Buffy the Vampire Slayer S02 E06 – Be careful what you wish for.

The remaining weeks of October will be dedicated to Halloween-inspired posts. We’re kicking that off with a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode named “Halloween.” We totally planned it that way. Yep. Totally.

Previously: Underage drinking leads to potential date rape and being eaten by a giant snake monster that lives under a frat house. Life lessons, yo.
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Halloween

Kirsti: We open in “Pop’s Pumpkin Patch”, where an abundance of pumpkins and decorations let us know that ‘Tis the Season to Get Your Scare On. Or something? Australia doesn’t do Halloween, you guys.

Sweeney: The lack of Halloween outside the US has been one of the saddest discoveries of my travels. AND ALSO I AM SO JEALOUS THAT YOU HAVE THIS EPISODE. Sigh.

K: Mwahaha. Commonwealth nations – stealing American holidays since 2012.

Buffy, wearing some stunning velour pants, is fighting a vamp who was apparently deemed not worthy of any lines. In the background, a second vamp is recording the fight on a camcorder. The battery is low, and apparently glaring at it and shaking it a little is sufficient to get the battery to work for longer. Uh huh…

Lor: Maybe he blew on the battery like an old school Nintendo.

K: Buffy dusts the first vamp and heads for home while Camcorder Guy melts into the shadows as the credits roll. At the Bronze, Angel is sitting on his own, looking mopey. You know, just for a change. Cordy decides to relieve him of his aloneness, and I’m distracted by the giant paper cobweb behind Angel’s head.

An unspecified length of time later, Buffy arrives to see Cordy and Angel laughing and joking together, and she turns to go. But Angel spots her and chases her down. He pulls a piece of hay from her hair, and she claims that it’s a seasonal look due to her “rough day at the office.” She says she was kidding herself at the idea that they could date because dates are things normal girls have, and she spends her time thinking about ambush tactics and beheadings. And presumably sometimes school work???

Sweeney: LOL nope. None of that.

Lor: Also, she delivers this entire, “I can’t be normal” speech, TO A MOTHER FREAKIN’ VAMPIRE. Buffy’s dating skillz are going to annoy the piss out of me, huh?

K: I like that you think she has dating skills. Buffy leaves, and Cordy comforts Angel with a cappuccino.

At school the next day, Snyder forces the gang to sign up to take small children Trick or Treating. And you guys know that the Snark Squad LOVE babies watching babies. Sure, the Scoobies are at least in high school, but Xander definitely shouldn’t be responsible for the safety of others, amIrite?

Buffy sulks because Halloween is considered tacky by vamps, and so it was meant to be her one day off for the year. Xander goes to the soda machine, and gets accosted by a meathead six inches taller than him named Larry, who asks if he and Buffy are dating. When Xander replies in the negative, Larry says that he’s going to try and tap that because he’s heard Buffy’s “fast”, ifyouknowwhatImean. Xander starts to defend Buffy’s honour, but when Larry grabs him, Buffy defends her own honour and twists Larry’s arm behind his back. Which apparently no one thinks is weird… Xander gets pissy because EMASCULATING (S: You know who else recently complained about this? Christian Grey. That is all.) and storms off.

Buffy makes a “Whoops?” face, and Willow points out that boys are fragile before making a not even remotely subtle segue to Buffy’s date the night before. Buffy mopes about the whole Cordy situation, and Willow reassures her that Cordy isn’t Angel’s type. By some rather hilarious contrivance, they decide to sneak into Giles’ office and take a look at the Watcher Diaries to see what they say about Angel and his love life. Because, you know, that’s totally what Watchers of the Past were recording: “Dear Diary: Today, my Slayer fought a demon and defeated it. But more importantly, ANGEL IS DATING THAT SKANK BETTY. OH. EM. GEE. I can’t believe he dumped Tess for her.” But I completely forgive them because it leads to this:

Buffy sneaks in while Willow stands guard. But just as she’s heading into the office, Giles appears from the cage. And I’m sorry but I can’t not mention Buffy’s pants. It pretty much looks like she forgot to change out of her brown and olive plaid flannelette PJs before leaving for school. Sadly, I couldn’t find a screencap of them for you, but I did find this instead which pretty much sums up my feelings just the same:

Anyway, Buffy distracts Giles and gestures furiously at Willow to sneak in and get the diaries. Giles nearly turns around half a dozen times before Buffy resorts to “MS CALENDAR SAID YOU WERE A BABE!” to get his attention. I LOL and Willow gives Buffy this look:

Judge-y Willow is judging you

But it’s enough that Willow gets the diaries and Giles is left with a case of the giggly happies. Aww. Poor Giles…

Sitting on the sinks in the bathroom (uh, okay… That seems SUPER comfortable), Buffy and Willow peruse their spoils. There’s a drawing of a woman in some fancypants ballgown that’s dated 1775. Buffy gets all “SIGH. I wish my life were like that”, to which the ever practical Willow replies that she prefers the right to vote. Bless…

Sweeney:

Lor: I also love that there is this random drawing of a girl in the Watcher Diaries, so Buffy jumps to the “this is the type of girl Angel likes!” conclusion.

K: My favourite part is that they’re all “It doesn’t say what her name is”, but there’s a name written literally RIGHT NEXT TO THE DRAWING. Cordy enters and gets her bitch on, and then wonders out loud why she never sees Angel around during the day. Buffy’s all “LOL, because Angel’s a vampire!” and Cordy decides that Buffy’s just trying to scare her off, and says “Look Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever. But when it comes to dating? I’M the Slayer.”

Sweeney: Cordelia, I love you, but WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? You slay your dates?

Lor: I mean, one dude got beat by a floating bat and the other dude got killed and the other dude came back as Frankenbrother and the other dude was a frat boy serving a giant snake, so… Not too far off homegirl, though I wouldn’t be proud of it.

K: +1.

Cut to a costume shop. Willow’s picked up a ghost costume (aka a sheet with eye holes and “BOO” written on the front). Buffy advises her that Halloween is the time to find her inner skank. Willow says “Oh, I don’t get wild. Wild on me equals spaz“, and that is quite possibly the most me-like statement in the whole of the Whedonverse.

Xander, meanwhile, has grabbed a $2 toy machine gun, stating that he has fatigues from an army surplus store at home. Buffy spots a mannequin sporting a pink poofy dress very similar to the one worn by the girl in the drawing. The shopkeeper emerges from the back of the store, yanks it off the mannequin and holds it up, saying “Meet the inner princess.” I cringe a little, but mostly because he’s a creeper.

Would you trust this dude?

Sweeney: +1. And no, not at all.

K: Over at the factory, Spike(!!!!!!!!!!) is watching the video that Camcorder Guy filmed the previous night. Dru delivers a little bit of bonkers with a vision that the Slayer will be weak on Halloween. Cut to a back room at the costume shop in which Creeper Guy is daubing blood on his face and worshipping the Roman god, Janus. WHEEEEEE.

The next night, Buffy has her costume on, and it comes with a giant brown ringlet-y wig, which I find hilarious for some reason. Meanwhile, she’s convinced Willow to wear a foetus sized leather skirt and  teeny crossover shirt, and I think I’m gonna have to go ahead and issue Willow with a #hosuspension even though she clearly doesn’t want to be wearing that outfit, because DAMN, GIRL. If anything speaks to the parental neglect in Sunnydale, it’s this outfit:

In addition to Willow’s outfit, please marvel at Buffy’s enormous wig.

Sweeney: My sister was confused because she thought Willow was dressing up as Buffy.

Lor: LOL. That’s great. Plus I love that Willow’s skanky Halloween outfit is still about 100% more wholesome than the sexy kitty epidemic of recent years.

K: I’m gonna go ahead and send Sweeney’s sister a trophy for being awesome. Xander turns up and drools over Buffy. Willow comes downstairs in her ghost outfit, and I really don’t blame her. Cut to the high school where the gang pick up their miniature charges. Cordy, dressed in a catsuit cat costume, marches up to Oz in the hallway for a ranty conversation about Devon, and I squee because SPIKE + OZ IN THE ONE EPISODE = YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Cordy storms off, and Oz sarcastically says “Why can’t I meet a nice girl like that?!” before turning and bumping into Willow in her ghost costume. Awww.

Back at the costume shop, Creeper Dude prays to Janus again, and everyone starts turning into their costumes. Willow can’t breathe and collapses on the ground before becoming an actual ghost, Xander turns into a proper soldier with no memory of who he is, and Buffy is a helpless 18th century noblewoman, who I’m going to call Inner Princess because of that quote earlier.

Lor: Okay, but if Willow had left the ghost thing off, she would have turned into… a hooker with a heart of gold?

K: Don’t ALL hookers have hearts of gold in TV land? Xander takes charge of  the situation in a nice reversal of past roles, and Inner Princess screams that there’s a demon and hurls herself at Xander as a car drives past.

The gang head to Buffy’s house, only to hear Cordy screaming her way down the street. Xander rescues her from a giant dog person(?) and Cordy – unlike the others – hasn’t turned into her costume. Willow decides to go and get Giles, and figures that walking through walls is the fastest way to get to the Wiggins Library. Meanwhile, Angel turns up at Buffy’s, and there’s much confusion because Willow (S: who is a ghost of herself, and therefore understands what’s happening) isn’t there to explain the situation. The monsters break into the house, so Angel puts his game face on, and Inner Princess screams before running outside. She runs down one of Sunnydale’s numerous back alleys and gets accosted by Larry, who’s been turned into a pirate with a truly vile set of teeth.

It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Lisa has to look at the “Big Book of British Smiles”

Back at the Wiggins Library, Giles and Willow work out that the only people affected are those who went to the new costume shop, so they head over there. Spike overhears that Buffy’s missing, and sends a bunch of Small Children In Monster Form after her. At the costume shop, Giles gives Willow the low down on Janus before Creeper Guy appears and reveals that he knows Giles from the dim dark past, referring to him as ‘Ripper’, which I will never get over.

Back in the alley, Larry the Pirate Boy is getting all sexual assault-y when Xander shows up and beats the crap out of him with his soldier strength. YAY XANDER. Spike appears with his gang of Small Child Monsters, and the Scoobies start searching for an open warehouse to hide in. Inner Princess is still being all damsel in distress-y, so Angel literally sweeps her off her feet and carries her.

Sweeney: In less of a ~romantical~ way than in a, “Holy hell, you are useless,” way. NGL, I prefer Bitchy Buffy to Inner Princess. Probably in part because SMG is not very good at playing Inner Princess.

Lor: Definitely comes off as more Inner Shut the Hell Up.

K: And her attempts at a posh 18th century accent? LOL FOREVER. Back at the costume shop, Giles and Creeper Guy (otherwise known as Ethan Rayne. It’s worth mentioning because he comes back several times in the next few years) trade verbal digs. Giles says that this stunt stinks of Ethan, and he replies “Don’t wish to blow my own trumpet, but it’s genius.” Too true. He goes on to reveal that Giles has a dark!secret!past that the gang don’t know about. HURRAH – CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR GILES!! Ethan taunts some more, and Giles gets his punch on. It’s actually kind of scary to see the change, given how inept he’s been in fights up until now…

Lor: OKAY, RIGHT? My first time watching this reaction: HEY GILES! GET IT GET IT GILES. Wait. Wait… WAIT. WHY have we been tortured by SO MANY Giles is useless fighting scenes then?! WHYYYYY??

K: We can file that under “Things I will never understand,” right next to High School Willow’s Fashion Sense. Meanwhile, the gang have found a warehouse to hide in. Their attempts at barricading the door are woefully unsuccessful. Spike’s minions quickly grab the others while Spike goes after Inner Princess, who’s crying and cowering. He grabs her hair and goes in for the bite. Back at the shop, Giles is kicking Ethan to try and get him to reveal how to break the spell. Ethan tells him to break the status of Janus, and suddenly Spike is surrounded by small scared children who want their mummies. I shudder briefly because it will never not remind me of The Empty Child in Doctor Who…

NYARGH

Lor: THIS. Brilliantly creepy episode. And another notch on Kirsti’s “mention Doctor Who in everything ever” belt.

K: I’ve been slacking recently, guys. I had to do something. Spike suddenly realises that he’s holding a wig as Buffy sits up and says “Hi, honey. I’m home.” before punching him in the gut.

Sweeney: It’s at this point that I realize that I also hate Inner Princess for the woeful lack of witty banter. Buffy is nothing without her witty banter.

K: They fight briefly before Spike runs off.

Over at the costume shop, Ethan has done a similar disappearing act. Angel asks Buffy if she’s okay and they schmoop off into the sunset. Cordy, meanwhile, gets cranky about Angel’s lack of noticing her, and Xander tells her to give it up because she’ll never get between those two, and he should know. They suddenly realise that Willow’s not with them any more – she’s been zapped back to her body, and suddenly has the self confidence to walk home in her #hosuspension outfit. She crosses the road in front of Oz’s van, and he does another adorable “Who IS that girl??“.

Back at Buffy’s, Angel and Buffy discuss her choice of costume. He says that when he was still human, girls like that would never give him the time of day and that he always wished he could meet someone exciting. There’s some face nomming, because apparently that’s okay even though in the very last episode these two were having a total wiggins about the idea of going on a date. (L: First-time-watcher says: But Angel is being cute here!) Cut to Giles walking into the costume shop the next day. Ethan’s done a bunk, but left Giles a note that simply says “BE SEEING YOU…”, and Giles stares darkly (and kind of creepily) into the camera to let us know that we’re not done with his dark!secret!past just yet.

 Badass Giles is in town, y’all. Better get used to it.

Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: An old friend comes to town and he’s a lying liar who lies. See through the lies in S02 E07 – Lie to Me.

K (all posts)

I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.