Veronica Mars S01 E05 – One fucked-up cumpleaños

Previously: Homecoming threw Veronica back into a series of flashbacks, all as she helped Wallace’s new girlfriend.

You Think You Know Somebody

Lorraine: A title card tells us we’re in Tijuana, Mexico. And in case you missed the title card there is also some generic, Mariachi-type music playing  as we look out a little bar. In a back alley, a young, nervous looking boy is fiddling with a piñata and what looks like a small, bubble wrap envelope. He drops one envelope into a dumpster and grabs something out of it. Once he has that all settled, he walks to a nearby car and knocks on the window. Inside, are Troy and Logan.

Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon

Sweeney: Accepted.

Lor: Troy complains about having to hear Logan dry-heave for 40 minutes, just so Piñata Smuggler could go buy a stupid, cheap souvenir. Troy warns Logan not to get drool all over the car because his dad is super strict about the car. With that, the boys take off. We next see them at the border station, where Logan has sobered up quite impressively. (S: To be fair, that checkpoint line takes hours. Which is to say Logan should actually be passed out by this point.) A border patrol tells them to hand over their contraband, but then smiles and says that works sometimes. The patrol checks the trunk and them sends them on their way.

Diva: I have serious doubts that this actually works ever for this officer, since he didn’t even notice the completely terrified looks on all three boys’ faces after he asked them to hand over the contraband. “Oh, clearly your silence and fear means you haven’t done anything wrong! Keep drunk driving your contraband over international borders, and have a lovely evening!”

Lor: The boys stop for something to eat, and when they leave the diner, they find that Troy’s car is missing. Troy freaks out, but the Piñata Smuggler is freaking out even more, though he tells his friends it’s just because this sucks a lot. Troy has five days before his dad gets home, and five days to find that car.

The calvary rolls up in a LeBaron, in the form of Veronica Mars.

Diva: It should be noted that Veronica’s pixie pigtail buns are super-fucking cute, even though they look stupid on basically everyone else. (I’m looking at you, Miley.)

Lor: A+.

Veronica jokes that she doesn’t mind dating a guy with no car, but when he asks how she feels about dating a guy in Catholic school in Albuquerque her face says, “I don’t like you that much.” At least, to me it does.

Sweeney: That’s an awful long commute for a high school relationship.

Lor: Come on now sugar!

After the credits, Logan and Piñata Smuggler get out of V’s car. Logan thanks her for the ride.

A ride home from almost Mexico is really nice, but I’d like to think that a little something thawed between these two after the Lilly video.

Sweeney: The memories of how they USED TO BE FRIENDS. Plus, V’s tapes made me nostalgic for their friendship and I wasn’t even there.

Lor: Veronica offers to look for Troy’s car herself, though he says maybe this is beyond the scope of her super powers. She reminds him that she has friends in low places. Troy says he can’t report the car as stolen because his dad doesn’t know that he took it. And that means he can’t have the anti-theft homing device which is definitely not a LoJack, who probably didn’t give them permission to say LoJack, activated. Veronica says they should go back to his house, and he thinks this is in a eyebrow-waggle kind of way, but she just wants to get details on the car, like the license plate number and VIN. Troy tells V she makes VIN sound hot and she laughs. I’m always fascinated by characters laughing.

At Mars Investigation, Wallace doubts V’s plan of finding Troy’s car using the Internet. It’s because he doesn’t know about super useful website pryingeyez.com, one stop shop for all the coolest private eyez in the biz. (S: The Neptune equivalent of Angel’s Demons! Demons! Demons! website!) To prove this, Veronica looks Wallace up and gently makes fun of him for his once suspended license and subscription to Mad Magazine.

Keith exits his office and Veronica stage whispers that she’s thinking of giving him the gift of rock climbing for his birthday. Keith tells her to keep thinking outside of the box and that also he won’t be home for dinner.

In the next scene, we see Veronica getting home. She greets Back-up and checks the machine for messages. We hear a woman tell Keith that she’s running late for dinner, but halfway through she’s all, “WHOOPS. I’mma try this again on your cell phone…” Veronica calls the number back and reaches her guidance counselor’s office making it officially time to grant Diva Snow one, “hey girl! You are good at TV.”

Diva: DEAL WITH MY SUPERPOWERS. 

Lor: Veronica Voice Over [VVO] tells us that she’s not one of those people who is good at predicting change.

Sweeney: Such a good line. I hate people who don’t get punched in the face by Change. They’re probably doing all sorts of shady favors for Change.

Lor: I’d love to know what kind because Change punches me. Every time.

Piñata Smuggler is grunting under the weight of something.  As we pull out of the shot we see he’s struggling with a barbell on his chest. It doesn’t look like a particularly heavy barbell, but Piñata Smuggler must not have eaten his Wheaties in the morning. Next to his head, a Bad Boy Body Builder [BBBB] is mocking him and demanding to know where his package is. Piñata Smuggler says it’s in a friend’s car. BBBB gives him until tomorrow to get it and threatens him with a baseball bat up his ass. He then helps Piñata Smuggler put the bar back on the rest, which is kind of the least effective way to end a threat. “Here, let me help you with that.” Thanks, bro.

Diva: I thought I was the only one who didn’t know Piñata Smuggler’s name; I just kept referring to him as “Punk Bitch” after BBBB calls him that later in the episode. Piñata Smuggler is way more awesome. (And specific. “Punk Bitch” could refer to 95% of the Neptune population.)

Lor: I didn’t really register Piñata Smuggler’s real name (Luke) until half way through the episode. At that point, though…

Mars Apartment. Keith is packing up Lianne Mars’s old stuff, saying they don’t need the reminder. He asks Veronica if she wants to go through it. She doesn’t. He leaves the box out anyways and she side-eyes it. As Keith grabs his jacket and keys, Veronica hits him with a, “so you and Ms. James, huh?” Keith apologizes for not telling her, but it was only a couple of dates and he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

It could be good for an excused tardy or 10. Plus, a kick-ass reference letter. (S: Word. V’s got some high school administration lessons to learn.) Keith asks seriously if this is okay and Veronica says seriously that it is. That’s good, because Keith likes Ms. James. He says goodbye to his daughter who throws up a cute peace sign and watches him go.

As soon as he’s out the door, Veronica starts looking through the box of her mother’s thing. She finds a framed photo of Keith, mom and longhair!Veronica. VVO tells us that having your mom abandon you is a good way to dull the pain of having your best friend murdered. “It’s like hitting your thumb with a hammer. Then, when it’s throbbing so badly you don’t think you’ll survive, you cut the damn thing off.” That seems like some insane troll logic. Is there a C, none of the above option?

VVO reminds us that she stuck with her dad when the town turned against him, but her mother didn’t. Then, she finds a safe deposit box key. I love safe deposit box keys. It’s like the clue that anyone ever detecting the shit out of something finds. A-HA, YES! A SAFE DEPOSIT BOX KEY. WHERE ALL MYSTERIES ARE CONTAINED.

Diva: I didn’t really comprehend the timing of all the events that happened before the show began until this scene. That is, I didn’t understand how soon after Lilly’s death Veronica’s mom left. It amplifies the awfulness of everything, that Lianne would leave when her kid was going through such an awful tragedy. That’s some Hank Summers-level shit.

Sweeney: It occurs to me than an egregious oversight in the 2014 Traumaland Awards is “Negligent Parent of the Year.” I hope Lianne’s getting her speech ready for 2015.

Also, I need to go get a safe deposit box for all the many secrets I don’t have. I bet if I had a safe deposit box I’d amass all sorts of secrets.

Lor: Don’t hide the key too well so I can find it if/when you die.

We cut to a death certificate for Lianne. Veronica is looking at it during newspaper class. Sydney Tamiia Poitier, who you probably mostly remember from the opening credits, reminds her students about an interview exercise, and then runs away. Probably to go hang out in the credits some more. Piñata Smuggler comes rushing in, and Veronica greets him with a, “you’re sweating on me.” I want to use that as a greeting in real life, but I don’t know when, and I don’t want to be sweated on either. Alas.

Anyway, Piñata Smuggler tells Veronica about the piñata full of steroids that were in the back seat of Troy’s now stolen car. He went on a run for BBBB because he also wanted some of the steroids, as he’s a baseball player. Veronica judges him accordingly. Piñata Smuggler says that Logan knew about the run but that neither of his pals were in on it. Veronica doesn’t want to help him recover drugs, but he says it’s really his limbs on the line. She agrees to help on the condition that he return the drugs, get his money back and give the cash to BBBB, not the drugs. He says he’ll do whatever as she prints out that death certificate and tells him to lay low in the meanwhile.

Veronica presents the death certificate and the key at the safe deposit box… place. We cut to her opening the box as VVO says that she thought Lianne bolted because she couldn’t handle losing everything. “Maybe she just couldn’t handle losing me.” Veronica flips through several pictures of her long haired self in red crosshairs.

Diva: Jeez, between V stalking Lianne and Lianne stalking V, you’d think these two would actually be able to communicate with each other. Apparently not.

Lor: Veronica brings the photos back to Mars Investigations. She figures Keith doesn’t know about these pictures, proved by her lack of 24-hour security details. There is a knock on the door and it’s Ms. James. Keith rushes out and they are both jittery and kiss on the cheek a little awkwardly. Ms. James wanted to stop by and see Veronica outside of school, so that they could maybe clear out the awkward a bit. Veronica says them dating is not awkward, but them being all spazzy in front of her is. Ms. James agrees but asks if there is anything she can do to make it easier and Veronica asks to get out of fifth period bio. See, V? Total benefits to having a guidance counselor in.

The Postal Service plays in the background as Veronica “drives” with Troy in the passenger seat. (D: They even talk about how much they love the song that’s playing, and I was all, “ME TOO! ME TOO! I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IN THE EARLY-TO-MID-AUGHTS TOO!”) There is some super great green screen action happening right now. I wish I could just mute the talking and listen to The Postal Service while having houses whoosh past their heads. I mean, I’d rather watch that than 99% of what’s happening on, say, Angel.

Veronica tells Troy that she’s had no luck locating the car. She thinks if Tijuana was Logan’s idea, it might have been his plan to steal the car all along. Which seems stupid if you are as rich they’ve led us to believe Logan is. Veronica asks what their plans for the weekend were and Troy jokes about overthrowing Kim Jong-Il and deleting the records of the black votes of Florida. Veronica chuckles but keeps prying. Troy asks her to come right out and ask what she wants to ask, but when she does (any suspicious activities or people?) Troy just avoids the question and then apologizes for avoiding the question without actually answering the question.

Troy and Veronica arrive at some not!LoJack headquarters. Troy doubts Veronica’s ability to just walk into this place and ask them nicely to turn on his not!LoJack. V tells him to watch her work. She finds a not!LoJack employee and claims to work for Mr. Vandergraff, who thinks the not!LoJack isn’t working on his car. She wants him to please, please run a diagnostic, even though it’s against protocol. See, this is a new job and her boss already thinks she’s a ditz. The male employee agrees to do it for her, and she looks over at Troy and winks.

Unfortunately, a crabby woman comes over to question the cooperative woman and they are busted. Plan failure.

Logan drops Piñata Smuggler off at his house. Logan drives away and BBBB pulls up. Piñata Smuggler spots him and takes off running, jumping over fences, patio furniture and various other objects. BBBB is slow and kept back by the weight of his muscles and ponytail. Piñata Smuggler gets away.

Diva: This is an amazing and hilarious scene, and it also gave me some Ferris Bueller visual references as Piñata Smuggler leaps over fences in slow motion. This show gets me, y’all.

Lor: Neptune High. Logan is at his locker and Veronica approaches him for a little chat.

Welp. So much for things thawing between these two. Logan refuses to tell her anything and their chat is broken up by Troy. Logan walks off and Troy asks if Logan was bothering her. Veronica smiles at him and they walk off together, happy, in slow motion and you’ve got to wonder what shit is going to soon hit the fan.

Sweeney: Also, Logan, who plays no sports and is theoretically in the middle of the school day, is carrying a football around. Just because.

Lor: I think it’s so people can more easily identify him as a Cool Guy.

Veronica gets home to find Ms. James cooking in her kitchen and playing with he dog as well. Ms. James is trying way too hard with all her, “I’m making fettuccine and we’re having waffles and ice cream for dessert.” And by “trying too hard,” I mean, “MMMMMM. DELICIOUS. SOLD.” Veronica Mars is not sold, and instead gets thrown into a pesky flashback.

Diva: Even before the flashback confirmed my feelings, I was all, whoa, slow your roll, Ms. James. This is all very sweet, but it’s also very, “LOOK HOW I CAN REPLACE YOUR MOM!” And you can’t expect a teenager to react to that in any sort of positive way. 

Sweeney: I feel for her, though. She’s trying. It’s mega stupid because as a high school guidance counselor, she of all people should be smarter than that, but I can’t hate her for wanting Veronica to like her.

Lor: In the flashback, Mama Mars asks longhair!Veronica when they are going to cook for her new boy. V says that Mars women should play to their strengths and presumably refrain from any and all cooking. Lianne starts to run through a list of potential new boyfriends before V admits that it’s Duncan Kane. Lianne is not impressed. So much so, that she burns the waffle she’s making.

Ms. James drops a cup and knocks Veronica out of her flashback. At the same time, Keith arrives home. Veronica says she can’t stay for dinner because she’s got glass in her hair. Ms. James says she’ll give advanced notice next time, which, DUH. Keith tells V not to stay out too late.

Cut to a chop shop. Veronica rides up with Weevil on his motorcycle. Weevil greets a Junk Yard Man, introduces Veronica, and asks JYM if he’s seen Troy’s car. In Spanish, JYM answers that it came and went, and warns Weevil never to bring people he doesn’t know to his place of employment. Weevil thanks his uncle (in some very American-accented Spanish) and Veronica reminds him about asking for the piñata. Someone named Mario took it for his daughter’s birthday, which is conveniently today. There is going to be a party of kids who grow up to be really strong. (D: My notes here simply read, “This is gonna be one fucked-up cumpleaños.”) (L: A+) Weevil and Veronica walk back to his bike, where he starts to translate the conversation, but she understood it all. All they have to do is track down the piñata. Weevil offers to buy one for her, but she asks if he can buy her one full of steroids.

Weevil and Veronica find Mario’s daughter’s birthday part where the piñata is being cracked open. Veronica runs in and tries to stop the little kids but it’s too late. And also, what comes falling out of the piñata is candy. Veronica stares at the candy for longer than is necessary to register, “not steroids,” especially considering that the women behind her are asking, “who the heck are you?” In inflection mostly.

At school the next day, Veronica pulls Piñata Smuggler into the bathroom. One days she’s going to try that and someone is going to be taking a serious #2. He balks at having to talk next to the feminine hygiene machine, because he’s an idiot. Veronica rightly suggests he get over it, as his piñata was located, completely free of steroids. She tells him to get the money to pay BBBB back, and let her worry about the rest.

Sweeney: As Veronica helps people with a lot of random ass shit, I appreciated seeing her give this kid some much-deserved attitude, telling him to figure the money shit out.

Lor: Veronica leaves Piñata Smuggler in the bathroom (um. Why does he stay behind?) and walks out into the crowded hallway. She spots a sign for visitor check-in which throws her back into a flashback. I remember these flashbacks being a tad bit more seamless. This time, we see Lianne signing Veronica out of school to “spend some time together.” Veronica protests because she has tests and school projects to do, but Lianna asks her not to make this hard. In the present, VVO tells us that three days later, Lianne was gone. Before, Veronica thought Lianne was drunk or crazy, but now she thinks her mom was just scared.

Later, Veronica sits in her room stuffing envelopes with untraceable prepaid cell phones. She’s sending them to all of Lianne’s closest friends and family, hoping her mom will realize it is safe to contact her. I feel like I want to file this away, but also, most of my brain realizes that I will never need this trick. Keith arrives and Veronica busts his chops for what is nearly a walk of shame. Keith pulls the dad card and says he’s going to bed. She doesn’t let him go, though, before she asks for help locating Troy’s car. Keith is leaning against his hand, obviously tired, as he observes that Troy means a lot to her. She confirms. Keith will be nice to her boyfriend if she is nice to his girlfriend. She doesn’t say anything for a second, but then agrees that it’s a deal. Keith wishes her good morning and she wishes him good night.

Diva: In yet another adorable pop culture reference, Veronica specifically asks Keith to “do that voodoo that you do so well.” It’s a spell, hell, makes him wanna shoop shoop shoop

Lor: The next day, Keith heads to not!LoJack. He flashes the uptight lady from before some badge and claims to be head of security for Mr. Vandergraff. He threatens her with a lawsuit and demands she activate her system. She does, but I’m betting that it’s only because she was mid-lunch when Keith found her. There is nothing I hate more than sitting down at my desk, eating, and having people walk in all, “I’m going to ignore that you are obviously on your lunch hour right now.” Do whatever it takes to get back to your salad, Uptight Lady. I feel you.

At school, Veronica sits with Piñata Smuggler as he tries to auction off a signed Barry Bonds ball. He’s struggling because the bids are all too low for how much he thinks the ball is worth. Veronica tries to put it into perspective:

I think even Piñata Smuggler knows his life ain’t worth much.

Troy invites Veronica over after school, and she questions him for being so calm, considering the fact that their relationship will be over if he’s shipped off. Troy says he’s plenty scared, but he figures if he knows he’s has a limited amount of time (like being told you have 72 hours to live) he’s going to live it up, not spend all his time looking for a miracle cure. Veronica chooses miracle cure, though. This is Wallace’s cue to come from NOWHERE, or okay, to walk out from behind a tree, and ask why Troy’s parents would ship him off to prison school instead of, you know, grounding him. Troy snits that he’ll tell his parents to give Wallace a call and grab some parenting advice. Wallace walks away to go hide behind another tree, or something. (D: Yeah, that Wallace interjection felt really random and nonsensical to me too.) (S: Title credits actors have appearances to make.)

Sydney Tamiia Poitier is back from the credits and telling her students to start their interviews with light, easy questions. Veronica’s partner opens with the question, “how do you respond to the rumors that your boyfriend hooked up with strippers in Tijuana last weekend?” Veronica, not even ruffled, volleys back, “Ms. Banks, have you decided which parent you’re gonna live with after the divorce? And if I may, a follow-up: can you believe your father’s choice in mistresses?” Banks looks like she might barf. Sydney Tamiia Poitier tells Veronica to meet her after class, and I tell my screen that Banks started it!

After class, Sydney Tamiia Poitier tells Veronica she looks ready for a fight.

Teacher Tamiia Poitier asks how Banks is going to sleep tonight. Veronica says she wasn’t spilling any secrets. That may be true, but Teacher Tamiia Poitier says that sometimes we let ourselves believe lies for our own good. VVO has a slightly awkward segue about how love is an investment and information is insurance. With that, Veronica logs onto my favorite PI site and yours, privateyez.com. She stares at the screen some, trying to decide what she should do.

Diva: It’s the “z” in “privateyez” that really screams “professional and not at all sketchy,” right?

Lor: Absolutely.

We cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica walks into her father’s office. He asks if it’d be alright to have dinner at Ms. James’ house on his birthday because she’s a really good cook. Veronica hands him an envelope and tells him to look at it. She walks out to her desk quickly and leaves him to it. From her desk, Veronica asks if Keith knew “she” was married. I didn’t remember that last scene, and I really thought Veronica was going to look up Troy, not Ms. James. Ouch. Keith knew, and what’s more, he’s still married too. Veronica asks if he knew she was arrested for passing bad checks. Keith walks out of his office now and says that happened when she was twenty-one. He asks his daughter why she thought she had any right to look Ms. James up. Veronica says that it’s what they do, and she was trying to protect him. Keith yells that he’s an adult. She complains that he let Ms. James into their lives like it was no big deal. It is a big deal to him, because he’s found someone who makes him happy. He tried to make Veronica comfortable but she chose to be snotty.

Now, I love Keith, and I appreciate that he made an effort but I will say that he pretty much blew it when it came to trying to make Veronica “comfortable.” Walking into your house and finding your dad’s brand new girlfriend making herself at home and encroaching on your space, your dog and your favorites was a dumb move. That all said, running the background check was stepping over the line.

Diva: Amen. Everyone is right and everyone is wrong, which seems to be a continuing theme in Keith and Veronica’s fights. I think that’s what makes their relationship so wonderful to watch – unlike every other parent/child fight in television history, there isn’t one party who’s clearly right and another who’s clearly wrong. On Veronica Mars, there’s just shit we all do that maybe doesn’t make as much sense as we think it does and people react accordingly. You know, like in life!

Sweeney: THIS. It’s heartbreaking because there is no, “This person was definitively right/wrong.” And that’s how it dispenses ALL THE FEEL, rather than, “Ugh, person X is being an asshole again.”

Lor: Back to the scene: Veronica says her mom is still out there somewhere. Keith is confused as Veronica was the one calling Lianne the villain in all this until recently. Half crying, half yelling, Veronica says that Keith can find anyone. Keith: Well, maybe I don’t care to find her. Have you ever considered that? Keith says he turned on the not!LoJack on Troy’s car, gives Veronica the code, goes back into his office and shuts the door. Veronica, at her own desk, puts her head in her hands, and tries to contain the crying. Through the frosted glass of his office door, we see Keith plop down into his chair, and lean back.

Veronica and Troy are tracking the signal from the not!LoJack, though Veronica is confused because it’s weaving all over the place. They stop in a nice part of town and get out of the car. They are right on top of the signal. Turns out, the anti-theft device was attached to a dog collar. They’ve been tracking a dog.

The next day at the Mars Apartment (can I call it the Mars-partment? Hello, my name is Lorraine and I’m nickname-holic) Keith asks Veronica if she wants breakfast. She is just going to grab an apple. It’s all very icy. Veronica notices an envelope on the table with Troy’s name on it. Keith tells her it’s everything she may or may not want to know about Troy, and she’s free to open it or throw it away. Keith gives her a little shoulder squeeze and heads out. It’s pretty fucking genius. Well played, Keith. I mean, not if you’re Veronica…

Keith and Ms. James are at a diner, and they are holding hands all cutely, until Keith furrows his brows and has something to tell her. He breaks up with her because Veronica isn’t ready to see him date. Ms. James asks for another reason for the break-up, a bad one. Being a Sandy Cohen Eyebrow worthy father is not something you can bitch about with girlfriends over margaritas. Keith pulls her into an affectionate hug. I feel bad for them. Keith, though, seems to take extreme actions: it was either bringing Ms. James in like a substitute mom, or not seeing her at all. Guys, there is some sweet middle ground, I swear.

Diva: Agreed. I fully thought Ms. James was going to be all, “So, we can still just have secret sex, right?” But apparently, that was not an option.

Lor: Neptune High. Veronica waits for Troy at his locker and she is not happy. She calls him out on his past troubles, namely being kicked out of two previous schools for drug possession and trafficking with his girlfriend Shauna. Veronica says she doesn’t buy that he wasn’t in on the steroid smuggling with Piñata. Troy is surprised. Sure he got kicked out for having some “dope” but that was two years ago, before he ever met Veronica. He knows nothing about steroids. Veronica accuses him of never telling her these things, but he says maybe he would of, you know, eventually. Troy: Maybe after I’ve known you for more than a month, I tell you my deep dark secrets. Or is that too much of a character flaw, waiting for the girl to like you before you tell her the things you’re not so proud of? Veronica looks taken aback as Troy walks away.

Diva: Usually, my kneejerk reaction to the “But I was going to tell you!” defense is, you’re full of shit. But Troy actually did have a good point here – namely, that he was well within his rights to wait more than a month before letting her know all his awful secrets. On the other hand, if a month is long enough for you two to be seriously dating, because high school, then a month is probably also long enough for you to tell her serious things. 

Sweeney: Troy is an asshole, but his point here is entirely valid.

Lor: She stands there for a second before Piñata Smuggler shows up with his eight grand. Veronica grabs the money and stomps off.

Veronica visits BBBB’s gym with Backup. She finds BBBB and says she’s there to settle Luke’s account. BBBB asks to step in his office, but Veronica would rather stay right where she is. So would Backup, who barks at all the appropriate times and pulls on his leash. Mid-conversation, Veronica gets what is obviously a planned call from Wallace. She takes out her cell phone and snaps a picture of BBBB. After the call, V gives BBBB the money, though he says they aren’t square yet, because Piñata Smuggler let him down, and will have to pay.

Veronica prints out the picture of BBBB and faxes it to someone with a message we don’t see.

Troy’s dad walks him to a cab and in some pretty bad acting tells him that he has no more chances and must learn discipline and respect. (D: +1. I was partially convinced the “twist” in this episode was that Troy’s dad is a robot.)

Mars-partment. Keith compliments Veronica’s cake, though he does point out that everything she bakes leans slightly to the left. Veronica asks when Ms. James will be arriving, but Keith informs her that she won’t be coming. Veronica already cancelled his birthday surprise of seeing Santana at the Bowl. Keith tells her about the break-up, and she’s surprised. She says she clearly knows nothing about relationships, but she wants Keith to be happy on his birthday. Keith: I just want to have a piece of cake with my daughter. That’s all I want. Veronica lights the question mark candle and tells him to make a wish. Keith closes his eyes and seems to be sincerely thinking out a wish. These two. Aw.

Sweeney: There’s like, this thing, in my eye. That’s all. Just something in my eye.

Lor: Border restaurant where Troy’s car was supposedly stolen from. (S: “The New Kid” starts playing, one of several awesomely placed Old 97’s songs on this show.) Troy pays off the cab driver for bringing him to not military school. Inside, Troy heads to the bathroom and grabs the package of steroids from a vent inside the bathroom where he hid it. He then hops in his totally unstolen car and drives off, feeling pretty damn happy with himself. His phone rings and it’s Shauna. He says some gross things about how he’s getting so close, her panties should combust. Hey, remember when Christian Grey was making panties explode? I’ll never, ever forget.

Sweeney: NEVER.

Diva: I’ll never, ever stop barfing.

Lor: Shauna asks Troy what’s up with some girl named Veronica calling her. Troy instantly freaks and hangs up on Shauna. He tears open his steroid package and finds a bunch of candy and a note: “Sorry we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, but I just wanted to wish you good luck at your new school and leave you something to remember me by. It took me a while to figure out where you stashed the steroids, but there was only one place you were alone, right? In case you’re wondering, the former contents of the package are somewhere between my toilet and the Pacific Ocean. Say hi to Shauna for me — she sounds like a keeper.”

Troy loses it. It’s hilarious.

The Postal Service plays again. We watch BBBB approach the Mexican border. Border Patrol man pulls Veronica’s picture of BBBB off his wall and confronts BBBB with it, telling him to hand over his contraband. BBBB looks, well, defeated.

Diva: And Border Patrol man proves he actually is capable of doing his job!

Lor: Mars-partment. Veronica is alone in bed with a Discman. She can’t hear her phone vibrating. We cut to Lianne using one of V’s disposable cell phones to leave a message. She says she loves and misses Veronica and everything will make sense when the time is right. She asks V to tell Keith “happy birthday.” Man, Veronica is never going to listen to music again.

While recapping this one, I truly realized just how much happens in an episode. VM is such a well paced show with jam-packed episodes. With just a few minutes left in the episode, we still didn’t know that Troy was a bad guy, and boom, the end of the episode hits you. As we talked about in the comments last week, this show really trusts its audience’s intelligence.

Diva: Absolutely. I never really trusted Troy, and was pretty much just waiting to see what was wrong with him, but this storyline was still done in a surprising and interesting way that threw me off the trail repeatedly. This was a plot-packed episode, but in a good way. The fight between Keith and Veronica was a fantastic scene, one of my favorite in the series thusfar. Throw in some adorable Backup moments, a Weevil scene, and the Postal Service, and I’m good to go.

Sweeney: I also love that Troy’s point was right but he still turns out to be shady. In the context of this larger episode, that statement packed a lot of punch, and it was something Veronica needed to hear, a lesson she (still…) needs to learn. And yet, it’s still not quite so simple as “trust everyone.” That question of, “at what point does your poking and prodding became invasive?” pervades the series. Sometimes she gets it right and sometimes she fucks up. The show requires Veronica to overstep privacy boundaries in order for it to work. I like that it doesn’t shy away from concurrently calling her out on it.

Next time: Duncan wins a school election and Veronica investigates claims of cheating in Veronica Mars S01 E06 – Return of the Kane.

 

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





DemocracyDiva (all posts)

I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.





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