Dollhouse S01 E11 – Princely Rescuing

Previously: Echo became a dead rich lady and investigated her own murder

Briar Rose

Stephanie: A man rummages through a pile of trash in a dark alley. He sees a hand and instead of being like, “hell no!” he goes in for a closer look. The hand reaches out and grabs him. What were you expecting, guy? (S: Even worse than Mickey investigating that crazy trash can.)

At an orphanage, Echo reads Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty) to a group of children because no one can read better than a doll. Just think of all the jobs dolls are stealing from capable people who need them. Plus, dolls cost way more money! Anyway, a girl standing away from the rest of the children calls the story crap. A disgruntled kid says her name is Susan. His face is like,”damn, let her finish the story.” He’s cute. Echo says her name is Susan too. Kid Susan points out all the things that make her hate the story. Why would Briar Rose go poking spindles if she knew she would become cursed by doing so? Why couldn’t she wake up and save herself from the curse? Susan becomes more and more upset until she finally grabs the book from Susan!Echo and rips the pages out. A man takes Susan away and a woman in an unfortunate looking purple suit dismisses the rest of the kids.

Marines: I feel bad for the rest of those kids. They don’t even get to hear the end. RUDE.

Sweeney: Plus, Kid Susan’s not even addressing the right things about why the story’s terrible!

Steph: And now that the book is totally destroyed, they can’t even finish it later. Thanks a lot, Susan.

Echo tells Purple Suit that she must have triggered something in Susan. She understands because the story used to bug her as well. She says someone sent her to help Susan. Fine, I take back my dolls stealing jobs comment, but I’m sure it does happen in other situations (midwives, for instance). The camera zooms in on an illustration of the prince that rescues Briar Rose and we transition to Paul. METAPHORS.

Paul is packing because he has decided to break up with a very devastated Mellie. She tries to convince him to stay by asking him if he really thinks she’s ever told him anything she didn’t believe. It’s exactly the sort of thing a doll perfectly programmed for Paul would say and that’s exactly why he’s leaving. Mellie begs him not to go one more time, but Paul coldly says she’ll get over it and he leaves. Mellie and I both cry.

At the Dollhouse, Adelle and Boyd discuss a flash drive that was delivered for Dominic. They think it might be from the NSA. The only way they’ll be able to get to the data inside is if Dominic unlocks it himself. Boyd thinks Adelle is joking because Dominic’s in the Attic. Adelle says that won’t stop them.

Mari: I think these are lines specifically intended for the audience, because they’ve definitely mentioned shelving the personality until they needed it again. Keep up, Boyd.

Sweeney: Truth. This isn’t your first fucking day on the job, Boyd.

Steph: Back in the orphanage, Susan crosses out lines and illustrations in the Briar Rose book. Girl, do you know the hours of work that went into planning and creating that picture?

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Mari: SAYS THE ILLUSTRATOR! All these new Snark Ladies also mean new departments around HQ. We’ve now got you covered if you need to know about artsy things!

Steph: I charge a consulting fee.

Echo and Purple Suit discuss her troubled past. She’s been in multiple foster homes, cuts school, and keeps stealing knives. Her mother died and she ended up with her mom’s pimp boyfriend. Echo is unsurprised that Purple Suit doesn’t seem to know anything about Susan that wasn’t already in her report since she would be unlikely to share on her own. Purple Suit says that Echo seems to know a lot about Susan considering she’s only known her for five minutes. When Purple Suit walks away, Echo says she’s known her for longer than that.

Cut to Topher and his assistant comparing a brain scan of Echo’s imprint to Susan’s brain scan. Surprise (or not), Echo’s imprint is Susan all grown up. She’s the person that Susan could become if she gets help for her problems. Topher’s just made a couple of changes to the names and dates. Echo thinks she’s a volunteer and through her Susan will get a chance to see the future she can have. The whole engagement was Topher’s idea. I guess it’s the one altruistic engagement the Dollhouse does every year to make themselves feel better about all the other horrendous things they’re responsible for. (M: One out of millions of orphans in the world. GOOD JOB, DOLLHOUSE!) Topher’s stoked about what a genius he is but that’s interrupted when he gets a call telling him to bring up Victor.

Elsewhere, Mellie is crying and walking on an overpass (? add driving to the list of things I don’t know about). (S: But you know about drawings and stuff and that already came in handy today, so I think that means you came up even.) She stops and gazes out over the highway. It looks like she might be thinking about jumping, but her handler comes up behind her and places a hand on her shoulder. He brings her back to his stalker van.  In the van, Mellie continues to cry while he comforts her. She doesn’t understand what she’s done wrong.

The van drives into an underground lot and a car follows behind. It’s Paul and he’s finally found the Dollhouse! This made me unreasonably excited. You’d think I’d never seen this before. Shots of the Dollhouse fade into a shot of a castle illustration. It’s kind of hilarious.

Mari: Very. They are pushing this Sleeping Beauty metaphor real hard.

Sweeney: As an aside, a less sci fi real life version of Sleeping Beauty was made a couple years ago that was more or less along the same lines. Gross people paid a company lots of money to spend the night with unconscious pretty girls who had no knowledge of what was being done to them at night. I think they’re going for the rose tinted fairy tale association, but this is the one I that got stuck in my head. The one with old man balls. In other words: not good.

Steph: What even? I’ll be adding that to my list of movies not to watch. 

LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAAAAA

Orphanage. Echo sits with Susan, who’s still crossing out parts of the book. Echo tells her that Briar Rose was too young to save herself, but Susan responds that you can always run away. Echo gets Susan curious about her past when she tells her that she wasn’t able to run away. She thought about doing it every night, but in the morning “he” would pretend everything was back to normal, so it was easier to just pretend along. She felt just as responsible for her abuse. Being called a victim made her feel like a liar. Susan nods.

Sweeney: Oof, feels – from Susan!Echo’s line about being a victim to the sad, knowing way that Susan nods. That broke my heart.

Steph: Paul’s snuck into the FBI building to gather information from Loomis’s computer. He shows her his File of Dead Ends and fills her in on Mellie being a doll. She corrects him by saying she’s a victim. Loomis is my BFF. Paul tells her that he followed Mellie to the Dollhouse and went inside, only to find out it was just a regular corporate building. He says he needs to get into the invisible building. The one that’s underground. He knows it’s there because of Caroline’s message and because the Dollhouse hired a consultant that specializes in recycling air, water, and power– all the things you’d need for a super secret underground facility. As Paul explains all of this, he pulls up a picture of the consultant. It’s my boyfriend Alan Tudyk.

Mari: He can’t be my boyfriend because when I look at him, I’m just lost in Wash feels.

Sweeney: SO MANY FEELINGS.

Steph: I try to keep my Wash feelings buried deep down inside and think of this instead:

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Dollhouse. Dominic has been put into Victor’s body but he doesn’t realize it yet. Enver Gjokaj is doing the most excellent Dominic. I don’t understand why this dude isn’t in every TV show playing all the characters Tatiana Maslany style. (S: Can you imagine if he’d been cast as Mark this past season? Wishes and dreams, man.) Anyway, Adelle tells him about the message that they received from the NSA. Dominic ignores her questioning as he starts to realize that he’s not in his own body. He panics and fights against the restraints holding him to the imprinting chair. Dr. Saunders sedates him while he begs them not to and asks for whiskey. After a shot in both arms, one to make him more receptive to questioning, he’s calm enough to begin. This scene is so crazy that even Topher is having trouble dealing with what’s happening.

Mari: Couldn’t they have sedated him pre-imprint? It just seems like they let him realize what was happening on purpose. Sad.

Sweeney: I hadn’t thought about that, but I wouldn’t put that past Adelle. That’s twisted if true.

Steph: Plus, they must have anticipated he was going to lose his shit since they already had him tied to the chair.

Orphanage. Echo and Susan connect over their shared abusive past. Susan says that there were times when she could have escaped but didn’t. Echo tells her that it’s okay to get rescued by someone else, especially if you’re younger or just don’t think you can rescue yourself. She says that Susan should read Briar Rose again, but imagine herself as the Prince instead. (M: Her explanation of why made 0 sense to me.) (S: Me neither, which is why I didn’t even bother to include it.) Purple suit comes in to tell Echo that her stalker van is waiting for her. Before she leaves, Echo takes the blade that she knew Susan was hiding during their chat.

Back to Paul, who has found his way to Architect Alan Tudyk’s shabby apartment. You’d think a guy who helped design the Dollhouse would have gotten paid enough to live in a nicer place. Alan acts all shifty and weird and when Paul forces his way in, we see why– the apartment is full of weed. Alan covers it up with a very believable explanation:

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Paul doesn’t care about the weed garden. He wants to know about Alan’s consulting business. Alan blah blah’s about the earth while grabbing all sorts of weird crap, including a jar of recycled urine. Paul ignores all of his attempts to deflect questions. He wants to know if he could make a building disappear. Alan gets super nervous when he realizes what Paul is referring to. He doesn’t want to talk about the Dollhouse because it could get them both killed. Paul wants Alan to help him break inside and Alan has no choice but to help him thanks to Paul’s very convincing gun.

At the Dollhouse, Boyd and Adelle ask Dominic!Victor (Vominic?) about the flash drive. He says it’s not from the NSA because they communicated over the phone. They reach the conclusion that it was Alpha who sent it because it was hand delivered in an envelope. Dominic has never been in contact with Alpha, so he has no idea what would be on the file. Adelle yells that because the file was intended for Dominic to open, he should be able to guess what the password is. He guesses it’s the greek symbol for Alpha because that’s how he used to sign his artwork back in his doll days. I just spent way too long trying to figure out how to put the symbol here, but as you can see, it didn’t work. (M: A+ for effort!) (S: α – LOOK, I MIGHT HAVE A DEPARTMENT AFTER ALL. (Googling things. My department is Googling things.)) Fortunately, Topher knows how to type it in. The drive unlocks and a picture of a Paul Bunyon statue loads up. Everyone is confused except Adelle, who recognizes the statue from “the center” in Tucson. Boyd does some typing which conveniently brings up an article about a body found in an alley in Tucson, Arizona. Adelle tells them to send Sierra.

Outside, Paul pulls up with Architect Alan Tudyk. Alan’s making all kinds of excuses for them not to go in, but Paul has to get inside ASAP because it’s only a matter of time before the Dollhouse finds out that he knows about Mellie and they send someone to kill him. His plan is to get Caroline out and then come back again later.

Mari: UM. WTF. Why is this his plan? There are so many dolls in there, WHY CAROLINE? What good does it do to rescue a doll? PAUL, YOU HAVE ISSUES.

Sweeney: PAUL, THIS IS THE SAME KIND OF POOR PLANNING THAT HAS NEVER WORKED OUT FOR YOU.

Steph: Is anyone surprised though? Anyway, Paul pulls Alan out of the car, threatening to expose his delicious carrots to the DEA if he doesn’t help him. Alan wants to know what will happen when they’re inside. Paul pulls out supplies from his trunk, but doesn’t provide any kind of reassuring explanation for what he intends to do. During all of this, Alan Tudyk is putting on this whiney cartoon character voice that cracks me up.

Inside of the Dollhouse, Sierra gets freshly imprinted as a forensics specialist. They’re going to send her off to inspect the body found in Tucson. We know that she really knows her stuff because she goes on about all the different ways the body can decompose if she doesn’t get there fast. Boyd apologizes for the rush job, but Topher says it’s no biggie since it’s a quiet night and Echo will be back soon. A quiet night until Paul arrives and starts throwing furniture everywhere.

Meanwhile, Paul and Alan lurk about outside. Alan shows Paul the vent that leads down ten stories into the Dollhouse. He was hoping that Paul would have a change of heart once he saw the way in, but Paul is all ready to jump on in, without rope and everything.

Back inside, Echo gets wiped of her Susan persona.

In the Vent, Alan freaks out in his cartoon voice. Paul helps him down and they continue on despite Alan’s protests.

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At the Orphanage, Susan reads her least favorite book. As she reads about how the Prince saved Briar Rose, we cut between shots of Paul breaking in and Echo going to sleep in her pod. Paul finally makes it into the Dollhouse. He takes in the realness of it all.

Sierra is in Tucson inspecting the possible Alpha victim. The body has slashes all over it, similar to Alpha’s signature killing style. The coroner thinks that the body belongs to a homeless man, but Sierra uses her sniffing abilities to figure out that he’s not because he doesn’t have a homeless smell. He smells like garbage over clean skin. She tells him she’ll be taking over.

Mari: And we just got some fake-FBI-in-a-doll confirmation for our “I hear poor people smell bad” tag. I didn’t say it, the fake-FBI did. 

Steph: Dollhouse. Paul and Alan are hiding in a dark room. Paul’s concerned about being spotted on the surveillance cameras, but there’s nothing Alan can do about it unless he gets access to a computer. Paul struts out into the hall all handler like and invites an unsuspecting doll into the hidey room. Alan flips and tries to hide against a wall because he’s not good with people. Paul’s plan is to have Alan dress in the doll’s clothes. Alan’s not happy about this, but at least it’s going to get him out of that sweater monstrosity he’s wearing.

Once Alan is all decked out in his doll gear he and Paul head outside. Alan is still panicking about everything, but he’s happy that at least his cotton shirt is organic. Topher walks by and Alan immediately tries to hide himself when he sees him. Topher turns when he realizes that he doesn’t recognize Paul. Paul says that he’s from security before straight tasing Topher in the chest. Paul and Alan drag Topher’s body into the imprinting room where Alan is finally able to get his hands on a computer, which ultimately turns out to be useless because Topher has 500 different passwords. Paul spots the imprinting chair and looks disapprovingly at it while Alan looks over the Dollhouse from a window admiring all the attractive women. Paul says that the Dollhouse is a bad place, but Alan thinks it’s a good place with bad people. Alan philosophizes a bit about cells and how we’re all interchangeable atoms. He gets increasingly more creepy and weird as he speaks.

Sweeney: Yeah, I would like him to do less of that.

Steph: When the halls have cleared, they make their way outside. Alan stops at the stairs and panics because they don’t have risers, and no risers means that a claw or a tentacle might grab him. Sounds like foreshadowing to me. Paul forces him onward. They creep slowly down the stairs and Alan turns away when Dr. Saunders exits her office and passes the staircase. When she’s gone, Alan says that there ‘s a terminal he can access to take out security.

Another person passes by the stairway. This time it’s Victor. Paul recognizes him and realizes that everything that’s happened to him hasn’t been real.

They sneak into Dr. Saunders’s office and Alan finally gets on a computer that he can use. He can’t close all of the security doors, but he can mix up all the gases in their rooms to make sure they don’t wake up. That sounds very safe. Alan explains that he designed the sleeping pods. If the pods are glowing, they shouldn’t be opened because they’re locked. Bad things happen if you try to open a locked pod. Alan says that he’ll remotely unlock the pods, and when the lights are off, it’s safe to open them. Pod explanation over, Alan uncertainly points Paul in the direction of the sleeping rooms.

Paul walks through the halls as Twinkly Music of Princely Rescuing plays. He enters the pod room and opens the first unlit pod. He finds November inside. He apologizes for not being able to save her, being that she’s a sleeper and all. He closes the pod and opens the next one, and this time it’s Briar Echo. He calls her Caroline and she opens her eyes to look at him. The somewhat creepy moment is ended by Boyd holding a gun to the back of Paul’s head. “Sorry agent Ballard. You don’t get the girl,” he says.

Mari: Damn, everyone knows about Paul’s obsession.

Sweeney: That’s how you know it’s a serious problem. Even strangers are staging interventions for you, Paul.

Steph: Boyd orders Paul to put his gun on the floor. He does so as he talks to Echo, telling her that her name is really Caroline and that she asked him to come save her. Boyd tells Echo to go for a swim. As she’s getting out of the pod, Paul spins around and knocks the gun out of Boyd’s hand. They start fighting and Paul calls Boyd a pimp. Boyd says that he’s protecting Echo since there’s no way to get her out. The fight gets more intense and they eventually fall through the glass of Victor’s lit up pod, sending him into a fit of hysterics. It’s very upsetting. (M: Enver is the best.) Paul grabs Echo and they make a run for it. While rushing out, Echo has a flashback to their fight in the Chinese restaurant. She yells at Paul to let her go and elbows him over the staircase. Boyd runs out and picks up the fight again. Paul is doing all of his sick martial arts moves and it does not look good for Boyd. My feeling are confused. This is not a fight that I want.

Mari:  It’s interesting visually and the sound people are helping because all of Boyd’s punches seem to land LOUDER. It just seems like you just would not want to be on the receiving end of one of his fists. Paul, though, is faster, more light on his feet, etc. I secretly root for Boyd, because while Paul is right, and the Dollhouse is wrong, HE CAME HERE TO SAVE ONE DOLL.

Sweeney: IDK, watching Tahmoh Penikett move, I find the whole idea of this fight laughable. Boyd’s awesome, but I would believe that Tahmoh could shatter skulls with a single punch. Still, I’m with you on your cheers – Paul’s plan is so rooted in crazy that it’s impossible to support. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have used this opportunity for some sort of recon mission before returning with something resembling a real and actual plan.

Steph: Meanwhile, Alan is still at the computer working on turning off the alarms.

Dr. Saunders comes across the pod room and finds Victor all cut up from the broken pod door. He tells her that people were fighting on him. It’s SO SAD. I can’t with his face.

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In the lobby, Paul and Boyd fight and Alan types frantically at the computer. Boyd manages to get Paul into a choke hold. He says that getting Echo out is a bad idea because they’ll hunt them down and kill them. Good point. Paul’s plan is not very well thought out at all. He’s just going to escape with a blank doll and then what? Anyway, the fighting continues and eventually Paul grabs a rock from the little indoor zen pond, and uses it to knock Boyd in the head. NO. I know Paul has Dem Abs and he means well, but I adore Boyd. I don’t approve this moment.

The sight of Boyd getting knocked in the head sends Echo into a flashback of the time they helped each other survive in the Worst Date Woods. Boyd yells at her to run and she does so. She makes it to the stairs before Paul grabs her arm. Boyd catches up to them because not even a rock to the head can keep him down. Paul and Boyd punch each other more and Echo gets sent tumbling down the stairs. She runs to the other side of the staircase and grabs Paul’s leg, knocking him over. Should’ve taken Alan seriously. With Paul face down on the floor, Boyd is able to get him in handcuffs. He tells Echo to stay and wait for him. Echo says that she trusts him. They look at each other intensely. Feels.

Dr. Saunders brings Victor into her office to get all fixed up when Alan suddenly appears in front of them with a blade. He slices up Victor’s sad face. I gasped. Dr. Saunders stands there terrified because in the best twist after Mellie being a doll, Architect Alan is Alpha. How does this very short-lived show manage to cram in so many twists without ever feeling ridiculous?

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Mari: It’s amazing because the show tries to slowly teach you that anyone could be a doll. But every time someone turns out to be a doll, you’re all, “WELL CRAP.”

Sweeney: IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD. So, I acquired an assortment of weird spoilers. Twice I accidentally clicked on the S2 episode # and in 5 seconds of previouslies learned a thing which, as it turned out, would be revealed in the very episode I was supposed to be watching. Wash-is-Alpha I deduced from making the thumbnails. In spite of this, on all three occasions, the twist still got me. I spent the whole episode confused. “Did the Dollhouse successfully wipe him or something?” and I never even gave that opening scene a second thought until reading the recap. Maybe I’m overselling the show and the truth is that I’m just very stupid, but it’s pretty damn brilliant. (Says a possibly very stupid person.)

Steph: Oh no, it stinks that you were spoiled for this, but I’m glad you remained shocked and confused anyhow.

Alpha grabs Dr. Saunders’s face and examines the scar gift he left her while Victor lies on the floor in agony. The cartoon voice is gone, replaced by a Scary Voice. He asks if Dr. Saunders always wanted to be a doctor. She says yes, but he says that’s a lie.

Boyd brings Paul into Adelle’s office. She asks if he really thought he would be able to just walk right into the Dollhouse.

Dr. Saunders’s office. Alpha wants Dr. Saunders to tell him about the first time they met. She tells him it was when they first brought him into the Dollhouse and she examined him. He makes a ton of creepy faces, but I have to say that time has been very kind to Alan Tudyk. You can tell Dem Abs: Evil Edition are under that shirt. This is a weird time to bring this up, but that doll shirt is distractingly tight. Ahem. Anyway, Alpha thinks Dr. Saunders’s story is very interesting and wishes they had more time.

Adelle’s office. Paul tries to get Adelle scared about how much trouble she’ll be in for holding a federal agent, but she points out that he’s been suspended so he’s not protected by that anymore. Paul says that if they really didn’t want him there, they shouldn’t have interfered with his life. He says they know that what they’re doing is wrong. It’s consensual slavery. Adelle wants to put him in the chair because he knows too much. Boyd doesn’t look too sure about that.

Sweeney: Because Boyd continues to be better than everyone else.

Steph: Cut to Echo who’s still waiting in the lobby. Dr. Saunders calls her into her office. When she gets inside, Alpha pushes Dr. Saunders to the floor. He approaches Echo and looks affectionately at her. She remembers him. Alpha says he remembers everything about her too. He leads her out and up the staircase.

Adelle’s office. Boyd is completely against putting Paul in the chair, especially because he hasn’t agreed to it. The phone rings and Adelle answers. It’s Sierra with information about the corpse in Tucson. The body belonged to the real environmental architect. He was killed in L.A. and planted in Tucson. Adelle looks at her spy monitor and sees Alpha and Echo in the imprinting room.

Cut to the imprinting room where Echo has been given a new personality. Now she completely recognizes Alpha and greets him with a make out session. Alpha says he told her he’d come rescue her, and she calls him her prince. LOL, sorry Paul. They leave and get into the elevator and my favorite song from the series soundtrack plays, although I think there’s a better arrangement of it in the next episode. No one cares about instrumental scores as much as I do, but I can’t help but mention it every time some badass violins kick in.

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This episode was fabulous. Having seen the series before, I knew that Alan Tudyk was Alpha, but I couldn’t remember how he transitioned out of the architect persona. When he switched into psycho mode and sliced Victor, I had a very genuine OMG moment. So good. This episode did a pretty good job of tying Echo’s engagement to the greater theme, even if it got a little heavy handed with the prince and castle illustrations fading into everything. I did love the Paul/Alpha prince switcheroo, though.

Mari: That’s ultimately what redeemed that whole bit. Even remembering the main plot points, it wasn’t until the end that I went, “OH. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.”

Sweeney: That it needed redeeming is worth remembering in all this flail – the Sleeping Beauty shit was obnoxious and terrible.

Steph: The terribleness of it all is what made that switch so much better for me. I was rolling my eyes and laughing through all the illustration fadeouts and voiceovers and then the final reveal happened and I was like, “LOL AMAZING.” Worth it.

Mari: Knowing the big twist didn’t ruin the episode for me because I was picking different things up. There was a point where I thought, “Alan is doing this very over the top right now,” but that makes sense, because he was Alpha overacting. You saw him go from being to scared to even enter the building all the way to suddenly watching for security and surveillance patterns. Then, as he’s breaking in and disarming things, you think, “he knows too much, obviously.”

What I wouldn’t do to recover the suspense of first time viewing, but now, when I appreciate this series so much more.

Steph: Watching while knowing Alan was Alpha added a whole new layer to his antisocial behavior too. He wasn’t turning away from everyone because he doesn’t like people, but because he knew they would recognize him.

Mari: I liked that Paul has all this strong sense of right and wrong, but he’s just kind of dumb about it. I like that he went up against Boyd, who is otherwise our moral compass on this show. It was strange to see him fighting for the Dollhouse against the other moral compass. Nothing is ever easy with this show.

Sweeney: NEVER! And that’s what makes it so damn compelling. Major +1 to that final point – I loved that our two moral guides were just pitted against each other. Importantly, it was done in such a way that the one who ostensibly has the moral high ground (Paul, for opposing the Dollhouse) was undercut by the flaws in his own motives. Brilliant.

Next time on Dollhouse: Paul helps the Dollhouse staff track down Alpha in S01 E12 – Omega.

 

Stephanie (all posts)

I'm a miniature adult who still gets offered the kid's coloring menu at restaurants. I like to pretend I'm an illustrator, but mostly I spend my time complaining about TV on Twitter. My life dream is to have my consciousness placed into an android body so that I'll have more time to watch/read things.





Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





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