Previously: Some clockwork robot aliens got their wires crossed and thought they needed Madame de Pompadour’s head for their spaceship.
—
Rise of the Cybermen
Marines: Lab. A scientist we can’t see hits a button and electricity crackles. He tells someone else that the prototype has passed every test and is working. In the shadows, a man says that “working” isn’t the correct word because that would apply only to machines. The man comes out of the shadows so that we see he’s in a motorized chair.
Kirsti: I flail with excitement because it’s Owen from Vicar of Dibley!!! Excuse me while I spend the rest of the episode expecting him to talk about how he’s late because his sheep exploded or something.
Mari: The scientist apologizes and corrects himself. Their prototype is alive. I’m sure this will turn out perfectly.
Shadow Man asks if the prototype can hear him. Scientist isn’t sure, because of the shock of the brain being welded to the exoskeleton. Shadow Man is really jealous of the prototype’s metal body that will never die. SM asks the prototype if it recognizes him. Robo-Type identifies Shadow Man as John Lumic. Scientist steps in to harsh Lumic’s buzz and remind him that they have to report this new form of life to Geneva. Lumic solves this probably by ordering Robo-Type to kill the Scientist. Scientist dies in such a ridiculous way, I’m actually really happy I didn’t bother to give him a better nickname. Lumic calls the ship captain and tells him to set course for Great Britain.
Rose and the Doctor are flirt-giggling over some shared memory. Mickey tries to be a good sport and asks what they are remembering and the Doctor levels him with a, “you had to be there.” Kind of a dick move. To make matters worse, Mickey is pressing a button on the TARDIS console. The Doctor apparently forgot he told Mickey to do that, despite the fact that he’s been pressing the button for half an hour. Mickey accuses the Doctor of forgetting about him and in the middle of the Doctor saying he knows exactly what he’s doing, the console explodes.
K: “I know exactly what I’m doing!” *explosion* Yeah, that’s it. That’s the show.
Sara: Poor Mickey.
Mari: Rose asks what’s going on and the Doctor freaks about the time vortex being gone. The TARDIS hurtles through clouds of bad special effects and lands violently. After making sure his companions are okay, the Doctor pronounces the TARDIS dead and unfixable. There is no one who can help them. (S: Hasn’t this happened before?) (M: And won’t it happen again?) The Doctor looks very seriously off-screen as he broods that they’ve fallen out of the vortex into some sort of no place. “Otherwise known as London,” Mickey says lightly, because he decided to go check what was outside the door.
They all disembark and Mickey quickly locates a newspaper. It’s still February 1st and he’s super convinced this is definitely London until the Doctor points out the sky is full of zeppelins. They quickly deduce that this is a parallel London and because they parked conveniently next to an advertisement featuring his face, Rose knows that her dad is alive in this parallel world. She’s immediately taken with his moving ad but the Doctor literally takes her by the shoulders and tries to snap her out of it. This isn’t her Pete, it’s a Pete, and he’s probably got his own Jackie and Rose. She can’t see him ever.
A Pete’s Mansion. He exits his car with a bunch of flowers. As soon as he’s inside A Jackie starts yelling and fussing at him. She’s mad because he got her a ‘Happy 40th Birthday’ banner, but her official biography says she’s 39. She’s also offended by the cheap looking flowers and all throughout is calling for Rose. It turns out Rose is a dog.
K: Womp womp.
Sara: People who don’t like Rose, though, are probably very pleased!
Mari: Also, A Jackie shows A Peter her brand new earpods sent over by Mr. Lumic. A Pete gets a call from Mr. Lumic, who isn’t coming to the birthday party because he has a meeting with the president of Great Britain. He expects A Pete to be there, regardless of the fit Jackie is sure to throw.
From his spaceship, Lumic activates Jackie’s ear pods and with it hacks into her brain? and gains access to a bunch of security details for the event tonight at the A Pete Mansion. That done, Lumic calls some other dude and tells him that things are escalating quickly and he needs extra staff. Other Dude says he’ll go on a recruitment drive. He’s in a truck and backs it up, but really nefariously. I’ve never seen reverse be so evil.
K: A+.
Sara: One time, someone reversed into me at a red light. I thought that was pretty evil.
Mari: It definitely was.
Mickey enters the TARDIS and the Doctor yells at him because he’s supposed to be keeping an eye on Rose. The Doctor is all, “anything could happen out there!” When Mickey points out that the same is true for him too, the Doctor says he doesn’t have time to worry about everything. Poor Mickey.
Rose is walking around a bit and then has a seat on a bench. She looks up at the zeppelins suspiciously. Her cell phone buzzes and when she looks at it, she sees it’s been activated under a feel trial period. The phone immediately starts playing some Conveniently Expositional News Coverage, covering the return of Lumic to his home, all while battling reports of ill health. The newscaster says that shares in Cybus Industries are doubling. Rose turns down the news coverage just as the anchor switches to a story about Torchwood. DRINK UP.
K: I’m going to take double shots because that Nokia text alert on Rose’s phone gave me horrible flashbacks to the bad old days.
Mari: TARDIS. The Doctor explains that the TARDIS fuels itself off the universe but now they are in the wrong universe. It used to be that you could travel between realities, back when the Time Lords were keeping everything in order. They “disappeared” and all those doors were closed. The Doctor says they are for sure trapped, but then immediately sees a small light glowing just beneath the TARDIS console. They’ve got power after all.
Nefarious Reverser arrives at a trash dump. There are a bunch of homeless people there and he calls out to them, telling him he’s got hot food in his truck. Apparently, no one in this alternate reality has heard of stranger danger and they just pile right into the back of the truck. One guy present is suitably suspicious and captures this all on camera. We briefly hear yelling from the truck but there is no escaping now.
Back on the TARDIS, the Doctor is making his way to the tiny little power cell. Mickey asks if it’s enough to get them home. It isn’t yet. The Doctor has to charge it up and he does so by breathing on it. Apparently that breath cost him 10 years of his life but it was worth every second. None of this makes sense to me but look at how happy this nonsense makes the Doctor:
So the Contrivance Crystal is recharging and should be able to take them home in 24 hours.
The boys head off to tell Rose the news but she’s brooding with her cell phone because she Googled herself with her free Internet access. She knows she doesn’t exist in this world and has decided she wants to go meet A Pete. The Doctor protests and looks to Mickey for back-up but he says he’s got things he wants to do too.
The Doctor yells at them both to stay put but they don’t listen.
K: Pretty much. But I also have feels for both of them, so…yeah. IDK IDK.
Sara: Super unlikable. Except for Mickey. The poor guy just wants to have an adventure and these two keeps treating him like he isn’t even there. Poor Mickey.
Mari: A Pete greets the President and there’s some chat as to how A Pete started working for Lumic. President asks A Pete’s opinion on Lumic and A Pete calls him sharp and brilliant.
Mickey is walking along and comes across some soldiers who okay him to keep walking because it’s before curfew. See, things are all topsy turvy.
As Rose and the Doctor walk together, she tells him a bit about Mickey’s story, how he was raised by his gran, a great woman who used to slap him. She died after a fall five years ago. Those two nip at each other about whether Rose never told him these things or if the Doctor never asked. Suddenly, an alarm sounds and everyone in the street stops walking. All of the ear pods are beeping and blinking. Rose phone buzzes because it’s receiving the same download of information. It’s news, sports and weather all sent directly to people’s heads, provided by Cybus Industry. A little poking around Rose’s phone informs the Doctor that Cybus owns a lot of stuff, including A Pete’s company. Now the Doctor wants to go see A Pete too.
Mickey knocks on a door and his gran comes out, pretty much cane swinging. Mickey greets her and she instantly recognizes his voice, except she calls him Ricky.
Mari: I get called my niece’s name now too. We’ve gotten trans-generational.
They hug but then she starts slapping him because he’s been gone for a long time and she was worried. Mickey sees just inside the house that a part of the carpet on the stairs has lifted. He has lots of emotions about how he should’ve had it fixed ages ago and apologizes for being useless. Slappy Gran says he shouldn’t talk that way and all he needs is a cup of tea.
K: I have a lot of Mickey feels over this scene. I also have feels because it reminds me of how Nine used to call Mickey “Ricky” to piss him off. Poor Nine. He was just in the wrong universe is all!
Mari: NINE.
There’s some kind of segue which leads Slappy Gran to say that she doesn’t like the new friends he’s been hanging out with, riding around all crazy like in their van. Just then, said van pulls up to the house. Suitably Suspicious pulls Mickey into the van and they drive away. Suitably says that they aren’t supposed to contact their family because it puts them in danger. Mickey is all, “yep. Me, Ricky. I definitely said that because I’m Ricky.” He’s so good at this pretend thing. Suitably Suspicious tells Mickey about the footage he captured at the dump. SS and the Driver have done research that links the kidnappings to Cybus Industries. They also inform Mickey that Thin Jimmy was arrested, leaving Ricky at the top of London’s most wanted list.
President, A Pete, and Lumic are all watching a promo video about taking human brains and welding them to a metal exoskeleton. The President doesn’t really need to watch the video because he isn’t going to grant Lumic permission to do whatever. I don’t even know. Lumic says this mean’s he’ll die and the President is all, “yeaaaaah. Sorry about that. I’ll see you at the party later A Pete!” He leaves. A Pete tries to give Lumic a pep-talk about finding another country to grant him permission to whatever, but Lumic ain’t even trying to hear it.
After A Pete is gone, Lumic calls Nefarious Reverser who tells him that things are going reasonably well. I think they superglued the ear pods onto the homeless people and are now controlling their bodies. Lumic says to proceed with the upgrade, even though they didn’t get permission for whatever. THE PERMISSION WAS ALL A RUSE. The homeless folk walk into a room and then there are many screams and much whirring of machines and scraping of metal. Even though we get a cheesy shot of badly CGIed machinery, it’s still rather icky, especially because it happens with The Lion Sleeps Tonight playing.
K: The music choice was suuuuuuuuuper weird. But also, Nefarious Reverser clearly knows what Lumic’s plan is. So why the hell is he still wearing ear pods?! I mean, I love the crap out of my smart phone, but if I found out that it was going to take over my brain and murder me? GOODBYE MR SMART PHONE, ENJOY YOUR TRIP TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.
Mari: SEE YOU NEVER.
Mickey, Suitably Suspicious and Driver arrive somewhere and secret mission their way inside. Of course, the person already inside is Ricky, meaning Mickey has found himself in a weird situation.
Rose and the Doctor have arrived at A Pete’s mansion. They can tell a party is going on and Rose remembers it’s Jackie’s birthday. The Doctor takes out his psychic paper and says they totally have an in. Cut to them both dressed up as waiters. Rose says they could’ve been anyone, but the Doctor says that if you want to be in the know, you should work in the kitchen. For instance, the Doctor has learned from a waitress named Lucy who the president is. Rose scoffs both at Lucy for being a woman near/around the doctor and at the idea of there being a president and not a prime minister.
K: Rose, sweetie, I love you but STOP BEING JEALOUS OF ANY WOMAN THAT TALKS TO HIM HOLY SHIT. Also, David Tennant is surprisingly adept at tray carrying. He’s supporting the full weight of it on his fingertips and nothing on the tray so much as wobbles.
Mari: A Pete calls attention so as to thank his guests and present his wife. A Jackie comes down and Rose is enthralled. The Doctor reminds her that she can’t stay here and this isn’t her world. Rose knows and couldn’t leave her proper mum, but it’s just sad that A Pete and A Jackie have each other when Jackie is alone. A Jackie calls for Rose and when they look over, they see the dog. The Doctor can’t help himself and busts out laughing but sobers quickly under Rose’s look. I laughed.
Nefarious Reverser is overseeing things as the army of Cybermen (no more pretending I don’t know them) are marching about. Lumic calls Nefarious Reverser to say he’s arriving.
Mickey is being questioned and examined by Ricky and his gang.
Ricky is really intense and likes to sneer and growl a little, saying that he and his gang of preachers are free from ear pods. Driver says that the vans have mobilized again and Lumic is making his move. Ricky and Gang pack up to make their move.
K: Ricky is totally over the top, but I kind of love that this episode let Noel Clarke do more acting than just standing around in the background waving as the TARDIS disappears.
Mari: Party. The Doctor comes across a clunky laptop glowing all blue with the Cybus industries logo. Rose is staring at A Jackie when A Pete comes up to her to make small talk. Small talk turns to feels talk as A Pete says they kept putting off children and now it’s too late because they’ve separated. Pete wonders at his confessing all of this, saying Rose just feels “right.” He runs away quickly from his feelings.
Ricky and Gang have also arrived at A Pete’s Mansion. Mickey recognizes the name of course, and says they have to get inside. Before they do, though, the Cybermen come marching out.
The Doctor is watching the Cybermen promo video on the clunky laptop.
Rose finds A Jackie alone and they first bond over tea. The only tag about tea we have is about tea cozies, but I use it anytime tea is mentioned anyway. (K: Totally fair. I’m pretty sure it was courtesy of Giles, so it seems appropriate to use it for British tea drinking.) Rose tells A Jackie that A Pete sure is a nice guy and probably worth a second chance. A Jackie is all, “OH HELL NO.” She calls Rose “just staff” and says Rose definitely cannot comment on her marriage.
Sara: Buuuuurn.
Mari: Rose is sad but that is soon interrupted by a bright light and the marching of the Cybermen.
The Doctor gets to the bit about the “ultimate upgrade” and sees the graphic from that square thing above the head that marks the Cybermen. He runs out in a panic. He finds Rose quickly and they go to a window to see the approach of the Cybermen. The Doctor says he’s seen them before and just then, all the Cybermen start breaking into the house.
Lumic calls the President and makes a pun about crashing the party. The President asks who these people were and Lumic is like, “LOL. Don’t care.” Rose asks the Doctor if these robots are actually people. The Doctor explains that they were until they had all their humanity taken away from them. A living brain in a steel encasing with no emotions.
K: Or “why has Kirsti not watched a single episode of Buffy in the past year?”.
Mari: The president asks again who these people were. Lumic admits they were homeless people and poor people and people who smell bad or whatever. The blight of societies. (S: Sweet Valley High would probably be fine with this.) Lumic says goodbye and leaves everyone in the hands of the Cybermen. The Cyberman with the TAG card steps up and says that they have been upgraded and will now offer the rest of humanity a free upgrade. This is a little bit different from when you get a venti instead of a grande though. (S: A+) The President tries to stand up all badass like and gets killed for his trouble. Panic breaks out and the Cybermen start killing people trying to run away.
The Doctor grabs Rose’s hand and leads her out. Rose wants to go back for A Jackie but the Doctor says no because it’s not her Jackie. A Pete manages to make it out with them, though.
Inside there is more killing and A Jackie tries to hide in the Basement of Don’t Go In There. A tragic choice, A Jackie.
Outside, the Doctor, Rose and A Pete can’t get away from the Cybermen. They run into Ricky and Gang who shoot at the Cybermen to no avail. Mickey joins them and gives them a quick introduction to Ricky. Soon, they are surrounded by Cybermen. The Doctor tells them to stand down and yells out that they surrender. He tells the Cybermen that they volunteer for the upgrade program, but TAG Cyberman says they are incompatible and are up for “maximum deletion.” The Cyberman repeats “delete, delete” as we end on the Doctor’s worried face.
CAUSE IT’S A TWO PARTER Y’ALL!
Sara: So they’re basically daleks?
Mari: What?! No! Daleks are machines with no emotion and Cyberman are human-machine hybrids. With no emotions. So, a little bit. Okay, yes.
I guess most of the real discussion about this will happen at the end of part 2, but I have to say that I was a little bit bored during this set-up episode. There wasn’t anything truly offensive here (and we’ve seen some truly offensive) but it wasn’t particularly gripping for me, either.
K: Most of what I love here is the fact that it’s a parallel universe, which means that not only do we get some fun new worldbuilding-y stuff (London but with zeppelins!) but we’re able to get a whole new Cyberman origin story without it having any impact on Classic Who canon. Good work, writers. Nice choice.
Next time on Doctor Who: The Cybermen take control of London and things look real bad for our heroes in S02 E06 – The Age of Steel.
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