Previously: Buffy was voted the weakest link. GOODBYE.
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Touched
Lorraine: Inside the Summers’ home, it’s somewhat clear that whatever happened at the end of the last episode, it wasn’t well thought out. All the Potentials, Giles, Willow, Faith, Xander, Anya and Principal Wood are having a disorganized discussion about how to have organized discussions. Kennedy is pretty much just excited about having more of a say. Faith keeps trying to calm everyone down. Amanda goes on and on about parliamentary procedure. During this, Giles tries to assure Dawn that what they did was for the best. Dawn says it doesn’t feel that way. Finally, Faith tells everyone that they need to chill out and get some sleep. Kennedy wonders if they have time to waste and Faith basically answers, “things suck so let’s sleep.” I support this plan. It’s pretty much the best one we’ve heard this season.
Sweeney: This isn’t really a “nap” so much as a “night’s sleep” but in any event, Official Snark Lady Policy dictates that there is no obstacle in this life which can’t be ignored in favor of sleeping.
Kirsti: 3/3 Snark Ladies agree, sleeping trumps pretty much everything. Plus, you know, I hate Kennedy so I’ll pretty much automatically side with anyone over her.
Lor: Felicia Day starts to say something about how things won’t look so bad in the morning, but the lights cut out in the middle of her sentence. Faith peeks outside and sees that the lights are off all along the block. She assumes that the power plant workers have all peaced out of Sunnydale. They’ve at least stopped showing up to work.
Buffy walks along a residential street and it’s mostly abandoned. (S: Giving some excellent Buffy Brood.) It’s so mostly abandoned that there is even a car parked on the side of the road with its hood up. That’s the true indicator of an impending apocalypse right there. Buffy chooses a house and busts down the door. She walks in slowly and from around the corner, a man appears with a shotgun and tells her to get out. She grabs the gun away from him and explains that she thought it would be empty. She was just looking for a place to crash. She tells him he should really leave and he protests being kicked out of his own house. And it’s significant, see? Buffy says all the cool kids are doing it. She walks into the kitchen and we watch the homeowner run out into the pending apocalypse. This is another one of those moments that will probably divide us in opinion. Again, I know Buffy is hurt, but it’s just so hard to watch her act like a dick to an innocent bystander.
Sweeney: But this person doesn’t have a name. People who haven’t been considered enough to be given a name don’t matter! Keep that world view good and myopic.
K: I hate this bit. HATE IT. I mean, I get that Buffy’s hurting. But to hurt someone else in exactly the same way she was just hurt? Especially when there are like 5,000 empty houses in town? Just turn the fuck around and find another house, you fuckwit.
Lor: And with that we cue the Wolf Howl.
Spike and Andrew are stuck inside the mission, waiting for the sun to go down so they can motorcycle back to Sunnydale. Andrew is his usual talkative and annoying self, and Spike is not having it, especially because he’s worried about Buffy. Andrew asks what the worst that could happen is. Spike glares.
K: It’s oddly reminiscent of when Spike was dating Harmony in season 4…
Lor: Hilarious.
Cut to the Basement of the Worst That Could Happen. The Potentials + Scoobies are sitting in a mostly circle, talking. Faith asks them what they know and between them they offer up these facts: they are pretty much the only humans left in Sunnydale, all the evil left in town wants them dead, no one wants to die, and Nathan Priest-ion told Buffy that everything will be going down at the seal. Kennedy starts to say they should go to the seal, but Faith cuts her off. She wants to start at their enemies: the First, who they can’t touch; Nathan Priest-ion, who hates women; the OG vamps, who aren’t actually a threat yet unless I missed something; and the Bringers, who despite having the awesome Snark Squad nickname of Rage Ninjas, seem to be the “weakest link.” I swear I wrote the line for the “previously” at the beginning of this post before watching the episode. We seem to have a theme.
It’s 2014– all the Weakest Link gifs on Tumblr are Doctor Who related.
K: Sorry, was there more to this episode? I started giggling about John Barrowman’s expression and couldn’t stop gif staring.
Lor: Fair.
Kennedy sarcastically asks if Faith is planning on holding a Bringer for ransom and Xander snarks his way through a theoretical ransom note to the First. What Faith is actually suggesting is that they hold a Bringer for questioning. Kennedy thinks that’s a horrible idea. They don’t need more information because they already know about the seal. All they have to do is go in there and do some recon. That plan sounds about as horrible as the one that Buffy got kicked out for. KENNEDY NEXT? PLEASE?
Sweeney: I was bummed that Nathan Priest-ion killed Tru Confessions over Kennedy.
Lor: Willow tells Kennedy she’s pushing too hard, but she won’t drop it. She thought things would be different now. Faith stands and delivers her first leader speech. She says that she isn’t Buffy, but she is their leader. She makes the rules and the rest of them follow. She tells Kennedy to back off and firmly directs everyone back to business.
Evil Command Central. The Bringers are hard at work with torches and pick-axes. First!Buffy and Nathan Priest-ion watch and plot. First!Buffy wonders if the Bringers will be successful. Priest-ion doesn’t know if whatever they are doing will work, but they’ve got to try everything. First!Buffy is worried about what will happen if Slayer and co. get “it” first, but Priest-ion assures her that won’t happen. First!Buffy agrees it won’t because he’s going to kill them all and everyone they know. The First walks off to go do the evil things Firsts do when they aren’t on screen and Nathan Priest-ion creep-whispers, “hallelujah.”
Kennedy walks alone at night, looking upset. A Bringer sneaks up on her but Giles freaking LASSOS it and pulls it to the ground. As Giles ties that Bringer up, the Potentials fight against the other ones, taking them out with their own knives. Fight over, Kennedy says that being the bait was actually kind of scary. Giles compliments her performance as a disgruntled minion and she replies, “I’m method,” with a smile. “Let’s get this back to the captain.”
K: Couldn’t she have gotten a LITTLE bit injured in the process of capturing the Bringer? Like, in some way that means she can’t speak?
Lor: This was actually one of her more charming moments for me.
Back at the Chez Summers, Faith and Giles join the rest of the gang in the kitchen. It turns out that someone has ripped out the Bringer’s tongue.
Dawn: Hey…I’ve been reading this old Turkish spell book. There’s an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying.
Willow: Oh, yeah. I think I’ve read a translation of it.
Dawn: There’s a translation of it?! (sighs) I’m over it.
Dawn/research OTP!
Sweeney: YES. My #1 OTP right now. My one-truiest of one true pairings.
K: Agreed. Remember when Buffy was all “You’re too young to research” and Dawn researched anyway? Everyone knows the best OTPs defy parental permission.
Lor: A+
Anyway, the spell is used to talk to someone who can’t communicate. Willow says she’ll just have to gather some ingredients.
From off screen, Andrew yells that he and Spike are back. Andrew rambles a bit about their mission-mission and riding Spike’s hog until he excuses himself for a pee break. Spike says they have a lead and asks for Buffy. Dawn starts the explanation by saying she isn’t there at the moment. Willow picks up and her version of events for Spike is that after much discussion, it was decided that Buffy should take a little time off. Spike sees through that BS and snaps at Willow. Spike: So, uh, Buffy took some time off right in the middle of the apocalypse, and it was her decision? Then Spike starts to get angry and I’m going to try my best not to get annoyed by his reaction.
OKAY. SO. Spike calls them sad ungrateful traitors and says it’s ballsy of them to call themselves her friends since they betrayed her. He accuses Giles of not being able to handle that she’s surpassed him. He yells that she’s died for all of them and no one really reacts or meets his eye. Faith interrupts him to say that speech giving time is over. They square off and Spike punches Faith in the face. This time, she doesn’t stay down. They trade punches and kicks while she taunts him for being whipped. Mid-fight, Spike asks where Buffy is, but Faith doesn’t know. He gives one more scathing look and leaves. Outside he takes a big whiff of the air and gets to smell-o-tracking Buffy.
K: This whole scene was just ugh-worthy. It’s so blatantly pandering to that whole “Spike’s the only one who has my back” thing, and then we get the gross smell-o-tracking addition at the end.
Lor: No comment.
In the Summers’ Basement, Willow performs the Turkish spell on the Kidnapped Bringer, who is tied up in Spike’s chains. The spell doesn’t appear to have worked and Andrew offers to rough up the Bringer. They yell at him to be quiet and are so annoyed that they don’t immediately catch on when his voice goes quieter and more monotonous. “I am a drone in the mind that is evil. I say I’m part of the great darkness.” Not looking back at him, Kennedy says he needs a reality check and Xander suggests a muzzle. Willow looks like something is dawning on her, but it’s Giles who looks at Andrew first. He continues speaking for the Kidnapped Bringer: I’m only a fragment of the we. We work as one to serve the First. The Bringers are working to prepare for the final battle. Kennedy grabs a knife and holds it up against the Bringer’s throat. Giles calls her off, saying that it can’t see the knife. “We can feel the knife,” Bringer!Andrew says. I guess they can also feel the torches and stuff they were working with in the Cellar of Woe. That’s some good feeling.
Kennedy backs down and hands the knife to Giles. Bringer!Andrew goes on with the Bringer job description which includes but is not limited to: attending the needs of the ultimate evil (with a friendly and accommodating attitude); exterminating girls and destroying the legacy of the slayer (with passion and a can-do spirit); building an arsenal beneath the dirt (with a focus on efficiency and collaboration); and obeying the commands of their teacher Nathan Priest-ion. All those interested can apply within.
Sweeney: 1430 for the HR lady.
K: No mention of salary though. Seems dodgy.
Lor: Apply and find out.
Xander wants more details on that whole arsenal beneath the dirt thing, and the Bringer helpfully tells them that they are building it at the edge of town. Suspiciously helpful. Then it starts saying stuff about not being afraid of the Scooby Gang’s efforts and how the Bringers will laugh when they die. Giles has had enough of that shit, quickly grabs the knife and slits Kidnapped Bringer’s throat. Andrew freaks.
They all rush off to tell Faith about what they’ve learned.
There’s A Stranger in My House. Spike finds Buffy in bed. He starts with the observation that he was able to just walk in, no invite needed. Can you believe that? (No, not really, Spike, but points for at least addressing it.) Buffy doesn’t answer but he walks closer and tells her he heard about the coup. He lays into Faith, but Buffy clarifies that it wasn’t just her and they weren’t wrong. Spike thinks she’ll change her tune when she hears his news. Buffy was right. Nathan Priest-ion is hiding something and he thinks it’s at the winery. Buffy doesn’t feel right. Spike says he isn’t fooled because he knows Buffy isn’t a quitter. She didn’t give up her leadership, they took it from her and that means they can take it back.
Buffy’s room. Awkward. Faith and Giles look over a map and finalize a plan of attack. Faith is a little bit hesitant about some details but Giles assures her that she’s doing a fine job. He leaves and THE MAYOR! appears. THE MAYOR, YOU GUYS. Well, First!Mayor at least. (S: I MISSED HIM EVERY DAY OF THE LAST FOUR SEASONS.) (K: ME TOO. I really wish he’d been a villain for, like, most of the show rather than just one season. Because he is FABULOUS.) He explains that he is part of the First, but he’s also himself and can prove it because he knows things only the Mayor would know, like where he used to hide the moonpies in his office and who his favorite character in Little Women is. (Meg.)
First!Mayor says that Faith is doing a better job than Buffy, but Faith defends her. First!Mayor asks why she would, as Buffy nearly killed her. Faith insists that it’s different now, but First!Mayor doesn’t think so. He thinks that every time Buffy sees her, she’ll always see a killer. He warns her to stay on her guard.
Stranger’s House. Buffy is sitting up in bed now and we join a conversation in progress.
Spike: No?
Buffy: No.
Spike: You mean no as in eventually?
Buffy: You really have problems with that word, don’t you?
Sweeney: WOO referencing and immediately dismissing rape! COOL. That was super necessary. Thanks, show.
K: BRB, GETTING THE MATCHES AND PETROL.
Lor: Two and a half more episodes.
Buffy isn’t sure that she should try and get the Gang back, and Spike doesn’t help with his description of the “chaos” they are suffering without her. Spike admits that he didn’t see much, as he mostly just hit Faith and left. Buffy perks up at that, and Spike “jokingly” threatens to kill Faith and make it look like an accident. Buffy says that’s the problem though; she says a word and girls die. “Casualties. It just sounds so…casual.” Buffy admits that she cut herself off from all of them, and starts to attribute it to knowing some of them might die but she stops herself and stands in a huff. She’s making excuses. The truth is that she’s always cut herself off. Being the Slayer made her different, but she thinks it’s her fault she stayed that way. Buffy says Spike should know all about how she slips away when people try to connect to her. Or when soulless vampires try to almost rape her. All that slipping away, am I right?
Sorry. I interrupted this touching moment by refusing to let the writers try to rewrite this relationship as some sort of missed connection. Spike says that they connected just fine, winknudge, but Buffy scoffs. They were never close and he only wanted her because she was unattainable. Now Spike stands up in anger, and Buffy sits down not wanting to relive the past. He’s all, “OH WELL.” because he listened to her and now it’s his turn. Buffy wants to be cheered up but that isn’t his goal. The whole “unattainable” thing pissed him off and now he’s got a feelsy speech to deliver, dammit. I’m not even going to recap it. I’m just going to transcribe it so if you like this kind of thing, you can read it and feel good. If you would rather eat dirt than spend more time with a Spuffy love declaration, feel free to skip ahead:
You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine, and done things I prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A 100 plus years, and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman.
Sweeney: THE SHOES! Who does that? That’s how I know their priorities are all out of whack here. The shoes.
K: SERIOUSLY. Also, I was going to ask how the hell she could sleep with a bra on, but then I remembered our Buffy needs a bra tag and now I have nostalgia feels for simpler times.
Lor: Sarah Michelle Gellar’s acting in the beginning of this scene was not great. James Marsters picked it up with his own speech but overall it plodded along for me here. I mean, it’s not like there are only two episodes left and there’s an impending apocalypse or anything.
But, like, Happy Valentine’s Day Traumateers!
Sweeney: More 1430s!
Lor: The Mayor is still talking to Faith about how she keeps looking for love and acceptance but won’t find it from the Scoobies. Faith firmly tells First!Mayor to get out and he tells her he’ll always be a part of her before blinking out.
Principal Wood places a hand on Faith’s shoulder and she freaks out. Wood asks what’s going on and Faith snaps at him. He gets the hint and starts to walk out but Faith calls him back. She admits that she saw the First. Wood closes the door and tells her that this means the First thinks she matters. Faith is shaking. Wood asks who the First came as and she explains that it was a man who was like a father to her. Wood shares about his mother. Even though they both knew it was a trick, their respective encounters still got to them. Wood says he still wanted his mom to hold him like a little baby. That’s a really awkward thing to say considering what we’re a minute away from witnessing. Wood says everyone wants to be cared for and to be touched.
Sweeney: We stopped reading Fifty Shades so long ago that it’s been a while since we’ve had a sex scene introduced with references to baby!selves. It wasn’t actually that awkward here, but there’s that whole ruined thing.
K: Faith just got out of prison. I don’t think any comment would really matter to her right now…
Lor: They chat a little more about how Faith still wants Buffy around and Wood thinks she’s a fine leader but the point is the touching and soon they start kissing and fall back on the bed. On BUFFY’S bed.
Sweeney: SO RUDE.
Lor: Willow’s room. Willow is surprised to find that the Potentials are all mysteriously gone and she and Kennedy have the room to themselves. Kennedy says it’s about damn time (“Foreplay was threatening to turn into twelve-play“) but Willow turns away from her. Kennedy asks what’s up and she explains that she’s scared that letting go will mean bad things. Kennedy asks with a slight condescension in her voice if she’s scared to turn into “big bad Willow.” Fucking Kennedy. (S: Love it when people patronize me and treat big parts of my life as insignificant. HAWT.) Willow says it isn’t stupid considering that a kiss made her turn into Warren. Kennedy agrees that it isn’t stupid but offers to tether Willow down. They resume their touching.
Downstairs, Anya and Xander are eating ice cream straight out of the carton. Anya complains about having to listen to everyone’s sex, but truly, she’s just jealous.
K: So Anya’s basically the mother from I Know Who Killed Me, yes?
Lor: Anya probably takes offense to that comparison.
Aaaaand now we get to enjoy a sex montage, but Spike and Buffy are just holding each other naked except for their clothes. The sex montage reveals that Anya and Xander are also having sex on the kitchen floor. It sucks ass to be a Potential right now. I hope no one wants to grab a midnight snack or forgot their headgear in Willow’s room.
Sweeney: Also sucks from a space issue. Do you guys realize how many people are in that house right now? You just can’t declare that many rooms OCCUPIED at once. Stagger or something. Maybe designate a coat closet for the purpose, with a sign-in sheet. And lots of cleaning supplies.
K: I bet Dawn’s regretting that whole kicking Buffy out thing right about now and is wishing she’d kicked herself out instead.
Lor: All very true.
Wine Cellar of Woe. First!Buffy stares straight ahead as she admits that she’s kind of jealous of all the sexy times. Nathan Priest-ion thinks it’s sickening, and chooses to instead go on about how awesome it is that the First is in everything and everyone. It’s also in Nathan Priest-ion, giving him superhuman strength. First!Buffy says it gets all the end of times sexy times, because you just want to feel. The First wants to feel an innocent neck snapping. Because evil.
Chez Summers. Andrew is addressing the whole army. Nathan Priest-ion is protecting something he doesn’t want the slayers to get. Andrew says if they (and Faith corrects his inclusion in that “they”) are looking for an arsenal, he’s thinking Nathan Priest-ion is protecting a weapon. Faith thanks him for his good thinking. Faith gives Willow, Dawn, Xander and Giles the task of finding and checking up on Buffy, preferably without her noticing them. Wood asks where he should be, and Faith tells him to stay by the phone in case she needs him. He looks taken aback. She’s going to the arsenal with a group of Potentials.
Spike wakes up but Buffy’s gone. She left a note.
Wine Cellar of Woe. Nathan Priest-ion says it shouldn’t be long, because although the prophecies say one thing, brute force says another. First!Buffy seems a little annoyed and starts to give instructions to rouse the Bringers when one comes tumbling down the stairs near them. It’s Buffy, one hand on her hip, saying she heard they have something of hers.
K: It’s been a while since we’ve had some Slayer Sass. Welcome back, old friend.
Lor: After a Not Break, Buffy heads down the stairs and asks Nathan Priest-ion where the thing that belongs to her is. She’s going to find it sooner or later. Nathan Priest-ion says she won’t, because all he needs to do is lay a hand on her to kill her. Buffy challenges him to lay a hand on her then. He swings and at her in slow motion and Buffy dodges it, Matrix style. Nathan Priest-ion swings again and she somersaults away from him. So it goes until Nathan Priest-ion crashes into some barrels of wine. First!Buffy is watching and says it’s getting embarrassing. Nathan Priest-ion asks if she has to look like Buffy while he’s fighting Buffy because it’s confusing. First!Buffy is all, “UGH. FINE.” and blinks out.
Down in some tunnels, Faith leads the Potentials and they soon locate what looks to be the arsenal they were looking for. Felicia Day wonders at it all being abandoned, but a Bringer shows itself and it isn’t alone. A fight breaks out. We cut between this fight and Buffy’s fight with Nathan Priest-ion. Well, really, she just avoids his punches like a champ, as she jumps around and runs up walls, Crouching Tiger style. Nathan Priest-ion gets pissed enough to call her a whore and push over a bunch of barrels. Buffy looks and spots an open hatch on the floor. Nathan Priest-ion charges at her and she ducks and slides into the open hatch.
Tunnels. The Bringers are down and Felicia Day wonders at the ease of it. Kennedy spots something and yells for Faith to come check it out. She walks further into the tunnel and that is cut with a shot of Buffy walking further into the cave under the cellar. Buffy finds what the Bringers were working on before. It’s a weapon, almost resembling an axe, lodged in stone. It’s shiny and awesome and Buffy smiles. Faith finds a padlocked box. She breaks open the padlock and finds explosives. She yells at the Potentials to get down and we cut to black.
This episode was more character focused, but much of that focus was on characters I don’t like or am not happy with at the moment, so it wasn’t as enjoyable for me as I’m sure it is for some of you. I’m a broken record at this point, but again, the pacing was off. The middle chunk of this episode took FOREVER to get through.
Sweeney: The pacing on this whole season was just so off that few episodes seem to be able to find even their own individual footing in that regard.
Lor: I don’t know. It just wasn’t my thing.
K: It took me two hours just to comment on the recap, so…yeah.
Lor: But again: Happy Valentine’s Day!
Scheduling Note: The Snark Ladies are currently experiencing some higher than normal crazy life times, which is why our schedule this week went to shit. We hope to be better next week, so with that in mind, please remember that we will be skipping our Buffy recaps next week in favor of marathon watching Angel all the way until the end of season 4. Then, the week after next, we will finish off Buffy with the final two episodes and some special features. Join us for all the fun!
Next time: The uber-vamps attack in the penultimate episode in Buffy the Vampire Slayer S07 E21 – End of Days.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
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