Previously: The Purple Wedding, in which Joffrey died and Margaery went 2 for 2 on being widowed before consummation.
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Breaker of Chains
Sweeney: Episode begins with the credits and Winterfell’s eternal fire. Because this show just wants to taunt us and destroy us and so they give us these credits and also, you know, this episode. This fucking episode.
Lorraine: I think that’s a good thing to get out of the way early. Welcome to our recap for episode 3; THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
Sweeney: This Fucking Episode begins where the last one left off. Joffrey’s corpse, bloody and blue. Cersei screaming for Tyrion to be taken and demanding to know where Sansa is. Tywin orders the gates to the city barred and every ship in the harbor seized. Too bad for you, assholes, Dantos is successfully getting her the hell out of there. About damn time, really.
Unfortunately, this is Sansa so she goes from one shitty situation to the next: Dantos rows her out to a ship. She climbs up a ladder, anxious as fuck because change is never good for her, and is snatched aboard by Lord Baelish. It’s been so long since we’ve heard his creepy pedoy voice that I forgot just how creepy it is.
Lor: YEP. Additional creep factor reminders come in the form of his aggressive personal space invasion and close talking right now. BACK UP, LITTLEFINGER. Damn.
Sweeney: Personal space: learn about it.
Just to make sure we (and Sansa) remember he’s not the best dude, Dantos receives his payment of getting murdered in his row boat. Baelish tells Sansa that Dantos had to die because he can’t be trusted to keep Sansa’s secret and now that she fled Joffrey’s murder like that (at his behest…) she’s a major suspect.
Lor: Littlefinger: Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.
Sweeney: A+ except I don’t ever want that crossover magic to happen ever, ever. The last thing Rosewood needs is Lord Baelish.
Baelish explains that everything Dantos did, including the necklace, was at Baelish’s orders, and all for gold. The totes-a-family-heirloom necklace Dantos gave her was commissioned by Baelish a few weeks ago. He asks Sansa if she remembers what he once told her about the capital. She does: “We’re all liars here.” Then he assures her that she’s safe now and sailing home. Womp.
Lor: Except that by his own admission two seconds ago, he’s a damn liar. So, no, probably not.
Sweeney: Flowerboss Balcony. Margaery wants to know if she’s queen now, and Grandma Flowerboss says that she’s more queen than she was with Renly, but less than she would have been if the marriage had actually been consummated. Margaery says how terrible it was to watch Joffrey die and Grandma Flowerboss agrees that as terrible as the world is, death is the worst. Then she remembers her husband’s life and death, with no fondness. Margaery thinks about her twice married status and laments that she must be cursed. Grandma Flowerboss assures her that Joffrey’s death was anything but a curse – as miserable as it was to watch him die, it was nothing next to what her life would have been like with him. Because Grandma Flowerboss totes did it. Vengeance is one thing, but knowing that your grandchild, the only member of your family that you seem to like, is to spend the rest of her life married to that psychopath? Holy shit, there’s a motivation for you. Plus, she knows queen status is still going to be a thing for Margaery, because the Lannisters still need the Tyrells – a fact Grandma Flowerboss pointed out to Tywin last episode. You know, right before she had his grandson killed.
Lor: Right, and she was the one who was all, “WHO WOULD KILL SOMEONE AT A WEDDING, COUGH COUGH COUGH.” I love you Flowerboss, you’re snarky as shit, but if you did it, we need to work on your stealth abilities.
Sweeney: Speaking of murder, his corpse is being mourned by Cersei and Tommen when Tywin comes up to ask Tommen if he knows what this death means. Tommen, miraculously aged to prep himself for the part, will become king. Tywin thinks that Tommen will be a good king and they have a philosophical conversation about what makes a good king. Tommen makes guesses – pious, just, strong – which Tywin dismisses one by one, including some jabs at the man Tommen believes is his father. Finally, Tommen realizes that the answer is wisdom, which is correct, and wisdom, to Tywin, means shutting the fuck up and doing what your advisor-grandfather tells you to do. He adds that Joffrey was neither wise nor good and he might still be alive if he had been. Tywin escorts Tommen off.
Lor: Thanks for that wonderful eulogy, Granpa Tywin! I’m not being facetious. That was probably my favorite eulogy ever. RInotP Joffrey.
Sweeney: As they are leaving Cersei behind, Jaime enters. He asks Tommen how he’s doing and assures him that he will be fine and that Jaime himself will see to that. Then Jaime dismisses everyone else so that he and Cersei can be alone with Joffrey’s corpse. Cersei reiterates that she’s sure it was Tyrion because he told her he’d do it. “A day will come when think you are safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth.”
Lor: REALLY? People say so many threatening things in King’s Landing sheer dumb luck means some of those threats will eventually be right.
Sweeney: Cersei tells Jaime that he saw Joffrey point at Tyrion and, as such, should avenge their son. Jaime says he doesn’t know what he saw and thinks it’s super fucked up ask him to kill his own brother. Cersie isn’t placated by promises of a trial, and cries, telling Jaime that he has to do it – Joffrey was their son. She cries onto Jaime’s shoulder and then kisses him, before breaking away, looking somewhat disgusted. Jaime’s a little shellshocked. He angrily tells Cersei that she’s a hateful woman and then grabs her head and kisses her and theeeen rape. He forces himself on her beside the corpse of their incest child as she tells him to stop and that it’s not right and he says he doesn’t care as she cries and it’s the worst.
We’re now going to pause and have the big rape conversation. I’m sectioning it off under a cut so you can skip this if it’s too unpleasant and/or painful for you to discuss. I get that.
I know this is going to become a big epic thing in the comments, no matter how much I’d like it to not be that. I read about the shitstorm before I got a chance to watch the episode and was dreading it because, quite frankly, the book reader conversation was deeply upsetting for me. In case you missed it, here’s the corresponding book passage, as it has been making the rounds:
She kissed him. A light kiss, the merest brush of her lips on his, but he could feel her tremble as he slid his arms around her. “I am not whole without you.”
There was no tenderness in the kiss he returned to her, only hunger. Her mouth opened for his tongue. “No,” she said weakly when his lips moved down her neck, “not here. The septons…”
“The Others can take the septons.” He kissed her again, kissed her silent, kissed her until she moaned. Then he knocked the candles aside and lifted her up onto the Mother’s altar, pushing up her skirts and the silken shift beneath. She pounded on his chest with feeble fists, murmuring about the risk, the danger, about their father, about the septons, about the wrath of gods. He never heard her. He undid his breeches and climbed up and pushed her bare white legs apart. One hand slid up her thigh and underneath her smallclothes. When he tore them away, he saw that her moon’s blood was on her, but it made no difference.
“Hurry,” she was whispering now, “quickly, quickly, now, do it now, do me now. Jaime Jaime Jaime.” Her hands helped guide him. “Yes,” Cersei said as he thrust, “my brother, sweet brother, yes, like that, yes, I have you, you’re home now, you’re home now, you’re home.” She kissed his ear and stroked his short bristly hair. Jaime lost himself in her flesh. He could feel Cersei’s heart beating in time with his own, and the wetness of blood and seed where they were joined.
Bolding mine, because it’s really fucking important and so many people keep dropping that quote in there to say, “As you can see, it was clearly consensual in the book,” and then moving on to their rape culture rage. I don’t know if this is driven more by a BOOKS ARE ALWAYS BETTER or a love of book!Jaime, or what, but guys. Seriously? I’ll grant that it’s ambiguous, sure. I’m not saying it necessarily needs to be read as rape, but I’m also saying it definitely can be, so it’s a major problem to say, “THIS IS CONSENT!” and move on. (Or, worse yet, mock the idea that it might not be “enthusiastic consent” and then move on.) It’s a Jaime POV chapter, so this is his understanding of her “weak” fist pounding and assuming that she’s just making excuses. She consents after her NO is rejected and ignored. There’s a whole fucking lot to unpack here and it was deeply upsetting for me to see all these people who clearly care about this issue being so dismissive of it.
If the person you are with says no, you stop. Prior consent and your own validation process for their reasons to say no are irrelevant. If someone says no and you do not stop, it is rape.
All of that being said, there’s ambiguity. That’s true. I’m not trying to come and shit on your assessment of book!Jaime. GRRM’s statements suggest that he doesn’t believe (and didn’t intend) to write a rape scene. Fine. But this still speaks to a larger issue of people not really getting how consent works. Basically, my issue is that I place GRRM on that list and I find that pretending this passage has no consent-related problems undermines the big, serious media-portrayals-of-rape conversations made in those (and other) articles.
Lor: All of my own feelings are echoed here, and I would only add just another layer of clarification: Not consenting to the time, place, way, of sex is still part of NON CONSENT. I’ve read a fair amount of, “she just didn’t want to do it there” to again make me question what people understand of consent. NOT THERE means NOT THERE. Ignoring a not here, not now or not this way, is rape.
Sweeney: YES. 100% YES. These were all my big feelings before I even saw the damn thing. And then I watched the episode and yes, it is blatantly, unambiguously rape. The director and actor in question both gave, “It becomes consensual by the end,” statements, though it seems the showrunners have finally acknowledge that YES this is rape.
The other thing in all this mess that infuriates me is that it’s endless conversation about what it means for Jaime. This is being treated by fans solely as a terrible thing that the writers did to Jaime! Honestly, it doesn’t strike me as horribly OOC for TV Jaime. I don’t know book Jaime beyond that one stupid passage and I don’t really want to get into it, but I buy it from TV Jaime. More importantly, it now is part of TV Jaime’s character and story and the OOC comments – made by smart people, whose opinions I respect – trouble me because they speak to a larger cultural narrative in which we insist that the beloved dude couldn’t possibly have done this. That frustrates me. (L: BECAUSE HE DID IT. Our feelings cannot change that. He did it, he did it, he did it, he did it.)
All of that being said, I am with pretty much everyone on the larger, “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO WRITE THIS?” This show loves shock value and, as the articles I linked all pointed out, this just highlighted the crazy consequences of their super problematic tendency to ramp all sex and violence up infinity points. This point and my last one sort of tie together: I also don’t think the show’s writers gave two shits about what the rape scene means for Cersei, either. She’s definitely all sorts of terrible, but also the actual victim in this scene. She’s already so fucked up, after a lifetime of being manipulated by Tywin (who is the actual most evil ever, ever) so who knows what the death of her beloved son and this betrayal by Jaime would/will do to her. I hate that this question probably wasn’t asked.
That was a whole lot of ranting about the details of the argument, but just to make myself clear: I totally agree that this should not have been written and I don’t particularly trust this show to handle this moment well. I don’t think bad topics should be off-limits, but sensitive topics should be handled with a certain measure of care, and the Shock, Awe, and TITS! festival that is behind this show doesn’t strike me as particularly adept at that. I have a lot of rage for this show now.
This show tries to win us back over by cutting to more fun times with the Westeros buddy cop show that is Arya’s Adventures With The Hound. Arya’s doubtful that he really knows where they’re going, but he promises that they’re going the right way and he wants to trade her to her gross aunt for gold ASAP. In a rare almost-tender (like, for The Hound) moment, he confesses that after that he’ll probably book passage across The Narrow Sea to fight as a sellsword. (MAYBE HE’LL BUMP INTO DANY AND POINT HER ON HER WAY ACROSS THE DAMN SEA.) Arya says she wants to see Braavos one day because she has friends there and also plans to become a faceless assassin.
They’re interrupted by an old man and his young daughter on the bridge above them. This is the old man’s land. The Hound’s abysmal manners make the man uneasy, but Arya has the quickest save of ever, offering that her “father” has never been the same since their cottage burned down along with her mother while he was away fighting in the war. She’s quick, this one. The man asks which house he fought for. “The Tullys of Riverrun,” she answers. To that, the man offers them a place to sleep and a meal. Arya smiles, proudly, knowing how damn good she is.
Lor: That stupid farmer. Oh, is that your mentally unstable father shooting snotrockets there? I INVITE YOU TO MY HOUSE! My young female child will feed you! It’ll be great.
Sweeney: That night at dinner, the man prays while Arya and The Hound eye the food anxiously. The Hound is rude and interrupts them. Arya makes apologies for him, but follows suit, stuffing her face as quickly as possible. She was never very fond of lady training, but it is worth noting that her earliest years did take place as a very important little girl. Anyway, the man goes on to lament that everything is terrible now that they no longer have the protection of the Tullys. He also mentions that the Freys did an unforgivable thing that they’ll pay for in the seventh hell. The Hound grumbles about the lack of ale. The man pays this no mind and offers The Hound fair wages for fair work if he’ll stay on and help out around the farm and also fight off the bandits. He agrees.
Lor: In other words, the dumb farmer says, “Possibly Mentally Unstable Rude Man, I have money you can steal from me!”
Sweeney: The next morning, Arya wakes up in the barn and hears a scuffle going on outside. She finds The Hound robbing the old man of his silver. Arya’s furious because he said he wasn’t a thief and he just took them in – did a terrible thing that reminds her all too much of what the Freys did to her family. “You’re the worst shit in the Seven Kingdoms!” The Hound says he just gets how things are and delivers a low blow, asking how many Starks needed to get beheaded before she learns some shit. (L: Rough.)
The Wall. Someone’s giving a tour of the men of The Night’s Watch, nearly all of whom, it seems, are rapists. Cool, show! Sam makes his way to Gilly, getting jabs from some men about her being a whore on his way in. Inside, he whines that everyone thinks he’s lying about killing a White Walker, but Gilly nonchalantly says it’s whatever because she knows he did it. He also doesn’t like how they talk about her. Gilly says that her father hated the term Wildling, but she likes it because it makes her sound a bit dangerous.
She also assures him that in spite of the looks, no one has touched her. She tells him that these men have other things to think about besides her, but Sam says that’s BS and there’s 100 men lying awake at night thinking about her. She just wants to know about him, though. Sam reminds Gilly about the high percentage of rapists and suggests that she might be safer in the nearest town. She’s not pleased, but he insists that he just wants to protect her.
Dragonstone. Stannis is angry and demands that the amazing Onion Knight use his new literary skills to read a note, which he does. While he reads, Stannis yells that Joffrey the usurper is dead but he is powerless to seize this opportunity. Somehow this is Davos’s fault for freeing Gendry. I do not follow this logic, but just wanted to make sure everyone caught the mention of Gendry because I miss him. (L: I followed this logic and it’s almost worse, because he wanted to keep Gendry so Creepy Red could keep working her creepy blood magic.) (S: Oh. Her creepy rapey blood magic? Ew.) Dantos says that they need to go get an army of sellswords from the east. Stannis is offended, but Dantos says that all the prophecies and shit are great, but they need soldiers to win a war. Stannis grumbles about history books, and not wanting to be a page in someone else’s. I suppose I should be glad that people are at least concerned with books! Yay books!
After being threatened by Stannis, Dantos goes to his lesson with Shireen. She’s the cutest teacher in the whole world. I want her to teach me things. She applauds when he successfully reads the cover. They discuss the finer points of pirates and smugglers. “If you’re a famous smuggler, you’re not doing it right.” Stannis just thinks a criminal’s a criminal, to which Dantos excellently responds, “Your father lacks an appreciation for the finer points of bad behavior.” Then he kicks off, “Shit I Did When I Was Young” story time, mentioning his time in Braavos. The story includes a bit about The Iron Bank of Braavos, which gives Stannis an epiphany. He kisses Shireen on her forehead and tells her to start writing because this is too important for practice – “I need a smart person to do it.” The letter is from Stannis. Shireen sweetly points out that this is not him, but writes anyway.
Some Town Near The Wall Whose Name I Didn’t Catch. Sam escorts Gilly and Baby Sam to a brothel. Great idea! A woman with scars on her face eyes the baby and asks if she’s a “fucking wildling.” Sam explains to the matron of the house that Gilly will cook and clean and help with the other girls’ babies in exchange for room and board, but insists that no “other work” is on the table. Sam, buddy, this isn’t really an improvement. At all. Gilly agrees, especially when she sees where she’ll be sleeping. She doesn’t fight him too much, just angrily gets her baby comfortable and says that this situation is mostly just best for him. He leaves.
King’s Landing. Orgy time! Ellaria’s got two women getting her off, and she reaches over to interrupt Oberyn in his male companion. They kiss, but he apologizes, saying she’s lovely but he never “acquired the taste.” Oberyn gets defensive on her behalf, but she tells him it’s fine. He wants to know if Oberyn can possibly like men and women the same and Prince Swagger continues to have all. the. swagger. as he delightfully explains that the gods made gorgeous men and women and picking one is just denying yourself half the world’s pleasure.
Lor: Dragons exist in this world. Bisexuality needs to be explained.
Sweeney: More Swagger Philosophy: he explains that one day this guy will wake up and realize that he is old, “That pretty ass of yours will sag. Your belly will grow soft and your back will ache in the night and gray hairs will sprout from your ears. No one will want you anymore. Make sure you fucked your fill before that day.” This dude’s just cool. (Also, note that he notes that not being wanted and not getting any go together! Because Prince Swagger knows that nothing gives you more swagger than consent!) Ellaria crawls on top of him, noting that as a prince of Dorne, he’ll never get too old to be wanted. They’ll all have to line up behind her, though. Or beside her because they’ll probably still be having all the orgies.
Lor: I like the Red Viper too, but I’m not a huge fan of these orgy scenes. I know that I shouldn’t really expect more from HBO at this point, and maybe it’s because it’s This Fucking Episode and it’s making me sensitive, but I GET IT. The foreigner is sexually adventurous! Weeeee! God forbid we have some exposition with out some tits somewhere in the scene. But like, yay consent!
Sweeney: Yeah, HBO doesn’t really know how to give up those expository boobs.
Tywin arrives to shut this down and usher the prostitutes out of the room, including a full-frontal male shot! “Have some expository dong to go with your expository boobs!” I’m sure that, with that, they feel they’ve earned themselves at least 100 more tits. Fair, yeah?
Oberyn offers Tywin a seat on his orgy bed, which he declines. Oberyn says he’s sorry about Joffrey because it’s not Joffrey’s fault Tywin’s the mega worst. It’s definitely at least partly Tywin’s fault that Joffrey was. They discuss how exactly Joffrey died. Oberyn is certain Joffrey was poisoned because he studied poisons at the Citadel. Tywin suggests that Oberyn’s hatred, coupled with his timely arrival and that fact does make him suspicious. Tywin asks what Oberyn and Tyrion discussed when he got to the capital. Oberyn answers – his sister’s rape/murder at the hands of The Mountain, almost certainly ordered by Tywin. Tywin asks if he should be concerned about being there unarmed/unguarded, but they both know Prince Swagger is too smart for that. Tywin denies his involvement in Elia’s murder and says he can maybe arrange a “conversation” with The Mountain in exchange for a favor. That favor is to be the third judge (after himself and Mace Tyrell) in Tyrion’s trial. Tywin’s also offering Oberyn a spot on the small council. Oberyn prods some more and Tywin sums up the terrible state of things, noting that the Dornish were the only ones who resisted the dragons the last time around. Oberyn laughs a bit at Tywin needing them, but agrees.
Tyrion’s Cell. Podrick, the best squire ever, shows up with all the stuff he managed to smuggle in. Pod says he believes that Tyrion is innocent. Tyrion says that even though the world is a better place without Joffrey, he certainly didn’t do it, adding that he’d like to think he’d be smart enough not to wind up gawking like a fool when the assassination happened. You are definitely 100% smarter than that Tyrion. Pod tells Tyrion who the three judges are, who notes that Mace will do whatever Tywin tells him. As for Oberyn, “I’ll give it to my father – he never fails to take advantage of a family tragedy.” Podrick is also there to collect some witnesses for Tyrion. It’s then that Pod has to share the grim news that Sansa hasn’t been seen since the wedding. Tyrion thinks that in spite of however much cause Sansa had, she couldn’t have done it and she was clearly whisked away by “the ominous they” to make sure Tyrion seem guilty. Usually he assumes Cersei’s behind bad shit that happened to him, but in spite of being evil, Cersei does love her children. She’s the only one he knows isn’t involved – “which makes it unique, as King’s Landing murders go.” Tyrion reaches for some other names, all of which dismissed, but Jaime might be allowed to come see him. Pod hesitates at the door and confesses that he was asked to testify against Tyrion in exchange for a title and is truly offended by the suggestion that he’d even consider it. Tyrion tells him that he needs to get the fuck out of the city after finding Jaime, because he won’t let him die on his behalf. Pod gets choked up as they say their final farewells. I GET CHOKED UP TOO. “There has never lived a more loyal squire.”
Lor: A great scene from those two. I felt for them both.
Sweeney: Up north, a boy is having a fun chat with his dad when he gets murdered with an arrow by Ygritte. His mother tells him to hide before getting her own head chopped off. The whole band of people is murdered by the Wildlings and the weird scarfaced cannibals. Chief Cannibal finds the boy and asks if he knows how to get to Castle Black. He does. Chief Cannibal tells the boy that he’s going to eat his parents and he needs to run to Castle Black now to tell the crows this.
Castle Black. Men are calling for them to go teach these guys a lesson. The actual grown-ups in the room note that if they leave, they’ll be giving them what they want and with only 100ish men, they can’t afford to lose one. Jon chimes in that Mance is coming and if the Wildlings reach the wall, it’ll be another 1,000 miles of destruction before they reach an army that can stop them. A horn blows to announce the return of Rangers. They help a few wounded men in who explain that the mutineers at Craster’s aren’t going anywhere now that they have his food and wives. Jon Snow says they need to go kill these guys NOW. Everyone’s all, “Didn’t we just cover this?” and Jon says it’s not a justice thing – it’s that he lied to the Wildlings about how many men they had – over 1,000 at Castle Black alone – and that they now have traitors north of the wall who will absolutely share that information if ever they are asked. “Mance has all he needs to crush us – he just doesn’t know it yet.”
Across the Narrow Sea, Dany’s adding more notches to her White Savior Belt. She and her army arrive at the gates of Meereen where they send out a champion. She’s supposed to send her own to ride against him, but not really. The CHAMPION gets off his horse, drops his pants and pisses in front of her. (Peen tip!) (L: From like the under-side. It’s like the weird cousin of side boob.) Dany’s, “I don’t have time for this shit,” sigh is fantastic.
Pissing Champion is shouting some bullshit about how she’s really a man with her dick tucked into her ass. Dany decides she has a message to deliver to the people of Meereen, but first she needs a champion to shut this guy the fuck up. All her SAG card carrying men clamor for the chance, but 3/4 are too important to risk.
Lor: When Jorah offers, she hilarious calls him her dearest friend. LOL. SORRY JORAH. Gotta keep you alive to guard that friend zone, forever and ever.
Sweeney: The resident pretty boy, however, isn’t. They can’t even retain the actor for the part. (This one is more attractive but I miss Fabio if only because I could definitely 100% tell him apart from other people.) Dany’s digging what Pretty Boy is putting down, and this scene is equal parts Important Political Conversation and “So, let’s fuck later, yeah?” Dany jokes that he has quite an audience for murdering the Pissing Champion and he should make it worth their while.
Daario decides against the horse because though they’re faster than men, they’re also dumber. Pissing Champion hops on his horse and charges at Daario who turns around to wink at Dany all, “We’re still on, yeah?” As the Pissing Champion gets closer, Daario throws a knife in its eye, taking the horse and its rider down. Daario kills him in one swipe. Meereen fires arrows and Daario takes a piss of his own, bringing the literal pissing contest to its close.
Daenerys makes a big speech to the city, directed principally at the slaves. She explains that she want to Astapoor and Yunkai and now all those slaves are behind her, free. “I am not your enemy. Your enemy is beside you.” The music gets ominous and Dany keeps on speechifying. Catapults are brought forward and the way that Dany says, “Fire,” in whatever this made up language is, coupled with the cool shift in the music at that moment is SO BADASS. Her more recent appearances underwhelmed me, and there’s my issues with the trope she represents, but this shit was amazing.
The catapults launch barrels which crash all over the city. It seems like maybe not such a great idea. I was super confused at first because it’s like, “Girl, you just said they weren’t your enemy.” They’re symbolic, though. The barrels break open to reveal a crap ton of broken chains. Dany, Breaker of Chains. (GOLD STAR FOR ME!) It’s cool symbolism and all, but I do think it’s likely she wounded a few of the people she was trying to save. (L: Yeaaaah. Dany, Breaker of Noses Too.)
Badass all the same. I needed a little Dany BAMF to wash some of this episode’s other blergh out of my mouth.
And now, a majorly jumbled sampling (I tried, at first, and then I got confused and then I gave up on the trying) of some of this episode’s best #gameofsnark tweets:
SOMEONE GET WINTERFELL A FIRE EXTINGUISHER god fucking dammit #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) April 21, 2014
The continuing adventures of Scooby and Scrappy Doo: You have no concept of table manners #gameofsnark — Caitlin Orr (@thecaitlinperry) April 21, 2014
“If I’m standing on it, it’s my land.” The Hound sums up all of American history in eight words. #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) April 21, 2014
Boat corpses. I’m sure that’s not an omen or anything, Sansa. #gameofthrones #gameofsnark — jessadg (@jessadg) April 23, 2014
This show could be renamed ‘life gets worse for Sansa’ #gameofsnark
— Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) April 21, 2014
Ellaria Sand and Oberyn Martell might just have the healthiest relationship in all of Westeros. #GameOfThrones #gameofsnark — Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) April 21, 2014
Tyrion & Sansa. #gameofsnark pic.twitter.com/SxfPRa0gei — Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) April 21, 2014
I rate all characters based on how much I want them to sleep with Daenerys. Loyal Sex Prodigy Podrick currently ranked highest. #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) April 21, 2014
Oh god, all the Pod feels. #gameofsnark #gameofthrones — Samantha Ania (@Samantha30191) April 21, 2014
Lol. The new king looks like the missing member of One Direction #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) April 21, 2014
Hey look, look you guys, Tommen is talking! Like a real character! #gameofthrones #gameofsnark — Samantha Ania (@Samantha30191) April 21, 2014
Creepy incest rape at a funeral. And just when thought HBO had done it all. #GameOfThrones #gameofsnark
— Rose (@Coyote_Rose) April 21, 2014
Welp. I’d forgotten that Jaime was actually a dick. Way to remind us show! #gameofsnark — Franuel (@Lollykittypants) April 21, 2014
“I will not become a page in someone else’s history book.” Stannis should have that on a t-shirt. #gameofsnark
— Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) April 21, 2014
“I’M GONNA EAT YOUR FAMILY.” – threats against small village children and Tracy Jordan. #30rock #gamefothrones #gameofsnark #crossovermagic — Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) April 21, 2014
I’d watch an entire show of this. The Mildly Depressing But Still Hilarious Adventures of Arya & The Hound. #GameOfThrones #gameofsnark
— Danielle (@driftingreverie) April 22, 2014
“You are the worst shit in the seven kingdoms!” – Arya being real as shit. #gameofsnark — Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) April 21, 2014
Oh just bone already. We know he’s too pretty to die. #gameofsnark — Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) April 22, 2014
Some of those brown people she was there to save probably just got squished by the flying chains she catapulted at them #irony #gameofsnark
— Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) April 21, 2014
She’s the BREAKER OF CHAINS, MOTHERFUCKERS. BREAKER. OF. CHAINS. #bowdownbitches #gameofthrones #gameofsnark — Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) April 21, 2014
Can we just all agree that Dany wins #GoT and skip the tedious viewer voting segments? #gameofsnark
— Shawn Michael (@ShawnMichael13) April 21, 2014
Not going to #gameofsnark this week, because I don’t feel up to stomaching more #RapeCultureTV #NotEvenALittleSorry #HulkrageOverloadLimit — GeGi (@GeekGirlTravels) April 22, 2014
I have a lot of feelings after that #GameofThrones episode. #gameofsnark
— Sarah Evans (@sarah_e_evans) April 23, 2014
Most of these feelings are sorry feels for @Snark_Squad who will probably once again have to point out that rape is rape #gameofsnark — Sarah Evans (@sarah_e_evans) April 23, 2014
Next time: Jaime thinks Tyrion is innocent and sends the unlikely duo of Brienne and Podrick to protect Sansa in Game of Thrones S04 E04 – Oathkeepr.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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