snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

We give good TV.

Obviously we have a whole blog dedicated to this subject, but sometimes we’re still super proud of ourselves for being so amazing at TV. Seriously, we’re really good at TV. Look at all these times we told ourselves we were good at TV:

Gilmore Girls S01 E01 – Emotional music and boy banter.

by Marines November 28, 2016 Gilmore Girls
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This past weekend the Gilmore Girls revival premiered on Netflix. Why not choose this moment to start our journey from the very beginning?

A title card and jaunty yet dated music bring us to a street in the quaint town of Stars Hollow.

Annie: I know it’s early for me to be already interrupting, but Pilot!Stars Hollow was filmed in a small town near Toronto. I visited it last year and all these years later, it really, really looks like Stars Hollow to me. (Sorry, sorry, sorry).

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BrainDead S01 E02 – Chess kills.

by Dani Denatti August 10, 2016 BrainDead
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Episode 2 begins with a “previously on Braindead” recap that’s written and sung by the king of geek culture, Jonathan Coulton (the guy whose cover was ripped off by FOX/Glee sparking a controversy that led to a plotline on The Good Wife and also this gig).

Marines: A recent episode of The OC we recapped featured one of my favorite TV things EVER, episode specific changes to the credit sequence. I went off on a whole sidebar about how much I love it. That said, this might be just as good as that. HOW WONDERFUL.

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Gotham S01 E21 – Failure to Emote

by Alex May 4, 2015 Gotham
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Oh hey. It’s me again, reviewing a Gotham episode for the third time this week. What can I say? The prospect of the season finale next week gave me a renewed sense of purpose. That, and the desire to be done with this show forever and ever.

Marines: She kept asking, “want me to do the next one?” and the answer was always yes. Yes forever.

Alex: So. It’s morning at Christian/Milo/Ogre’s apartment and rather than away screaming when she saw the murder chamber last night, Barbara instead spent the night there having lots and lots of sex.

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Supernatural S03 E11 – Tuesdays are the worst.

by Kirsti April 1, 2015 Season 3
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First things first: I have an irrational love for this episode. It manages to be feelsy and really freaking dark and hilarious simultaneously, and it’s just kind of great.

Right, on with the show. We open with a super close up of Sam’s closed eyes. Heat of the Moment by Asia starts playing, and he sits bolt upright in bed at the Motel of the Week. Dean, already dressed, tells Sam that it’s “time to rise and shine, Sammy!” This gives me horrible flashbacks to my teen years when my mother would burst into my room at like 9am on a Saturday and holler “Time for getting up now!” (M: My mom’s Saturday wake-up was the dreaded, “time to clean!” -_-)

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Veronica Mars S02 E22 – Nothing is a coincidence

by Sweeney December 19, 2014 Season 2
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The finale kicks us off right where we left off, feeling solidly sick to our stomachs as Aaron Echolls leaves the courthouse a free man with adoring fans. Veronica Voice Over sums it up for us: “So this is how it is: the innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. There is neither a Santa Clause, nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason and nothing makes any sense.”

After Aaron finishes smarming it up for the cameras, we cut to Mars Investigations where Keith takes the newspaper away from a very upset Veronica, telling her that however unjust things are, they cannot allow themselves to wallow in it.

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How to Get Away with Murder S01 E08 – Bullshit.

by Sweeney November 17, 2014 How to Get Away With Murder
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This episode doesn’t begin with the improbable bonfire which by itself bums me out for the loss of the familiar. Even worse, it starts with people poking at Lila’s mottled corpse. So. Cool. We jump back 6 months earlier to June 2014 when Lila was still alive. She’s hanging out with Rebecca and speculating about whether her vagina’s going to be all, “Nope, access denied!” because she waited too long to have sex. It’s kind of adorable because while that’s total bullshit, this conversation is also so completely plausible. Rebecca wonders if the sex talk means that Griffin’s given up on that virginity pact and Lila confesses that she met someone whose identity she can’t reveal because, “He has a wife.” It pleases me to no end when the stars are earned by the people the episode is truly about.

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Doctor Who S01 E03 – Zombie Grandma

by Sweeney October 15, 2014 Doctor Who
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I have been putting this off for an unreasonable amount of time, mostly because I’ve been busy but partially because of my struggle to get into this show. I was feeling kind of guilty about it, too, because I want so badly to love this thing that everybody else loves. Then I remembered that (a) the 1×01 comments are filled with amazing stories of many a devout Whovian’s struggle to come into the light -and- (b) There are a half dozen, “LOL you gave Sweeney that episode to start with?” comments on the last post. So, you know, these are all things. What I’m saying is THANKS, GUYS.

(In truth, there’s no winning for you – either you don’t warn me and I’m all, “WHAT ARE WE WATCHING? WHY WHY WHY?’ or you do warn me and I’m all, “THANK YOU FOR PLANTING SEEDS OF DREAD.”)

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The OC S02 E03 – Questionable Relationships and Sad Pandas on Parade

by Annie October 9, 2014 Season 2
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I feel that I cannot appropriately recap an episode of the OC without first saying that Adam Brody will forever be Dave Rygalski to me.

Sweeney: It’s important to start by letting us all know where you’re at. We all have our, “In My Heart This Actor Can Only Have One Role” problems around here.

GFM: Dave is just so much more likeable than S2 Seth. Okay. On with the recap.

We open with Ryan, hanging out in his pool house, reading a newspaper, you know, as teens do, with a splashy “Newport’s Man of the Year Behind Bars” headline.

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Veronica Mars S02 E11 – Looking at lives and choices.

by Marines September 23, 2014 Season 2
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Logan is heading up to the Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Before the elevator doors close, Veronica runs inside. Because it is a Logan/Veronica interaction, it’s been fully gifed for your viewing pleasure:

Sweeney: It’s good to know there are some things we can count on in this world, like shippers on Tumblr.

Lor: All that “Duncan is sad over the death of his ex and his new baby” exposition over, those two finally get upstairs. Veronica walks into Duncan’s room, with more sarcastic commentary from Logan in the background. It’s a little hard to keep track of Logan’s moods sometimes.

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The OC S01 E24 – The episode that destroyed everything.

by Jenny Trout September 18, 2014 Season 1
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I’m going to have to start this thing out by admitting that I have never seen a single episode of The OC. I have no idea what it’s about. I know that there was a particularly large-eyed, sad looking girl on the show, and she later did makeup commercials, but beyond that, I’m not sure what the hell it’s about. Orange county, I assume. But I didn’t bother watching other episodes or catching up in any way.

Sweeney: While we’re at it, I should inform the readers that having all of the “never seen another episode” recappers at the end of the season like this was PURE ACCIDENT. Also a lot of fun. A very fun accident.

Lorraine: We did have one or two “never seen another episode” folk specifically request a later episode though. Like they were thinking, “what is the most confused I can be? Sign me up for that.” All of the fun.

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The OC S01 E14 – The Countdown of Rich White Kid Problems

by Coyote Rose August 14, 2014 Season 1
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[…]

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Veronica Mars S01 E21 – A good cry-puke.

by DemocracyDiva July 23, 2014 Season 1
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We open in Havana, Cuba. Funnily enough, it looks a lot like Neptune, except with horses. Duncan is spending some time there to grow an ugly beard hide out for awhile.

Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it’s trying too hard.

Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he’s a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn’t know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn’t Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn’t ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace

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Veronica Mars S01 E17 – Private eyes

by Marines June 25, 2014 Season 1
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Veronica is still sitting in front of her computer, reminding us that Abel Koontz has a daughter and Clarence Weidman knows she knows. V believes Jake Kane bought a dying man’s confession, since his family needed a fall guy. She uses PrivateEyez.com to search for Amelia Delongpre. She needs to find Amelia before Clarence does. Her search reveals that Amelia lives in LA! LA is where all the mystical relics are always conveniently located, so I don’t have a hard time believing a key witness would be there.

Sweeney: A KEY witness in the land of mystical relics? IS AMELIA DELONGPRE A KEY? IS SHE RELATED TO DAWN SUMMERS? I have so many questions.

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Firefly S01 E14 – Such Badass

by Sweeney March 28, 2014 Firefly
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FIRST THINGS FIRST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA. Apparently her co-workers are not showering her with candy and permission to not do anything today, which is stupid, so everyone else should shower her with internet high fives and the like.

The episode begins with somber music and a zoomy tour through the inter-workings of Firefly. It’s giving me all sorts of “THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE! WHY?” feelings. The zoomy tour ends on River’s face waking up. She goes out into the hall where she hears Simon and Kaylee laughing as he tells her a story of a med school streaking prank. As Kaylee asks what song he was singing he looks up at River and says, “I would be there right now,” coldly, before resuming the laughter, making me think (hope?) this is more a River fear (/intuiton) than a thing that actually happened.

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Veronica Mars S01 E07 – That Guy

by Sweeney March 5, 2014 Season 1
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Night time. Police and ambulance surround Veronica’s apartment building. I know our schedule hasn’t been super consistent, but you may remember that we were just discussing the way that this show is self-aware of and addresses Veronica’s meddling. She begins this episode by asking that very question. Would tonight have been another dull night in the apartment complex if she hadn’t met this girl and gotten involved? Her reverie is interrupted by paramedics trying to wheel a body past her. “Is it my fault a horrible crime played out its final chapter here, or is what happened inevitable?” She looks across the courtyard at Papa Mars.

COME ON NOW, SUGAR!

A title screen tells us that we’re jumping back a week. Veronica’s carrying clothes down to the apartment complex laundry room. The place has a nice ocean view, which it makes it seem like it’s maybe not that Poor Kid Central.

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