Previously: Hardin laughed at Tessa for wanting to get dressed in her own room.
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Marines: Tessa is super glad when Hardin leaves, and not because he was being a creep, but because she wants to get more information about the party from Steph. She tells Tessa that it’s a frat party off campus and Nate is coming to pick them up.
Tessa, of course, takes a moment to tell us how grateful she is that Hardin isn’t going to pick them up because that guy is obviously defective. Why? Because he ignored her when she wanted to get naked in her own room privately? Because he laughs at her constantly? Because he’s a jerk just because? (S: Because he was impatient with how quickly she was dressing in her own damn room?)
“Why is he so rude? If anything, he should be grateful that I’m not judging him for the way he has destroyed his body with holes and tattoos.”
Tessa says that maybe, yeah, she’s judging him but at least she’s doing so politely. Again, she’s missing the point that she should be judging him, HARD, but definitely not because of piercings and tattoos. We have bigger issues here, girlfriend.
Samantha: And she talks about how in her town she had to have her hair combed and her eyebrows plucked. I’d say I was getting a Stepford vibe but it’s too boring for that.
Mari: Tessa keeps the judgement train rolling and has more clutching-my-pearls commentary to make about Steph’s wardrobe and the fishnet dress she decides to wear to the party. Steph asks if Tessa is serious about her own choice, which is a maroon collared dress with three-quarter length sleeves that goes below the knee.
Is this like when Drew Barrymore went to high school?
Also, maroon is too close to plum to make me feel good about it anyway.
Samantha: She also devotes some time to telling us that she probably seems just as weird to Steph. I guess that’s some self awareness….?
Mari: Minus a probably, add a definitely.
Steph tries to tell Tessa that her dress is too formal for a frat party, but Tessa politely disagrees while plugging in her curling iron.
And under 300 words into this recap THE CHAPTER IS OVER.
What the hell are these chapters? Why wouldn’t we just go to the damn party? Why is the final image Todd wants to leave us with Tessa plugging in her curling iron?
Samantha: I wonder if these were her original chapter breaks, from when it was fanfic, or if the fricken publisher made this strange and bad choice.
Mari: I’d answer all these questions myself, but I’ve got to go plug in my self-cleaning iron or something.
Next time on After: We drive to the party in Chapter 06.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.