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Big Book of Villain Gloating

Doctor Who S04 E13 – Standing in the rain

by Kirsti October 5, 2016 Doctor Who
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We ended last episode thinking a lot of people might die: Sarah Jane was facing Daleks, the Torchwood team was facing Daleks and the Doctor started to regenerate. After a DOO WEE OOH (K: Officially the most epic cast list of EVER), we join the Doctor as he shoots his regeneration ejaculation into the canister with his hand in it. Rose, Jack and Donna look at the Doctor like WTF.

Sarah Jane is saved by the sudden appearance of Mickey Smith (!!) and Jackie Tyler (!!), who are both carrying big guns and make quick work of the Dalek.

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Supergirl S01 E12 – I doomed the ship.

by Samantha March 9, 2016 Season 1
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This episode begins Three Months Ago at Lord Technologies. Carlisle Lord enters his creepy room where he’s creepily keeping the Jane Doe. A doctor is looking her over and Carlisle Maxwell strokes her hair, like a creep. Did you know that I find this creepy? (M: Only because I’m good at subtext.) He hits a button and black liquid flows through her IV, while anxious espionage music plays. She starts coughing and seizing and then her eyes open, black, as we’ve seen them before.  Then Maxwell Carlisle does the “She’s alive!” Dr. Frankenstein bit.

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Supergirl S01 E10 – A single bite of pizza.

by Catherine February 15, 2016 Season 1
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Since we’re so late on posting this, I’ll let you all know that in the previouslies we’re reminded that Jimmy thinks Maxwell Carlisle is planning a counter-move against the Kryptonians, Astra is still evil, and Winn is still a garbage dick. Oh, and Hank is Martian Manhunter.

I honestly can’t remember if any of this is even relevant to the episode but only because this episode sucked so much that I immediately blocked it out after I was done watching.

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Supernatural S05 E01 – Go read your books elsewhere.

by Samantha November 21, 2015 Season 5
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Hi everyone! I’m crazy excited to be joining in with the Supernatural recaps! I’m in Kirsti’s “Jon Know” neck of the woods. I have super Winchester brothers love and feels, while also the major acknowledgment that this show and the boys can be incredibly misogynistic and frustrating. I, uh, also own a necklace with Dean’s face on it, because I’ve been in love with him since 2007. So. Just getting the embarrassing outta the way at the gate. And without further ado, lets start Season 5!

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Doctor Who S03 E13 – Rebellion Magic

by Marines November 11, 2015 Doctor Who
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We head straight into DOO WEE OOOH after the previouslies, and then a title card lets us know that this episode picks up one year after the previous one. A man standing on a beach signals to a row boat that is approaching the shore with a lamp. Martha gets off the boat and runs up to the man. She asks his name (Tom Milligan) and but he doesn’t need to ask for hers: she’s the famous Martha Jones. He asks how long it’s been since she’s been in Britain. 365 days. “It’s been a long year.”

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Doctor Who S03 E12 – Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

by Kirsti October 31, 2015 Doctor Who
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An alleyway somewhere in London. “VOTE SAXON” posters are plastered all over the walls. A blue swirly vortex appears and out pop Jack, Martha and the Doctor, courtesy of Jack’s wrist cuff. They all immediately make NYARGH-y sounds because time travel without a capsule is horrible. Jack’s impressed that they made it to the right place and the right time, but the Doctor says “That wasn’t luck. That was me.

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Twilight Chapter 22 – “Your vampire boyfriend gave me side-eye, prepare to die!”

by Annie October 27, 2015 Books
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This chapter opens with so many clunky sentences that my brain hurts. Basically, Bella is telling us that she’s afraid to be in the same room with Alice because she’s afraid Alice will guess. What Bella is afraid of Alice guessing? I have no fucking clue, she doesn’t tell us.

Marines: It’s really kind of sad how transparent it is that Stephenie is using every ploy to drag this whole climax out. She’s even telling us about how the minutes are “ticking even more slowly than usual” and using those nonsensical ellipses… in the middle of sentences.

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Charmed S02 E18 – Character Crushes

by Marines October 2, 2015 Charmed
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At the manor, Prue is taking “artistic” photos of Piper, who’s moping by the window and watching Dan come home alone like one of those sad, loser single people. Prue tells her to cheer up because Leo is in town for dinner and a movie. Oh boy, I can’t wait. It’s her first real date with Leo as a normal couple, although I’m not entirely sure why since she’s still a witch and he’s a Whitelighter again, but sure, whatever.

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Doctor Who S03 E05 – Is that a human Dalek or are you just happy to see me?

by Marines August 5, 2015 Doctor Who
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The supremely phallic Human Dalek announces that all of the humans in attendance will soon also increase their facial phallicness 1000%. The Doctor sneaks away as the Coverall Pigs step forward to apprehend people. “Happy Days Are Here Again” starts playing and everyone gets real confused. Phallic Human Dalek asks what that sound is and the Doctor peaks out to say he did it. He’s got a radio in his hands. The Daleks immediately cry EXTERMINATE, but Phallic Human Dalek stops them. All he says is, “wait!” though, so we don’t get a reason as to why they are leaving the Doctor still alive. Just wait.

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Supernatural S04 E09 – Summer lovin’

by Kirsti July 8, 2015 Season 4
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First things first, friends. I was a teenager in the 90s, so obviously all I can think of when I see this episode title is this:

We should really #snarkathon that, now that I think of it.

Marines: Not a bad idea. I’ll remind you of this when it’s your turn to wake up stupid early on Sunday to lead one again.

K: Thank you.

We open at a mental hospital. A girl named Anna stares spacily out the window as she’s informed that she’s in a mental hospital.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E15 – Remember this?

by Kirsti June 15, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Remember that whole thing from AN ENTIRE SEASON AGO where Joey was into art? Yeah. Apparently she’s into art again, because she’s painting a mural on a wall at school. She’s also borrowed Buffy’s Overalls of Overall Sadness. (D: Between this and the tabula rasa” reference later in the episode, I’m considering this two #crossovermagic episodes in a row.) (K: Motion carried.) Pacey walks up and smiles at her fondly. I flail a little. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says he’s hoping he’ll absorb some of her genius by osmosis or something. Joey joins the dots and realises that he’s been kicked out of home again. Pacey says that his eldest sister has left her husband and moved home, along with her small screaming children. Oof.

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Supernatural S04 E05 – One, two, three monsters ah ah ah

by Kirsti June 4, 2015 Season 4
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Yes, that title is a terrible attempt at sounding like the Count from Sesame Street. First things first: this post has almost no gifs because 90% of the gifs for this episode are of one particular scene, and I’m sure when we get there you’ll guess what it is.

Marines: I’ll help the cause by adding this in response to the lack of gifs:

K: Bless you.

We open in black and white with an old school Warner Brothers logo. That’s followed by 1940s style put-everything-at-the-start style movie credits accompanied by monster movie style music. (M: FUN WITH CREDITS, MY FAVORITE.)

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Doctor Who S03 E01 – Six days on Tumblr

by Marines June 3, 2015 Doctor Who
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I’ve already said plenty that this is the series I’m most looking forward to revisiting because I suspect my feelings will be different on rewatch. I’m keeping my mind open, friends. The Rose-era has passed and onward we go.

Busy London street. Freema Agyeman is back, you guys, and she’s walking along. She gets a call from her sister who insists that their father is going mental and Freema has to do something about it. Next, her brother rings (and thankfully calls her Martha, getting that out of the way) and says that he didn’t even want a party and if their parents are going to fight about it, they can just give him the money. I tried this tactic for my Quinceañera and I’m still waiting on that money, bro.

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Gotham S01 E22 – 0% sense

by Marines May 14, 2015 Gotham
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WE MADE IT. Dear God we made it.

More feelings soon, recap first: we start with Selina actually outside, without a home, probably because it will be plot convenient shortly. She’s warming her hands by a trash can fire when she spots across the Gotham river (sea? lake? IDK.) Fish standing at the front of a boat. IDK how the boat got involved after the helicopter, but OKAY. She looks like the Reaper because she’s coming to bring death! But no worries for us because it’s probably only to her one season long contract. #nonspoileryspoilers

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Gotham S01 E21 – Failure to Emote

by Alex May 4, 2015 Gotham
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Oh hey. It’s me again, reviewing a Gotham episode for the third time this week. What can I say? The prospect of the season finale next week gave me a renewed sense of purpose. That, and the desire to be done with this show forever and ever.

Marines: She kept asking, “want me to do the next one?” and the answer was always yes. Yes forever.

Alex: So. It’s morning at Christian/Milo/Ogre’s apartment and rather than away screaming when she saw the murder chamber last night, Barbara instead spent the night there having lots and lots of sex.

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