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Designated Survivor S01 E02 – Stop picking on glasses, dammit.

by Marines October 6, 2016 Designated Survivor
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Hokay. So this episode starts out at the bombing site, still the night of. The head FBI guy, Atwood, tells Maggie Q to look into all the usual suspects and to heighten security. I’m taking a moment to tell you that the playback on the ABC website is shitty, and makes rewatching this episode difficult. Get it together, ABC.

Marines: They also play like 27 years worth of commercials. Get it together, THIS IS THE INTERNET.

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Eclipse Chapter 24 – Sashay away.

by Kirsti September 6, 2016 Books
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Bella’s face down on her sleeping bag. Edward strokes her knotty disgusting hair, and somehow she still knows that his hand is cold? (M: Like when you wash your hair with cold water. *cough*)  Whatever. She says that she wants to die, and I really want her to die too. (A: Me three!) Although frankly, after the abomination that was the last chapter, I want EVERYONE to die. But sadly, Edward says he’ll never let that happen. Um. So he’s NOT going to let anyone turn her into a vampire? What’s the point of this goddamn series then?! (C: Torture?) 

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BrainDead S01 E04 – Liberal Tourette’s

by Dani Denatti August 23, 2016 BrainDead
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We begin with the best previously song yet:

“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters… not the cat!”

Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.

Dani: (Shhhh…)

The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.

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The OC S04 E02 – Mexico is always a terrible idea

by Karina April 7, 2016 Season 4
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Ryan calls Julie while Seth wants to be connected to the pilot of a plane but no such luck because even Seth can’t bully himself into an airplane cockpit or something like that. After hanging up, Seth “accidentally” hears what Julie and Ryan are talking on the phone about – him and some investigation. (Can you tell I’m not completely up to date on my OC watching? Ahem.)

The two boys meet in the kitchen but Ryan is very withdrawn so Seth tries the direct approach of asking where Ryan is planning on going but no such luck. Seth doesn’t want to let Ryan go and find Vulture, so he gets in Ryan’s car instead refusing to leave his brother alone.

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New Moon Chapter 08 – “I got in a fight with Thor?”

by Kirsti March 10, 2016 Books
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After that fabulous curb hanger, Jake makes Bella prove that she knows how to use the motorbike by demanding to know where various controls are. After a FULL PAGE of that shit, he tells her that she’s ready to actually start moving. Obviously, she freaks the fuck out. He tells her to pretend the clutch is a live hand grenade so that she won’t let go of it????? This strategy would have me getting the fuck off the motorbike, but we all know that Bella’s nowhere near as smart as me.

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Supernatural S05 E01 – Go read your books elsewhere.

by Samantha November 21, 2015 Season 5
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Hi everyone! I’m crazy excited to be joining in with the Supernatural recaps! I’m in Kirsti’s “Jon Know” neck of the woods. I have super Winchester brothers love and feels, while also the major acknowledgment that this show and the boys can be incredibly misogynistic and frustrating. I, uh, also own a necklace with Dean’s face on it, because I’ve been in love with him since 2007. So. Just getting the embarrassing outta the way at the gate. And without further ado, lets start Season 5!

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Twilight Epilogue – Is this supposed to be cute?

by Marines October 30, 2015 Books
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What a ride, my friends. At this point I can’t tell if marathoning the book this way made things better or worse. Wait, I just decided: betterworse.

Catherine: It’s been kind of bittersweet in that it’s so much fun but also probably technically torture. IDK someone google The Geneva Conventions and get back to me. 

Kirsti: It was a lot of pain and rage to cram into one month. But I’m also not sure I would have wanted to drag it out over like 5 months if we’d done a chapter a week. So…yeah.

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Gotham S01 E20 – Poor Life Choices

by Alex May 2, 2015 Gotham
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Bruce is hanging around under a bridge. Some dodgy guy tries to start on him, but Selina appears and scares him away. She went back to check on Reggie, whose definitely-dead body has now been found by the cops. Bruce gets teary and asks why she did it. Selina yells back that she saved his life by killing Reggie, because otherwise this Bunderslaw guy would have found out what they were up to. Bruce suggests that they go check out Bunderslaw’s safe at the office to find out what he’s hiding, and Selina agrees to help after making him promise not to tell anyone what happened to Reggie.

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Doctor Who S02 E10 – Clom

by Kirsti April 29, 2015 Doctor Who
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We open on a guy with terrible bleached blond hair running through a quarry or gravel yard or some shit. IDK. He ends up by an industrial looking building, and stops when he sees the TARDIS. He walks slowly towards it, and music gets all floaty vocals and spookiness. He touches the TARDIS, then Rose yells out for the Doctor from somewhere off screen. Bad Hair Guy runs towards it. He ends up in a factory. Rose and the Doctor, both still off screen, yell at each other about where “he” has gone. Bad Hair Guy finds himself in a corridor with lots of doorways off it. There’s a pig-like grunting noise from somewhere, and he cautiously walks down the corridor. He pulls open a door and finds himself face to face with a giant spitty alien.

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Doctor Who S02 E06 – Cyberman rave parties

by Kirsti March 28, 2015 Doctor Who
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After the previouslies, we go straight to the credits, because why the fuck not. DOO WEE OOH.

After the credits, the Doctor aims a mystery thing at the Cybermen, and a beam of orange light bursts out. It hits one Cyberman and spreads to the others, kind of like how the Nazis die in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The Cybermen crumble to ash and everyone makes a run for it.

I cannot stop laughing over that gif. Conveniently, Driver pulls up in the blue van and everyone piles in. Except for A Pete, who makes a run for the house to rescue A Jackie.

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Veronica Mars S02 E20 – A little obstructing justice on a Friday night.

by Marines November 14, 2014 Season 2
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Veronica is at the doctor’s office and he’s telling her she has chlamydia. Veronica is in shock and says she has been sexually active but she finds it impossible that the guy, Duncan, could’ve infected her. The doctor levels her with a, “you think you know someone,” and tells her they can treat it with antibiotics. Veronica Voice Over takes us from there to Neptune High, saying that her grandma used to always say that when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. She wishes Grandma Reynolds were alive so she can ask what to do when life hands you chlamydia.

Sweeney: I like the idea that the mother of Lianne Reynolds would have been the sort of grandma that you could go to with your STD struggles. Makes sense.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E13 – Halloween(ish)

by Marines November 14, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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It’s kind of weird because episode 13 is generally the Halloween episode but no one has mentioned Halloween. Instead, the Liars are crashing the Ravenswood-party-that-requires-a-costume-and-is-also-in-a-graveyard. The girls are all, “WTF. Who throws a party in a graveyard?” and the answer is apparently, “Ravenswood” and not, “well, who goes to an Adam Lambert murder Halloween train party, GIRLS?” or “who actually attends a party in a graveyard.”

BUT ANY EXCUSE FOR GORGEOUS GIRLS IN COSTUME!

Sweeney: Gorgeous girls in gorgeous, elaborate period costumes. TV teenagers have the best closets.

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Doctor Who S01 E07 – A click of the fingers.

by Marines November 5, 2014 Doctor Who
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A TV screen (on my TV screen) is showing a news broadcast about solar flares. We pan away from it as we hear what my closed captioning describes as the “throbbing hum” of the TARDIS materializing. The Doctor and Rose disembark and he quickly gives her the lowdown: it’s 200,000 and they’ve landed on a space station. He points out a gate in the corner and tells Rose to start there.

Before she can start whatever in the over there (I’m being as vague as the teaser so far, not trying to write best selling erotica, FYI), Rose knocks on the TARDIS door and tells Adam to come on out.

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Gotham S01 E05 – This show thinks you’re stupid.

by Marines October 23, 2014 Gotham
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The general consensus around #gothamsnark this week seemed to be, “ugh, I have to watch Gotham now.” Let me just add, “UGH. I HAVE TO RECAP GOTHAM NOW.” More importantly, though, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING STILL.

Here’s to you:

Sweeney: Someone on Twitter (a) was confused by my watching this show and then (b) admired our dedication. A toast to all of us who see things through to the end even as it defies our own self-interest so blatantly.

Alex: Thirded. I am so touched (and only slightly confused) by everyone’s commitment to watching along with us. You guys are the best!

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How to Get Away with Murder S01 E04 – Who throws a shoe?

by DemocracyDiva October 19, 2014 How to Get Away With Murder
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We begin, again, on Murder Night. At 12 Grimmauld Place, we rehash the Michaela is beyond terrified/Connor is verbally abusive and manic/Laurel is trying to stay calm and be helpful/Wes is snuggling Rebecca dynamic. Wes says he needs to get Rebecca out of here while the rest of them go to the woods, since she of all people can’t be found there.

Then there’s an angry knock on the door and everyone panics. It’s Asher, and he is PISSED. Not because of murder!reasons, but because Michaela stole his trophy. They all pretend not to be home, except Connor, who starts cackling like a sociopath. It’s not funny, except when Asher yells, “Are you bitches seriously trying to ignore me right now?” That was weirdly hilarious.

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