Sweeney: With the Oscars coming up, we decided we would start dedicating our weekends to helping you prepare, so that you can casually discuss these movies with your friends. It’s important to be able to convince your friends or coworkers that you went to the movies to see something other than 21 Jumpstreet or Step Up: Revolution.
Lorraine: Yeeah… Sweeney’s seen most of these nominated movies. I’m going to be super honest, 1.) I have 0 qualifications for speaking on film, ever and 2.) 21 Jumpstreet was one of the few movies I actually saw in theaters. That and like the midnight showing of The Hunger Games. So, yeah, I’m playing catch up. But! Like the best bloggers we are, we figured we’d muscle through it so you wouldn’t have to. It’s kind of our thing.
Sweeney: I think my primary qualification to comment on film is that I watch them. EXPERTISE, YO. EYES!
Follow our handy-dandy Saturday Oscar Prep Guide in order to be able to scoff indignantly or laugh knowingly at all the right moments during the 85th Academy Awards. Each week, we’ll introduce two new categories and tell you everything you need to know to halfass your way through a conversation.
BEST PICTURE
Amour 
Sweeney: FEELINGS! This is the last movie I watched on this list and it hit a little too close to home. Amour tells the story of an elderly couple living in Paris. The wife has a stroke and is partially paralyzed. She hates hospitals and makes him promise not to put her in one, so he decides to care for her at home (with the help of nurses). As her health deteriorates, she also gives up on life, in general, and he has to fight with her to basically want to stay alive. There are so many lovely, beautiful moments with this couple (funny moments, too) and it’s just brilliantly done. This was the biggest surprise on this list on nomination day, not because it wasn’t a real contender, but because the other eight were a given. Amour is, unsurprisingly based on the title, in French. It will obviously win the Best Foreign Language Film category, but not this one. Still, it’s a beautiful movie. You probably don’t need any talking points on this movie; it’s about old French people so nobody expects you to have seen it.
Lor: Seeing this movie is really it’s own talking point. I SAW SOMETHING WITH SUBTITLES, BITCHES. Maybe avoid the capslock and the “bitches” for maximum classiness.
Argo
Sweeney: It’s a real movie about making a fake movie. During the 1979 revolution in Iran, they were all like, “Hey America, stop protecting the dude we just overthrew!” And we were all, “LOL nope.” So they stormed our embassy and in the clusterfuck a handful of people from our embassy escaped and managed to hide out in the Canadian embassy to avoid being taken hostage/killed. Sam Mendez Ben Affleck (yay Hollywood whitewashing!) comes up with a zany-crazy plan to rescue them by pretending they are a Canadian film crew. This movie gets high marks for managing to create genuine nail-biting suspense out of a several-minute-long sequence in which everyone waits to see if phones are answered. No lie. It’s just a bunch of ringing phones. And you’re in the audience like, “HOLY CRAP, WILL THEY ANSWER?” A+ for that, guys. It won the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture – Drama, but it was snubbed for Best Director, and it is incredibly rare for movies to win Best Picture without a nomination for Best Director. That being said, the fact that it did win Best Picture at the Globes makes it at least a contender here. Also, the PGA win has changed the race a bit, so say people who professionally speculate about this stuff.
Lor: Argo is made for the Oscars. It’s based on true events, is set in the past, thus requiring the according hair, make-up and sets, and it pokes fun at Hollywood, as you would expect a real movie about a fake movie might. More importantly, though, in the end a movie saves the day. Give this damn thing an award. Yeah, but really, I wasn’t putting my money it. I guess the point is that I don’t get paid for this so I don’t actually have any money, and the people who DO get paid for this, say it could happen.
Beasts of the Southern Wild 
Sweeney: WATCH THIS MOVIE. JUST WATCH IT. It won’t win, but watch it so that we can discuss how much it deserved to win. One of the coolest fictional little girls ever, Hushpuppy, lives in a bayou community (called The Bathtub) separated from the world by a levee. It’s told largely from Hushpuppy’s perspective and, as such, has these awesome fantastical elements that actually make her world somehow more accessible. You know, for the two hours I spent watching the movie, before I remembered my cushy privileged existence. I have nothing snarky to say because this movie is amazing and GO WATCH IT NOW.
Lor: If you truly want to sound like you know what you are talking about, try throwing around the word “divisive.” Truth is, even though I loved it too and it has a remarkable pre-title opening, this is the type of movie that will almost certainly land viewers in two camps: GO WATCH IT NOW and WTF? It’s a fantasy film grounded in reality with universal elements and themes. When the fantasy elements pop up, it can catch you off guard. Like you forgot the movie you were watching was about a fictional town with fictional beasts and that this coolest 6-year-old ever doesn’t actually exist.
Be sure to mention how inventive the movie is (it really is), the cast of unknowns, and the unknown filmmakers. It’s the indie darling, underdog and deserves the honor of the nomination. Again: Not the most likely to win.
Django Unchained 
Sweeney: Because I have brothers and they are bigger/louder than me, I lost the Django v. Les Mis fight on Christmas Day. I can’t say I was all that sorry about it, because this Quentin Tarantino movie was also fantastic. The big controversial talking point, as I understand it, is the incredibly frequent use of the N word. I can’t fathom how anybody who saw the movie would come out of thinking that it makes it all right for people to use in contemporary conversation; if anything the film highlighted why its such a loaded word. That’s my two cents. Great, fun movie. Not a likely contender for the win, in my humble opinion.
Les Misérables 
Lor: When I went to see this movie (in theaters say wuh!) I was seated directly in front of a group of people who didn’t know it was a musical. DON’T BE THOSE PEOPLE.
Sweeney: WUT? I don’t understand how such people exist.
Lor: Um, stupidity or lack of television. I can’t decide.
Based on a play in turn based on the historical novel by Victor Hugo, Les Misérables tells the really miserable story of Jean Valjean, an ex-con turned mayor turned fugitive. Seeing as how the entire story spans 17 years and a political rebellion, a true plot summary is hard, but suffice to say that lots of sad things happen to our ensemble cast. I mean, we start the story with Valjean having served 17 years in jail for stealing a loaf of bread. FOR HIS STARVING FAMILY. Those are the types of feel good times you can expect from the film.
Because of its history and “based on a based on” status, Les Mis came to theaters with a built in fan base. I’m sure a few people showed up with a general “LOL, WOLVERINE SINGING” mentality or perhaps even, “wait, Russell Crowe can sing?” (S: Spoiler alert: he really can’t.) Impressive in its own right, as all the singing was done live on stage, the bottom line is: if you don’t like musicals, this musical isn’t for you. The nomination is a hat tip for the awesome production and solid cast, and huge fan as I may be, I’m not holding my breath for a win.
Sweeney: It didn’t get a Best Director nod, which is usually a prerequisite for winning Best Picture, but it did take home the Golden Globe for best musical/comedy. Interestingly enough, both of the two Best Picture winners from the Golden Globes didn’t secure the crucial Best Director nomination.
That being said, it absolutely shouldn’t win this award and I’ll +1 the rest of what you said. We saw this movie the day after Christmas and I was ultimately glad I lost the Christmas Day fight because I had to listen to my brothers and father complain about it for a good thirty minutes after we left the theater, which was way fun.
Life of Pi 
Sweeney: Since I think Beasts has been counted out, I would lovelovelove to see Life of Pi take this home. I haven’t read the book, so I can make no comparisons (though I now want to read it). Life of Pi is, as the name suggests, the story of a boy named Pi (a nickname he gave himself) and his adventures. Adult Pi tells the story in the present day and we periodically jump back and forth to that. Young Pi lives in India and his parents run a zoo. Eventually they decide to set sail for Canada to give the kids a better life. Unfortunately, the ship wrecks and Pi spends the better part of the film on a life boat with a tiger named Richard Parker.
There is obviously a lot of CGI involved, but the whole film has a dewy, dreamy quality that makes it fairly seamless. Richard Parker, by virtue of being a tiger, is pretty much a constant threat to Pi’s life, but Pi comes to care deeply about Richard Parker’s survival, in part because he’d be alone out there without him. I can’t express enough how in awe of this film I was. Much like Beasts, the fantasy elements might not appeal to everyone, but I think it’s a more accessible film.
Lor: Agreed. This film is a little more upfront about the string of unlikely events which compose its plot. I haven’t read the book either, but the writing is smart and the film beautiful. It was definitely one of my favorite ones to watch.
Lincoln 
Sweeney: The probable victor. It gets infinity points for being a Spielberg film and not also being about a horse. (Seriously, did you see War Horse? That was torture.) (L: I didn’t watch it but I vividly remember your Tweets about. Those were Oscar worthy.) For all the more intrinsically cinematic things that happened in Lincoln’s lifetime, this film is actually about the passage of the 13th amendment. I went to school in DC, so this is totes exciting to me, but also, in theory, a harder subject to make a movie about than, say, war. This is also an adaptation of a nonfiction book called Team of Rivals about the various political figures that played a role in the passage of the 13th amendment. Daniel Day Lewis is nothing short of amazing as Lincoln, but we’ll get to that in another post. The essential information for right now is that this movie is incredible and has all the requisite clout to play the Oscar politicking game of taking home the prize. It wouldn’t be my choice from this list, but bitterness on behalf of my favorites aside, I wouldn’t fault the Academy for giving Lincoln the win.
Lor: This is really great because this is the part where I admit that I haven’t actually watched the probable winner. Awwwkward.
Silver Linings Playbook 
Sweeney: I’ll get into this more when we do the screenplay posts, but I just have to say that this movie is infinity times better than the book. It’s rare to get to say that, but I absolutely believe it. That being said, I am rooting against this movie in this category. The film follows a bipolar Bradley Cooper after his release from a mental hospital. He is still obsessed with his ex-wife and is determined to win her back, though this is complicated by the fact that she has a restraining order against him. He meets the similarly crazypants Jennifer Lawrence and she plots to help him communicate with his ex-wife if he agrees to help her win a dance competition. Meanwhile, he also has to deal with family dysfunction; his father, Robert DeNiro is obsessed with football, to the point of it being pathological. It’s a compelling, well-acted movie, and, as one of the five films to also secure the Best Director nomination, a viable candidate for the win, but I hope it doesn’t actually take home the award.
Lor: It’s easy to be a little biased toward Silver Linings Playbook simply because of JLaw. Wait, we’re supposed to be telling you what to say, so maybe don’t admit that in quite that way. Absolutely mention, however, the way this movie did romantic comedy/dramedy right. It is a genre so often discredited and it’s nice to see something in that vein nominated.
Zero Dark Thirty 
Sweeney: Without a nomination for Best Director, it’s a dubious candidate for the actual win. Not to mention all the controversy that surrounded the film (most of which was a little stupid and ill-founded). The movie follows the hunt and eventual assassination of Osama Bin Laden. Jessica Chastain plays a CIA operative who joins the organization shortly after 9/11 and essentially dedicates the next ten years of her life to finding him. It’s an interesting film when everyone knows the ending, because this could just as easily be a movie about how this obsession basically ruined her. Chastain is amazing in this, and I’m a little surprised Bigelow wasn’t nominated, but I think I’d count this one out too. It’s a shame, though, because it’s absolutely deserving.
Predicted/Preferred Winners
Sweeney: My money is on Lincoln, but I’d say Silver Linings Playbook Argo has the next best chance. Maybe a shadow of a chance for Life of Pi because I want it to have a chance? I actually want it to be Beasts of the Southern Wild. I’ll let you decipher this as you will.
Lor: I’m also in on Lincoln, though I’m thinking Zero Dark Thirty is the next most likely with Silver Linings Playbook after that. Mostly, all the movies I liked the best probably won’t win. I’m not sure what this says about me. Or the Oscars.
BEST DIRECTOR
Amour / Michael Haneke
Sweeney: He did a great job and was kind of adorable at the Golden Globes. Won’t win, though.
Lor: His movie is in French. Sorry, dude.
Beasts of the Southern Wild / Benh Zeitlin
Sweeney: I wrote my bit on Life of Pi first, so I’ll just say to see that, except without all the optimism about a potential victory.
Lor: I agree with that portion that people haven’t read yet if they are reading this post in order, down there by Life of Pi. (WHAT UP SENSE MAKING.) I think what makes this film even more impressive is that it came with such a beautiful, comprehensive vision from not an Ang Lee. This was Benh Zeitlin’s first feature, and no that shouldn’t be why he wins, but is impressive nonetheless.
Life of Pi / Ang Lee
Sweeney: Because of the fantastical nature of what Ang Lee had to pull together here, I actually think that this is where this movie stands a fighting chance. Safe money is still on Lincoln in this category too, but the scope of Lee’s vision here was so enormous that the fact that he was able to pull it all together is incredible.
Lor: You only have to see this movie to understand the scope of what Lee brought together here, from past to present, dry land to ocean and of course, the ever present tiger.
Lincoln / Steven Spielberg
Sweeney: Again, the likely winner, because he’s Steven Spielberg.
Lor: Making a historical, old timey movie. Also: he’s Steven Spielberg.
Silver Linings Playbook / David O. Russell
Sweeney: The greatest fault I found with this movie were some of the acting choices that I think Bradley Cooper made as a result of reading the book. I blame David O. Russell for telling him to read the book, instead of relying on the vastly improved script, and, as such, don’t want him to win this.
Lor: I didn’t read this book, but in this category with these other contenders, I don’t want him to win either.
Predicted/Preferred Winners:
Sweeney: Still betting on Spielberg but with a Ang Lee as a viable competitor. Ang Lee is my preferred winner in this category too.
Lor: I guess this isn’t as fun if I just say, “yeah! Me too!” But, yeah. Me too. Spielberg for the win, with Lee and Zeitlin in my heart.
My heart is totally a better prize.
Tell us all about your favorites, picks and predictions in the comments and join us again next weekend when we take on the next two categories.
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