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Designated Survivor S01 E08 – Barely not vomitting.

by Dani Denatti January 18, 2017 Designated Survivor
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I take full responsibility for getting us behind on this show. Between the December blues and life, this fell to the bottom of my list. The good news is that there are no new episodes until March so we have time to play catch up! Also, the still of this episode on the ABC app is Leo looking as whiny as Conor from Angel.

Dani: That alone would have derailed my motivation.

Marines: I already watched this episode but that description makes me wish I could unwatch it.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E08 – Karma chameleon

by Kirsti August 18, 2016 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High, first thing in the morning. Everyone wanders around yawning until some random kid runs into the middle of the hall and starts yelling that everyone has to see what’s happened to the swimming pool. I guess Capeside High has a swimming pool now. Cool. Everyone runs after him and giggles hysterically as the camera pans across to show us that there’s a sailboat sitting in the middle of the pool with “CLASS OF 2001” written on the sail, and a golden retriever on board. It’s the principal’s boat and the principal’s dog, and he’s pretty pissed about it. Amusingly, the pissy principal is played by Harry Shearer, better known as the voice of Principal Skinner, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Ned Flanders, and half the other characters on The Simpsons.

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Supernatural S05 E11 – Here are some gifs.

by Samantha March 2, 2016 Season 5
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We open at a psychiatric hospital where a woman patient sits in the doctor’s office. He asks why she refuses to take her medication and she says that they make her sleepy and if she sleeps the monster will come. The doctor is all “yeah, but this monster is just a symptom of the schizophrenia that you have, let me describe it to you.” Susan says that she knows what she is, she can see her dead son, but this monster is real and killed Annie. He keeps psycho babbling and refuses to believe.

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Supernatural S05 E09 – The facial expressions win the episode.

by Samantha February 20, 2016 Season 5
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The boys are burning rubber in the Impala as dramatic music plays. They pull up to a hotel and hurry out of the car when Dean double takes because there are several other ’67 Chevy Impala’s in the parking lot, exactly like Baby. Sam tells him to hurry up and we see Chuck pacing outside of the hotel. They hurry over to him and he seems super confused as to why they’re there. Sam is all “You sent me a text, bro and said it was life or death.” Chuck denies this and Dean is pissed because they drove all night. Realization seems to hit Chuck’s face and he oh nos. We hear Becky’s OMG voice say, “Sam!” and squealing. She runs up and Sam remembers her name which causes her to almost orgasm. Dean eye rolls hard and Becky says that Sam seems to have been thinking about her.

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Twilight Chapter 23 – Beautiful sounds of murder

by Catherine October 28, 2015 Books
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This is the shortest chapter in the book, everyone! It’s so short that there are only 60 or 70 dashes and only about 100 commas. Okay, that may be inaccurate, I didn’t actually count.

Marines: Fake accuracy is what we can guarantee here on this site. You are welcome.

Kirsti: On the first page – which is really only half a page – there are fifteen commas, two dashes and a semi-colon. Extrapolate as you see fit.

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Doctor Who S03 E04 – What’s with the pigs?

by Kirsti July 8, 2015 Doctor Who
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Gatsby-esque Manhattan. A bunch of showgirls in glittery devil outfits run around backstage at a theatre preparing for the show. One raps on the dressing room of the star – Tallulah – to give her the two minute warning. Tallulah – dressed as an angel – is making out with her boyfriend, Lazlo. He makes her promise to come to Sunday lunch because his mother wants to meet her. Tallulah freaks a little, but Lazlo insists his mother will love her. Ha. Hahaha. Okay, Lazlo. Whatevs.

Marines: I hope this is the thing you find most unbelievable in this entire episode. 

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How To Get Away With Murder S01 E10 – We’re all in this together.

by DemocracyDiva February 12, 2015 How to Get Away With Murder
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Welcome back to Shondaland! Let’s see if the new year has brought us some new love for these characters. Probs not, though.

Marines: I like that you at least mentioned the possibility! That’s positive.

Diva: I try.

We begin, as we always should, with a stripped-down, natural Annalise in front of the mirror. This is already so much better than any episode that starts with the murder!bonfire. The Voiceover Police question Annalise about why she thinks her husband murdered Lila. She explains that he’s “missing.”

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E08 – Schmaltzy meh

by DemocracyDiva February 2, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Jen and Pacey are having a domestic moment, grocery shopping and arguing about what to cook for Thanksgiving at Grams’s, which is conveniently ruining their sex-buddies situation. Pacey blames Jen for the fact that this situation has not actually happened yet, and she just kinda laughs at his foreplay, which, RUDE. Then Jen comes up with the brilliant idea to do it immediately before/during/after the Grams Turkey Day God Fest ’99.

Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don’t even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be…) (D: I’m thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.) 

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E06 – This is some serious horseshit.

by DemocracyDiva January 22, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it’s refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her “alternative” vibe is what’s drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her “exquisite breasts” to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.

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Dawson’s Creek S02 E16 – More gay than ever

by DemocracyDiva October 13, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine O’Spielberg. Pacey has run right over because Dawson is in panic mode. It’s mere minutes away from Dawson’s sixteenth birthday, and Dawson thinks he is still as useless a human being as he was a year ago. Yup. Definitely true.

Kirsti: SO TRUE OMG.

Diva: Dawson waves around a bloody prop hand (that’s not British slang – it actually has fake blood on it) as he wonders why he has gotten nowhere in the last year. Maybe it has something to do with your room looking like a murder crime scene? Dawson says that all he did in the last year was figure out his feelings for Joey, and she dumped him for a gay guy.

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Dawson’s Creek S02 E14 – Put it on LiveJournal.

by DemocracyDiva October 6, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine O’Spielberg. Jack has made a perfect scaled exact replica of Capeside for Dawson to use in his movie. It looks like something that would take months to do, but sure, let’s pretend he just did this over the weekend!

Kirsti: Come on, Diva. We’ve already established that time moves differently in Capeside. Given that Dawson and Joey’s first kiss seemed to last for like six months when the seasons are taken into consideration, Jack’s probably had tons of time! 

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Dawson’s Creek S02 E13 – Unrelated giffage

by Kirsti October 2, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine o’ Spielberg. Dawson flails over the fact that he and Joey have made it through their first post-break up movie night while Joey drinks Diet Coke because sponsorship is important. She makes noises about leaving, but he wants her to help him pick the actress who’ll play Sammy (read: loosely disguised Joey) in his new shitty movie. Joey suggests finding someone who can make the role less like her, but Dawson’s all “LOL NOPE”. She’s surprised by how okay he is about everything between them, and he says that as she’s dating Jack and has clearly moved on, he can let go. This makes her sad panda and I headdesk. She leaves.

I DON’T WANNA WAIT.

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The OC S01 E19 – Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

by Alex September 1, 2014 Season 1
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It’s morning at the Cohen house. Sandy is fetching himself some juice when he gets shot in the face with a foam dart. The shooter is Kirsten, and shooting him in the face was her way of wishing him a happy Valentine’s Day. Sandy is unimpressed, not only because he just took a dart to the face before he’d even got his breakfast, but also because Valentine’s day isn’t actually until tomorrow.

Sweeney: That before breakfast is serious. Don’t fucking talk to me, let alone SHOOT DARTS AT MY FACE before I’ve had breakfast.

Lorraine: I’ve never seen Kirsten this excited. Maybe about wine that one time she was drunk, but that was less excited and more, well, drunk.

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Angel S04 E08 – Broody stares

by Marines January 7, 2014 Angel
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It’s still raining hell fire. Angel turns away from where he’s been watching Cordy and Connor… You know. He takes out his legit anger out on a nearby door. There is lots of off screen angry grunting and punching.

Sweeney: This is our way of letting you know that you missed nothing when you were leaning over dry heaving.

Kirsti: Seriously, all you missed was a dude in need of anger management therapy.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer S06 E11 – Worse.

by Marines October 14, 2013 Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Here’s a confession: Buffy is currently super depressing and weird so I haven’t exactly been looking forward to spending 2-3 hours with an episode. Alas. The only way to get on the other side of season 6 is to do the damn thing, so here we go. But first, here, an adorable puppy gif. Have warm feelings:

Sweeney: That’s so amazing and precious and I hope you have plans to do this again at the end because that’s when I tend to feel most in need of a cute animal gif.

K: A+ and 1430, Lor. Puppies make everything better.

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