snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Negligent Parents

Pretty soon after we started re-reading books from our childhood, we noticed a reoccurring theme: really crappy parents. Parents completely unaware of their children’s whereabouts or adventures. Parents who often willingly put their children into danger or peril. Parents who have no grasp on the emotional trauma their children suffer. Parents who condone relationships with Christian Grey. We’ve seen it all, folks, and only wish we could call Child Protective Services on fictional characters.

Variations:
NMotB or Negligent Mother of the Book
NFotB or Negligent Father of the Book

A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E04 – Impotent Rage

by Marines March 15, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
Thumbnail image for A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E04 – Impotent Rage

Look away, look away!

Lemony says there is no word to describe waking up and knowing instantly that something is wrong. (Dani: Sure there is: “Monday”) (Annie: Truth.) This is what happens to the Baudelaires the morning after we last saw them (bad feeling, not Monday), as they wake up to the sun rising and not thanks to their Uncle Monty.

Read more →

A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E01 – Not better than nothing.

by Marines January 15, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
Thumbnail image for A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E01 – Not better than nothing.

This show is based on some books I read many, many moons ago. I remember them vaguely. I also paid actual money to see the movie adaptation in theaters. That I remember more clearly. So, here we are.

Samantha: I read and loved these books too. I remember them well and push them at the children who come into my library all the time. “Terrible stuff happens to these kids but the fun is seeing how they take care of each other and think their way out!”

Read more →

Gilmore Girls S01 E03 – It’s never just golf.

by Samantha December 5, 2016 Gilmore Girls
Thumbnail image for Gilmore Girls S01 E03 – It’s never just golf.

Okay, so lets get this third episode party started! I’m your host, Samantha “Bubbles” Spice, and am an already avid GG junkie. Let’s have some fun!

We kick things off at a Friday Night Dinner. Emily and Richard are listing off the various cooks they’ve had since Heidi, the last one that Lorelai remembers hearing about. Richard mixes up a cook named Anton and one named Sophia, which Lorelai can’t let go because “one is a man and one is a woman.” Maybe they don’t identify that way Lorelai, you don’t know.

Read more →

Dawson’s Creek S04 E12 – Crappy birthday, Pacey

by Kirsti October 7, 2016 Dawson's Creek
Thumbnail image for Dawson’s Creek S04 E12 – Crappy birthday, Pacey

Pacey’s asleep on the sofa when Joey wakes him up by singing happy birthday and shoving a cupcake in his face.

He’s none too pleased by this method of being woken up, and hopes like hell for no further acknowledgement of his birthday because birthdays are the actual worst.

Chelsea: This is not the way to wake someone up, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. You let them wake up naturally and then bribe them with cake.

Read more →

Dawson’s Creek S04 E11 – Keep All Your Old Letters

by Chelsea September 30, 2016 Dawson's Creek
Thumbnail image for Dawson’s Creek S04 E11 – Keep All Your Old Letters

Chelsea: We open on Dawson and Pacey fishing, because they’re friends again now? Dawson drops the bombshell on Pacey – he likes Gretchen. Pacey makes a Say Anything reference, which only makes me love him a thousand times more.

Kirsti: Dawson is 100% the guy who would stand outside your house holding a boombox over his head. 100%.

Chelsea: Dawson brings up the fact that the last year would have been so much easier if Pacey had just been upfront with how he felt about Joey (woah, dude, maybe ease up on poking that particular wound) (K: Oh puh-leeeze, Dawson. If Pacey had told you about Joey, you would have cracked the shits) and Pacey says “yeah, but sisters are off limits.

Read more →

Pretty Little Liars S05 E13 – Just A-ing around.

by Samantha August 25, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
Thumbnail image for Pretty Little Liars S05 E13 – Just A-ing around.

I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she’s out on bail for murder she’s not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.

Read more →

Charmed S03 E03 – Not those kinds of tweens.

by Marines August 17, 2016 Charmed
Thumbnail image for Charmed S03 E03 – Not those kinds of tweens.

Piper is tending to the bar at P^3 when Leo comes in. He needs to talk with her, but first they have to get their no-chemistry kissing on. When they break away, Leo says that he came to say goodbye because The Powers That Be won’t ever let them be together and all the usual nonsense we’ve been over a zillion times. His voice gets all dream-echoey and Piper can’t hear what he’s saying anymore even though it still sounds pretty clear to me. He backs away, mouths, “I love you,” and tinkles away. It’s a bit early for my gag-reflex to kick in, but there it is.

Read more →

Eclipse Chapter 14 – I <3 Wuthering Heights.

by Annie August 2, 2016 Books
Thumbnail image for Eclipse Chapter 14 – I <3 Wuthering Heights.

It’s Wednesday afternoon. I know that, because Bella tells us so. Alice is planning on throwing the graduation party anyway, because the invitations have already been sent. They argue a bit about whether or not it’s appropriate to have a party with the impending doom hanging over them. Alice tells Bella that she will only graduate from high school for the first time once, so that’s cause to celebrate and do it right.

Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I’m actually siding with Bella on this one.

Catherine: I mean, right? ‘For the first time once’ isn’t even a good incentive? 

Read more →

Goosebumps #039 “How I Got My Shrunken Head” – Island Edition

by Karina July 10, 2016 Books
Thumbnail image for Goosebumps #039 “How I Got My Shrunken Head” – Island Edition

A while ago I asked Mari if I could hijack Snark Squad to do a Goosebumps post since I had found one of the books at my local library and she was a total sport about it. And then Samantha volunteered as tribute to be my trusty sidekick which is how we got here. (S: Hello!) Truth be told, I didn’t read Goosebumps as a kid or teen so this is an adventure for me on more than one level. (S: Omigosh same, I was a super scairdy cat!) I was an Enid Blyton and Agatha Christie (yes, even at that time) kind of reader.

Read more →

The OC S04 E03 – Crazy Eyebrow Man to the Rescue!

by Katie June 4, 2016 Season 4
Thumbnail image for The OC S04 E03 – Crazy Eyebrow Man to the Rescue!

Orange County is pretty! That’s how we open before settling in on the Cohen home, where Kirsten exposits that Ryan hasn’t spoken to them in days. Sandy says he’s not worried about Ryan not talking to the two of them, but he is concerned that Ryan’s still ignoring Seth.

Meanwhile, Ryan’s on the phone with Julie, who’s pouting about Sandy and Kirsten uninviting her from Thanksgiving. Kirsten and Sandy are discussing this as well, and Sandy says sending their kids on a murder mission knocks you off the guest list.

Read more →

Supernatural S05 E16 – Ow, my feelings

by Kirsti April 9, 2016 Season 5
Thumbnail image for Supernatural S05 E16 – Ow, my feelings

The previouslies is basically a montage of the boys dying a million times, followed by a reminder that the Samulet and its God-finding powers are a thing, so clearly we’re in for tons of fun.

We open at the Motel of the Week. Dean’s face down in the pillow, surrounded by empty beer cans. He wakes to find two balaclava-wearing guys pointing guns at him and Sam. Sam looks freaked. Dean’s all “Must be Tuesday” about it. The guys do the typical villain here’s-my-motive-ing (Dean started the Apocalypse, Sam’s a freak blah blah whatever), and Dean realises that he knows them – the guys are hunters. Sam tries to explain, but gets shot in the chest for his trouble.

Read more →

New Moon Chapter 08 – “I got in a fight with Thor?”

by Kirsti March 10, 2016 Books
Thumbnail image for New Moon Chapter 08 – “I got in a fight with Thor?”

After that fabulous curb hanger, Jake makes Bella prove that she knows how to use the motorbike by demanding to know where various controls are. After a FULL PAGE of that shit, he tells her that she’s ready to actually start moving. Obviously, she freaks the fuck out. He tells her to pretend the clutch is a live hand grenade so that she won’t let go of it????? This strategy would have me getting the fuck off the motorbike, but we all know that Bella’s nowhere near as smart as me.

Read more →

Pretty Little Liars S05 E11 – We’re all in this together.

by Jessica March 4, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
Thumbnail image for Pretty Little Liars S05 E11 – We’re all in this together.

[…]

Read more →

Doctor Who S04 E06 – This is… incestuous.

by Kirsti March 3, 2016 Doctor Who
Thumbnail image for Doctor Who S04 E06 – This is… incestuous.

We pick up exactly where we left off, with the TARDIS vworp vworping off to God knows where, Martha still on board. The controls aren’t responding, and the Doctor says he has no idea where they’re going, but his spare hand is super excited about. Donna’s all “Your spare WHAT?” and Martha briefly explains. (M: Donna, girl. You never noticed the bubbling hand?) The TARDIS lands, and the Doctor pokes his head out into an underground tunnel, full of barbed wire and shot up sheets of metal. Martha whispers to Donna that she loves this bit, where the Doctor works out where and when they are.

Read more →

Doctor Who S04 E04 – Maybe just ride a bike?

by Kirsti February 19, 2016 Doctor Who
Thumbnail image for Doctor Who S04 E04 – Maybe just ride a bike?

We open at Rattigan Academy, which looks a hell of a lot like Francis Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. But whatever. (M: I’m sure it’s totally different.) A bunch of teenagers in red hoodies and tracksuit pants (sidenote: I find it fascinating how many different terms exist for tracksuit pants. In Australia, they’re generally trackie daks. In the US? Sweatpants. In the UK? Tracksuit bottoms. TELL ME WHAT YOU CALL THEM, I NEED TO KNOW) drag a well dressed woman out of the building and down a flight of stairs as she yells at them to release her.

They drop her to the ground, and throw her stuff after her. A weedy little nerd boy in a grey hoodie and jeans sasses at her and tells her to spell his name – Rattigan – right if she prints it.

Read more →