Previously: Angelus messed with everyone’s heads, Wes kissed Fred, and Angel’s soul went missing. Ruh roh.
—
Calvary
Kirsti: We open in the Shaman Dungeon. Just as a couple of episodes ago, there’s the sound of fighting, then the guard comes flying through the door and lands unconscious on the floor. Wes, Cordy and Connor walk in and start throwing accusations around. The shaman informs them that he has no need for a soul in a jar, and that he has no idea where it might be. Cordy demands that he switch to his re-ensouling Plan B, but there is no Plan B. Connor asks what happens if the soul gets out of its bottle, and the shaman says that it can be either returned or destroyed.
Lorraine: The Gang should’ve really asked about the unsouling fine print before this point.
K: Surely by now they should know that the fine print is important. Apparently not…
Segue Magic to the Hyperion. Angelus crazies on the monitor as Fred researches and Gunn fills the gas tanks on…IDK, a flame thrower?? Angelus says that he’s ready to be re-ensouled at any point, and Gunn says that he’s ready too as he tests his flame thrower. Man, I’m good at guessing random petrol powered weapons. Fred says that Angelus knows about the missing soul, and Gunn says that they should never have brought Angelus out to play. OH LOOK, IT’S JUST WHAT I SAID BACK IN EPISODE 9!!
Lor: Uh, guys, maybe it’s because you all were like, “Angel’s soul is missing!” and he can hear you. Just sayin’.
K: On the monitor, Angelus taunts Gunn about hitting Fred and then talks about raping her to death, because UGH. (S: UGH X INFINITY.) Gunn turns the monitor off in anger. Fred tells him that it’s just words and that Angelus knows he’s never getting out. Down in the basement, Lilah emerges from the shadows. She’s carrying a crowbar, and walks towards Angelus’ cage. He smirks as the Electric Cellos do their thing.
After the credits, he condescendingly tells her that she could have made herself look all pretty for him – “evil doesn’t have to mean sloppy“.
She tells him that she wants him to stop the Beast, and he’s all “LOL NOPE.” He reminds her that she’s a professional, and she laughs. Apparently the Beast didn’t just take out Wolfram & Hart LA. He took out all the field offices, the liaisons, anyone who was out sick. Everyone but her. She wants to know why, and Angelus says maybe they weren’t evil enough. She calls him a monkey in a box, and he reluctantly says that maybe they can work something out.
Upstairs, Gunn tells Fred that he didn’t mean to hurt her, and she says that if he hadn’t attacked Wes… Gunn gets antagonistic, and tells her not to lie to him because he knows Wes kissed her. He blames the kiss on her, and then says “I can’t do this anymore, Fred. I’m tired of you looking everywhere but at me.” Wes, Cordy and Connor walk in the door just then and Fred glances up. “Like that,” Gunn finishes. DUDE. YOU KEEP TAKING DECISIONS OUT OF HER HANDS, AND THEN BLAMING HER FOR THE OUTCOMES. GO FUCK YOURSELF.
Gunn walks away and Fred looks pained. Wes asks if she’s okay, and she changes the subject to the banishing text they found at the priestesses’ house. Gunn suddenly notices the monitor where someone is talking to Angelus, and runs downstairs. The others follow. Lilah spins around as the door opens, and Angelus reaches for her. Gunn hits him with a tranquiliser dart and Lilah takes advantage of the confusion to run for the sewers. Wes goes after her. In the sewers, Lilah runs slowly, holding her stomach wound from where the Beast finger stabbed her. Wes jogs along behind her. Seriously, he’s putting like no effort into this pursuit. He follows her up a ladder.
Lor: I mean, maybe he’s super confident he’ll catch up to her, but he could’ve spared her some painful running. That leisurely pace was a dick move.
K: RIGHT?!?!?!
Back in the basement, Gunn has Connor check the locks on the cage as Angelus lies unconscious on the floor. He asks what could have made Lilah desperate enough to talk to Angelus, then suggests that maybe she’s made a deal with the Beast. Connor and Fred seem uncertain.
Lor: I love that Connor’s all, “you think she’s connected to the Beast?” Yeah they do, Connor, because they are going to apparently guess that everyone is connected to the Beast. The Beast is Angel’s A.
Sweeney: Best crossover magic headcanon ever.
K: Headcanon accepted.
Sewers. Wes smashes through a door into an abandoned men’s room and Lilah attacks him. He overpowers her easily. She heads across the room to where she’s been squatting, cradles her bleeding stomach wound, and tells him that she just wants her life back. He flips through a book sitting nearby – Rhinehart’s Compendium – and says that he didn’t find anything in it about the Beast. He’s surprised to find something in her edition though. She informs him that she got it on the pandimensional black market. He suspects references to the Beast have gradually been removed in our dimension, and wonders what it could have to hide.
Lor: HMMMM. Who has access to other dimensions? CORDY DID IT!
K: Spoilers, sweetie. Basement. Gunn suggests that Lilah is working for the Beast, which would explain how someone got past them to kill Manny and the priestesses’ family. Angelus comes to and calls them all idiots, saying that the Beast doesn’t have minions, it IS the minion. Fred disagrees, saying that they’ve seen what the Beast can do. “You’ve just seen the warm-up act,” he replies before delivering his revelation – the Beast has a boss. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the Fang Gang are horrified at the concept and refuse to believe it. Angelus insults their intelligence some more, and says that back in the Terrible Wig Flashback, the Beast was all about the smashing and murdering, with no concept of the bigger picture. Now? It’s all about blotting out the sun by killing mystic whosits. Cordy suggests that the Beast may have gotten smarter, and Angelus replies snarkily “And maybe I’ll sprout some wings and flutter away.” He says that he can’t wait to see who’s pulling the Beast’s strings.
Lor: This information was awfully helpful of Angelus. Thanks, bro.
K: Upstairs, Wes ushers Lilah through the lobby door. Cordy demands to know where Angel’s soul is, but Wes steps in, saying that Lilah didn’t take it. The rest of the gang think it’s a little suspect that she’s the only survivor from Wolfram & Hart and that she turned up right around the time Angel’s soul disappeared. Fred suggests that maybe Lilah knows who’s controlling the Beast, and Wes realises that maybe the Other Dimension Book can help. He fills in the gang on the book, and Gunn realises that that’s why Angel doesn’t remember the Beast – his memory was wiped clean at the same time as the rest of our dimension. But Angelus remembers because he wasn’t around at the time. OKAY, SHOW. WHATEVER.
Sweeney: Except, you know, that it was around to witness everything ensouled Angel saw and this is basically the exact opposite way of the fuzzy way they have long explained that dichotomy. The bullshit factor on this show is so high that I felt 0% bad for not detecting that I was watching an extended dream sequence.
Lor: Yep. Still not over that.
K: I feel like we spend this show in a constant state of “WTF? UGH, WHATEVER.”
Wes suggests that he and Fred start looking into it, and Gunn gets pissy and heads downstairs to keep an eye on Angelus. Fred tries to go after him, but Cordy stops her and says that they need to stay focused on the task at hand because it’s essential that they get Angel back. Downstairs, Angelus tells Gunn that he likes him because he plays to his strengths and knows his place. He then makes some sassy comments about Fred inevitably dumping Gunn. Gunn looks surprised, and Angelus says that even Angel saw it coming, especially after Fred’s professor died. He thinks Fred’s responsible though. Gunn spills the beans, and Angelus gets all “Women. SO UNGRATEFUL.” Gunn snaps and fires the flamethrower at Angelus. He just laughs in response.
Upstairs, Fred is despondent. The only way she’s found to re-ensoul Angel is the Orb of Thessala technique that Willow used way back in Becoming Part 2, and that doesn’t help if said soul is in a bottle. Wes moves towards her, and says that they’ll get through it, just like they always do. He asks her to talk to Gunn for him, and she says that they’ve broken up. He steps towards her and says that he’s meant to say that he’s sorry but… DUDE. SHE LITERALLY *JUST* GOT OUT OF A YEAR LONG RELATIONSHIP. JUST BECAUSE YOU KISSED HER AND SHE RESPONDED DOES NOT GIVE YOU PROPERTY RIGHTS OVER HER. GIVE HER SPACE AND LET HER MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????? I HATE EVERYTHING.
Sweeney: EXACTLY YES ALL THE CAPSLOCK ALL OF IT ALL OF IT ALL OF IT. FUCK THESE FRED PAIRINGS. THEY ARE ALL AWFUL. These characters are only shipable with hobbies.
K: My AtS OTPs are as follows: Angel/art, Fred/science, Gunn/ballet, Wes/not being a dick, Cordy/good hair, Lorne/singing, Connor/staying in Quortoth. (That last one may have been a little harsh…)
Lucky for me, Cordy and Lilah walk in to ask for a progress update. Wes looks pissed. Lilah makes some snarky remarks with a clear Fred/Wes subtext, and Wes says that he’ll go and relieve Gunn. Lilah sasses that maybe they could try a ouija board for help, and Fred glares at her before rushing into the lobby because Lorne’s coming down the stairs. He tells her that he hasn’t found out anything, and then looks at Lilah and says “And what in the hell is succu-bitch doing here?” LORNE APPRECIATION SOCIETY 5EVA.
Sweeney: ALWAYS. I’d like an epic battle in which The Beast kills everyone but Lorne and he spends the rest of the season rebuilding Los Angeles through song and general fabulousness.
Lor:
K: SO MUCH YES.
Anyway, Lilah says that they should release Angelus and make him kill the Beast. She and Cordy argue back and forth, with Cordy eventually saying that Lilah’s too scared to hope. Lilah agrees with her, because she’s been through lots of bad shit, but this is the worst and no one is going to save them. As she nears the end of her speech, Cordy’s head flies backwards and when she tips her head forward again, her eyes are cloudy white. She smiles, and says that she knows how to bring Angel’s soul back. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Fred rushes down to the basement and tells Wes that Cordy knows how to put Angel’s soul back. Angelus chuckles from his cage, and says, “I guess the Powers saw how bad you guys suck.” Fred sasses at him, and he turns his attention to her, talking about how now that she and Gunn have split up she can have a real man, and how perfect Wes is. Except for that whole banging Lilah thing. Fred stares at Angelus, then turns to look at Wes, who looks guilty. She looks at him in confusion as he starts to explain, then interrupts him and heads upstairs alone.
In a cemetery somewhere, Connor and Gunn are digging up a grave. They’re looking for a soul-eater, and according to Cordy’s vision, the Chumash (“his penis got diseases from a Chumash triiiiiibe” Sorry. Couldn’t resist) buried one in that spot a few hundred years ago. The skull of a soul-eater is apparently the main piece of the spell from Cordy’s vision. Gunn’s shovel hits metal, and he starts to clean off the top of the box. He leans down to pry open the coffin/box/thing, and a hand smashes through and grabs him by the neck. Connor stabs at it through the box. The hand releases Gunn, and they both stumble away from the hole.
Gunn says that he’s fine and that they should take on the soul-eater, but when they turn back a second later, it’s gone. It attacks them, and moves so fast that it’s just a blur. Connor tries to fight it, but it sticks out a hand. He kneels there, helpless, and a yellowy light starts to move from his chest to the soul-eater’s hand. Gunn leaps up and hacks off the hand. Connor falls free and lays on the ground as Gunn chops off the soul-eater’s head.
Lor: I’m not convinced Connor has much of a soul, so I hope this thing didn’t manage to take any pieces of it.
K: Cut to a cave somewhere. The Beast prays to its master, offering up a knife made of its own bones as a tribute to its master’s power. a) how the hell does that work, and b) EW. WORST PRESENT EVER. Even worse than the time my extended family gave me a bookmark that looked like a bird had pooped on it…
Back at the hotel, the gang have gathered the seven disgusting talismans, even though it required chopping the feet off roadkill and dumpster diving for week-old buffalo wings. Connor and Gunn return with the head, and Cordy informs them that in her vision, she just saw the skull. Wes orders them to go to the kitchen and remove the excess. They share a “WE GET ALL THE SHIT JOBS” look as they go. Cordy and Fred head to the office.
Lilah appears on the stairs to sass at Lorne, who informs Wes that he should tell his lady friend that “while my love for humanity allows me to tolerate her presence, if need be I will smack her down!” DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!!!!! (S: LORNE-ISSUED SMACK DOWN, PLEASE.) Sadly, Lorne leaves after sneering at Lilah. Wes tells Lilah that he thought she would have left by now. She replies that she’s waiting to prove that the Powers That Be (Contriving) can’t do shit. Wes interprets that as “I have nowhere else to go.” Fred appears from the office and awkwardly says that Cordy has a question. She fidgets at the sight of them together and rushes away.
Down in the basement, the Fang Gang set up for the ritual. In his cage, Angelus mocks them, but in an increasing desperate way. He says that Angel gave up on them, and that’s the real reason he’s here. They ignore him, and hold their talismans as Wes starts to chant. White smoke pours out of the skull and heads towards Angelus. It lifts him into the air as Wes finishes chanting. He screams as the skull explodes, and he falls to the ground.
Cordy calls his name, and Angel apologises to them all, and starts to talk about what he remembers. Cordy says that they have to be sure and asks Lorne to read him. Angel sings a few bars of “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” and Lorne excitedly says that his aura is completely different and all soulified again.
Lor: I was really expecting that not to work. Sorry for saying you did it, Cordy.
K: They rush to let him out, but Angel says that they have to keep him in the cage. There might be side effects with the spell, or it might just be temporary, and letting him out will endanger all of them. He gives them a pep talk from his cage, and Lilah rolls her eyes in disbelief.
He tells her to make herself useful as he gives orders to the rest of the gang. They all leave except Cordy.
Angel says that he wishes she hadn’t seen him like that, and she tells him that it’s only fair seeing as he saw her having sex with Connor. Um, that is SO NOT A FAIR TRADE. NOT EVEN REMOTELY. She tells him that he’s not Angelus, and that he’s a champion (SHOTS!) and their only hope. He should leave Angelus in the cage and come upstairs because that’s not who he is.
Lor: Real funny coming from the girl who was all, “I can’t love you because of what Angelus did.” I want to punch her stupid face.
K: YUP. She unlocks the cage, takes his hand and leads him out of the cage. “Guess again!” he yells as he vamps out, and we fade to black.
Sweeney: What does this say for the usefulness of Lorne’s power if it can be so easily cheated? Sorry, sorry, I was pretending continuity was a thing anybody around here concerned themselves with.
Lor: Oh my gosh, it didn’t work. CORDY DID IT AGAIN.
K: Clearly, they should have done a test run on Angelus’ singing BEFORE they did the spell. Idiots. After the Not Commercial Break, Cordy kicks Angelus in the groin and locks herself in the cage. He grabs her by the hair and smashes her head into the bars. (L: Mildly satisfying.) She drops to the floor, unconscious and he heads upstairs. He finds Fred alone in the office. She’s startled by his presence, and he turns to go. She apologises to “Angel” and he smirks before turning to face her. He tells her that he’s afraid that she’ll always see him as an evil thing. When she says that he’s her friend, he asks for a hug. Just then, there’s a crash in the lobby. They both turn towards it, but when Fred turns back, Angelus is gone.
Out in the lobby, Lilah’s apparently dropped the coffee pot. The Fang Gang – minus Fred and Cordy – gather to stare at her ineptitude and are all surprised to see “Angel.” He tells them that Cordy let him out and that he has his own mission now. He heads for the door, then stops, and the zoomy cameraman goes overboard on the zooming as Angelus says “I have to go save the world.” He rushes out the door. Fred appears from the office and asks if anyone’s seen Cordy as the cameraman zooms in on the monitor.
Shortly thereafter, the gang – who’ve now rescued Cordy – gear up. They’re agreed that the time for capturing Angelus is past, and that they have to take any shot they can. Out in the streets, there’s total chaos. Angelus is thrilled, but then disappointed when the passing kid that he grabs turns out to be a vampire. “Is there no fast food left in Los Angeles?!” he yells. Back at the hotel, Cordy tells Lilah that she was sure the spell would work, that she thought it was help from the Powers That Be Contriving.
“Just makes me question-” she starts, but Angelus interrupts from the balcony. Lilah shoots him until her gun is out of bullets, and Cordy shoots him with a crossbow. He snatches the arrow out of the air, and throws it back at Cordy. It hits her in the leg, and she collapses. He turns his attention to Lilah, and says that he’ll give her a ten second start. She runs as he starts counting. Cordy shoots at him again, and misses. He tells her that he’ll be back as he heads after Lilah.
Out in the street, Connor’s tracking Angelus’ scent, because they want to remind me of how gross that whole super smelling thing is. The scent stops in a random location, and the gang realise that he doubled back to the hotel. They run for Gunn’s truck. Back at the hotel, Angelus tracks Lilah. He taunts her, and she waits for him to leave. When she moves, he jumps out and scares her. He lunges at her, and she kicks him over the banister and down the stairs, pushing a cart after him. She runs.
Lilah limps along a corridor, holding her stomach wound. From a doorway, a hand reaches out and grabs her by the throat. It’s Cordy. “He’s going to kill us!” Lilah says. “I know,” Cordy replies. She stabs Lilah in the neck with the Beast Bone Knife, and Lilah drops to the floor, dead. “Why do you think I let him out, you stupid bitch?” Cordy finishes as we fade to black.
Sweeney: Well, fuck.
K: Well. That was a thing. I mean, I’m not a Snow, so I knew that Lilah’s death and the big reveal did it. So I’ll hand over to Lor so she can gloat about how good she is at TV, seeing as she called “CORDY DID IT” several episodes ago. A+ work, Lor.
Sweeney: And also again in this episode. 1430!
Lor: YAY! GO ME! I mean, I momentarily took it back this episode, and mostly saying, “CORDY DID IT!” is fun, but DAMN. This bitch did it.
K: You’re so good at TV, Lor.
Next time: An old friend returns to help out with that whole pesky Angelus situation, plus Cordy continues her sneaky evilness. Find out more in Angel S04 E13 – Salvage.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
Pingback: Angel S04 E13 –()
Pingback: Angel S04 Wrap-Up Post()