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underaged drinking is for overachievers

How did we never notice all these characters getting drunk? Wait… WHY WERE WE READING ABOUT CHARACTERS GETTING DRUNK?

After Chapter 20 – Why won’t this night end?

by Marines January 17, 2017 After
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You guys I just want this night to end. Was there ever another plot to this story? I feel like one party night bled into another party night and now we’re trapped in a college party hellscape.

Tessa is walking away from the frat house at 4 am. I kind of refuse to believe that a taxi service isn’t 24 hours in a college town but okay. She walks for an HOUR AND A HALF and omg I’m so exhausted thinking about it. How the heck far away was this frat house? (M: Ah, yes, the across town frat house. Classic.) She finally reaches campus and stop into 7-Eleven for “a cup.” IDK maybe it’s because I’m not a coffee drinker but I was hella confused over what the heck she meant.

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The OC S04 E10 – Endearing but WHAT EVEN?

by Marines August 22, 2016 Season 4
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Taylor visits Ryan during his break because she has the perfect Valentine’s Day present for him, even though Valentine’s Day is weeks away. Her perfect present? A scrapbook, complete with signed letter for her divorce lawyer, sneaky pictures she took of Ryan on her camera phone and their hospital bracelets from that one time they were in a joint coma. Ryan just makes some really uncomfortable noises.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E06 – This is a terrible idea.

by Kirsti July 15, 2016 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High library. Andie tells Jen that she knows applying for college is overwhelming, and suggests she start by looking at schools in New York, seeing as she lived there before and has been talking about going back. Jen’s all “I’ve been saying WHAT?” Yeah, turns out Drue’s been spreading rumours again. Asshole.

“‘According to him’ would be the key phrase. He’s the Dark Prince of Revisionist History…” Jen snaps. Best. Jack rushes in, totally out of breath. Andie asks what’s going on and he totally downplays it, being all “Oh, you got something in post. Totally not a big deal.

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Sweet Valley High #015 “Promises” – Shared milk.

by Laura Shank December 1, 2015 Books
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Okay, here we go. I haven’t read a SVH book in about 15 years, but I do remember that I was slightly obsessed with Jessica because I am a complete and utter nerdy Elizabeth and I thought Jess was SO COOL DUDE.

Marines: If nothing else, I hope this experiment changes your mind about Jessica because that bitch is CRAZY.

Laura: One paragraph in, I’m immediately told the girls have large blue-green eyes! As if I could ever forget. And Tricia is dying, for realz this time.

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The OC S03 E15 – Pre-movie reunion

by Ryan August 17, 2015 Season 4
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Just a couple disclaimers for anyone who doesn’t read the comments: I have been looking forward approximately forever for Willa Holland, because Thea Queen, and was so excited to get to her episodes that I kinda sorta wanted her to destroy the core four’s world. THAT SHE DID MY FRIENDS. So I may be just a bit biased on rooting for Kaitlin’s terrible decisions. Second – because she is not /technically/ part of the main cast yet, I’m totally calling her Young Thea.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E07 – Convenient Clues

by Jessica August 11, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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We open on a class of students diligently at work at Rosewood High School. Just kidding! Emily is walking around the halls with her mom, who’s talking about Skype conferences with teachers while she was in Texas.

Marines: I like that the show feels it necessary to try and fill in the gap of why Emily basically doesn’t have parents. Cute, show. Like we care. 

J: That’s more effort than they’ve put into a lot of plot lines in this show. Maybe they hired some vaguely responsible-feeling writer late in the game? (M: Ha.)

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The OC S03 E14 – The Episode That Broke My Hate Barrier

by Annie August 6, 2015 Season 3
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I have to start off by saying that I know that Willa Holland was Kaitlin Cooper long, long before she was Thea Queen on the Arrow, but to me, she will always be Oliver Queen’s little sister.

Marines: I hope she’s a better person on that show.

GFM: She isn’t, sadly. But she does wield swords, so.

Okay, now that I’ve got that out of the way, on to the recap.

We open on Sandy Eyebrows Cohen storming into Ryan’s pool house wearing an amazing bathrobe. He wakes Ryan up, in a panic because Seth is ‘gone’.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E13 – Romantic particles

by Kirsti April 27, 2015 Dawson's Creek
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We open at the Potter B&B, which makes a pleasant change. Joey’s helping Pacey run lines for the play, but gets all “skrrrt, NO” when she sees that the next page requires her to get all swoony and lovey-dovey. Oh, sweetie. Just give it a few more episodes.

Democracy Diva: Is it too early to squee? I feel like it’s too early to squee.

K: It’s never too early to squee.

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The OC S02 E21 – Bienvenido a Miami.

by Lily March 4, 2015 Season 2
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As with many episodes, we start off in the Cohen’s kitchen, because why else would we need to see other parts of their humongous house. Although, it’s a shnazzy looking kitchen.

Marines: If past episodes are to be believed they only have one guest bedroom. I think this house is just a kitchen, a pool house and like 2.5 other rooms. IT’S ALL A RUSE.

Lily: Seth and Ryan discuss potential Spring Break plans.

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The OC S02 E20 – Cheater-feels

by Jessica B March 3, 2015 Season 2
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Cohen Kitchen: Eating cereal before school in ironed shirts and perfectly styled hair. Sure, I’ll go with this. Seth and Ryan are discussing the night before when someone almost drowned in a pool. Ryan claims that although Trey confessed, he couldn’t possibly be a drug dealer and he understands all about the desire to “save Marissa Cooper”. Seth seems to think it’s something in their DNA, much like oddly styled hair. I don’t know much about this show, I suspect because I was heavily invested in Desperate Housewives during this time period (a choice I stand behind after watching this episode). But I do know I have always intensely disliked Marissa Cooper. So I have instant dislike for Ryan and his Marissa-saving brother.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E22 – Your brain on drugs

by Marines March 3, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Spencer is in her room unpacking the bag she took to rehab and snapping at her mom. She apologizes and says that she’s just irritable because of that whole ‘kicking her drug habit’ thing. Mariska Mom takes it in stride, which is the least she can do after being a horrible mother 95% of the time. Spencer has some weird flashbacks to the night Ali died and her mom suggests she get some rest.

Jessica: Well, PLL solved Spencer’s rehab the same way Gotham solves everything — skip to the end.

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The OC S02 E19 – Coffee drinking drinking game

by Rachel March 2, 2015 Season 2
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Sandy’s having his morning coffee, thinking about what kind of bagel he feels like this morning. Ryan’s brother, Trey, also recognized as “NOT Gavin DeGraw” walks into the kitchen. Today’s the day! Today’s the day Trey moves out of the Cohen commune and into his own place. Sandy’s all like “PRAISE! I have enough troubled youth on my hands, but call me if you need anything.” Trey’s like, “Nah, I’m ok. You guys have done too much for me already. Not many people would take in an ex-con; Ryan’s lucky to have you.”

BROTHER BURN.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E19 – IDK.

by Sara January 16, 2015 Pretty Little Liars
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Spencer, Emily, and Hanna are breaking into EzrA’s classroom in the middle of the day (Saturday? School day? Who knows.) to try to find something that will convince Aria that Ezra is a lying liar who lies. It’s cool that they’re already prepared for Aria being an asshole who’s going to be all, “NU UH” about it.

Marines: “HE DOESN’T LIE. Only to people who would care he’s dating his student, duh.”

Sara: Spencer finds an envelope with Ali’s journal in it, so they take off with it. Before they can leave, they hear footsteps approaching and watch as Mona lets herself in to Ezra’s classroom.

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Veronica Mars S02 E20 – A little obstructing justice on a Friday night.

by Marines November 14, 2014 Season 2
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Veronica is at the doctor’s office and he’s telling her she has chlamydia. Veronica is in shock and says she has been sexually active but she finds it impossible that the guy, Duncan, could’ve infected her. The doctor levels her with a, “you think you know someone,” and tells her they can treat it with antibiotics. Veronica Voice Over takes us from there to Neptune High, saying that her grandma used to always say that when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. She wishes Grandma Reynolds were alive so she can ask what to do when life hands you chlamydia.

Sweeney: I like the idea that the mother of Lianne Reynolds would have been the sort of grandma that you could go to with your STD struggles. Makes sense.

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The OC S02 E09 – Use your words, people.

by MissAngi November 10, 2014 Season 2
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So I’m finally guest blogging for Snark Squad. I feel accomplished. That probably tells you all you need to know about me.

I love The O.C. and on first watch, I was completely #teamryan. On a later watch, #teamseth. So when I watch now, I find myself conflicted. It’s a hard place to be. I’ll keep a tally as I go to see where I’m at today.

Marines: This is kind of how my Myers Briggs has shifted a little as I get older. Like that, but way more awesome.

Sweeney: It says a lot about how we’re not this show’s target age demographic anymore that you’re contextualizing it with Myers Briggs.

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