Previously: Faith came to town for a two-parter, and Buffy showed up to complete a brat-tastic crossover. Then Faith volunteered her way to jail.
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War Zone
Lorraine: If fighting in a cemetery is Buffy’s go-to opening (with dream sequences being a not-too-far second place) a woman worriedly walking down a street at night is Angel’s go-to. That’s how we start our episode today. Worried Walking Woman is being followed by three nefarious looking guys and she soon breaks out into a worried jog. She reaches a dead end, and we see the nefarious guys are in fact vampires. She looks pretty SOL until we hear footsteps approaching. One vamp is all, “YOU!” and the music swells and the lying camera zooms in on the YOU!’s feet, so we know it isn’t who we expect it to be, despite the black and billowy coat. It is not Angel. It’s a black male wearing a bandana. He asks if the vamp was expecting someone else, just as a jeep full of back-up rolls into the shot.
Roll credits.
After all the electric cello-ing, The Fang Gang walk into a party. Cordelia says she’s missed the smell of money and Angel tells Wesley that she isn’t kidding. “Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It’s uncanny.” LOL. He’s gotta entertain himself somehow, in between the brooding and Rosetta Stone, right?
Sweeney: This is a hilarious Angel hobby. Best one yet.
Kirsti: Definitely better than the time he learnt Korean.
Lor: Cordelia spots the person they are looking for, a so-called Mr. Nabbit. There are introductions all around as Nabbit says he doesn’t know who most the people at the party are. He’s a twitchy, stuttering sort, so we know he’s a nerd. Angel says they can chat some other time if it’s more convenient, and Nabbit’s all, “but Cordelia said a party would be the best time to talk.” Cordy smiles guiltily.
They all sit and talk case details. Apparently it has something to do with blackmail and Dungeons and Dragons.
Sweeney: YES. HE CAN. Wesley stepping in with the correction is pretty great too. Basically I just adore both of their expressions in the last two gifs.
K: Smug Wesley is SUUUUUUPER smug. Which is hilarious, because knowing about D&D isn’t really something that generally goes hand in hand with smugness.
Lor: Our lovely Wes does like to know things, though.
Nabbit used to play a lot of D&D in high school, because of the rush of pretending to be someone else and battling mythical creatures and romancing demon princesses. A group of them were really invested, particularly in the demon romances and found a place where, and here he struggles to get out his sentence. Wesley guesses that they went to Madame Dorian’s. Once, Nabbit says. Wesley explains that it’s demon brothel. Twice, Nabbit interjects. Wesley says that the Watcher’s Council is rife with stories about the brothel.
Angel: And, uh, how many…
Nabbit: 12… times.
Angel: …people knew about you going?
Angel deadpans it, but his little “are you serious right now?” side eye is great. Nabbit says only his friends knew about his going. It seems his security team already knows who has the pictures but just can’t find the guy. Angel says they will try to do better.
K: I’ve been trying to process “demon brothel” for a good 36 hours now, and still just come up with “Urgh.”
Lor: I mean, just as “urgh” as vampire sex, if you think about it for too long. SO WE WON’T.
Back over with the Worried Walking Woman [WWW], a full out brawl has broken out between the vampires and whatever this vigilante team is.She was clearly used as bait. There are some casualties on both sides before the vampires take off running and the vigilantes make their own exit.
We follow them back to their underground headquarters, where the WWW and the Bandana Leader help one of their injured men inside. He’s in bad shape and says that a vampire picked him up like he was a baby, even though he is in fact not a baby. And with those choice last words, Not A Baby dies.
Sweeney: We really need to work on a system to keep these delightful nicknames from going to waste on such short-lived characters.
K: Truth.
Lor: The Snark Squad Graveyard, if you will.
Angel walks into the demon brothel and is promptly pointed toward the exit by the lady running the brothel, who may be Madam Dorian but who I’ll just call Lady Pimp. She tells Angel they don’t service vampires. He explains that he’s there to talk, which is also something they don’t do. Angel says he’s impressed by the discretion, and plays up on that to say that he’s looking for a guy blackmailing his client with pictures taken at the brothel. That’s certainly not good for business. When Angel gives Lady Pimp Nabbit’s name, she knows the demon-prostitute they should speak to– a she-demon named Lina.
Lina comes out and immediately says that Angel is real pretty. It’s been a while since this has happened, but I’m guessing you all keep the shot glasses and liquor handy. Lina is pretty interesting looking herself. She’s got feather quills for hair, a receding hairline and a nice rack. Also, she uses her tail to get a little feelsy on Angel. Lady Pimp says that Angel is there for information and she’s all, “Whatever.”
K: Also, I feel the need to point out that one of the other demon-prostitutes wandering around in the background has the spinal boner thing from that terrible episode guest starring Bai Ling.
Lor: Nice catch.
The seizure cut that leads us into the next scene is cut with a couple kissing, another demon-prostitute and Lina smiling prettily at Angel. Don’t expect me to slow them all down. That one just caught my eye, so I did. (S: Given that we have all taken to ignoring them, I was genuinely confused for a minute or two there about what you were even talking about. Sorry seizure cuts, ain’t nobody got time for that.) Anyways, we’re back with the rag-tag vampire fighters I still don’t have a good nickname for, and WWW is telling Bandana Leader, who is apparently her brother, that he’s being reckless. She thinks he’s really enjoying vampire-fighting, but he says she’s wrong. She hopes she is, ’cause it would suck if he died. He probably wouldn’t be able to match, “I’m not a baby!” as last words.
Sweeney: Also, I have to interject that Tumblr has shown me that Bandana Leader is, like, an actual character on this show who will do some other actual things. What things, I’m not really sure, I just know that there are lots of gifs of him. So, like, gifable things. You know, those kinds of things. But based on this episode alone, I’m pretty sure you can just keep calling him Bandana Leader.
K: His name’s Charles Gunn, and he’s kind of awesome. That’s all I’m saying. But yeah, for the purposes of this episode, have at the nicknames.
Lor: Whoops. This goes to show how un-spoiled I am. I’m not even gif-spoiled. And yes, we will keep the nickname for at least this episode because I already wrote all of it with “Bandana Leader.” Uh. Sorry.
Just as Bandana Leader is telling his sister that he’s never gonna die, a guy named “Chain” (for real) comes in saying something about a vampire nest they found near by. Another guy reports that they were followed by a vamp jumping from rooftop to rooftop, with the springiest legs and stiffest hair he’s ever seen. I made up that last part.
Outside, Angel confronts the guy who’s been blackmailing Nabbit. He’s wearing a track suit and also his head is oddly phallic.
Phallic Blackmailer asks Angel what he wants and his response is, “love, family, a place on this planet I can call my own.” But he’s never going to get those things, and neither will Phallic unless he cooperates. Angel asks for the pictures of Nabbit and Phallic plays dumb. Angel says he’s used up his one lie. We see that Bandana Leader is watching all of this go down. Phallic says Angel doesn’t want to see his bad side, and Angel vamps out. Vamping out at will is another thing that’s been portrayed with some inconsistency, especially considering that Doyle led us to believe that being demoned out means being stronger.
Anyways, Phallic is freaked and Angel tells him to deliver the pictures tomorrow and then super runs away. Bandana Leader is all, “I’mma kill it.”
At Nabbit’s schmancy place, he’s thanking Wesley and Cordy for hanging out with him at the party, and also giving them a very large check for their work so far. It flusters Cordy so much that she says Nabbit’s name (David) feels good in her mouth. Okay, Cordy.
K: Wesley’s “Oh, you did NOT just say that” expression is priceless.
Lor: Presumably the next night, Angel goes to pick up the pictures from Phallic Blackmailer, whose brought some demon attack muscle. It’s clear the demon is stronger than Angel, but Angel crafty fights him and manages to both nab the compromising photos and kill the demon. Phallic takes off running.
K: Out of context, that last sentence is particularly hilarious, and reminds me of Red Dwarf.
Lor: Angel is clearly winded, though he didn’t once vamp out through the whole fight. As he’s down on one knee, catching his breath, he’s shot from behind by the street fighters I still haven’t nicknamed. I should’ve mentioned that they’ve got this truck they’ve rigged with a cross bow on top and wooden beams all across the hood. The stake just barely misses Angel’s heart. He removes it and takes off in a wounded run with the urban vampire hunters in hot pursuit.
Angel manages to sneak into a warehouse, but it’s all booby trapped inside. He’s also attacked by a few of the hood heroes but manages to fend them all off until he’s got Worried Walking Woman in a headlock. Bandana Leader tells his men to stand down, while Angel speeches about how they are fighting on the same side, and he’s got a soul, dammit. That’s almost what he says. He pushes WWW away from him, but she lands on a trip wire. Angel blocks the arrow with his hand and says he could offer these n00bs some advice. Bandana Leader doesn’t think so, but does let him walk with a warning to never show up in their hood again.
The longest seizure cut in all of season 1 history takes us back over to Brooding HQ. Okay, I slowed this one down too, and it was just cut up pieces of all the ways Angel was beat up in that last extended scene. Cordy patches Angel up as Wesley looks through the recovered blackmail photos in a wonderful prudish-Wesley way.
Lor: Cordy says Angel looks like crap, but there ain’t no rest for the wicked with a soul. He wants to find those kids because he’s quickly determined that they were clearly homeless, living together and probably in their teens. He wants to help them, but also make sure they don’t get killed. Angel figures there has to be a vampire nest somewhere near where the homeless kids are staying and is off to find it first. He struggles into his coat and before leaving asks to take another look at that big, fat check.
That’s good motivation, but you can’t take it with you, Angel. Maybe rest a little? (Clearly, this is why I’m not a hero. I’d always try to save the world after a nap.) (S: Priorities! We have them!) (K: My priorities would be less nap based, and more “What do you mean, I have to leave the house?!”)
At the vampire nest Angel is looking for, a Speeching Vamp is going on about how those homeless kids are street trash. Speeching Vamp is pretty upset that their neighborhood has gone to trash and says something about going for the heart that is basically just a threat.
We cut to Bandana Leader talking to WWW and Chain. WWW is in favor of hearing Angel out, but Chain is not. Bandana Leader is in the dubious middle.
Angel walks into the empty-looking-nest, except there is one vampire hiding in the rafters. Angel side steps as the vampire comes down, leaving him to fall on his face. Angel asks where the rest of the vampires have gone.
WWW is bringing her brother food when he hears something and instructs her to get everyone out. She starts mobilizing the people out into the daylight while the vampires throw smoke bombs into the warehouse. Bandana figures out a little too late that they’ve been smoked out. The vampires, apparently getting around the sunlight rule by covering themselves from head to toe, grab WWW, load her into a rape van, and take off.
K: The vampires have their faces covered with gas masks, which gives me an EXCELLENT excuse to do this:
You’re welcome.
Lor: Wesley and Cordelia ride into the shoddy neighborhood while Cordelia babbles about imagining her own reality, which includes salt, sand and a buff lifeguard. Wesley meanwhile thinks that the underdog commune must be stealing electricity. He’s going to see if he can spot the tap and tasks Cordelia with asking a nearby homeless man for information. Cordy wants to switch tasks, but Wesley says that she can imagine him as a buff, young stud, while he’s stuck with the naked truth. Aw, Wesley. You keep winning me over.
Back at the them crazy teens warehouse, Angel nabs a kid and tells him to invite him in. Isn’t this the same place as the booby-trapped warehouse he entered perfectly fine before? No? Okay. The kid invites him in. Angel tells Bandana Leader he can help but BL doesn’t want help from a middle class, dead white guy. Yeah. Stand up to the dead man. Fight the power. They lock Angel into… something with a lock.
The have-a-death-wish-kids roll up to the vampire nest. Bandana Leader heads in first to check it out. He quickly finds WWW, but she’s a little too happy and intact, plus the sappy soundtrack kicks in, so we know she’s a vampire now. She tries to convince him to join the dark side because they have a lot less guilt over there.
K: Can we talk about how awful her vamp teeth are? It’s like the scene in Mean Girls where Lindsay Lohan is dressed as an ex-wife for Halloween…
Lor: She had a lot of teeth and gums to begin with. Vamp isn’t a good look on her.
Meanwhile, Angel is still trying to break out of his locked something. He manages to bust through the wall and is struggling to reach the lock when Wesley and Cordy free him. Wesley is all, “dude. Cell phone.” Angel gets flustered and says that they hardly ever work and… and… “Look, I’m the boss here, I say when we use the cell phones and people are going to die and I have to go.” A good little scene for the team and their lovely dynamic.
Sweeney: Agreed. They’re just such a great little trio, and Angel is hilariously awkward talking about being the boss. Wesley and Cordelia’s smug little “Mmhmm” faces as Angel runs off are also awesome.
K: Also, we just established in today’s episode of Buffy that Angel’s clearly allergic to using the phone. Duh, Wes.
Lor: Vamp!WWW is just about to start feeding on Bandana Leader when he stakes her. Angel is there now, and he tells BL that they need to go. They don’t leave quick enough because the rest of the vampires come out and the Speeching Vamp starts with the threatening. Angel speaks up and says that this is his town, his kids, and if the vampire all leave now, they can keep their lives. Speeching Vamp is all, “WHO THE EFF IS YOU?” and Angel says his name’s Angelus right before he stakes Speeching Vampire.
I get that he would say Angelus as a name that older vampires might recognize, but it’s not usually a name he’s keen to be associated with. But okay, badass. You do your thing.
Angel asks the remaining vampires and kids if they have an agreement. Chain thinks they can take the vamps, but Angel points out that it will come with casualties. Since Bandana Leader just finished killing his vampire sister, he’s pretty killed out. Kids and vamps both leave.
Daytime. Cordy and Wesley are at a park and he’s confused by his froofy coffee. It looks delicious and I want it AND HE GETS RID OF THE FOAM AND/OR WHIPPED CREAM. Criminal.
K: This attitude explains why every time I’m in the US, the Starbucks (shudder) staff always look at me like I’m crazy when I ask for my beverage of choice without whipped cream…
Lor: I’m not sure I’m the norm. I just really love calories. MMMMM.
Cordelia is thinking about how terrible it must’ve been for all those kids living in the warehouse. Hey, and speaking of being poor, she’s considering prostituting herself to Nabbit. Wesley wonders if she could do it, and while she tries to say that looks aren’t everything, she quickly decides that no. No she could not. Also, Alexis Denisof really looks pretty in this scene. I want to sit on a park bench with him. Or, I mean, he could sit on a park bench and I’ll sit in his lap and take care of that foam for him. Yes. That one.
Sweeney: This is a great plan. Also, Cordelia ends the scene saying that she’s fine there, poor and alone. This makes for a really awkward segue magic to our legitimately impoverished and newly sisterless friend. Way awkward.
Lor: Sorry, dude.
K: He should take that line and combine with Riley’s description of him and put it on business cards: “Mr. Billowy Coat, King of Pain: Skulking Professionally Since 1996 When I Fell In Love With a 15 Year Old Girl and Got My Shit Together.” On second thoughts, it might be a bit long for a business card.
Lor: Bandana Leader says that nothing Angel can say will change the fact that they will keep fighting vampires. Angel just says, “I know.” Bandana Leader says his sister was the reason he was fighting and he wants to know why Angel fights. “What else are we gonna do?” Angel asks. He says he’ll be around and BL snaps that he doesn’t need any help. “I might,” Angel says before super running away.
Two episodes of Angel left too! This show has already come a long way.
Next time on Angel: Wolfram & Hart’s latest client is maybe fake blind and also maybe too evil for Lindsey to deal with. Find out what happens when he goes to Angel for help in S01 E21 — Blind Date.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
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