesn’t read the comments: I have been looking forward approximately forever for Willa Holland, because Thea Queen, and was so excited to get to her episodes that I kinda sorta wanted her to destroy the core four’s world. THAT SHE DID MY FRIENDS. So I may be just a bit biased on rooting for Kaitlin’s terrible decisions. Second – because she is not /technically/ part of the main cast yet, I’m totally calling her Young Thea.

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The OC S03 E10 – Convoluted fundraising

by Alex June 25, 2015 Season 3
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I should confess right now that I haven’t been keeping up with the OC recaps at all, so I have absolutely no idea what’s happening on the show at the moment. I thought I had watched all of Season 3 when it first aired, but there were people in the previouslies that I didn’t recognise at all, so I’m going to have to just wing it.

From the title I know that this is a Chrismukkah episode, but we open with a bunch of shots of a very sunny OC which just seems wrong to me, typing this just after Christmas while wrapped in a blanket watching the snow fall outside.

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Supernatural S04 E07 – Crossover weirdness

by Kirsti June 24, 2015 Season 4
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We open two days before Halloween with people setting up their front gardens and shit. IDEK, you guys. Australia doesn’t do Halloween. It’s kind of hard when it’s spring and everything’s green and leafy, and it doesn’t get dark until 8pm…

Marines: You guys are missing the point then, which is mainly: CANDY.

K: Yeah, but like, just go to the supermarket and buy it yourself. Then you don’t have to talk to people. Or dress up.

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Doctor Who S03 E00 – Snowy genocide

by Kirsti May 27, 2015 Doctor Who
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Space. We pan around to the Earth, then do a dramatic zoom – with heavy brass accompaniment – into a church somewhere in London. The ginger bride from the end of Doomsday stands at the head of the aisle. The organ starts up, and it’s incredibly confusing because the music is Mendelssohn’s Wedding March, which is traditionally considered a recessional, not a processional. #musicnerdproblems

ANYWAY. The groom turns around, they grin at each other, and Ginger Bride makes her way down the aisle. Half way down the aisle, she starts to glow. Like, literally. She’s full of glowy gold light. Then she screams and disappears into a glow cloud thing.

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Charmed S02 E13 – Manimals are people too!

by Marines May 27, 2015 Charmed
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College. (S: UGH. WHY?) Phoebe is in a class where the professor is talking about some mating rituals, because of course. Because if we’re going to see Phoebe in a class, it’s obviously going to be a class about mating rituals.

There is this dude with hedgehog hair (S: Now they’re just going out of their way to cast men with the worst hair.) in the class who keeps giving Phoebe LOOKS. She returns them and does a little hair flipping. Behind her, some girls start giggling about something and Phoebe asks what’s up with her study group having fun with out her.

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Supernatural S03 E08 – Merry Murdermas

by Kirsti March 14, 2015 Season 3
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Seattle, one year ago. A grandfather is greeted at the door by his grandson, who asks if his grandfather has brought Christmas presents. The grandfather is all “Pff, NO” because that’s Santa’s job. After the kid’s asleep, the grandfather dresses up as Santa and rings a set of bells. The kid sneaks down the stairs and watches as Grandpa Santa puts presents under the tree. There’s a thump on the roof, and the kid excitedly whispers to himself that it must be reindeer. Some soot falls down the chimney, and Grandpa Santa looks over in surprise before going closer to investigate. Obviously, something grabs him and drags him up the chimney with a series of crunching sounds.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E08 – Schmaltzy meh

by DemocracyDiva February 2, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Jen and Pacey are having a domestic moment, grocery shopping and arguing about what to cook for Thanksgiving at Grams’s, which is conveniently ruining their sex-buddies situation. Pacey blames Jen for the fact that this situation has not actually happened yet, and she just kinda laughs at his foreplay, which, RUDE. Then Jen comes up with the brilliant idea to do it immediately before/during/after the Grams Turkey Day God Fest ’99.

Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don’t even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be…) (D: I’m thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.) 

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