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Democracy Diva: Veronica Voice-Over starts things off, explaining how a week ago, Veronica thought things would turn out differently. She imagined Keith winning the sheriff election in a landslide, and she and Wallace would sneak champagne and prank-call Deputy Lamb. Instead, the election is unbelievably close, and Wallace is off with his dad somewhere. Meanwhile, Veronica is tense at Mars for Sheriff Election Results Party Extravaganza, while Cliff the lawyer gets drunk.
Sweeney: I usually adore Cliff’s sass, but his, “GIMME A DRINK, GIRL,” sass wasn’t some of his finer work. Fortunately this is just his teaser material and he has the rest of the episode to redeem himself.
Lor: Plus, if you remove the part where that sass is directed at Veronica, LEGIT CLIFF. Stress makes many people thirsty.
Diva: This is a fact.
Cut to Lamb for Sheriff Election Results Party Extravaganza. Some dude with glasses tells Lamb that he has information on the death of PCH-er Felix. Glasses Dude made the anonymous call from the bridge that night.
Cut to Duncan’s Hotel Room Non-Election-Related Party Extravaganza. Dick is completely and totally chill about the fact that Logan had sex with his step-mom. I can’t decide if he’s incredibly understanding or sociopathically detached. (S: Probably both.) Anyway, Dick wanted to fuck Lisa Rinna, so it’s all fair. And Logan has the teensiest bit of a mustache and it’s the worst thing in the world, you guys.
Sweeney: While Jason Dohring is not remotely a teenager, it’s amazing how well he’s playing the “look at my gross teenage pseudo-stache.” Way to commit to the role!
Lor: “No, I swear, I’m growing this for a role.” SUUUURE JASON DOHRING. SURE.
Diva: Election results are in, and it’s Don Lamb, by a nose. Keith is gracious and thanks everyone for their help. Veronica, of course, is all, “We should have forced the entire town to listen to a bunch of innocent kids scream as they die on a bus!” Keith is like, um, no. Cliff is prepared to get wasted and also take care of drunk Keith all night, so Keith sends Veronica to Duncan’s party.
Duncan’s party. Krysten Ritter talks to Dick about his dad, who is in hiding, because he’s facing 10-15 years if he sets foot on American soil. So Dick is all alone, taking care of Beav. Krysten sees Veronica, and apologizes about Keith losing, and talks about how she wants to emulate the Bush twins re: drinking and promiscuity. She asks Veronica what she thinks about Dick. V replies “Casablancas, I presume?” because she’s the greatest person ever. Dick-talk is interrupted when Deputy Sachs busts into the party to arrest Logan for the murder of Felix and is all:
You have no idea how much porn I had to go through to search for that gif, you guys.
Sweeney: Questionable Google Search of the Day! You’re welcome, internet.
Diva: Keith calls Lamb, who won’t pick up the phone because he’s too busy being self-important. Veronica goes to the Mars office, and there’s a drunk outside the door and he knows Veronica’s name. I didn’t recognize him all dirty and not in orange, but it’s Abel Koontz. To be honest, I kind of forgot he existed, what with the universe figuratively exploding at the end of last season, and a bus literally exploding at the start of this one. Anyway, Abel needs Veronica to help him find his daughter Amelia. He wants to see her again before he dies, which looks like it could be pretty soon. I’m just saying, the last guy I saw cough like that became a meth kingpin, so Abel should probably be careful. (S: A+)
COME ON NOW SUGAR!
Post-credits, Abel exposits that Amelia settled with Kane Software last spring for $3 million, and then disappeared. Veronica thinks that might have been part of the terms of the settlement, but Abel begs her to help, which she of course agrees to, otherwise this would be a really short episode. Also, did I just see Joss Whedon’s name in the credits? Like, as an actor? What is even happening?
Logan in a police line-up, giving a Sally Field acceptance speech.
Veronica is at a college dorm, trying to get some information on Amelia. Her boyfriend Mike last saw her in Ibiza – she brought him on a European vacay after she mysteriously became $3 million wealthier. Everything was fine until they went to a club and she disappeared. But he’s not worried – if she’s in trouble, she could call him on the phone cards she stole from him. I mean, unless she’s in someone’s fucking trunk, you idiot.
Next up on Veronica’s interrogation list is Amelia’s roommate, who is shocked to hear she ran off to Ibiza when she had to be dragged kicking and screaming to a booze cruise last year. Whatever, maybe she gets seasick, or maybe she’s just not into falling off of boats. Veronica heads back to Mike’s room to get the numbers of the phone cards Amelia stole. And her notepad reads “Phone Cards Stolen by Amelia” with stars on either side of it, because she’s adorable.
Logan gets his public defender, and it’s Cliff. I actually paused the episode to write an excessively long paragraph calling complete and utter bullshit on a rich kid not hiring a lawyer, and then I un-paused and Cliff literally said my whole argument for me. So I’ll spare you that caps-lock-heavy legalese-ridden diatribe. Cliff actually calls Logan an “arrogant jackass“ for doing this faux-poor public defender bullshit, and he’s right. Logan needs to hire a real fucking lawyer because the witness’s testimony says Logan used racial slurs and threatened to have the witness killed.
VVO tells us that the information about Amelia’s phone cards came through, and after lots of Ibiza calls, she made a call from Neptune last week.
Lamb puts Logan in a cell. And guess who his cell-mate is? AARON ECHOLLS. I gasped. But wait, why is a murderer in a low-security sheriff’s-office-adjacent jail where they keep people who haven’t even been formally accused yet, instead of a high-security prison for murderers? Or at least a fancy low-security prison for rich people?
After a Not!Break, the show attempts to answer these questions and fails miserably. Aaron was transferred out of county jail this morning – Lamb told them it was to keep the family together. Um, we’re talking about a murderer and an accused murderer. No one is stupid enough to listen to Lamb about how they need to share a cell for family reasons. Also, Aaron moved prisons in one day? It takes weeks for that kind of paperwork to make its way through the prison system, and Logan was just arrested like a hot second ago. I CALL BULLSHIT ON ALL OF THIS CONTRIVANCE. (S: I LOVE THAT WE HAVE A LEGAL DEPARTMENT. Boom! Democracy Diva, dropping knowledge on TV writers.) (D: DEAL WITH ME, UNIVERSE and also hire me plz)
Anyway, Aaron is all, why didn’t you visit me in prison? And Logan rightfully responds, well, you did MURDER MY GIRLFRIEND. Aaron insists that’s not true, and Logan says, oh, so you just fucked her and filmed it then? Logan insists that Keith Mars didn’t get the whole story right. Aaron didn’t follow Lilly home to hurt her. Duncan found them having sex and went into one of his rage-blackouts, and Aaron ran. Logan says, okay, so then you tried to murder my other girlfriend in a burning refrigerator? Aaron says he snapped and “lost it,” but no one will believe him. Aaron begs Logan to get a real fucking lawyer, which Cliff takes as his cue to enter. He pulled some strings and had someone post bail for Logan. And even then, Cliff is still like, yeah, I’m awesome, but HIRE A REAL LAWYER.
Veronica tracks down the call that Amelia made from Neptune to a pay phone across the street from Kane Software. Clarence Wiedman walks into his office and Veronica is already sitting in his chair waiting for him.
Lor: I love Veronica’s sassy delivery here (“No need to call yourself to see me out,”) but GIRL. This man is a making people disappear rock star. CALM IT DOWN.
Diva: Yeah, this is supremely unsafe behavior, even for Veronica.
Neptune High. Weevil impersonates Dick’s stoner-Cali accent and it’s pretty flawless. He insists that Logan is going down for murdering Felix, and Dick expresses shock that it’s a crime to kill Mexicans, because he’s a racist maniac. One of the PCH-ers tells Weevil that Logan made bail, because white/rich kids get away with everything. Also, his little brother heard that the PCH-ers are totally gay, and so that’s a problem they have to deal with, or something.
Dick mentions getting fake IDs for all of them, and V gets realization-face. She calls Amelia’s roommate and asks if Amelia had a fake ID when they went on that booze cruise. Yup, it was her cousin’s. Veronica researches the cousin, who only has $12,000 in student loan debt and I’m like I WISH THAT WAS MY LIFE.
Sweeney:
Diva: Oh, and she rented a car at a San Diego airport last week.
Logan is in the back of Lamb’s cop car when he gets a call about Logan’s address. They pull up to the house, and it is ON FIRE. This town can now officially add an arson problem to its murder problem and unknown-paternity problem.
San Diego Rental Car place. And oh my God, the guy who works there is Joss Whedon. Did he win an America’s Next Top Model challenge too?! (S: 1430. Head canon accepted.)
Lor: The rental car place is called “Lariat.” Shout out to Joss’s failed attempt to bring Wonder Woman to the big screen? Maybe! Though in 2005 he still had hope that Hollywood, and like, humans were “ready” to see a woman superhero movie. BIG DREAMS.
Diva: A+ on that gif.
Anyway, Veronica asks him about the car Amelia rented – it’s a white LeSabre. Then Veronica goes outside, turns her jacket inside-out, takes down her hair, and puts on glasses, while Joss Whedon changes shifts with a lady. Veronica goes back inside to get some more information out of the lady, and wouldn’t you know, that lady actually is from America’s Next Top Model! I don’t remember her name, but she was a cool lesbian and one of my favorite models ever on that show. Maybe her name was Kim? Let’s go with Kim. (S: It is Kim!) (D: I WIN.) Her eyes are beautiful. I’m distracted now. Veronica squeezes some information out of Kim and convinces her to track down the car. Kim helpfully informs her that two days ago, the car was in Waverly, CA.
Lamb’s office. Keith wants to know how the investigation of the bus crash is going re: was there a fucking bomb. Lamb insists that they’re on it, and maybe you should worry about your daughter instead, since we brought her in here to talk about a dead body with her name on it a few weeks ago.
Veronica arrives at a seedy motel in Waverly. Amelia was here a few days ago, and the weird old man at the front desk makes Veronica pay the nightly rate of $30 to look in the room. Why would Amelia have stayed here if she’s so rich, V asks? And why does a $30-a-night motel have electronic door keys, I ask?
Keith calls and demands to know where Veronica is right now. She makes up some bullshit about being in a gallery, and he says, send me photographic evidence, and then come home and tell me about the dead guy with your name written on him. Uh oh. Veronica tells him what she knows, about his connection to Aaron Echolls, and blames herself for the crash. When they hang up, Veronica takes all the paintings in the motel room and puts them on one wall and takes a picture with it, because she is brilliant.
Diva: She also notices on her computer that Amelia’s palm pilot is within 30 feet of her. (S: AOL and Palm Pilots! Oh 2005!) Veronica checks two more rooms (for $30 each), but no dice. Then she goes outside and opens up an ice machine, AND THERE’S A FUCKING HAND IN THE ICE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. Then Clarence Wiedman storms in and is all, yeah, let’s have a chat.
Veronica immediately tells him that her father knows where she is and what she’s doing. Clarence is guessing that was Amelia in the ice machine. He says that he left some things out of their earlier conversation – namely, that Amelia had called to extort another $250,000 out of Kane Software. Clarence gave her the money in marked bills, under the condition that she disappear until the Kanes’ legal affairs were figured out. But the marked bills appeared in Neptune a week after Amelia was supposed to leave town.
They go back to the front desk and ask if anyone was staying there besides Amelia. “Answer the question or I’ll break all your fingers,” Clarence says, and it’s pretty fucking awesome. Weird Old Man says she came in with a guy – brown hair, medium size, tee shirt. Veronica gets a-ha! face, because that’s what Amelia’s boyfriend Mike looks like. And also what like half the planet looks like, but no one mentions that.
Lor: Man, on some days, that’s what I look like.
Diva: County jail. A guard brings Aaron in to the interrogation room for a friendly chat with Keith. Aaron says he’s spent his time behind bars earning a degree, which would not have been possible for him to get in this amount of time. They offer like one hour of class a week, at most, if you’re lucky. He’d barely have earned a single credit by now. Anyway, Aaron tells Keith he should be thanking him for all those book sales, and I’m about to leap through my screen and murder this dude. Keith links Aaron to the bus crash, and Aaron’s voice gets very high as he’s all I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D ACCUSE ME! Keith reminds Aaron how easily he can get to him, and that Veronica better stay safe for the next 80 years.
Sweeney: AND IT WAS SO BADASS. I LOVE BAMF KEITH.
Diva: Back to Mike’s dorm room. Veronica and Clarence show up to talk to him, but Clarence shoves a gag in his mouth and dangles him out the window while interrogating him about Amelia. Veronica is not down with this, but Clarence doesn’t relent. Mike insists he had nothing to do with the blackmail or the murder, and Veronica and Clarence leave. She asks where he learned that particular method of interrogation, and he deadpans, “Harvard.” Am I starting to like Clarence Wiedman? Is this a thing? (S: Go with it.)
Neptune High, where Logan is showing off his ankle tracker. Weevil hands Logan a piece of paper and says, what the fuck is this. It’s an eviction notice, because Logan bought Weevil’s grandmother’s house, since his burned down and all. Weevil is FURIOUS but also like, you can’t just buy someone’s house without their consent. Unless a foreclosure B-plot happened when I wasn’t paying attention. (L: No.) Anyway, Logan calls it a roach motel, and Weevil shoves Logan’s pizza in his face. A teacher comes in to break up the fight by saying “School’s not the place for this kind of thing.” Wow, thanks for your help, educator of America’s youth. “You should definitely still engage in racially-charged violence, just please do so after school, where I cannot see it and therefore cannot prevent it from becoming murderous!”
Veronica emails Wallace, filling him in on the events of the week. Then she gets a video-chat request from a blonde lady with an accent. She saw Veronica’s post on the Ibiza forum, and she has a picture of Amelia. Blonde Accent says, I hope she’s not still with that boyfriend, because he’s… something I couldn’t understand even though I listened to her say it twice. “Two-faced” and “lying” might be in there. Who knows. Anyway, in the picture, it looks to me like Amelia’s standing way closer to this other brown-haired medium-height guy, but whatever. Veronica calls the seedy motel and e-mails Weird Old Man the photo of Amelia and the rest of the group. She wants to know if “that’s him in the picture” even though there’s several guys in this picture. Thankfully, Weird Old Man is like, yes, but he had a bigger beard than that little chin-beard, which the guy standing really close to Amelia has! Mike is innocent, and I solved that crime so much faster than you, Veronica. #goodatTV
Anyway, Chin-Beard’s name is Carlos and his marked bills have shown up at Caesar’s Palace in Vegas. He’s a diplomat’s son, so Veronica is worried he’ll be extradited before they can do anything . Clarence assures her that he’ll take care of things at the casino.
Veronica goes to visit Abel Koontz and wonders how to tell him that his daughter is dead. When she finds out Abel only has a few days left to live, she decides not to tell him the truth. Veronica tells him that Amelia’s trying to get on a helicopter to come see him, and she’s very happy. Abel holds Veronica’s hand, and I have hay fever.
Veronica goes back to Duncan’s place to snuggle up with her “adorable, honest boyfriend.” She leaps on top of him on the couch, but it’s actually Logan.
Diva: She wants to know WTF he’s doing there, and Logan’s all, I live here now, because my house burned down and I don’t want to live in Weevil’s grandma’s house! And Duncan’s like, yeah, did I not tell you? Because he sucks.
Keith Mars is somewhere dark and creepy. It’s the recently-unearthed crashed bus. (L: They probably should’ve unearthed it from the beginning, no? Because evidence?) He completely illegally pokes around and goes into the bus with a flashlight. Oh hey, tampering with evidence! Welcome to the party, obstruction of justice! Keith, STOP BEING A FUCKING IDIOT. Someone comes by to see if anyone’s there, and Keith hits the ground. He shines the light on something, and it’s… a dead rat? A bomb? A dead rat on a bomb. Guys, I paused this and stared at it for thirty seconds and I still don’t really know what it is. But the title of the episode is Rat Saw God, so let’s go with dead rat, with a possible side of bomb.
Lor: And while we see there is a rat in this episode, Rats Saw God is also the name of a young adult book. By Rob Thomas.
Diva: Sigh. Of course it is.
Next time on Veronica Mars: Veronica goes undercover to help a kid Meg used to baby-sit for, and Big Dick’s lawyer tells the Casablancas family important things in S02 E07 – Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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