snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Another Effing Dance

I can imagine members of the Ghost Writing Collectives sitting around wondering to themselves how exactly they might manage to get all of their characters gathered in the same place, in convenient contrivance reaching distance from each other. Oh, I know, GWC! Clearly, what you need a is another effin’ dance.

Supergirl S02 E04 – Super not even trying.

by Catherine January 16, 2017 Season 2
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We open on Daxam on The Day that Krypton Died. Fireballs are raining down on the planet and Mon-El and the Prince are running. They find a Kryptonian Ship that some dead emissaries left behind. Mon-El insists that the Prince escape in it but the Prince admits he cannot fly it. Mon-El gets in to pre-program the destination and then the Prince shut him in because he’s wounded and wants to go down with his planet.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E13 – Just A-ing around.

by Samantha August 25, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she’s out on bail for murder she’s not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.

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The OC S03 E23 – Why are teenagers so dramatic? Because they aaargh!

by Dim January 7, 2016 Season 3
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Hi everyone, time for the potted history of The OC and me- I LOVE this show! At age 17, this was my life. I laughed, I cried, I flunked my AS levels due to bingeing on the boxsets instead of studying. I even wrote an article about it for my school magazine entitled “The OC: why we’ve all gone Obsessive Compulsive over Orange County.” I’m actually not allowed to watch any of the dramatic episodes, or the final episode, because I cry so much that my sister always rushes in from wherever she is to see if I’ve finally impaled myself on one of the glass swans that my parents are so fond of. (I’m very clumsy, it could happen.)

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Twilight Chapter 04 – Premonitions of RAGE

by Kirsti October 6, 2015 Books
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Continuing on from yesterday’s total lack of a cliffhanger, Bella tells us all about her Edward dream. In it, “what dim light there was seemed to be radiating from Edward’s skin.” Because he glows as well as sparkling, apparently. Oh. Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyway, Dream!Edward continually walks away from Bella no matter what she does. LOL.

Marines: I’m going to go ahead and call a red flag on dreams of your crush glowing in the dark and running away from you. Also WHAT THE CHEATERY, SKIN-GLOWING NARRATION HELL? Is Bella a prophet? Please just tell this Snow if the answer is yes so I can stop asking HOW SHE KNOWS SO MUCH. 

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Doctor Who S03 E08 – The single heart life.

by Kirsti September 16, 2015 Doctor Who
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Martha and the Doctor burst into the TARDIS, explosions following them. The Doctor asks frantically if “they” saw Martha’s face. She insists that they couldn’t have. They set off through time and space, but the unnamed “they” follows, thanks to some stolen technology. The Doctor looks panicky as he realises “they” can follow him anywhere. “I’ll have to do it,” he says. He grabs a pocket watch and waves it at Martha, saying that his life depends on it. He talks directly into the camera as he starts to say more about the watch.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E22 – Pacey in formalwear.

by DemocracyDiva August 6, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Joey and Dawson walk-and-talk about finals. They arrive at the Leery Manor porch, and Dawson starts word-vomiting about some pact. Apparently they agreed to go to junior prom together many moons ago, and Dawson insists they should go, but he says “as friends” so many times that I’m positive he’s full of shit.

Kirsti: I’m not sure whether I’m more horrified that Dawson’s making such a huge deal of JUNIOR PROM or that he’s holding Joey to a promise she made over two years ago. Either way, DUDE, NO.

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The OC S03 E10 – Convoluted fundraising

by Alex June 25, 2015 Season 3
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I should confess right now that I haven’t been keeping up with the OC recaps at all, so I have absolutely no idea what’s happening on the show at the moment. I thought I had watched all of Season 3 when it first aired, but there were people in the previouslies that I didn’t recognise at all, so I’m going to have to just wing it.

From the title I know that this is a Chrismukkah episode, but we open with a bunch of shots of a very sunny OC which just seems wrong to me, typing this just after Christmas while wrapped in a blanket watching the snow fall outside.

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Segue Magic: OMG. PROM.

by Marines May 4, 2015 Segue Magic
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It’s prom season for those of our friends who have the misfortune of still being in high school. On the bright side: prom must mean you’re almost done with high school!

I’m mostly kidding except for the part where I strongly disliked high school and maybe am not kidding.

Anyway, we figured we’d get in on the timely topic action and ask you all what fictional prom or school dance you’d attend and who would be your date. Check out the video responses below:

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Gotham S01 E20 – Poor Life Choices

by Alex May 2, 2015 Gotham
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Bruce is hanging around under a bridge. Some dodgy guy tries to start on him, but Selina appears and scares him away. She went back to check on Reggie, whose definitely-dead body has now been found by the cops. Bruce gets teary and asks why she did it. Selina yells back that she saved his life by killing Reggie, because otherwise this Bunderslaw guy would have found out what they were up to. Bruce suggests that they go check out Bunderslaw’s safe at the office to find out what he’s hiding, and Selina agrees to help after making him promise not to tell anyone what happened to Reggie.

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The OC S03 E04 – I Hear Poor People Theme Bad

by Katie April 6, 2015 Season 3
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I wanted to start off this recap by reminding readers, or telling those new to The O.C., that you have to look at Season 3 as the darkness before the dawn. Hang in there, because Season 4 is going to be SO much better. Too bad Season 3 scared away all the viewers and the show got canceled after the fourth season.

The core four drive up to Newport Union High School. Seth exposits that this is Newport’s answer to public education. Marissa, you see, having been kicked out of Harbor and left penniless by Caleb’s death, is now forced to endure the indignity of PUBLIC school.

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The OC S02 E23 – Ignoring Advice

by Ryan March 6, 2015 Season 2
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Hello! Deciding to guest write for Snark Squad was a slightly terrifying choice to make (all that EFFORT!), but it should be fun. My background with the OC only goes back to September of 2012 with SS’s first OC post, so this show is all new to me. Onto the craziness!

After the previouslies we fade into nighttime with Seth going into the pool house to wake up/bother Ryan. Or I guess it’s more to scare him awake because Ryan shoots up pretty quickly.

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The OC S02 E20 – Cheater-feels

by Jessica B March 3, 2015 Season 2
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Cohen Kitchen: Eating cereal before school in ironed shirts and perfectly styled hair. Sure, I’ll go with this. Seth and Ryan are discussing the night before when someone almost drowned in a pool. Ryan claims that although Trey confessed, he couldn’t possibly be a drug dealer and he understands all about the desire to “save Marissa Cooper”. Seth seems to think it’s something in their DNA, much like oddly styled hair. I don’t know much about this show, I suspect because I was heavily invested in Desperate Housewives during this time period (a choice I stand behind after watching this episode). But I do know I have always intensely disliked Marissa Cooper. So I have instant dislike for Ryan and his Marissa-saving brother.

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The OC S02 E19 – Coffee drinking drinking game

by Rachel March 2, 2015 Season 2
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Sandy’s having his morning coffee, thinking about what kind of bagel he feels like this morning. Ryan’s brother, Trey, also recognized as “NOT Gavin DeGraw” walks into the kitchen. Today’s the day! Today’s the day Trey moves out of the Cohen commune and into his own place. Sandy’s all like “PRAISE! I have enough troubled youth on my hands, but call me if you need anything.” Trey’s like, “Nah, I’m ok. You guys have done too much for me already. Not many people would take in an ex-con; Ryan’s lucky to have you.”

BROTHER BURN.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E11 – ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

by Sweeney October 28, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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At Rosewood High School for Processing your Stalkers, the Pretty Little Liars recap the last episode for us – the squatter in the DiLaurentis crawlspace and CeCe blaming all of these then-14-year-olds  for getting her 21-year-old ass kicked out of college.

Marines: I feel it’s my obligation to say that one of the girls say that napping isn’t living, which is just more proof that they are doing life wrong.

Sweeney: We just need to sit them all down and have a chat.

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Veronica Mars S02 E17 – Felixback

by Marines October 24, 2014 Season 2
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Welcome dear friends. We’ve been a little less than consistent with these recaps in the last week or two, just due to crazy IRL schedules. Veronica recaps tend to take me longer than most, too, so unfortunately they suffer when things get hectic. Sincere apologies and on we go!

We open up in a classroom at Neptune High where a cheery teacher announces that Logan is the winner of Steven Guttenberg’s essay contest on freedom. The teacher hangs up the essay in case anyone wants to read it. The bell rings and Veronica makes a beeline for the essay. She reads over a sentence or two and sasses back over to Logan. She quotes a bit of Logan’s essay, but actually, she’s quoting “Easy Rider,” which Logan made her watch while they were dating. She’s on to his plagiarizing ways.

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