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I hear poor people smell bad

Eclipse Chapter 21 – Angry moisture

by Marines August 24, 2016 Books
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Bella wakes up and describes what the sky is doing, and I’m telling you just in case you maybe forgot that is a thing Meyer does in 90% of her chapters. Edward leaves Bella alone so she can get dressed and she tells us that she’s thankful for this moment to think. I guess the down side of having your boyfriend around every waking moment and, hey, also around watching you sleep is that you feel like you never have a chance to think.

Annie: Edward doesn’t want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.

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Game of Thrones S06 E07 – Long Live Princess Bearboss

by DemocracyDiva July 2, 2016 Game of Thrones
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Thanks for your patience, Snark Nation! Mari is traveling around the world, recruiting soldiers for the Great War to come, so Catherine and I are going to finish this season up on our own and probably hold each other while we sob. Right? Right.

Catherine: It’s so likely that I’m upgrading it from a probably to a definitely. Get ready to emotionally suffer! 

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The OC S04 E03 – Crazy Eyebrow Man to the Rescue!

by Katie June 4, 2016 Season 4
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Orange County is pretty! That’s how we open before settling in on the Cohen home, where Kirsten exposits that Ryan hasn’t spoken to them in days. Sandy says he’s not worried about Ryan not talking to the two of them, but he is concerned that Ryan’s still ignoring Seth.

Meanwhile, Ryan’s on the phone with Julie, who’s pouting about Sandy and Kirsten uninviting her from Thanksgiving. Kirsten and Sandy are discussing this as well, and Sandy says sending their kids on a murder mission knocks you off the guest list.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E03 – #fortyshadowing

by DemocracyDiva December 3, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High. You can probably tell from the title of this episode that the topic of discussion is Two Gentlemen of Verona, because subtlety is not this show’s forte. Anyway, Drue (why is this the spelling of his name, show? why?) (K: SERIOUSLY) is disgusting and weird and creepy towards Joey. Dawson and Joey answer questions about the play that are really about their love triangle with Pacey. Drue suggests that Joey and Dawson prepare a formal debate on the play, because he’s the actual worst. The teacher agrees, because teachers always let 17-year-olds assign each other projects and dictate lesson plans. At least the teacher makes Drue participate as well.

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Sweet Valley High #015 “Promises” – Shared milk.

by Laura Shank December 1, 2015 Books
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Okay, here we go. I haven’t read a SVH book in about 15 years, but I do remember that I was slightly obsessed with Jessica because I am a complete and utter nerdy Elizabeth and I thought Jess was SO COOL DUDE.

Marines: If nothing else, I hope this experiment changes your mind about Jessica because that bitch is CRAZY.

Laura: One paragraph in, I’m immediately told the girls have large blue-green eyes! As if I could ever forget. And Tricia is dying, for realz this time.

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The OC S03 E19 – It Could Happen

by Alex November 4, 2015 Season 3
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I must preface this recap with my usual ‘I have no idea what’s going on’ disclaimer. I’ve done a few OC recaps now, but I haven’t kept up with what’s been happening between each one. I hope you find my confusion charming and endearing.

We kick things off at a nightclub. Summer and Seth are watching Ryan and some girl… wait, is that Rosalie from Twilight? It totally is! Weird. OK, I’ve looked her up and her name is Sadie.

Marines: She’s been around for a few episodes but every time I see her face, I go “wait, is that Rosalie from Twilight..?!” Weird forever.

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Grey Chapter 11 – Symbolic Bullshit

by Alex September 15, 2015 Books
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Before we get started on this chapter, I’d like to thank Mari for picking up chapter 9 (the sex contract chapter) while I was completely swamped with finishing my masters degree. However, I’ve kind of screwed myself over, because now I have to cover this extremely long chapter instead. Come back, sex contract! All is forgiven! (Not really).

Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.

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Supernatural S04 E13 – Back to school

by Kirsti August 15, 2015 Season 4
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We open with a preppy blonde cheerleader uttering the words “She’s such a slut,” so that we can get our misogyny shots out of the way early. The jock next to her at the lunch table says he’s “pro-slut” (SHOTS!) and asks for further details. She provides them, then stops as the girl in question approaches the table and goes to sit in her usual spot. But LOL NOPE, society is the worst and all her friends fake-cough “SLUT!” at her until she storms off to sit at another table.

Marines: She can’t see it now, but it’s a better table, far from slut-shamers and almost equally as bad, people who would ever fake cough a word.

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Grey Chapter 07 – Sex idiot.

by Marines August 4, 2015 Books
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Hi, welcome back. Have a drink if you are playing along at home because Christian Grey just woke up with a start to start the chapter. This fine morning he’s experiencing a pervading sense of guilt.

“Is it because I’ve fucked Anastasia Steele? Virgin?”

I laughed for five solid minutes. Anastasia Steele: VIRGIN.

Grey checks the time so probably you should drink again. It’s after three in the morning and Ana is fast asleep. Grey says that his body “stirs” as he watches her and this is my mental image:

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The OC S03 E13 – Call me if you need weed!

by DemocracyDiva August 3, 2015 Season 3
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The previouslies are helping me remember how much I hated new!Kaitlin (BRING BACK SHAILENE WOODLEY) and the infuriating way she speaks like she’s got a permanent mouthful of cotton candy. I haven’t seen the previous episode in at least seven or so years, but it’s all coming back to me now.

Cohen House Breakfast Where Everyone Is Way Too Awake For Such An Early Hour But At Least There Are Bagels. Sandy’s big day involves building a hospital, a project he inherited from Caleb. Except they’re still competing with another firm to get the project, or something? Whatever, the important thing is that Sandy needs his lucky tie and Kirsten already got it cleaned for him because these two are an awesome team.

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Grey Chapter 04 – The smell of poverty in the morning.

by Marines July 14, 2015 Books
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A chapter is starting, so a character is waking up. Grey screams, “no!” and I find it oddly hilarious that EL tells us that the scream, “bounces off the bedroom walls and wakes [him] from [his] nightmare.” That rude scream bounces off the wall and probably bopped him on the head.

Grey wakes up and can still smell the “stale beer, cigarettes and poverty” from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we’re being facetious when we use the “I hear poor people smell bad” tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.

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The OC S03 E10 – Convoluted fundraising

by Alex June 25, 2015 Season 3
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I should confess right now that I haven’t been keeping up with the OC recaps at all, so I have absolutely no idea what’s happening on the show at the moment. I thought I had watched all of Season 3 when it first aired, but there were people in the previouslies that I didn’t recognise at all, so I’m going to have to just wing it.

From the title I know that this is a Chrismukkah episode, but we open with a bunch of shots of a very sunny OC which just seems wrong to me, typing this just after Christmas while wrapped in a blanket watching the snow fall outside.

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Grey Chapter 01 – Straight from the laundry.

by Marines June 23, 2015 Books
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The last actual book recap we posted went up in October of 2013. WHAT EVEN. I mean, sure, there were lots of series wrap-up posts, a trailer to dissect and a movie to die through, but still. It seems like only yesterday we were holding each other in the comments.

I sent out an email to the rest of the Snark Ladies asking if any of them loved me enough/hated their lives enough to recap along with me. Some of them will be popping in and out for one off things, but two brave souls volunteered as tributes: Alex and Jessica. Say hello ladies!

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E15 – Remember this?

by Kirsti June 15, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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Remember that whole thing from AN ENTIRE SEASON AGO where Joey was into art? Yeah. Apparently she’s into art again, because she’s painting a mural on a wall at school. She’s also borrowed Buffy’s Overalls of Overall Sadness. (D: Between this and the tabula rasa” reference later in the episode, I’m considering this two #crossovermagic episodes in a row.) (K: Motion carried.) Pacey walks up and smiles at her fondly. I flail a little. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says he’s hoping he’ll absorb some of her genius by osmosis or something. Joey joins the dots and realises that he’s been kicked out of home again. Pacey says that his eldest sister has left her husband and moved home, along with her small screaming children. Oof.

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The OC S03 E09 – Vicodin Love Confessions

by Marines June 11, 2015 Season 3
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Ryan is driving Johnny home from the hospital with Marissa and Seth along for the ride. Apparently this kid’s mom was like, “I’d like to see you discharged from the hospital but I gotta work.” Sweet.

There is a bit of an awkward moment about Johnny’s “poor people house” but it’s cool because Ryan comes from poorer and Marissa is poor now too. Poor can happen to anyone. (D: #snarksquadmottos) Johnny struggles a bit on his crutches while trying to climb the steps to his house. Marissa has free period at school so Ryan tells her to stay with Johnny and help him get settled. Seth starts to say something but Ryan cuts him off before he can. Johnny doesn’t have anyone and he trusts Marissa not to be a cheatery cheater. I’m sure this will end well.

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