Previously: Henry somehow convinced Jack to dump Jen for him, and Mitch was a particularly terrible guidance counselor.
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Two Gentlemen of Capeside
Democracy Diva: Capeside High. You can probably tell from the title of this episode that the topic of discussion is Two Gentlemen of Verona, because subtlety is not this show’s forte. Anyway, Drue (why is this the spelling of his name, show? why?) (K: SERIOUSLY) is disgusting and weird and creepy towards Joey. Dawson and Joey answer questions about the play that are really about their love triangle with Pacey. Drue suggests that Joey and Dawson prepare a formal debate on the play, because he’s the actual worst. The teacher agrees, because teachers always let 17-year-olds assign each other projects and dictate lesson plans. At least the teacher makes Drue participate as well.
Kirsti: My notes say “Fuck off and die, Drue” which I think accurately sums up this entire teaser.
Diva: HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH. (That is both me responding to your previous statement, and me singing along with the credits.)
Grams’s House. Jen is still in post-breakup-feels mode. She’s late to school again, because punctuality is not as important as screaming Alanis Morissette songs in your shower. Grams is less than pleased and urges her granddaughter to stop brooding. She also hands Jen an umbrella, even though it’s sunny out, because the Farmer’s Almanac doesn’t lie and it’s totes going to rain.
Capeside High. Joey and Dawson awkwardly make plans to meet at the Yacht Club, so Joey can work while they do the project. Dawson peaces out as he sees Pacey and Jen heading over, and Pacey brags to Joey about getting an A. GO PACEY! (K: Bless his little heart.) He asks her to come sailing, because it’s the last beautiful day of the season, but she can’t, because of the Two Gentlemen of Contrivance project. Jen offers to go sailing with Pacey instead, as long as there is no kissing and she’s allowed to puke.
McPhee House. Andie is prepping for a college interview at the Yacht Club. She’s taking some new preventative medication that makes her a little dizzy, but they’re working well and she seems to be in good shape.
K: I don’t know what she’s wearing, but she looks Meredith Monroe’s actual age at the time of filming. Which is to say, 31. A very corporate 31.
Diva: Yeah, when they put her in overalls, it can be easy to forget her real age, but dress her up in interview clothes and she’s suddenly 30something again.
Leery Manor. Mitch and Gail are walking germ factories, and Dawson insists he’s fine working with Joey on this project. He’s just still not fine with Pacey. Also, the wind is getting crazy outside, because this show foreshadows everything ten more times than necessary. I’m going to go ahead and call it “fortyshadowing” because I like cheesy wordplay, dammit.
True Love, out to sea. Jen likes being able to forget about her Henry-shaped problems, but Pacey is having trouble forgetting that Joey is with Dawson right now. Jen waxes bitter about teenage relationships when a gigantic gust of wind blows. Pacey assures Jen that the coming storm is going to pass right by them, no problem. #fortyshadowing
Yacht Club. Drue picks up his rich kid cell phone while they’re supposed to be working on the project, so Joey tells his lady-caller that he has syphillis and hangs up. Drue picks up on Joey and Dawson’s virtually nonexistent sexual tension and says it’s like Star Wars. Dawson is Luke, Pacey is Han Solo, and Joey is Leia. Joey decides that Drue is Jabba the Hut, and I agree.
K: Same. But also, HOW THE FUCK IS JOEY ALLOWED TO DO HOMEWORK WHEN SHE’S AT WORK??
Diva: This actually didn’t bother me that much – she said the club is usually empty on Thursdays save for Grumpy Old Man, so I’m thinking no one would really notice. Or they’d ignore her because, you know, poor people smell bad and all that.
Grumpy Old Man wants his usual table and prime rib, and also wants to eat quickly to get his boat home before the storm. Joey gets nervous when she hears about the weather and goes to the bar to ask Drue if he’s seen any storm reports. He’s being useless, and when Joey walks away, he picks up the phone, making him turn away from the “HEY THERE’S A STORM COMING” alert on the TV.
Snooty Redhead, AKA Drue’s mother Mrs. Valentine, interviews Andie, and also judges her for saying she’d like to have lunch with Eleanor Roosevelt. Apparently most of her interviewees pick Jesus. A silly choice, really, unless you speak Aramaic. Anyway, Snooty Valentine asks about Andie’s medical leave of absence from school. Andie calmly explains that she had some emotional issues, and Snooty immediately judges her for this “mental illness.”
K: This pissed me off so much. Like, I appreciate a lot of what this show has done in regards to Andie’s mental illness and removing stigma about going to therapy and taking medication in an era when such things weren’t really talked about on TV. But OH MY GOD DO NOT MAKE IT A BARRIER FOR HER GETTING INTO COLLEGE.
Diva: Preach.
Elsewhere at the Yacht Club, Joey tries to talk Shakespeare, but Dawson can’t handle all the Pacey subtext. He says they are never going to be friends again. Then they rehash the same conversation they’ve been having basically every day since Dawson found out about Pacephine.
K: Seriously, he’s such a melodramatic little shit. He refers to Pacephine as “the greatest betrayal of my life”. Slow your roll, dude. It’s not THAT dramatic.
Diva: And if it is “the greatest betrayal of [your] life,” well, you must be pretty goddamn privileged, so count yourself lucky, Dawson.
A loud thunderclap terrifies Joey, so she runs back to the bar to check the TV. Grumpy Old Man wants his check, so Joey yells at Drue to do it so she can check the weather. Of course, the weather is bad, because #fortyshadowing.
True Love. It’s getting scary stormy, and the battery for the radio is dead. Jen is clearly getting frightened, but Pacey insists they’ll be fine. They’ll get a weather report and sail away from the storm.
Yacht Club. Snooty Valentine won’t stop mentioning Andie’s illness and calling it a weakness. Andie, being an amazing superhero of a woman, calmly insists that it’s a strength. It proved that she can ask for help when she needs it. And anyone who has gotten through a mental illness or emotional health issue or a substance abuse problem or really any kind of Bad Life Shit knows how true that is – that asking for help makes you brave and strong, not weak. Andie says she’s not ashamed of her illness, but it doesn’t define her as a person. Snooty tells Andie that she would probably do better in a less competitive environment, like a state school. Andie continues to defend herself beautifully, saying Snooty is overlooking all her accomplishments. Snooty says it’s her name on the line, and Andie agrees that her background is relevant. Relevant, again, because she got help and recovered, and that makes her better equipped to handle stress and pressure. Snooty blows her off, because she’s a douchefaced douche.
K: Okay, but is it an actual thing for RANDOM ALUMNI to conduct college interviews in the US? Because that seems like a major crock of shit and if it’s true, y’all should start a revolution and burn stuff. Maybe you should do that anyway. Australian university applications are done through a government department rather than the individual universities, extracurriculars mean shit, you don’t have to write any essays, it’s free, and there are only interviews if you want to do things like medicine. Applying to university literally took me 10 minutes.
Diva: I feel like I don’t know anyone who actually did these, but there have been so many TV tropes about random alumni conducting college interviews that I feel like it must be at least a little bit true. I think most universities just have their admissions staff interview you, but I think this may actually be a thing. Also, I am jealous of everything about the Australian university application process. (Though interviews aren’t mandatory at most U.S. universities, or at least they weren’t when I was applying, around ten years ago.)
At the bar, Grumpy Old Man and Joey watch the weather report. Dawson decides to bail on the project because Joey has been at the bar and not helping him for way too long. She finally decides to use her words and tell Dawson that Pacey and Jen are out on the boat. To Dawson’s credit, he’s just upset Joey didn’t say something sooner. Jack shows up to pick Andie up, and she explains how Snooty Valentine was a raging butthole.
The yacht club’s resident boat expert shows up to say boat things. All the registered boats are accounted for and safe, but Joey knows that Pacey isn’t registered. Boat Expert is not having it, but she insists that Pacey is out there, and then a branch comes flying through the window.
True Love. The establishing shots make it look like the director threw a toy boat in a bathtub and splashed around. Awful effects are awful. (K: My notes just say “LOL WAVES”, so yeah.) Pacey and Jen are inside the boat, and Jen is really fucking scared now, though not nearly as scared as I am when like the TINIEST bit of turbulence happens on an airplane. Pacey doesn’t want to go to the port because they could crash into the dock. Instead, he wants to wait out the storm on a cove. He doesn’t know the name of it, but I think we all do – Contrivance Cove! Pacey insists someone will rescue them if the storm gets worse, but Jen is too smart for that shit. She knows they have no radio, and they aren’t registered, and no one will find them on Contrivance Cove. Pacey finally yells that Dawson will know where they are, and Dawson will rescue them.
K: This is a terrible plan, Pacey.
Diva: Joey tells Boat Expert (BE) that Pacey wouldn’t dock in this weather, but again, BE isn’t listening. Dawson looks at a map and immediately spots Contrivance Cove.
K: Can we talk about how everyone in this episode has terrible hair? I mean, I know being dripping wet doesn’t do anyone’s hair any favours (except maybe Tom Hiddleston), but I am personally offended by everything happening on everyone’s head in this episode. Except Pacey. Thank God for that crew cut.
Diva: I feel like they gave him the crew cut just so that we’d be able to take him seriously in this episode.
Boat Expert doesn’t think it would provide much shelter in weather this bad, but Joey says Pacey wouldn’t know that without use of his radio. BE doesn’t want to risk any of his people on Joey’s hunch. He leaves, and Dawson says they’re going to have to go on a rescue mission themselves. (K: Or you could, I don’t know, CALL THE FUCKING COAST GUARD) (D: but then how would Contrivance Cove bring everyone together?) Drue finally does something useful, and hands them the keys to Grumpy Old Man’s boat.
True Love. Jen and Pacey do boat things that I don’t understand, but the message is, shit is getting bad.
Dawson heads to the dock, and tries to go on a solo rescue mission, but Joey is not having that shit. She insists on coming too, because she can’t handle worrying about both Dawson AND Pacey.
Yacht Club. The power is out, and Snooty Valentine is telling everyone to get down on the ground even though there’s broken glass everywhere. Drue mentions that Joey peaced out on Grumpy Old Man’s boat, and GOM is somewhat less than thrilled. Andie takes total control of the situation since none of the adults are adulting right now. She gives everyone tasks, and is at the top of her game, and it’s making me proud. She orders Snooty to call the Leerys and Grams and won’t hear any of Drue’s backtalk when he objects to sweeping.
K: I literally yelled “YAAAAAAAAAAAAS, ANDIE!!!!” at my TV.
Diva: True Love. Even Pacey is having trouble keeping calm now. Jen says they should say their confessions, or what they regret, because death is imminent and all that. Pacey says he has no regrets, but Jen has one – that she’s never been in love, and now she’s going to drown.
Pacey tells her that she won’t drown. And he actually does have one regret – his lack of a relationship with Dawson. (LOL. Not having a relationship with Dawson is the biggest blessing in the world.) He doesn’t think he can say anything to make it better, but Jen says sometimes just saying the words can help him feel better, even if they don’t fix everything.
K: I was distracted through this entire scene, because I call bullshit on this boat not having SOME kind of hatch cover. Like, it has a full cabin. Surely there’s SOME way of keeping the rain out?!
Diva: I will defer entirely to your knowledge of boats. I’m a boat Snow and therefore useless to this conversation.
Yacht Club. Andie is basically like:
She tries to talk to Dawson and Joey on the radio, but it stops working. On Grumpy Old Man’s boat, Dawson assures Joey that they’re almost at Contrivance Cove. Finally they spot True Love and knock right into it. Jen jumps from True Love to GOM’s boat, but when Dawson says it’s Pacey’s turn, Pacey refuses. He does the whole “a captain goes down with his ship” thing and refuses to leave his boat. Dawson finally jumps on board and basically screams some sense into Pacey. Pacey’s staying stubborn, but then Joey yells his name, and the world goes into slow-motion, and Dawson and Pacey jump onto GOM’s boat together, just as a giant wave basically destroys True Love. (K: Sniff, tear, sob)
Our gang finally docks, and the Leerys + Grams are waiting for them. Grams gives Dawson a big hug for rescuing Jen, while Grumpy Old Man just wants Dawson to pay for the damage to his boat. Grams steps up to tell GOM that he’s a dickface, and Dawson risked his life to save Jen. If GOM can’t see how brave that is, then maybe that’s why he lives alone and no one likes him. She also threatens to kick his ass if he takes a dime from Dawson. Because Grams is amazing.
K: Seriously, Grams wins an award for best character development in this show. Remember when she was a racist old bitch who judged people for not going to church?
Diva: New-and-improved-and-not-racist-Grams is my favorite Grams.
Snooty Valentine thanks Andie for doing such a good job. Jack is like, uh, yeah, she did YOUR job. Andie just smiles and says that they should go home. Snooty tells her that the university will be very interested to know her opinions on Andie, and Jack is all, yeah, and they might also be interested to know what a bitch YOU are. (This is not me hyperbolizing – he actually calls Snooty a bitch, and it’s seriously great.) Snooty is all, “you wouldn’t DARE,” but Andie is like, actually, I would. Because if anyone at the university knows you even a little bit, your opinion of me shouldn’t count for much, because you’re:
Joey screams at Pacey for being all Titanic about his fucking boat. He says that all his best memories are on that boat. Joey won’t let this go, because he scared the shit out of her with that garbage.
He apologizes for putting her through that, and she begs him to remember that when it comes to life or death shit, he better be thinking for two. He smiles and agrees, and they hold each other. Joey realizes that Pacey knew Dawson was going to come rescue him, and she encourages him to make peace with Dawson.
Mitch tells Dawson that it’s unfair that Dawson didn’t get the girl. Because as we all know, women are vending machines that you put Nice Guy coins into and then sexual favors come out! Fuck off, Mitch.
Anyway, Mitch says he did something more important – he did a brave and awesome thing, and that’s what matters.
K: STFU, Mitch. Those of you who can see the future, feel free to join me on a certain countdown.
Diva: Jen and Grams walk back to the car, and Grams completely breaks down about how terrified she was. She completely lost her faith and thought she’d never see Jen again, but Jen says Grams must have lent her some of her faith, because Jen never lost hope.
Grams cries, and so do I. Then she tries to get Jen to go to church with her, and Jen is all:
Jen heads back into the Yacht Club to get Grams’s car keys. She runs into Drue, and we discover that he already knows her as the bad seed from their NYC days. Jen is not pleased to see Drue, because he’s a tremendodouche. (K: YUP)
The next morning, truly awful music plays as Dawson clears up his yard from the storm. Pacey approaches to thank him for what he did. He knows that things are a mess, and that he can’t fix it with a conversation. But he apologizes for how everything went down, and gets a little teary when he says he misses their friendship. He hopes they can be friends again one day.
Pacey leaves, Dawson makes awkward faces, and the credits roll.
K: Pacey needs a hug. This episode needs to not exist. That is all.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Everyone finally starts stressing about college and the future in S04 E04 – Future Tense.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.