Previously: Lorelai wanted Luke to paint and Dean wanted Rory to make a sandwich or something.
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Annie: In the not-so-cold open, Rory is making a bed for her father on the couch. She is clearly very excited about the return of her dad, and Lorelai is trying hard to manage Rory’s expectations.
Samantha: I’m already groaning, I hate Christopher so much.
Annie: Yep. He is the fucking worst.
Lorelai reminds Rory that Christopher will come and go as he pleases, and while Rory says she knows that, the fact that this is his first time in Stars Hollow gives her hope that something might be different this time. Lorelai tells Rory to just enjoy the time she’s got with her father, and Rory agrees, but insists that things are different this time.
Christopher comes down stairs, complaining about the water pressure in Lorelai’s shower and vowing to fix it the next day. Rory tells Christopher that they’ve ordered Chinese food and then asks him about how his girlfriend is doing.
Chris marvels at how Rory is a ‘chip off the old perfect block’, but Lorelai has no time for his crap. She wants to know what he’s doing in Stars Hollow.
Christopher tries to dodge Lor’s questions, but she is persistent and he eventually gives up the act and tells her that he’s been working on getting his shit together. Lorelai is skeptical at best because she remembers irresponsible bad boy Christopher of their childhoods. Chris can’t believe that Richard Gilmore has more faith in him that Lor does, but dude, come on. I think your high school girlfriend/baby momma is going to know the real you way better than her father would know you. (S: Lol. And has been living with your frequent lack of responsibility for 16 years. Fuck off.)
Lorelai still isn’t buying Christopher’s story. He explains that there is more that he wants to do. That he wants to be more involved in Rory’s life. Chris points out that he knows Lorelai is all Rory has ever needed, but he’d like to be a buddy for his kid and he’d like Lor to give him a chance.
Lorelai has always ‘kept the door open’ so Chris could build a relationship with Rory, but he’s never really been interested. He tells Lor he’s interested now and asks if that’s okay. She tells him it is.
Rory interrupts their conversation to invite Christopher to a softball game the next day. Chris asks if Rory’s playing and the Gilmore girls laugh and laugh because they do not sport. Rory explains it’s her friend Dean’s game. Chris nearly raises his eyebrows, but maintains cool dad status and doesn’t ask about Dean until Rory’s gone back to her homework.
Chris asks it is that Rory has a Dean and Lor gives, in my opinion, the best explanation for Dean, ever:
Lauren Graham does the absolute best acting with just her face, I swear.
Samantha: She does, she does, she has a good face, for acting and otherwise.
Annie: WHERE YOU LEAD
The next morning, Rory and Chris arrive at the softball game. Rory points out Dean and Luke, the diner guy. They take their seats in front of Kirk on the bleachers. Dean has just stepped up to bat, with Luke on the mound. Dean and Luke trade some trash talk and Kirk joins in from the bleachers telling them they both suck.
Rory explains the game lasts until one of the teams gets tired, so they decide the next team to get a run wins. Clearly Amy Sherman Palladino has no idea how softball works. (S: She is also a Gilmore Girl, after all.)
Kirk continues to heckle until he makes a homophobic joke and Luke chases after him. This gives Dean the opportunity to come over and be introduced to Christopher. Dean and Chris bond a bit over motorcycle talk before Dean has to return to the ball game.
Independence Inn. Lorelai enters the kitchen to find a very odd scene: Sookie and Michel are getting along, laughing with each other. Lor is confused and comments on how unusual it is to come across the two of them enjoying each other’s company. Sookie and Michel disagree with Lorelai, telling her they get along sometimes. Sookie and Michel begin to argue over whose fault it is that they don’t always get along, so now everything’s back to normal.
Sookie wants to know what it’s like having Christopher around all the time and Lorelai admits that things are weird and she isn’t quite sure what she feels. Chris has been pretty absent, they see him once a year, talk to him on the phone once a week at best. But Lorelai and Christopher have such a complicated history, that Lor can’t help but see him as her Christopher, the bad boy high school boyfriend, keeper of all her secrets.
Samantha: I do appreciate the complicated and semi-nuanced history that these two have. But I can appreciate it and still hate Chris.
Annie: Sookie asks Lorelai if there is anything between her and Chris, and Lor gives an unconvincing no. Lorelai explains that Chris wants to be there more for Rory and Sookie agrees it’s about time. Lorelai isn’t convinced that Chris means it this time and Sookie asks Lor what it will mean if it doesn’t. Lorelai says that’s just Christopher.
Cut to the streets of Stars Hollow. Rory is giving her dad a tour of the town, and he gets the chance to meet some of the colourful townspeople. Like Miss Patty. Who makes it totally weird and a little bit creepy when she tells Chris that the whole town, Patty included, have been pseudo parents to Rory, so that would make Chris and Patty…. a couple. Rory saves her dad from Miss Patty’s clutches. As they walk away, Patty gets on her cellphone to spread the gossip that the new man suddenly crashing at the Gilmores’ is, in fact, the infamous Christopher, Rory’s dad.
As they continue the tour, Taylor Doose comes out to introduce himself, and Chris points out that news travels fast in that town. Rory and Chris pop into Stars Hollow books and are greeted by townsfolk Jackson and Andrew. Jackson tells Christopher that people have definitely gotten his description wrong, that Christopher looks more like George Clooney than Brad Pitt. Andrew disagrees, he thinks Chris looks more like a Billy Cruddup. Jackson grabs Chris to check out his profile, and agrees that he might look a bit like Billy Cruddup.
Samantha: Yes and so vaguely invasive but also endearing??? Or maybe I’m just weird by association to this show???
Annie: As Chris and Rory start to browse the bookshop, he tells her that he needs to kidnap her and get her away from all these weird people. Excellent parenting skills, Christopher! Protect your kid from all these weirdos.
Chris tells Rory he’d like to buy her a book. Rory tells him that he doesn’t have to do that, but he insists, asking her what her dream book is. Rory tells him that she’s currently in love with the Compact Oxford English Dictionary, but it’s super expensive. Chris wants her to have something to remember the visit by, so he asks Andrew for a copy of the tome. Andrew brings out the huge ass box and Chris takes it to the check out, where he hands over his credit card. Rory is thanking him and going on about how exciting the Compact Oxford English Dictionary is, when Andrew half-whispers to Chris that his card has been rejected. He asks if Chris wants him to try again, and Chris asks if he could put the book on hold instead and he’ll come back and buy it the next day.
Samantha: What’s that sound? Oh, it’s the sound of Lorelai being right.
Annie: Rory and Chris leave the bookstore. Rory is trying to make things okay for Chris by telling him that she didn’t really want the book anyway. Chris asks Rory not to tell Lorelai about the awkwardness in the bookstore and Rory agrees to keep it quiet.
Samantha: DON’T ASK YOUR KID YOU’RE BARELY THERE FOR TO LIE TO HER MOM. ARGH.
Annie: Yuuuuup. Sandy Cohen would be so disappointed in his parenting skills.
Luke’s Diner. Luke is pouring coffee for Lorelai and fishing for information. He tells Lor that he saw Rory at the softball game with some guy, and Lor is all ‘yeah, Dean.’ Luke reminds Lorelai that he knows that punk Dean, that this was an older guy.
I gotta say, I really appreciate Luke’s distain for Dean. Me, too, Luke. Me, too.
Lorelai tells Luke the older guy with Rory would be her dad. Luke gets a little awkward talking about Christopher and Lorelai piles on, saying that yes, that is the guy that impregnated her with Rory. Luke tells Lorelai that Chris did a good job because he’s not that great at having normal human interactions.
Lorelai is all ‘He did a good job impregnating me with Rory?’ and Luke acknowledges that he made it weird and exits stage left. (S: Yikes. That was rough.)
Rory and Chris enter the diner and join Lorelai. Chris’s cellphone rings and it’s Emily looking to talk to Lorelai. Christopher’s parents are also in town, so Emily sees this as an opportunity to have a family reunion of sorts. She wants to invite Chris and his parents to Friday night dinner. Lorelai is fairly chill with her mother for a change and agrees to dinner with not too much complaining. Emily gushes about how they’ll be together like one big happy family and that she never thought that would be a thing. Lorelai is all ‘yeah’, and glances over and Rory and Chris who are laughing and going over Luke’s menu together. Lorelai is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can see it all over her face.
After the notabreak! Chris, Lorelai and Rory are standing in front of the Senior Gilmores’ front door of intimidation. Lorelai and Chris are sighing about how they have to see their parents and Rory calls them the drama King and Queen of Connecticut.
Lorelai lets them into her parents house, and Emily is confused that she didn’t hear the bell ring. Emily is thrilled to see Christopher and chastises Lorelai for letting herself into their house. Emily invites them in and Richard greets Christopher and passes out martinis. Lorelai finishes hers in 0.2 seconds and goes to help herself to another as Emily and Richard gush over how much Rory looks like Chris and how she shares his musical talent. Lorelai calls bullshit, that neither Chris nor Rory have any musical talent. Emily and Richard take a weird walk down memory lane, reminiscing about Lor and Chris’s shared childhood experiences. The doorbell rings and Emily goes to greet them. (S: I am so much “poor Lorelai” this scene.)
Rory has a mini meltdown over how these are her other set of grandparents and she doesn’t know them. That she doesn’t even know what to call them. Christopher tells Rory she can call them ass-(holes), but Lor interupts him before he can say the whole word, because prime time tv.
Straub and Francine are walked into the living room by Richard and Emily. The Haydens greet their son and reluctantly greet Lorelai. Lorelai reintroduces them to Rory, who they haven’t seen since Rory was a baby. Flustered by the weird tension and not really sure what to do with herself, Rory curtseys to her grandparents. (S: Now I’m completely “poor Rory.”)
Lorelai makes it more awkward by asking Rory if she just curtseyed. Rory tells her to shut up. Richard takes charge of the awkward train wreck and offers to pour martinis. When in doubt, booze.
Richard starts with some small talk then moves right on to talking about how happy he is to hear about Chris getting his shit together and making it in the world of business. Stroub is all about damn time, while Francine tells Christopher to quit playing with his tie.
Rory speaks up, but fumbles over what to call Stroub and Francine, and just adds to the awkward. Straub asks Rory how old she is and when he learns that she is 16, Straub says it’s a dangerous age for a girl.
Samantha: OMFG I think we found parents more shitty than the Gilmores.
Annie: Lorelai looks like she wants to punch someone. Richard and Emily gush over how special and smart and wonderful Rory is and that she could probably talk circles around Straub. They pause and look at Rory expectantly, but she feels too uncomfortable and put on the spot to do anything.
Lorelai decides to change the subject and stir up trouble by announcing that she hates the President. This sets Straub off, because how dare Lorelai talk about the leader of the country like that!
Lorelai goes on with the distraction noodle, saying that Bush is stupid, and his face is too small for his head. While the Haydens get riled up about Lorelai’s anti-Bush statements, Straub tells Richard that he sees Lorelai is just as out of control as she’s ever been and challenges Lorelai on what exactly it is she’s done with her life, while Chris asks his father to keep things civil.
Lorelai tells Straub that she runs an inn and he wants to know if her life is everything she’s hoped it to be. Lorelai tells him that it is, but he says that she may not want to be too proud of working at a hotel.
Pause for a second. Can I say how much I fucking hate this guy?
I fucking HATE this guy.
Samantha: HE’S SO HORRID HOLY SHIT.
Annie: Lorelai tells Straub there is nothing wrong with where she works. Francine complains she’s getting a headache and Emily is trying to get her dinner party back on track by asking Richard to come to the rescue and escort their guests into the dining room.
Straub isn’t finished his attack on Lorelai and goes after her for not going to university and having only blue-collar aspirations, while also completely ruining Christopher’s life at the same time. Lorelai sends Rory to the other room while Straub continues his tirade. Richard speaks up, saying that Lorelai and Christopher both made a mistake many years ago.
Straub is mad that Richard calls it a mutual mistake and says it’s ridiculous that they’re pretending to be one big happy family, and he doesn’t care how smart they say Rory is, but Lorelai ‘seduced’ Christopher into ruining his life by having ‘that baby’ and ending Chris’s future.
FUCK THIS GUY.
Samantha: FOREVER AND EVER.
Annie: Richard has had enough. He grabs Straub, spilling his martini all over, and demands that Straub apologize to Lorelai. He grabs Straub by the lapels, shouting at Straub for attacking Lorelai. Chris pulls the two men apart and Straub is all ‘Let’s go, Francine, get your stuff.’
Annie: Richard follows Straub as he heads towards the foyer, shouting at him that Lorelai is very successful. Strobe tells Richard that they’re leaving, and he shouts back ‘You’re not leaving, I’m kicking you out!’
They leave Chris and Lorelai standing in the living room. Lorelai tells Chris that she feels like she’s 16 again.
After the notabreak! Lorelai knocks on her father’s office door and asks if she can get him something to eat. Richard tells her that he isn’t hungry. Lorelai thanks him for standing up to Straub for her, even though she knew that must have been hard for him.
As Lor goes to leave, Richard asks her why she thinks he did it. Lorelai isn’t sure. She thinks maybe he did it out of protectiveness. Richard tells Lorelai that she doesn’t need protection and that she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t need anyone. Richard tells Lorelai he couldn’t stand to see someone attack the Gilmore name. Lorelai tries to back down and say it doesn’t really matter why he did it, but Richard disagrees. He tells her that the last 16 years haven’t just been washed away because he defended her.
Richard shouts about how difficult it was for him to tell his friends that his super smart daughter was having to leave school because she was pregnant at 16 and that Emily was so distraught when Lorelai and Rory left that she spent a month in bed. Richard tells Lorelai that they did nothing to deserve her packing up and running away from them.
Lorelai says her parents should’ve traded her in for Chris, as he seems to be their favourite person. Richard tells Lorelai that he doesn’t love the guy who knocked up his daughter at 16, and that he actually would’ve rather killed Christopher, but there were (patriarcial and sexist) procedures that need to be followed and Christopher was totally on board with those plans.
Lorelai points out that she didn’t want that and it didn’t seem to matter to anyone what she wanted. Richard tells her that sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Like marrying the high school boyfriend that knocked you up when you were 16.
Lorelai tells Richard that she feels very sad for him. Richard tells her he’s kinda down with the feels for the night. Lorelai asks him what’s next, do they just walk away leaving things unresolved between the two of them. Richard tells Lorelai that he’s tired, and she walks away.
Ooof.
Samantha: Oh come on, Richard. For fucks sake. I know that there’s a lot going on here and objectively it’s all nicely played out and examined. But, emotionally, I was devastated when this scene happened and Richard kind of back slides (to my young brain.) It still hurts.
Annie: Absolutely. I feel like they’ve made some (very small) strides in their relationship. This just erases all of that and it sucks so hard. Lorelai is trying, give her a break.
Gilmore kitchen.
Emily finds Rory sitting at the island. She asks Rory if she can get her anything and Rory says she’s fine. Emily grabs some containers of food from the fridge and starts putting a plate together. She tells Rory that nothing that happened meant anything and that Straub Hayden is a good man.
Emily starts off by trying to list his accomplishments and charity work. Rory just looks at her. Emily sighs and admits that Straub is an ass.
Samantha: And on the slip side of disappointing Richard, there is this truly beautiful Emily moment.
Annie: Gilmore balcony. Lorelai is hiding from her parents when Chris comes to find her. He joins her on the balcony and they banter sarcastically about how much fun they had that tonight’s dinner should be commemorated with a painting or a severed head.
Chris pulls a bottle of Jose Cuervo out of his pocket, takes a sip and passes the bottle to Lorelai. Chris points out that they’re now standing in the spot where Rory was conceived.
Lorelai toasts to Rory and takes another drink. Chris tells Lorelai even if she hadn’t gotten pregnant, he would have never made it through Princeton like his father wanted him to. Lorelai tells him that she doesn’t believe him, and Chris tells her that’s why she’s the person she is and he’s not.
Cut to a closed Luke’s Diner. There is a comical number of paint cans stacked in the window, a paint roller, a tarp and all the chairs are up on the tables. Luke is waiting outside the diner, looking around, like he’s waiting for someone. He goes back inside the diner and slams the door. (S: Feels. Minor compared to all the other feels, but still there.)
Back at Emily and Richard’s, Lorelai and Chris are making out on the balcony, undressing each other.
After the notabreak! Lorelai and Chris are sitting on the floor of the balcony, buttoning up shirts and putting sweaters back on. Lorelai is talking a mile a minute about how she wasn’t expecting that they would have sex tonight. Chris agrees it was unexpected, but that it was great. Lorelai tells him that they should go, and as they climb back into her childhood bedroom from the balcony window, Lorelai quips that her parents really need to seal the windows.
Gilmore jeep. Chris is driving, Lore is in the passenger seat and Rory is in the back questioning her parents about where they disappeared to. They tell her they went to nowhere and Rory is all ‘Ahhh.’
Back at the Gilmore girls’ house, Lorelai and Chris say an awkward goodnight to each other in front of Rory. Rory asks why her mother has dirt on her face and Lorelai drags Rory into the kitchen to talk about what went on at Friday night dinner. She asks Rory if she’s okay and if she understands that no one is mad or upset about Rory, they’re mad at Lorelai. Rory believes her Hayden grandparents don’t even want to know her and Lorelai tells her that it’s not at all true, it’s just that their anger and pride gets in the way and it is a huge loss to them for not knowing Rory.
Rory tells her mom that she’s going to bed. Lorelai tells Rory they have no regrets about her. That Chris may have a mispelled tattoo he regrets, but never any regrets about Rory. Rory wants to know about her dad’s mystery tattoo, but Lor tells her that’s a story for another day and they say goodnight.
Early the next morning, Lorelai is laying awake in bed. She gasps and jumps out of bed.
Luke’s Diner. Luke is walking towards the entrance and finds Lorelai sitting on the diner’s stoop. She jumps up when she sees him coming and starts apologizing that they had a date and she stood him up. Luke tells her it wasn’t a date, it was a thing, and that she should forget it. Lorelai says they can reschedule, that she can do it (paint his diner) right now, even. Luke reminds her that he didn’t even want to do it in the first place. He asks Lorelai if it was an emergency. Lorelai starts to make up a lie, and then tells him that she just forgot. Luke asks her if something, or someone, came up. She tells him that yes, something came up. Lorelai apologizes and Luke is all ‘okay, well, I’m late.’ lol, you own the place dude.
Back at the Gilmore girls’ house, Chris is making coffee. He asks Lorelai where she was. She told him that she was trying to fix a mistake. Chris asks if she’d like some coffee and Lorelai says no.
Chris is all ‘uh oh’ because Lorelai never turns down coffee. Coffee is her thing. Her bit.
They talk about how horribly dinner went the night before. They’re shouting really loudly considering they’re feet from their sleeping daughter’s bedroom. (S: Thinking is not these two’s strong suit.)
Then Chris brings up the whole sex part of the night and Lorelai is walking backwards around the kitchen saying how dumb and stupid that was, and then she talks about how in all the mess she stood up a friend and she hurt him, and that hurt her and everything is stupid forever.
Chris takes this opportunity to tell Lorelai that he wants to marry her. Before Lorelai can say no, Chris starts making his case. He tells Lorelai that she should seriously think about it. Lorelai thinks he’s lost his mind, but Chris argues that they’re already a family.
Samantha: WTF NO. YOU’RE NOT YOU CAN’T JUST SHOW UP AND SAY FAMILY.
Annie: Lorelai points out that he doesn’t know what a family is. Chris says it’s just people living together.
It’s not. But good try, Chris!
Lorelai argues that it’s commitent and responsibility and that you have to come home to the same place every night. Chris says he can be a family man, that he’s responsible now. Lorelai counters that Christopher can’t even buy a book. Chris is disappointed that Rory would rat him out and Lorelai tells him that Andrew at the book store, Jackson and then half the town called to tell Lorelai about it. She’s also pissed that Chris would tell Rory to lie to her.
Not exactly proving your point that you’re responsible now, Chris.
Chris tells Lorelai that Rory is his daughter, too. Lorelai is mad and tells Chris that Rory is more of his playmate. Chris argues that he’s just as mature as Lorelai is. Lorelai disagrees and uses Christopher’s choice in music as proof. They fight over who’s favourite band is better: The Offspring or Metallica.
They rehash the whole Chris wanted to get married when Lor got pregnant fight, and Lorelai tells Chris they were too young and it wouldn’t have worked out. Chris counters that they’re not too young now. And instead of using her words to tell him what she wants, Lorelai says she definitely needs some coffee now.
Chris asks Lorelai what having sex meant to her and Lorelai blames it on the alcohol. She tells Christopher that they don’t know each other as adults and Chris suggests that they get married and then get to know each other as adults.
Lorelai says it’s very Fiddler on the Roof of him. He tells her to ask him anything, so they can get to know each other now.
Lorelai asks him how his business is really doing. He smiles and looks kind of embarrased. Lorelai told him she knew that things weren’t going well. Chris tells her that he would have told her things weren’t going well if they didn’t pick up soon. Lorelai is upset that Chris just let their parents go on and on about all of his business successes, but Chris says he didn’t want to make the dinner any worse. (S: He’s exhaustingly disappointing.)
Chris says he’s a loser and Lorelai corrects him that he’s a liar, not a loser. Chris points out that they’re fighting like an old married couple, so they should totes get married.
Lorelai still isn’t interested.
Chris tells Lorelai that he’s been looking for his soulmate, but that he believes it’s Lorelai. That it’s always been Lorelai. That Rory might be his only kid.
Chris tells Lorelai that he’s reminded of how much he misses Rory when he spends time with her, so he would rather stay away. Lorelai tells him not to, that Rory needs her dad.
Outside, Chris is packing up his motorcycle. Rory tells him to call when he gets home and to call more. He tells her that he will and he hugs and kisses her goodbye. Chris whispers something in Rory’s ear.
Rory asks Lorelai if she’ll reconsider. Lorelai motions Rory over to her and whispers something in Rory’s ear. Rory repeats what Lor said to her, that nope, Offspring sucks and Metallica rules.
Christopher kisses and hugs Lorelai goodbye and she tells him to drive safe. He hops on his motorcycle and rides off.
Rory asks Lorelai if Chris wanted to marry her. Lorelai rolls her eyes and calls Rory a spy. MAYBE DON’T HAVE A SHOUTY CONVERSATION ABOUT IT FEET FROM YOUR KID’S BEDROOM IF YOU DON’T WANT HER TO HEAR.
Rory asks Lorelai if that would be so bad, and Lorelai tries to explain that Chris just isn’t ready for this. Rory tells Lorelai that Chris can change, and he loves Lorelai.
Lorelai tells Rory that she doesn’t want her getting worked up about it. Rory tells Lorelai that Chris loves her, and then asks if Lorelai loves Chris.
Lorelai tells Rory that she will probably always love Christopher, but that he’s not ready to commit to them full time and that it just isn’t right. Lorelai tells Rory that she just needs to trust her on this one.
Lorelai wants to know what Rory’s thinking and Rory repeats that she thinks things were a little different this time. Lorelai tells Rory they can keep some of the blankets from Chris’s make-shift bed out.
The next morning, Luke arrives at the diner to find Lorelai there. She’s conned Luke’s bread man into letting her in to the diner and has painted it for him to make up for standing him up for their paint date the other night.
Lorelai is following Luke around the diner as he checks out the new looks of the place, asking him what he thinks. He tells her she shouldn’t break and enter, but he does like it. He thanks her.
They start taking the chairs down off the tables and Luke asks Lorelai where the guy is. She tells Luke that he’s gone. Luke says it’s too bad, but she tells him they’ll be fine.
Lorelai asks Luke if she could make one more suggestion and he says no. She ignores him and tells him he needs curtains, manly ones. Luke says there is no such thing as manly curtains. The two of them continue to banter as they get the diner back in order.
Samantha: Stupid Christopher.
Annie: STUPID CHRISTOPHER.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.