Previously: Child abuse. And Zelda Spellman.
—
The Benders
Kirsti: Hibbing, Minnesota. A middle-grade kid sits up in bed watching monster movies. He hears a noise outside and goes to the window to see his neighbour taking out the garbage. The kid watches as said neighbour hears a scrape-y noise and bends down to look under a car. Neighbour Guy gets dragged under the car, screaming. The kid pulls his curtains shut in a “Well, fuck. That’s above my pay grade” way.
Cut to two state police interviewing LOL NOPE Kid [LNK] and his mother. Obviously, the deputies are, in fact, the Winchesters.
Sam tells LNK not to worry about how insane it sounds and to tell them what he saw. LNK says that he heard a scary noise and he thinks it was a monster before reluctantly admitting that his opinion may have been coloured by the fact that he was watching Godzilla vs Mothra. Dean gets all excited because that’s his favourite Godzilla movie. He and the kid bond over Godzilla, and Sam gives Dean a “YOU’RE DEAD TO ME” look when Dean tells LNK that Sam prefers the Matthew Broderick remake. LNK looks disgusted. LOL. Sam asks if LNK actually saw anything, but NOPE. Just his neighbour getting pulled under the car. He says that he heard the monster leaving though, and that it made a “whining growl” as it did so.
Biker bar. The boys discuss the possibility of the case being Not!Supernatural as Dean plays darts. Sam’s not so sure though. He’s consulted the Filofax of Shadows and discovered that Papa Winchester marked the area as being full of suspicious disappearances. Dean agrees that they should check it out. He wants to get another round, but Sam’s in favour of checking into a nearby motel. Dean sulks a little and says he’ll meet Sam outside after he drains the lizard. (Too Australian?!)
Sara: You just talked about mysterious disappearances, and then you separate. At night. In a strange town. Boys, get ready for a That’s What Happens tag.
K: Seriously.
Sam heads outside past some bikers, then hears a weird noise. He puts the Filofax of Shadows on the boot of the Bromobile, pulls a torch from his pocket and shines it under a nearby car. Where he gets the crap scared out of him by a cat.
He laughs at himself, then heads back to the Bromobile, where the zoomy cameraman zooms in on his feet as the Orchestra of OMG SUSPENSE does its thing. Lizard drained, Dean walks out of the bar and heads to the Bromobile where he finds the Filofax of Shadows still on the boot and no sign of Sam. The Orchestra of OMG SUSPENSE strikes up again as Dean feverishly asks if anyone’s seen his brother. They haven’t. Now panicky, Dean spots some surveillance cameras pointing at the highway, then walks into the middle of the road. Not!Credits.
Sara: Aaaaaaaand THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS.
K: I think every episode has gotten a THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. You think they’d learn.
Local sheriff’s office, the next morning. Dean introduces himself as a state police officer, Officer Washington, and tells the deputy, Kathleen, that he’s investigating a missing persons case: his cousin, Sam Winchester. She looks Sam up on the system, and is all “Oh, so you know his brother died in St Louis wanted for murder right?” Dean looks sketchy and says “Yeah, Dean. Kind of the black sheep of the family. Handsome, though.” Accurate. She says that Sam’s not currently listed in any reports, and Dean says that he thinks the security camera – which turns out to be a county traffic camera – might be able to help. She tells him that she can get access to the footage, but he has to file a missing persons report. Dean takes the paperwork but begs her to let him tag along, because Sam’s his responsibility. She refuses, and he’s all “Boy, you sure do get a lot of missing people in these parts. AND NONE OF THEM EVER COME BACK.” He’s determined, he says, to bring Sam back.
Elsewhere, Sam regains consciousness to find himself locked in a cage. He rattles the bars before spotting Neighbour Guy in a cage nearby. Outside a generic government building, Kathleen hands Dean the photos from the traffic camera. Conveniently, the camera takes a photo every three seconds. Just after Sam left the bar, the camera shows a rusty old van pulling out. Despite its appearance, the number plates look new and Dean theorises that they’re stolen. Just then, a different rusty old van drives past, its engine shrieking as it changes gears. He asks Kathleen if she thinks it sounds like a whining growl. She’s all “Sure?? IDK, whatever”, and Dean’s all “Woohoo, I cracked the case!” Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration. It’s more like “Huh. I’ll be damned.”
Barn o’ Cages. Sam’s swinging from the roof of his cage, trying to pop the side loose. This wakes Neighbour Guy. Sam asks him where they are, and he’s all “The fuck should I know?” before saying that it smells like the country. So poop, then?? Sam introduces himself as a rescue party, and Neighbour Guy is all “WOW. GREAT WORK.” Sam says that Dean will totally be a better rescuer than he was before asking what their captors are, what they look like. Neighbour Guy’s all “The fuck is wrong with you? Look for yourself,” as two guys in coats and hats walk in. Neighbour Guy scurries to the back of his cage as the electronic locks on his cage snap open. One of the coat-wearing dudes shoves a plate of food and water into the cage, then shuts the door, which locks again. The bad guys leave, and Sam mutters “I’ll be damned. They’re just people.”
Sara: When I watched this with my husband, he immediately started yelling, “DON’T EAT THAT, SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE,” because horror movies have destroyed all of us.
Sam asks Neighbour Guy how often he gets fed, and he replies that they feed him once a day, and that’s the only time he sees them…SO FAR. Sam asks what he means, and Neighbour Guy makes numerous references to Deliverance and the likelihood of them getting sodomised by hillbillies. I remind myself to never EVER see Deliverance. (S: This is also on my list of things to never, ever do.) Sam reaches through the top of his cage and starts to yank on the heavy electrical cable. Slowly, it starts to come away from the ceiling.
Police cruiser. Kathleen tells Dean that the next traffic cam is 50 miles away and didn’t pick up the Hillbilly Truck, and that it could be basically anywhere because most of the local backwoods properties have their own private roads. Dean is not pleased by this information. Just then, the cruiser’s computer unit beeps. Kathleen checks it, and it’s about the ID that Dean used when he introduced himself. She asks him why his ID was stolen, and also why he’s suddenly not heavy-set. Or black. Dean awkwards “I lost some weight. And I got that Michael Jackson skin disease.”
She tells him that she’ll have to arrest him for impersonating an officer, and he begs her to wait until after they find Sam. He gets a little teary as he says that he pulled Sam from a fire when they were kids and now it’s his job to look after him. Kathleen says she has no choice, then stops and glances up at a photo of her and a guy that’s clipped to her sun visor. She sighs and says that they’ll find Sam first. Dean looks a little confused.
Sara: *We* know Dean isn’t a bad guy, but seriously, this cop is an idiot. AT LEAST PUT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE CRUISER, LADY.
K: Right?? Barn o’ Cages. Sam’s still pulling on the cable. Neighbour Guy calls him Sammy and tells him to give up, and someone who’s not Dean calling him Sammy gives him the “STFU” feels he needs to pull the cable free.
Neighbour Guy passes by a rundown old house, finding a knife on the ground. He grabs it and runs into some nearby woods. He hears some whooping and starts to run, knife raised. Rounding a corner, he’s hit in the face by the butt of a spear, wielded by a hillbilly in camo gear. Neighbour Guy fights him off and runs some more, then stops when he reaches a clearing. This allows a second camo wearing hillbilly to stab him in the leg with a spear. Neighbour Guy screams as the hillbilly pulls it out. The first hillbilly appears and they both raise their spears at him. Neighbour Guy gets up and makes a run for it, but falls prey to a tripwire strung across the path. The hillbillies close in, whooping with excitement. Back in the Barn o’ Cages, Sam hears Neighbour Guy’s screams. Fade to black.
Sara: This whole scene creeped me out way too much. Mainly because I was still wondering whether they eat these people after they kill them. Ughhhhh.
K: It’s been nearly ten years and I’m still wondering that.
After the Not Commercial Break, it’s the following morning. Dean asks Kathleen why she’s helping him, and she tells him that three years ago, her brother Riley disappeared. He’s never been found and she, much like Dean with Sam, feels responsible for him. Dean gives her a thoughtful look as she heads back to her cruiser. Out on the highway, Dean spots a turnoff and has Kathleen pull over. She tells him to stay put while she checks it out. He LOL NOPEs her, and she’s all “Ugh, fine, but promise you won’t get involved?” He says he won’t, but she wants him to shake on it. When he sticks his hand out, she slaps a handcuff around his wrist and cuffs the other end to the handle of the car door. Dean bitches as she locks the car and heads up the drive alone. “I gotta start carrying paperclips…” Dean mutters.
Kathleen walks past some manky old farming equipment and a ramshackle barn before coming to the creep-tastic house. She heads up the front steps and knocks on the door. It’s answered by a terrifying and filthy girl in her early teens. Kathleen introduces herself and the girl fondles her shiny sheriff’s badge. The girl’s name is Missy and, in response to Kathleen’s questions, we learn that her mother is dead and her father’s not home. She’s very insistent that Kathleen can’t come in. Kathleen pulls a picture of Sam from her pocket and asks Missy if she’s seen him. Missy grins evilly and says “That’s gonna hurt“. Kathleen turns around to find Papa Hillbilly standing behind her. He smacks her across the face with a shovel and she falls to the ground, unconscious. He tells Missy to go and get her brothers.
Sara: You should never trust those dirty, creepy as fuck little hillbilly girls. Life lessons.
K: Seriously. I kind of want to give her a THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS too.
Back at the cruiser, Dean’s trying to reach the mobile phone aerial on the back of the car. He tries harder when he hears the Hillbilly Van coming down the driveway. He manages to get the aerial loose, but it falls to the ground. He manages to snag it and starts to pick the handcuffs as the Hillbilly Brothers open the gate and drive through. By the time they get to the cruiser, Dean’s gone.
Just then, someone walks into the barn. Sam and Kathleen freak a little, but it turns out to be Dean. Kathleen’s shocked to see him not cuffed to her car, and he smirks. Then he sees the locks on the cage doors. Sam tells him about the control box, which needs a key as well as a switch, and they briefly discuss how insane it is that the Monster of the Week is people. Sam asks what else Dean saw on his way in, and he says that there are a bunch of old cars parked out the back, and he suspects that when they take someone, they take their car too. Kathleen asks if there’s a ten year old black Mustang out there, and her face falls when Dean says that there is because it’s her brother’s car. Dean says that he’s going in search of the key to the control box and heads off towards the house.
Inside what looks like a Basement of Don’t Go In There, he finds all sorts of murderer trophies and jars filled with icky things. He comes across a bunch of Polaroids, each of which features the Hillbilly Brothers standing proudly over one of their victims, posing like they’re with a twelve point stag. “I’ll say it again—demons I get. People are crazy…” Dean says before he turns towards the stairs and slowly heads up them.
He creeps out into the main house. From the kitchen come the sounds of Papa Hillbilly butchering something, probably Neighbour Guy. Elsewhere, a record of 1930s-y piano music plays. Dean sneaks along and bumps into a windchime that turns out to be made of human bones. NYARGH. He grabs a wooden pole that’s leaning on a wall nearby, then heads towards a tray filled with keys. He’s distracted by a jar that’s full of human teeth. The floor creaks behind him and he turns to see Missy standing there. She starts, and he whispers that he’s not going to hurt her. “I know,” she says as she throws a small knife at him, pinning his shirt to the wall, before screaming “DADDY!!” over and over. Dean pulls free as the Hillbilly Brothers rush into the room. He fights them off, saying he’s going to fight one and then the other, but Papa Hillbilly hits him over the head with a frying pan and he goes down. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean wakes up tied to a chair, the whole Hillbilly family around him. The Brothers discuss how much of a fighter he is and how fun he’d be to hunt. Dean’s all “EW, DAFUQ?? THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE DOING?” (S: They’re The Most Dangerous Gaming people, DUH. It was better with Ice-T, though.) Papa Hillbilly says that he’s been hunting all his life, and that hunting people is the best kind of hunting because you get to see the fear in their eyes before you kill them. It’s a family tradition, apparently, and they usually only take one or two a year. He asks if Dean’s a cop, and if other cops will come looking for him. Dean sasses in reply: “Oh, eat me. No, no, no, wait, wait, wait—you actually might.”
One of the Hillbilly Brothers grabs Dean’s head and holds it steady as the other strokes Missy’s hair in a truly disturbing way. Papa Hillbilly grabs a red hot poker from the fireplace and tells Dean that he has to choose whether Sam or Kathleen gets hunted next. He refuses, and Papa Hillbilly holds the poker right in front of Dean’s eye.
I hide behind a cushion, because EYEBALL TRAUMA. Dean yells at them to take Sam for the hunt. Papa Hillbilly tosses one of his sons the keys and tells him to shoot Sam and Kathleen in their cages. Dean gets “OH SHIT I FUCKED UP” face.
Barn o’ Cages. Hillbilly Brother unlocks the door to Sam’s cage and heads towards it, shotgun raised. Sam grabs the bracket he pulled from the roof and hurls it at Hillbilly Brother. In the house, Dean hears a gunshot and swears revenge if they hurt his brother. Barn. Somehow, the shot missed Sam. (S: They have to be seriously bad hunters if they can’t shoot someone in a cage the size of a dog kennel. No wonder they cheat.) (K: Truth.) He launches himself from the cage and tackles Hillbilly Brother. He overpowers him, then grabs the gun and tries to fire it. But it’s jammed. Back in the house, Papa Hillbilly calls out to his son, but there’s no answer. He and the other son grab guns and head out to the barn, leaving Missy holding a knife near Dean’s eye.
Papa Hillbilly and his son get to the barn only to find the other son unconscious and locked in Sam’s cage. Sam and Kathleen are gone, as are the keys. They head deeper into the barn, hearing a rustling sound as Sam hides behind some hay. Papa Hillbilly heads up a ladder towards Sam. Kathleen is hiding near a cupboard. She opens the doors, then hears a sound. Cut to Hillbilly Brother walking towards the cupboard. He fires into it several times, then opens the doors to find it empty. Kathleen drops down onto his back and starts to choke him with her arms.
He fights her off, knocking her to the ground. Papa Hillbilly fires several times at Sam and misses every time. Hillbilly Brother grabs his gun and points it at Kathleen. He calls her a stupid bitch, but Sam appears behind him and calls out. Hillbilly Brother spins and fires at Sam, but misses and hits his father instead. LOL WHOOPS. Sam jumps up and knocks Hillbilly Brother out. Fade to black.
Sara: I repeat: WORST. HUNTERS. EVER.
K: After the Not Commercial Break, Sam shoves Hillbilly Brother #2 into the cage next to his brother and locks it. Kathleen’s holding a gun on an injured Papa Hillbilly, and tells Sam that she’ll watch him. Sam heads off to help Dean. Papa Hillbilly tells Kathleen that he killed her brother and she asks why. “Because it’s fun,” he cackles. She looks horrified and pulls the trigger. She meets up with the boys outside the house. Dean says that Missy’s locked in a closet, then asks where Papa Hillbilly is. She tells them that he was shot trying to escape. Dean gives her “I understand” face, while Sam gets an “I disapprove of killing humans, even the inbred cannibalistic ones” expression.
Sometime later, Kathleen gets a message on her walkie-talkie that backup is en route. She tells the boys that the state police AND the FBI will be there inside of an hour and will want to talk to them. She suggests that they bail immediately. Dean asks if they can get a lift, and she’s all “LOL NOPE. Duck if you see a cop car.” Sam thinks that’s a great plan. Dean tells her that he’s sorry about her brother. Kathleen says that she thought knowing for sure would make it easier, but it hasn’t. The boys head out, and she watches them go, holding back tears.
As they start walking back towards the highway, Dean tells Sam that he better not ever go missing again, because he won’t bother looking for him. Sam and I both scoff, because these two have major co-dependency issues. Sam teases Dean about getting taken down by a teenage girl and they bicker their way out of Hillbilly-ville.
This episode still scares the crap out of me, because cannibalism (along with zombies) is a major MAJOR squick for me. And the whole hunting-people-for-sport thing is NYARGH-worthy. But I do like this episode, despite all of that. Okay, partly because of the “Demons I get, people are crazy” line. Because YUP.
Next time: The boys hit the mean streets of Chicago and find a couple of familiar faces there. Find out more in Supernatural S01 E16 – Shadow.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.
