Charmed S01 E22 – Death for all.

Previously: Piper healed Leo with love, and then he left anyway.
—

Deja Vu All Over Again

Marines: The Evil Internal Affairs Officer we’re supposed to suddenly care about in the season finale is going through pictures of the Halliwell sisters. Every time he flips to another picture the music goes DUN. Sparks fly out of his fireplace and materialize into a hooded figure. Evil IA drops to a knee and greets “Tempus.” There was a bad guy on Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman named Tempus. I’d rather be watching that.

Tempus tells Evil IA that he was sent as a gift, as he dramatically removes his hood. Evil IA says he doesn’t need help defeating the Charmed Ones. Tempus is all, “PFFT,” on account of how the girls have defeated so many bad guys this season with their spectacular squinting, reciting, rushing around and dumb luck. Tempus tells Evil IA to get the Charmed Ones together the next day at midnight and take his best shot at defeating them. If he fails, Tempus will jump in. Evil IA is confident and says he’s going to use Andy as bait.

Manor. Piper’s already at Qua   ke because she’s doing something for the Food Network. Phoebe has to bring her another dress because she spilled marinara all over herself. Prue, meanwhile, can’t believe something she’s seeing in the paper. Before we get there, though, we hear a car crash. Prue rushes to the window and exhales when she sees someone ran into her neighbor’s parked car, not hers. Back to the newspaper and me not knowing why they are smacking me across the head with these little plot points; Andy’s picture is on the front. They think he killed Regular IA. Phoebe grabs the newspaper and gets a vision of a dead Andy.

I AM THE SAHN.

I actually really like the stupid moody 90’s music/establishing shots because it shaves down the actual episode time. Only 38 more minutes to go! Prue is questioning Phoebe about her vision. She decides to go warn Andy, even if it is risky for them to be seen together.

LOLPD. Morris tells Andy Evil IA probably whacked his partner. Evil IA enter and asks what Morris is doing there. Morris says he’s backing his partner and Andy smiles real big. Andy says it’s cool though and Morris leaves them. Evil IA tries to play nice with Andy, saying he doesn’t believe Andy killed Regular IA. See, nothing human could’ve done that. He knows that Prue Halliwell is a witch. If Andy sets up a meeting between him and Prue, and she can help him find whoever killed Regular IA, he won’t press charges against Andy or expose Prue’s witchy secret.

Morris comes back as Evil IA leaves. Andy says he has to go see Prue and Morris thinks that’s funny because Prue just called and needs to talk to him too.

Tempus is standing in front of a clock store and Evil IA steals a flower. IDK. They repeat that it needs to be all three sisters together that night and maybe Evil IA will fail AND WE GET IT.

Qua    ke. Phoebe makes it with Piper’s change of clothes and also the news that Andy might die. Piper is all frazzled and things get worse when a woman in a baby blue suit comes over because she recognized Piper. They are old school chums. Baby Blue Suit’s life is wonderful, what with having a fabulous husband who put her in charge of a TV show. She asks what Piper’s been up to and gives her a pre-judgey glare. Piper freezes time and I wish I could do that every time I ran into someone I didn’t want to see in public. Piper sads about being single and living in her childhood home with her sisters. Phoebe tries to cheer her up, but whether it or works or not, they’ve got to get a move on.

    Park. Andy asks if Phoebe’s premonitions are ever wrong, which is a valid question if you know Phoebe. Or, I guess, if you are about to die. Prue says they aren’t ever wrong, but they can affect the outcome. Andy doesn’t find that particularly comforting. He wonders if maybe Evil IA is actually a demon, seeing as how he figured out that Prue is a witch. Since these girls witch all over the place, that isn’t actually a real conclusion they should jump to, but it’s right, so hooray for Andy. Prue agrees to meet with Evil IA at the manor, confident that she can take him on with the Power of Three. Andy says he’ll be there too, but Prue makes him promise he’ll stay away and not die.

We cut to Andy pulling up to the Manor anyway, just as Evil IA does. Kit the Cat growls at Evil IA because evil knows evil. Inside, the girls go over their plan, which is for some reason to hide in different places of the house? Phoebe is going to open the door so she can Very Useful Kick him, if he tries anything. Piper can then come out of the living room and freeze him and Prue can come down the stairs and send him flying. Or, like, they could all answer the door.

The girls get really suspicious because Evil IA shows up early and rings the bell a bunch of times. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S HAPPENING. The girls scatter, Phoebe lets him in AND THEN WALKS TOO FAR AWAY FROM HIM TO BE IN KICKING DISTANCE WHEN THE WHOLE PLAN THEY JUST WENT OVER WAS FOR HER TO KICK HIM.

So, of course, when Evil IA sends his electricity ball at Phoebe, she just stands there, useless, and gets thrown up against a wall. Piper runs in and freezes time, Prue sends the electricity ball right back into Evil IA who is vanquished. They run over to Phoebe who Prue says is dead. Is everyone going to die on this show?

       

Somewhere, Tempus looks at his watch, dumps out some sand and rewinds time back to when he first met Evil IA. He makes a big deal of saying that Evil IA died on Wednesday night but this is Wednesday morning, which is weird, because he told Evil IA, “tomorrow is Wednesday” when he first appeared. BUT OKAY. The plan is to keep resetting time until Evil IA gets it right. PLEASE NO. PLEASE, NOT THIS. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

We watch the morning start again just in the same way, expect Phoebe is way suspicious because she’s having wicked deja vu. She gets the same Andy-is-dead-premonition.

LOLPD. Evil IA enters a little more forcefully than he did the first time around. He thankfully speeds through his whole spiel. For real, like he recites mostly the same lines a-mile-a-minute about getting Prue to meet him.

Tempus stands in front of his clock shop, Evil IA steals a flower and this time rips it to shreds. Dying really got this guy’s underwear in a bunch. He asks Tempus how to avoid being killed. Last time he killed Phoebe super easy (obvs) but then Piper froze him. Tempus suggests he adjusts him plan.

Qua    ke. Phoebe tries to explain her vision and also her deja vu. Baby Blue Suit comes over starts her whole braggy speech, but Phoebe remembers this all happening before. She proves it to Piper by telling her about Baby Blue’s rich husband and dream job. Phoebe guesses they are stuck in a time loop, but she can tell because her power helps her ~*see*~ things. Those two head home to the Book of Shadows.

Park Again. Prue gets gets some deja vu too, right before she makes Andy promise to stay away again. This time she confesses that she still loves him and they hug.

Manor. Andy’s there, Evil IA is there, Kit growls. Inside, Phoebe hasn’t found anything useful in the Book of Shadows (SHOCK!) and hasn’t had enough time to figure the whole thing out. Evil IA rings the doorbell, the girls scatter to their Stupid Plan Positions, but this time Evil IA doesn’t wait until Phoebe opens the door. He busts in, kills her, kills Piper, but Prue deflects his energy blast and kills him. Prue checks Phoebe and then Piper. She cries harder and longer over Piper’s body. Legit.

And I cry because I guess this means we have to do this again.

 

Tempus, clock, sands of time. Evil IA comes back all sweaty, body shaking hilariously. He tells Tempus that he’s really ready now. Third time’s a charm, GET IT.

Morning. This time, Phoebe is onto this being a repeat day right away. She tells Piper, on the phone, to just hurry home because they’ve got major demon hunting to do. Phoebe leads Prue to the living room and narrates the fender bender for Prue to prove that this has all happened before. See all that really clunky set up in the beginning was so that we would have things! to! notice! in this time loop. Andy is in trouble and Prue has to go warn him. Phoebe is going to dig through the Book of Shadows.

Clock Shop. Evil IA shoots up a clock this time. I apologize to anyone who watched this episode for this website.

Qua    ke. Piper is excusing herself and this time tells Baby Blue Suit off.

     

Park Again Again. Prue explains the time loop and Andy smartly figures out that this must be about taking out the Charmed Ones. Prue makes him promise to stay away from the manor. She says she would die if anything happened to Andy. She loves him and this time Andy says it back.

Manor. Andy’s there, Evil IA arrives. Kit growls, but Evil IA has had it UP TO HERE with that damn cat and flashes his demon eyes. Andy sees it, freaks out, and grabs his gun.

Inside, Phoebe has finally found the entry on Tempus. They have to vanquish him by taking him out of the time that he’s in. Damn, I think I hate the Book of Shadows more than I hate Phoebe. IT’S SO USELESS. JUST BE CLEAR. Evil IA breaks in. Piper is able to push Prue out of the way of the energy ball. Andy storms in but promptly gets killed. Piper freezes time. Prue’s knocked out cold, so Piper and Phoebe run over to Andy. He’s dead.

No one has tried any CPR. That’s upsetting.

After a not!break, they’ve got Evil IA tied up. Phoebe tells us everything she’s figured out about the time loop and Tempus and how killing Evil IA will reset it. She glares at Evil IA a lot, but the effect is lessened by her adult pigtails. The girls try to (finally) wake Prue, but Andy is calling her. In her dreams.

There is a swing in the middle of lots of fog. Andy doesn’t know where they are exactly, but he hoped he’d end up there. He’s set on staying here. Andy says that Phoebe’s premonition was one she wasn’t supposed to stop, even though the entire idea of her premonitions to protect innocent people. BUT OKAY. Andy says that dying was his destiny, apparently, but that’s true for, like, everyone. Andy, in his stupid “I’m dead now” half whisper, tells Prue to go back and be a good person. He’ll always be there for her. He fades away.

In the manor, Prue comes to. She’s real pissed about Andy being dead and asks for the Book of Shadows. She finds the spell to accelerate time, and thus, break the time loop. This means they won’t be able to save Andy, though. Prue says the spell and the clock rushes forward. Tempus looks at his clock and yells right before he’s turned into Bad Special Effects and disappears.

At the house, Prue tells here sisters to untie Evil IA and let him go. She assumes he isn’t a threat to them, or else he wouldn’t have needed Tempus. I don’t know, girl. He killed Phoebe right out of the gate. She unties him and he calls her stupid. But really, he’s the stupid one, because he walks away a couple of paces AND PAUSES. Not even a sneak attack. He actually does a neck roll so we all know he’s getting good and ready to use his powers. He sends his energy ball over and Prue easily deflects it and kills him. She says they may not be murderers, but they aren’t angels either.

Prue goes over to Andy’s body, music starts playing as she cries over him. The music takes use from there to the funeral. Morris stands with (TOWERS OVER) Phoebe and Piper and Prue lays a flower over Andy’s casket and cries so more. I like Andy, but this gives me exactly 0 feels. Sorry you were on a stupid show, Andy.

Manor. Piper has decided to quit her job because Baby Blue Suit reminded of her dreams, or whatever. Prue is sitting outside, being sad. Her sister’s find her and she shows them the paper. Andy’s been exonerated and they are looking for Evil IA. Prue is surprisingly fine and they have feels about the good and bad that comes with being witches.

The last shot mirrors the last one from the pilot.

We should all be proud of ourselves for making it this far. Good job, you.

 

 

Next time on Charmed: Stephanie joins the fun as we join the 3Ps on their one year anniversary of becoming witches in S02 E01 – Witch Trial.