Previously: Beer turned Buffy and a bunch of douchey boys into cavemen. Also, Buffy hit Poop Head Parker over the head with a tree branch and everyone cheered.
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Wild at Heart
Kirsti: The alternative post title for this episode is “In which Team Heartless Cow curls up in the Corner of Endless Tears,” but that was too long to fit…
Sweeney: I’ve already made room for you on the couch.
K: THANK YOU, SWEENEY <3
We open on the campus at night. In typical Contrivance U fashion, there are people everywhere, unlike every single time Buffy fights a demon/vampire. Speak of the devil, Buffy sprints through the background with a vampire hot on her tail. And in typical Contrivance U fashion, NO ONE NOTICES.
S: They’re just, like, super invested in their contrivance studies. Focused.
K: Buffy stops in a conveniently abandoned part of campus and tells the vamp that the running was just a way to fight without there being people nearby. They fight, she stakes him, and then complains to the universe that she doesn’t think the Forces of Darkness are even trying any more. The camera pans out to reveal Spike(!!!!) standing on a convenient hill/terrace/thing. He monologues about how the Big Bad (himself) is back and then gets electrocuted with a Taser and dragged off by the mysterious soldiers that have been plaguing the campus of late. Roll credits.
Lorraine: Spike should just quit soliloquizing. I mean, watching his mouth move is fun, but it never ends well for him.
K: Agreed. After the credits, the gang are hanging out at the Bronze and I’m pretty sure Buffy is wearing an apron with nothing underneath it. WHUT.
They discuss how college is all new and exciting, and how the Bronze is nice and familiar and nothing ever changes there. At that, Giles walks up, and pulls up a chair and the gang have serious awkward turtle faces. Not surprisingly:
Their attempts at making things less awkward only inform Giles that he’s old and probably shouldn’t be there. Especially Xander’s “Isn’t home that empty place you’re trying to escape?” WHOOPS. (L: Xander shouldn’t talk…) Luckily for all concerned, a band starts playing. Unluckily for Willow, it’s Veruca’s band. She humps the microphone stand and eye-fucks Oz. Willow is understandably edgy and freaked about this turn of events, especially seeing as Oz can’t take his eyes off her.
S: Also upsetting that he knows that Veruca plays every Wednesday.
K: Buffy sees Willow’s despair and tries to quiz Oz about when Dingoes Ate My Baby are playing next. He answers in as few words as possible, and Willow looks hurt.
Cut to Oz’s place the next morning. Willow’s talking in her sleep and apparently having dreams that involve sandblasters. Oz wakes and says “It’s a dream. Come back to me.” Willow fake-sleep talks and they’re so freaking cute that I nearly forget the part where this episode rips out my heart and stamps on it repeatedly.
S: I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE THE ADORABLE.
L: You guys, you understand that you keep saying this, and now I’m watching this episode super tentatively. Like the episode is a snarling dog a second away from biting me. YOU GUYS ARE STRESSING ME OUT MORE THAN THE EPISODE IS.
K: Sorry. But not. Because I HAVE FEELS, DAMMIT.
Oz says that Willow’s brain is always busy and that he can help her shut it up if she’d like… Willow, however, is a conscientious student and class trumps adorable boyfriend sexy times. She suggests that night instead. But it’s the night before the full moon that night. Womp womp. Besides, Willow has an orientation for an on-campus wicca group on Oz’s three wolfy nights. They snuggle some more, and the Flutes of Feels strike up in the background.
Over in Evil Bitch Monster’s class, Buffy has apparently joined the cast of Survivor because she’s wearing a bandanna over her hair. EBM is handing assignments back and wants Buffy to lead a discussion group on account of she kicked the assignment’s butt. Outside the classroom, Willow asks how she did, and gets equal parts proud and jealous when she learns that Buffy did better than her. She follows that with “You made me jealous of you academically!!” and they hug.
S: I LOL’d so hard at this. SO PRECIOUS. I’M SO HAPPY. You don’t even need to know the future to know this can’t last. JOSS WHEDON IS SETTING THEM FEELS UP TO KNOCK THEM DOWN.
K: While I do like that there was a moment of normality and adorable friends-y-ness in this episode, it just makes what comes later SO MUCH WORSE.
L:
STOP IT GUYS.
K: Willow heads off to meet Oz at the cafe while Buffy goes in search of a TA (read: Riley, because apparently inventing other TAs for that class was too hard) to give her tips on the discussion group.
At the cafe, Veruca is sitting alone at a table. The only table with free chairs, in fact. (L: No one wants to sit with a Stinky Girl.) (K: TRUTH) Oz walks up and looks around awkwardly. Veruca tells him to sit down, and when he mentions that Willow’s coming, she says there’s room for her too. They start talking amplifiers and we cut over to Willow searching the crowd for Oz. When she spots him with Veruca, her face falls. She pastes on a brave smile and walks up to them. There’s an awkward halt in the conversation when she sits down until Oz starts talking amplifiers again. Willow tries to join in, but thinks they’re talking about music groups. Things get awkward again. Oz bails, closely followed by Veruca who drops a “Good shirt” at Willow as she goes. Buffy arrives, and Willow says “How come you didn’t tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?“As evidence to Willow’s continuingly awful fashion sense, Buffy’s reply is “I thought that was the point…”
S: WOMP.
L: Only we can make fun of Willow’s fashion choices.
K: RIGHT??
Willow has a little “WHY DOES OZ LIKE SOMEONE ELSE?” panic, and Buffy does the supportive friend thing. She reassures Willow that Oz isn’t the cheating type, and Willow looks a little more chipper when she remembers that for the next three nights, he’ll be locked in a cage. With that, we cut to the cemetery on account of blowing up the Wiggins Library meant no more book cage for Wolf!Oz to hang out in. Oz walks into a crypt where a (shoddily built looking) cage has been constructed. He pulls the door shut behind him and waits for the change. Gratuitous shot of the moon to let us know that time’s passed. Wolf!Oz hurls himself against the cage door over and over, and eventually the hinges fail and the door pops out. He runs off into the night.
Over at Contrivance U, the Evil Bitch Monster is packing up in the lecture theatre. Because apparently she doesn’t actually have an office? She cuts across the contrivance-ly empty campus and hears a rustling in the bushes next to her. Wolf!Oz jumps out, and starts chasing her. She runs through the bushes and straight into GASP another werewolf. Ruh roh. EBM dives out of the way as the two werewolves attack each other. Another gratuitous shot of the moon, and then we’re in the forest the following morning. The camera pans down to naked!Oz, who looks about as confused as the first time this happened, way back in season 2. But this time he’s covered in scratches and there’s someone with him. As ominous music plays, naked!Veruca sits up, nuzzles his shoulder and bids him a good morning. And excuse me, I have a train to catch – direct from Not Okay With This to NOPEVILLE, POPULATION ME.
S: +1
L: Hope you weren’t counting on keeping NOPEVILLE to yourself.
K: Allow me to correct that statement: NOPEVILLE, POPULATION: SNARK SQUAD.
After the Not Commercial Break, we’re still in the woods. Oz looks confused and a little panicky as Veruca gets handsy. He’s all “Uhhhhh, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED??” and she tells him that she’s a werewolf groupie and that “no one else gets it done for me.” Both Oz and I throw up in our mouths, and she reassures him that she’s just a regular werewolf. And then she macks on his arm. Ew. Anyway, apparently the whole magnetic attraction thing between them was Wolf Signal, which is like the Bat Signal only much worse because it MAKES YOU INADVERTENTLY CHEAT ON WILLOW WITH A GIRL NAMED AFTER A FOOT WART.
Cut to a laundry room at one of the Contrivance U dorms. Oz searches through the laundry that’s lying around for clothes, while Veruca went as far as putting on underwear and apparently got bored.
S: Someone else’s underwear.
K: Oh, GROSS. I honestly hadn’t thought about that part before. Urgh. Oz says they need to work out how they got out of their cages, and Veruca is all “LOL WHUT, you have a cage??” She tells him that he’s not a normal guy who’s a wolf three nights a month – he’s a wolf all the time and it’s his human face that’s the lie. Um. I know I’m really horrific at maths, but I’m pretty sure 25 nights trumps 3 nights, you daft bint. ANYWAY. Oz goes to leave, saying that he needs to check the papers and see if they hurt anyone. Veruca says that they only hurt each other, and that they could do it again without the full moon. Oz looks the way I feel – nauseated. She then makes an oddly superior sounding speech which can basically be summed up by Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All:
Oz tells her that killing people is wrong, and she gets all crazy stalker and tells him that they belong together. Oz is all “Uhhh, NO.” and leaves. Veruca waves a smug “See you tonight” after him.
L: And who said this bitch wasn’t the devil?
K: Cut (thankfully) to the Evil Bitch Monster telling Riley all about how she got attacked by wild dogs, because apparently she’s blind. Buffy walks up just in time to hear about it, and runs off. Over at Oz’s place, he’s searching the newspaper when Willow turns up wearing what appears to be green leather pants and a shiny purple paisley wrap top. GURL. STOP. They hug, and she apologises for being awkward about Veruca the previous day. Oz says that he didn’t notice anything, and Willow’s relieved at the idea that it was all in her head. She gets all “How about that sex now?” but Oz pulls back on account of the Covered In Crazy Stalker Werewolf Girl Scratch Marks thing. Willow’s hurt and leaves.
S: Team Feels needs to invest in a special heart superglue for all the smashing re-assemblage required over here.
K: Too true. Over at Giles’, his formerly hidden TV has been moved to his desk. He’s watching Jeopardy and judging people for their incorrect answers. Season 4 Giles is the best, he really is. There’s a knock on the door, and it’s Buffy. She fills him in on the Evil Bitch Monster’s “wild dogs”, then leaves in search of Oz. She’s literally there for 30 seconds, and surely she could have just phoned??
S: Agreed. I realize that this isn’t quite yet to that magic moment when everybody and their toddler acquired a cellphone, but finding a payphone had to have been more efficient than this.
L: But, we have efficiently established bored, unemployed Giles. Wait, I guess we did that when he showed up at the Bronze. NM. USE A PAY PHONE.
K: Cut to Willow mopily stomping down the stairs of Xander’s basement. She asks him for a guy translation on the whole Oz not wanting to have sexytimes thing, only in “I’m asking for a friend” type of code. Despite the circumstances, it’s a nice moment for their friendship and I’m relieved that season 4 Xander is nowhere near as sucky as High School Xander. Anyway, Xander’s advice is that they talk about it and then things will be better.
S: It helps that he exists against a backdrop of fail, but S4 Xander is definitely the winner of the Most Improved award. I also appreciate his, “If you’re doing it, I think you should be able to say it,” because we say that to Ana every single week. Sorry, I did it again.
L: I had the same exact thought, which is a surprise to no one. I really like Xander this season, which is a surprise to me.
K: I like season 4 Xander too, which either says a lot about season 4’s epic suckitude, or says a lot about how much Xander needed to get out of high school. Meanwhile, Oz has apparently learnt to weld and is repairing the door to his cage. Buffy turns up and quizzes him about the second werewolf, before saying “You know, I find wolf number 2 out on patrol tonight, you might have a roomie in there.” She goes to leave, but picks up on the weird vibe and asks if he’s okay. He says he is, even though he’s clearly not. We cut to the Bronze, where Veruca’s band are rehearsing before doing a montage of shots – Veruca humping the microphone stand, Oz sitting alone in his room, Willow at wicca group orientation looking miserable. The final shot is Oz picking up the phone, followed by the sun sinking towards the horizon.
Oz stands at the entrance to his cage as Veruca walks down the steps of the crypt. She’s all “Oh, HELLS NO. I am NOT spending the night in a cage!” even when he says that he knows people who’ll be out there hunting her. There’s some back and forth, all of which makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and which ends with Oz grabbing Veruca, dragging her into the cage, and kissing her as the door pulls shut behind her. They fall to the floor, and their hands join, before morphing into wolf hands. This makes me even MORE uncomfortable.
S: I’m a little torn. I hate that he’s hurting Willow, and I hate that he’s keeping it a secret. But I get it. I even get why he’s uncomfortable with the sharing. Still, it’s mostly the secrecy that upsets me.
K: Right there with you. The following morning, Willow arrives at the crypt with coffee and doughnuts because she’s adorable. But her face falls when she sees Oz and Veruca curled up together in the cage. “Oh my God” is all she can say. Oz wakes up, reaches for his pants and struggles to open the cage in a panic, while Veruca stretches and smirks like the cat that got the cream. Willow’s eyes fill with tears as Oz tries to explain. He reaches for her, and she yells “Don’t touch me!” and pulls away.
Oz : She was gonna hurt somebody. I didn’t have a choice.
Willow : But you did. You could’ve told somebody. Your solution… Just put you two together in a room all night?
Good point, Will. (S: EXACTLY.) She’s openly crying now. Oz yells at Veruca to get out before apologising to Willow. She calls him a jerk and says that she knew and how dare he tell her everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. In a very poor decision, he reminds her that he knows what it’s like, finding your partner with someone else, on account of that one time she and Xander got kidnapped by Spike and they made out. Not okay, Oz.
Oz blames it all on his wolf side, but Willow won’t have a bar of it. She runs out crying.
L: I suppose I get Oz too, and I know this must be confusing for him and all, but he made some wrong moves, namely with the bringing up the Xander thing. This hurts.
K: SO MUCH. Cut to the main street of town, where she’s walking aimlessly down the street while wiping the tears from her face. She goes to cross the road, but doesn’t look and a car is rapidly approaching. Buffy, who’s conveniently on the other side, tries to save her but she’s too far away. Thankfully, Riley is on hand to drag Willow out of the car’s path. Buffy runs to her friend, who’s now broken down completely. She thanks Riley for saving Willow, and the girls head for home.
In the Bigger On The Inside Dorm Room, Willow’s curled up on her bed, having clearly filled Buffy in. Buffy says that she has to leave and find Veruca before sunset, and that it’ll all end tonight because Veruca’s bad news. She also tells Willow to “put the blame where it belongs” before leaving. At that, Willow gets all serious face-y, and the Music of “This Probably Isn’t a Good Idea” strikes up. She gets off the bed and opens her Box o’ Witchy Stuff. At that, we cut to Oz’s. He’s on the phone, trying to find Veruca when Buffy bursts in with a serious case of “YOU FUCKED UP AND I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW” face. He says that he’s pretty sure he can sniff his way to Veruca, and then tries to explain, but Buffy basically tells him to talk to the hand.
Over at the science lab, Willow’s brewing up a spell to break Oz and Veruca’s hearts. Cut to Oz and Buffy in the woods. He thinks he’s got a bearing on Veruca. Back at the lab, Willow’s emotions are getting the better of her, because stuff is starting to hover. The woods: Oz and Buffy have found a pile of Veruca’s clothes. Buffy suspects that Veruca was trying to throw them off her trail. Oz gets “OH SHIT, WILLOW” face, and sprints off with Buffy trailing behind. She collides with one of the Super Secret Soldiers.
Back to the lab: Willow needs to burn a picture of Oz to complete the spell, but she can’t do it. She drops the picture, and all the hovering glassware smashes on the bench. “Wow. For a minute there, I thought you might actually play rough” says a voice behind her. It’s Veruca, who shuts and locks the door. “Sometimes you have to, you know. To keep what’s yours. Sometimes you have to kill” she continues, and HOLY HELL, BITCH BE CRAY-CRAY. The sun’s setting, and Willow looks panicky.
S: You know, for all the murdery boyfriends, we do have a shortage of murdery girlfriends. She’s not actual girlfriend (but most of our murdery boyfriends are a little dubious too), way to mix it up for us, Veruca!
K: This is true. At least it’s something new and different…
L: -_-
Pass.
K: The woods: Buffy and the Super Secret Soldier grab their weapons and run off in their respective directions.
The lab: Veruca taunts Willow before backhanding her across the face. Willow falls to the floor as Oz breaks through the door. “Don’t touch her again,” he says. Veruca tells him that Willow’s keeping him from becoming his real self and that everything will be different once she kills Willow. There’s a really awkward and poorly done segment where they’re partly wolfed out but still having a conversation before Oz attacks Veruca. They wolf out completely and the fight continues until Wolf!Oz rips out Wolf!Veruca’s throat. HURRAH.
Although DOWNSIDE – he then turns his sights on Willow. Luckily, Buffy arrives in the nick of time, dragging Oz away from Willow. She fights him off and then shoots him with a tranquiliser gun in a moment oddly reminiscent of Wolf!Oz’s first appearance back in season 2.
Willow breaks down and starts sobbing, and Buffy runs to her:
L: I kind of feel bad for being so hard on Buffy for being a bad friend last episode because she has been absolutely fantastic to Willow this episode. And watching that gif over and over while typing this sentence made me start crying. Again.
K: Cut to Giles’ apartment the next day where Buffy’s filling him in on everything that’s happened, including the collision with the Super Secret Soldier. She wants to find the soldiers because they got in her way and she nearly wasn’t in time to stop Oz.
Giles : You saved Willow.
Buffy : Right now she wishes I hadn’t. Giles, I’ve never seen her like this. It’s like it hurts too much to form words.
Giles : You’ve… You’ve felt that way yourself, And you got through it.
Buffy : Yeah. I ran away and went to hell and then got through it. I’m kind of hoping she doesn’t use me as a model.
Giles : Fair enough.
At that, we’re in Oz’s room. Willow walks in to see him packing his stuff. He’s leaving town. He says he needs time to work out where the line is between him and the wolf and what it all means. Willow wants to know if she gets a say, but nope. He’s made up his mind – he needs to be not around people. Willow’s crying by now, and so am I. “Don’t you love me?” she asks plaintively. “My whole life, I never loved anything else,” he replies, and Team Heartless Cow loses its shit and migrates permanently to the Corner of Endless Tears. Oz kisses Willow’s forehead, then grabs his bag and walks out. Willow sobs in his room while Oz gets in his van, hesitates for a minute, and then drives away.
Fade to black.
S: ALL THE EMOTIONS.
K: In summary:
Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we find out who the Super Secret Soldiers are, and what they’ve been up to. Find out all the gossip in S04 E07 – The Initiative.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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