snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

fun with foreshadowing

After Chapter 23 – If you can’t say vagina, you can’t have vagina.

by Marines March 7, 2017 After
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Tessa meets with Landon to study. She tells us that it took her an hour to organize all her notes after Hardin threw them around LIKE A DICK. I’m convinced that you can add LIKE A DICK to any action Hardin takes and it’s 100% accurate. (S: This shall be fun.) Tessa wants to tell Landon about it but “I don’t want him to think badly of me.” Ummmmm, why would he think badly of you after some jerk threw around your stuff? (S: Yup, this reeks of victim blaming mentality.)

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A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E01 – Not better than nothing.

by Marines January 15, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
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This show is based on some books I read many, many moons ago. I remember them vaguely. I also paid actual money to see the movie adaptation in theaters. That I remember more clearly. So, here we are.

Samantha: I read and loved these books too. I remember them well and push them at the children who come into my library all the time. “Terrible stuff happens to these kids but the fun is seeing how they take care of each other and think their way out!”

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 02 – Open-eyed kissing

by Annie January 3, 2017 Books
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We open this chapter with Bella and Edward whinging about having to be apart between ‘hot’ makeout sessions. Bella tells us how hard it is for her to remember Edward is a vampire. Not because he’s so perfect and wonderful, but because he shows such restraint for not ripping her throat out and drinking all her delicious blood until she’s dead, dead, dead. (K: Shame.)

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Gilmore Girls S01 E03 – It’s never just golf.

by Samantha December 5, 2016 Gilmore Girls
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Okay, so lets get this third episode party started! I’m your host, Samantha “Bubbles” Spice, and am an already avid GG junkie. Let’s have some fun!

We kick things off at a Friday Night Dinner. Emily and Richard are listing off the various cooks they’ve had since Heidi, the last one that Lorelai remembers hearing about. Richard mixes up a cook named Anton and one named Sophia, which Lorelai can’t let go because “one is a man and one is a woman.” Maybe they don’t identify that way Lorelai, you don’t know.

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After Chapter 14 – Hardin is not Darcy.

by Samantha November 15, 2016 After
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We have made it all the way to Friday and Tessa is excited about spending her evening watching movies, as Steph will be at a party. I just had a flash of prognostication and this will not be how Tessa’s evening goes. She stops by a cafe and the pink haired girl from the party greets her! Oh no!

Tessa somehow remembers her name is Molly and is super rude to her.

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Supernatural S05 E13 – A sucker for those Winchester feels.

by Samantha March 16, 2016 Season 5
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So, I start off pumped because I love the Supernatural time travel episodes. Then I immediately sigh because we open with Dean sitting in a chair watching two girls, dressed as a devil and an angel, sexy dancing to the song Cherry Pie. It’s kind of awkward to be watching this in a public cafe, so I fast forward a wee bit. (K: Legit.) The girls go away and are replaced by Anna! Remember her? The angel girl? I always liked her. She awkwards that this is what Dean dreams about and he asks why she’s crashing his dreams.

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Supernatural S05 E07 – Dean is Hamiltrash.

by Samantha January 27, 2016 Season 5
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We open with a woman on the couch reading one of those trashy magazines that declares the Apocolypse here. A man comes in the front door and she greets him but he just runs straight upstairs. He heads into the bathroom all sweaty and panicked. He looks into the mirror as his skin begins to wrinkle and his hair falls out. He turns into an old old man and collapses into a cabinet. (K: It’s very…Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)

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Supergirl S01 E09 – I am not okay with this.

by Samantha January 25, 2016 Season 1
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The episode picks up right where the last episode ended. Supergirl and Non go busting through the ceiling of Lord Technologies and begin to duke it out in the sky. They’re briefly interrupted by an airplane RUDELY flying in the middle of their fight but they carry on by smashing into the ground. Non has Supergirl in a chokehold and tells Supergirl that she’s as weak as any human. Hank comes out with a blaster gun thing and Non drops Kara to go after Hank. Is this a good time to ask what they wanted with Lord Technologies in the first place?

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The OC S03 E23 – Why are teenagers so dramatic? Because they aaargh!

by Dim January 7, 2016 Season 3
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Hi everyone, time for the potted history of The OC and me- I LOVE this show! At age 17, this was my life. I laughed, I cried, I flunked my AS levels due to bingeing on the boxsets instead of studying. I even wrote an article about it for my school magazine entitled “The OC: why we’ve all gone Obsessive Compulsive over Orange County.” I’m actually not allowed to watch any of the dramatic episodes, or the final episode, because I cry so much that my sister always rushes in from wherever she is to see if I’ve finally impaled myself on one of the glass swans that my parents are so fond of. (I’m very clumsy, it could happen.)

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Doctor Who S04 E01 – Adorable fat

by Marines January 7, 2016 Doctor Who
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DONNA THE TOTAL BEST is wearing a business suit and walking purposefully through a busy street. The Doctor is walking in the opposite direction. They both end up in front of the same building: Adipose Industries.

Donna walks in the main entrance and the Doctor sonics his way through a back door. Donna flashes an ID to a security guard and says she’s from Health and Safety. The Doctor does the same, flashing his psychic paper. Neither of the guards these two encounter look particularly interested anyway.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E03 – #fortyshadowing

by DemocracyDiva December 3, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High. You can probably tell from the title of this episode that the topic of discussion is Two Gentlemen of Verona, because subtlety is not this show’s forte. Anyway, Drue (why is this the spelling of his name, show? why?) (K: SERIOUSLY) is disgusting and weird and creepy towards Joey. Dawson and Joey answer questions about the play that are really about their love triangle with Pacey. Drue suggests that Joey and Dawson prepare a formal debate on the play, because he’s the actual worst. The teacher agrees, because teachers always let 17-year-olds assign each other projects and dictate lesson plans. At least the teacher makes Drue participate as well.

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Twilight Chapter 07 – Web searching like it’s 1999.

by Catherine October 9, 2015 Books
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Pop quiz time everyone!

This chapter starts out by revealing Bella’s feelings about basketball.

Does she:

a) Hate it

b) not care about it

or c) she’s the worst.

Did you guess? That’s right! The answer is she’s fucking the worst and all of the above.

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Game of Thrones S05 E04 – Bring back Gendry.

by DemocracyDiva June 6, 2015 Game of Thrones
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The previouslies take us all the way back to Season 1, with King Robert asking Ned why he had to bury his sister/Robert’s betrothed Lyanna in Winterfell and placing a feather in Lyanna’s statue’s hands. We see Littlefinger telling Sansa about her worst marriage prospect yet (M: We remember this part, show.) (S: But would it really be Game of Thrones without a little twisting of the knife?), the Margaery vs. Cersei battle for Tommen’s affections, Loras being gay and beautiful (M: We remember this part for sure.), Cersei teaming up with the High Sparrow, Ellaria Sand trying to convince the Dornish Prince Doran to avenge his brother Oberyn, the Sons of the Harpy murdering everyone in Meereen, and oh yeah, Ser Jorah kidnapped Tyrion and is taking him to “the queen.” Ah, but which queen?

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Doctor Who S02 E11 – Paper jail

by Marines May 9, 2015 Doctor Who
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We start with bright blue sky, cheery music, a banner proclaiming the 2012 London Olympics and even some houses with little Union flags in the windows. It reminds me of when Kirsti was last in the US and astounded by the number of flags we fly. #Merica

K: TRUE. Y’all need to back off on the flags. It’s RIDICULOUS. I have yet to see any private residence in Australia flying the Australian flag. Wait. Maybe the posh place with a freaking turret near my cousin’s old high school that usually flies a pirate flag puts up the Australian flag for Australia Day? IDK IDK.

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Gotham S01 E15 – Butter knife coup

by Alex March 4, 2015 Gotham
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It’s a stormy night in Gotham. (M: WHAT?! It’s usually so bright and cheery.) A random guy with white hair arrives home to his Generic Gotham Apartment and grumbles about the wind blowing through an open window. He goes to shut it, but two guys in hoodies appear and grab him as he screams in terror.

Fish wakes up on the floor in some kind of prison, dashing my hopes that her leaving Gotham the city for a while also meant she would be leaving Gotham the show. Sigh. She asks the friendly-looking guy nearby if she’s dreaming, and he replies that he hopes so. Two scary-looking thugs saunter over, chuckling to themselves.

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