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A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E03 – Everyone dies.

by Marines February 9, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
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Credits, which now allude to the fact that the Baudelaires are with Dr. Montgomery. The song tells us up front that this adult is also going to be bad at adulting, so cool. On the bright side, I didn’t know I could love these credits more, but they are CUSTOMIZED. I already know I want to rewatch all the credits once I finish the series and my memory is more fresh on what all the little tidbits are. (S: Agreed, this is a very exciting development.) (A: They were a little spoilery, but it brings me joy, so.)

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Supernatural S05 E11 – Here are some gifs.

by Samantha March 2, 2016 Season 5
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We open at a psychiatric hospital where a woman patient sits in the doctor’s office. He asks why she refuses to take her medication and she says that they make her sleepy and if she sleeps the monster will come. The doctor is all “yeah, but this monster is just a symptom of the schizophrenia that you have, let me describe it to you.” Susan says that she knows what she is, she can see her dead son, but this monster is real and killed Annie. He keeps psycho babbling and refuses to believe.

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Jessica Jones S01 E02 – Awkward ’cause of sex.

by Samantha January 4, 2016 Jessica Jones
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I love this shooooooooooow. Okay. We open with the Marvel logo and the pretty and disarming credits. I love how the music starts kind of low key and quaint and then builds into this more rock thing.

Credits over, Jessica Jones is sitting in a police interrogation room. A detective comes in and she tells him that she’s not sure how much more she can tell him. He comments on her tension and she’s basically like “Yeah. I watched people get murdered by an abused and controlled girl at the end of last episode. Of course I am.” He asks how she got in touch with the Shlottman’s and how she found Hope.

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Doctor Who S03 E10 – The littlest ship

by Kirsti September 23, 2015 Doctor Who
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I’m really curious to recap this episode, because it’s easily been one of my favourites up until now. (Which is odd because it’s written by Steven Moffat, and I’ve basically hated everything about his time as show runner…) But favourite things don’t always stand up to being watched incredibly slowly, so…we’ll see.

We open with CAREY MULLIGAN!!! climbing over a creepy fence into the grounds of a creepy house in the creepy rain accompanied by creepy music. There’s a “Danger: Keep Out” sign on the gate.

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Charmed S02 E17 – The horrors of being single.

by Marines September 19, 2015 Charmed
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A bunch of old women stand in a circle, calling on something named Cryto. One of the ladies has a little coughing fit, but she urges the others to keep chanting. Even though they’ve been at it for 15 minutes, she’s sure Cryto will show up.

Stephanie: Before we get any further can we just take a moment to go WTF at the weird Leatherfaceness of this episode’s title? 

Mari: Absolutely!

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Doctor Who S03 E09 – Bits and pieces

by Marines September 18, 2015 Doctor Who
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We start the episode right where the last one left off with Viserys Targaryen giving John Smith the ultimatum to either save Martha or Joan. John Smith is clearly at a loss, but in the background Latimer (baby Jojen Reed…) pulls out the Doctor’s pocket watch. He opens it and we see some of that magic Timelord ejaculation float up from it and a voice whispers, “Time Lord.” The aliens all freak out, giving Martha an opportunity to break out of alien!Jenny’s grasp and grab the gun, like a total badass.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E06 – Everyone needs a hobby.

by Marines August 4, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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We pick this episode up right where we left off last time, with everyone looking at Toby’s house on fire. Their phones all ring and it’s a text message from A: Did you miss me, bitches? Um, actually no. Emily is still like, “but Shana is dead!” because even though a house is exploding in front of them, apparently we’re still going to find it hard to believe that A is STILL a thing.

Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we’re no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.

Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E03 – In which everyone talks like a murderer

by Jessica May 19, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Ali is lying on her bed while voiceovers of the Liars ask if she’s ok. Light and shadows play over her face as we assume the days pass. I know Ali can be a manipulative bitch and all, but I can’t begin to imagine the trauma of nearly being murdered, buried alive, on the run for three years and then come back to find your mom murdered. Damn.

Mr. DiLaurentis and Jason join in the voiceovers, rudely telling the Liars to get out.

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Gotham S01 E18 – Surprise eyeball

by Marines April 28, 2015 Gotham
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Hey, this is a thing we are still doing. And since new episodes are still airing we figured we’d actually try and finish off this season. Cool.

Alex: It’s my fault that this is going out so very late. SORRY, guys (but not really because I hate this show and feel entirely justified in putting it off as long as possible).

Mari: Fair.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E01 – Extra-deranged.

by Marines April 9, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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The happiest two seconds of the entire series happen when an EMT says Ezra’s pulse is getting weaker. The only one who is sad about this is Aria. Her friends hold her back and tell her she shouldn’t go with Ezra to the hospital because then the pesky cops will start asking her questions. Apparently, no one from the NYPD notices Aria hyperventilating after Ezra; they are busy questioning Noel Khan. Alison is on a fire escape, watching the ambulance ride by. A is– TRUE STORY– riding on the top of the ambulance like some kind of extra-deranged Spider-Man. I hate this show.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E23 – Dem bones

by Jessica March 13, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Nighttime in the woods. Spencer wanders around in a bridal dress, getting tangled in the trees. She is being stalked by a black clothed figure, then we hear a stabbing sort of sound and she gasps. Is something exciting about to happen, you ask? Or something about to be revealed? PSYCH! No. Not even close.

“48 hours earlier” appears across the screen. Ah, that old trope.

Rosewood’s one coffee shop. All four Liars are discussing the fact that Paige tipped the cops off about Ali being alive.

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Gotham S01 E16 – Cirque du Suck

by Alex March 5, 2015 Gotham
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We open with a few quick establishing shots of various Gotham residents: Bruce is asleep on the sofa, his murder-investigation notebook open on his lap. Penguin is proudly watching his mother singing on stage in his new club. Fish wakes up on the floor of her prison and claps her hands, giving her fellow captives permission to get up and drink some water.

Clocktower Apartment and OH, GOODIE. Barbara’s back. (M: NOOOOOO.) She arrives home wearing a sexy black dress to find Selina and Ivy camped out in the living room. Selina explains that Jim dropped off his keys last week.

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Gotham S01 E15 – Butter knife coup

by Alex March 4, 2015 Gotham
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It’s a stormy night in Gotham. (M: WHAT?! It’s usually so bright and cheery.) A random guy with white hair arrives home to his Generic Gotham Apartment and grumbles about the wind blowing through an open window. He goes to shut it, but two guys in hoodies appear and grab him as he screams in terror.

Fish wakes up on the floor in some kind of prison, dashing my hopes that her leaving Gotham the city for a while also meant she would be leaving Gotham the show. Sigh. She asks the friendly-looking guy nearby if she’s dreaming, and he replies that he hopes so. Two scary-looking thugs saunter over, chuckling to themselves.

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The OC S02 E20 – Cheater-feels

by Jessica B March 3, 2015 Season 2
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Cohen Kitchen: Eating cereal before school in ironed shirts and perfectly styled hair. Sure, I’ll go with this. Seth and Ryan are discussing the night before when someone almost drowned in a pool. Ryan claims that although Trey confessed, he couldn’t possibly be a drug dealer and he understands all about the desire to “save Marissa Cooper”. Seth seems to think it’s something in their DNA, much like oddly styled hair. I don’t know much about this show, I suspect because I was heavily invested in Desperate Housewives during this time period (a choice I stand behind after watching this episode). But I do know I have always intensely disliked Marissa Cooper. So I have instant dislike for Ryan and his Marissa-saving brother.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E22 – Your brain on drugs

by Marines March 3, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Spencer is in her room unpacking the bag she took to rehab and snapping at her mom. She apologizes and says that she’s just irritable because of that whole ‘kicking her drug habit’ thing. Mariska Mom takes it in stride, which is the least she can do after being a horrible mother 95% of the time. Spencer has some weird flashbacks to the night Ali died and her mom suggests she get some rest.

Jessica: Well, PLL solved Spencer’s rehab the same way Gotham solves everything — skip to the end.

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