Previously: Pain and misery.
—
Dani: The opening credits beg us to look away, claiming this show will wreck our evening, our whole life, and our day. Are we deterred? No, we are not.
Marines: In fact, we are here, back for more.
Dani: We clearly like to torture ourselves. We should probably get some professional help.
The episode begins with a quick dedication to Beatrice.
Dani: I bet it is, which means you’re good at TV and books. Impressive!
Lemony’s head pops up out of a hatch in the bottom of a secret passageway. Oh, Lemony, how we (and I, especially) have missed you. Lemony introduces himself and reminds us we shouldn’t be here. Where is here? “About one third of the way through a dreadful and upsetting story.” Guess that means they got the green light for a third season?
Annie: Yes, please? Also, I love the way they break the fourth way in this series. It is top shelf.
Mari: More gives me hope for a happy ending, she says despite being warned a million times that this will not have a happy ending.
Dani: I admire your optimism and hope you’re right.
We cut to Mr. Poe in the bank, and I’d love to tell you we won’t have to listen to him coughing up a lung again this season, but alas. He coughs and hacks just like last season, and it’s gross.
Annie: Do Halls lozenges not exist in this world?
Samantha: He’d probably just choke on them or they’d be poison in this story.
Dani: True.
Poe’s on the phone with Mr. Tamerlane, his boss, whose inquiry about the Baudelaire orphans gives Poe an opportunity to info-dump some of last season’s highlights: the Baudelaire parents died in a terrible fire, all of their children’s potential guardians have met tragic ends, and an actor named Count Olaf is obsessed with getting his hands on their fortune. (Poe remains blissfully unaware of the malice behind any of these things, but those of us who suffered through last season know the truth.) Poe tells Mr. Tamerlane that the children are now enrolled at a boarding school, and lo and behold they’re the second set of wealthy orphans he’s enrolled there! What a co-inky-dink!
Poe assures Tamerlane that the children will be super-duper happy at Prufrock Preparatory Academy, at which point we see Jacqueline (Poe’s secretary, who’s also a member of the secret society to which the Baudelaires belonged) go SKREEEEET. Yay, Jacqueline’s back! It’s been awhile since I watched the last season, so I can’t remember what happened to her last … didn’t Olaf toss her off a cruise ship, or something? Whatever the case, I’m glad she’s back.
Samantha: Sup, girl? Appreciate you at least attempting to be a Good Adult.
Mari: I remember getting confirmation that she isn’t actually very good at being a spy, but she’s the best we have.
Dani: Jacqueline is NOT happy to hear about the children going to Prufrock. She angrily types the name of the school on some stationary and then hurries off, leaving Poe to assume she’s taking another of those “unplanned sabbaticals” that she swears he’s authorized.
The Baudelaires recount the many torments they’ve faced recently, and as soon as Klaus points out that the new school hasn’t tormented them yet they’re interrupted by a Shirley Temple wannabee, complete with tap shoes, red ringlets, and a pink floofy dress. (A: And I already hate her. GOOD JOB, casting director.)
Shirley calls the Bauderlaires “cake sniffers” which is supposed to be an insult but I dunno… cakes are magical, and sniffing their deliciousness seems okay to me. It’s a ineffective insult.
Shirley quickly proves she is the absolute worst by calling our favorite orphans stupid because they don’t automatically know her name. Her name is Carmelita Spatz, but I’m gonna keep calling her Shirley because it’s easier to type. Shirley says Vice Principal Nero (the guy playing the violin) is a genius who likes her best and lets her do whatever she wants (like not wear a uniform) because she’s so adorable. So basically, he’s another horrible adult who’s easily deluded by the superficial.
While Shirley takes the Baudelaires on a tour, Lemony voiceovers that a school should be a safe place, and excuse me while I go weep in the corner forever. (S: Fuck.) (M: It hurts so much.) All the kids stare at the Baudelaires, and although Klaus says it’s because they’re new, Shirley says no, it’s because their house was destroyed in a fire. Nice. Shirley takes the Baudelaires to the athletic field, where a class is doing jumping jacks. Shirley explains that the Coach is at an away game, so she gets to make everyone do jumping jacks whenever she wants.
Lemony tells us about the school motto, which is emblazoned everywhere. It’s Memento Mori, which Klaus reluctantly and unhappily translates for Violet: Remember, you will die.
Elsewhere, a guy in full scuba gear enters the secret passageway from the beginning. Oh, hey, it’s Larry, from the clown restaurant in Season 1. He wasn’t 100% awful, if I recall, so welcome back, Larry! Jacqueline appears, compliments Larry’s wet suit, and then gives him an enormous book to take to the Baudelaires at Prufrock Prep. It’s The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations, and it’s been annotated to answer all of the Baudelaire’s questions. Handy! Unfortunately, Count Olaf is lurking around the corner, and hears everything. Methinks the secret passageway isn’t as secret as its name implies.
Cut to a school bus driving through the woods. Inside, the Prufrock Prep coach is giving a scary “motivational” speech about the team’s recent victory in sport. I love me some sport. The bus stops for Larry, who claims his catering truck broke down and he needs a ride to Prufrock. They let Larry on the bus and continue, but they’re stopped a short time later by a flat tire. The coach gets out to fix it and finds a hook embedded in the tire. Olaf and his troupe appear behind her, acting all menacing and stuff.
Later, the bus is back on the road with Olaf and his troupe aboard, talking about the way the coach and the driver cried when they threw everyone off the bus. Olaf says tears wouldn’t have been tolerated in his day, reminding us he’s a Prufrock alum (like Larry, and like Lemony in that picture from the Season 1 finale). While Olaf talks about this being a homecoming, Larry is huddled down between the last seats on the bus, hiding and looking terrified.
Back at the school, Shirley continues the tour. She walks by the library, saying she doesn’t know what that place is and she never goes in there. That explains a lot. Violet says the sign above it clearly says “Library,” and Shirley brats that only a cake-sniffer would notice something like that. Shirley stomps off just as a lady with a large stack of books emerges from the library. (It’s Sara Rue, from Popular and a bunch of other stuff.) She warmly welcomes the Baudelaires, which makes Shirley run back and tell them not to talk to the library lady because she smells funny. Library Lady addresses Shirley coolly, so in case the books and pro-Baudelaire friendliness didn’t give it away, Library Lady is a Good Guy™.
Samantha: Which means I’m immediately worried for her safety.
Dani: 100% reasonable. Also, iMDB says that Sara Rue is in 7 episodes this season, so I guess her character is important? (I really should have read these books.) I’ll stop calling her Library Lady and use her real name: Olivia Caliban.
Samantha: She’s totally different in the books. She doesn’t turn up until way later in the series and only then briefly. So you have missed nothing with this character!
Mari: I’m for it if it means we can get quotes about books and genuine smiles directed at our poor main characters.
Dani: Klaus says that a library is an island in a vast sea of ignorance, to which Olivia replies, “particularly if that library is tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.” They smile at each other, and I try not to get my hopes up too high at the prospect of a competent, compassionate adult entering the Baudelaires’ lives. We’ve been burned here before.
Shirley yells at the Baudelaires to keep moving, and Olivia resignedly tells them to come visit. Then she balances the books on her head and walks backwards through the doors and into the library.
Samantha: THANK YOU, EXCELLENT COMPLIMENT, I APPRECIATE IT. *continues working on balance skills*
Dani: They return to the office of Vice Principal Nero (who’s still playing the violin), where Shirley is delighted to inform the Baudelaires their appointment was ten minutes ago, so now they’re late. Then she has the audacity to demand a tip for being their tour guide. When Violet protests, Shirley bangs on Nero’s door and he rips it open, demanding to know who dares interrupt a genius when he’s rehearsing. I hate him already.
Shirley announces the Baudelaires and points out that their lateness. Nero fawns over Shirley before she dances away to his oohs and aahs. He tells the Baudelaires that Shirley is a delightful child, as sweet as a butterscotch buttercup. Barf. Then he adds that Shirley has two living parents, like the Baudelaires being orphaned is some sort of defect in them. Fuck this guy.
They go into his office, and he just stands there expectantly. Violet and Klaus exchange confused looks. Violet says “how do you do?” which is Nero’s cue to play a terribly out-of-tune song on his violin. Sunny covers her ears, which is wise. When he finishes, the Baudelaires don’t seem to know what to say. Nero tells them that when they have the privilege of hearing a gifted violinist play it’s customary to applaud and cheer and yell “Bravo!” Klaus and Violet halfheartedly play along. (A: These poor kids.)
Nero makes it clear that he thinks the Baudelaires are to blame for all the adversity they’ve faced, but they maintain it was Olaf. This leads Nero to unveil has “state of the art” Advanced Computer System that the AV club programmed to recognize the hallmarks of Count Olaf – one eyebrow, ankle tattoo, etc. Violet argues that won’t work because disguise, but Nero cuts her off because of course simple orphans are too stupid to understand genius and computers and stuff. He hands them a brochure for the gorgeous, luxury dormitories at Prufrock. Klaus and Violet obviously haven’t been watching the same show as the rest of us, because they smile eagerly at the pictures and happily exclaim how wonderful it looks. Nero says they can’t live there without a permission slip signed by a parent or guardian, and since their parents are dead and they have no guardians they’ll have to live in a dismal tin shack. They’ll stay there until they get a new set of orphans, at which point they’ll be upgraded to a broom closet. (A: Seriously. Fuck this guy.)
Violet asks why he can’t change the rules and let everyone stay in the very large dorms, and the answer is because he doesn’t want to. And speaking of rules: if they’re ever late to a class, their hands will be tied behind their backs, and they’ll have to eat their lunches like dogs. Lovely. (S: I mean. What the fuck.)
Nero tells Violet she’ll be studying with Mr. Remora and Klaus will be with Mrs. Bass. Violet asks where Sunny will be, but Sunny doesn’t get to attend class. Nero’s always wanted an administrative assistant, but there was never a budget for it before. Lucky Sunny.
Nero sends the Baudelaires to their shack and returns to his violin, but he’s quickly interrupted by the other set of orphans, who have also been waiting since last season. He asks them how they’d like to move into a broom closet, and suddenly Harry Potter’s cupboard beneath the stairs doesn’t look so bad.
Outside, the school bus with Olaf and his cronies arrives. They inventory the stuff the sport team left on the bus, and Olaf is pissed because it’s not enough to help him hatch a complex plot.
Back inside, Nero’s “rehearsal” is once again interrupted. This time it’s Olivia the Library Lady, begging Nero to let her keep the library open for more than ten minutes a day. He refuses. Olivia tries to shove her cartful of books into his office, but he eventually manages to push it and her out into the hallway. (S: Rude.)
A book falls off the cart, and Larry picks it up, startling Olivia. She laments that the book didn’t fall on Nero’s head, wishing she could fix stupidity at the vice principal level. Larry responds with a quote that’s both accurate and also a fun play on the principal/principle homophone:
“In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s literary and philosophical principles.”
Olivia says she’s often thought the exact thing. Larry says most librarians have. She asks how he knew she was a librarian, and Larry (the smooth talker) says there’s a certain gleam in her eye indicating a sharp, erudite acumen. And also she has a cart full of books. NGL, I ship it. (S: Yeah. Yeah.)
Larry asks where he can find three newly enrolled orphans, but Olivia wisely says she can’t share that info with someone who’s not faculty. Larry avers that he is faculty – he puts on a hairnet and says he works in the cafeteria. This checks out with Olivia, who makes a point of never eating in the school cafeteria. Legit.
Shirley skip-taps into the scene, and when Larry offers a friendly “hello, little girl.” Shirley asks who gave him permission to speak to her. Then she kicks him in the shin. Larry falls to the ground, inadvertently taking the book cart down with him. Naturally, the Very Important Book he was supposed to deliver to the Baudelaires falls out of his backpack and gets shelved with the other books on the book cart. Dammit, Larry.
Samantha: Even the well meaning adults are fairly incompetent.
Mari: No one is here to save our kids.
Dani: Meanwhile, the Baudelaires find their shack in the middle of a courtyard. It’s small, even for a shack. There’s a gloopy green fungus that drips from the ceiling, and the floor is infested with crabs.
Klaus says this is ridiculous – not just the shack, but a school that punishes children for being orphans and ties students’ hands behind their backs to eat. Violet says they need to remember the bigger picture. She pulls out the photo of their parents and past guardians in front of the Lucky Smells Lumber Yard and says they were all part of something, and maybe that something is the cause of all the horrible things that have happened to them. Klaus says they’ll never find out if they’re stuck here, but Violet points out they’re at a school. They should see what they can learn. She hangs up the photo, and a giant glob of fungus drips onto it, obscuring their parents’ faces.
The next day, Violet and Klaus meet their horrible teachers, who make a point of introducing them as the new orphans. In Klause’s class, the other girl orphan is the only one to offer a welcoming smile. Same thing in Violet’s class, with the other boy orphan – who I just recognized as the kid who played young Sam Winchester in a recent episode of Supernatural. He’s adorable.
The Baudelaires quickly learn that Prufrock isn’t going to advance their education. In Language Arts, the teacher drones on, reciting tedious stories from his life that the children must memorize for the test. In Math, Mrs. Bass tells Klaus it will be hard to measure how much he misses his dead parents, but they’re going to try. The entire class is spent measuring random objects, and the children will be quizzed on the measurements.
Meanwhile, Nero is having Sunny type out letters to Julliard questioning why they took out a restraining order against him. Sunny looks adorable in pearls and readers, which just makes me despise Nero even more when he shouts at her to type faster. Jerk.
Annie: Sunny looks to be the age of my niece, so I extra want to punch Nero in the throat.
Mari: She’s very good at her job!
Dani: Outside, Shirley is screaming at the kids doing jumping jacks while Olaf and his crew hide out beneath the bleachers. Olaf decides that the only way to fool the Advanced Computer System is to have someone on the inside. He’s immediately drawn to Shirley when he hears her screaming about cake sniffers and how ugly the kids are. Kindred spirits. Olaf and Shirley agree to meet after school.
Back inside, the Baudelaires go to the cafeteria where they meet and recognize Larry. He tells them he has something that will answer all their questions, but of course he can’t find the book when he reaches into his backpack (which is hilarious because the book was HUGE and undoubtedly heavy, so how did he fail to recognize its loss?). Larry freaks out and takes off to look for the book. The Baudelaires pass on the gross cafeteria food, but I sure hope somebody finds something to feed that baby. They see several students with their hands tied behind their backs, trying to eat their bread and drink their water using only their mouths. It’s cruel.
Shirley calls to the Baudelaires, saying there are open seats at her table. Then she says they’re only for non-cake-sniffers. Just when you think Shirley can’t get any worse, she starts chanting “Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack!” over and over again. Soon all the students in the cafeteria join in. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s also a pretty brilliant portrayal of how little the actual words matter when children decide to be cruel. The whole idea of “cake-sniffing” is dumb, but Shirley has used it so often and so cruelly that it’s quickly gone from being ridiculous and laughable to actually hurtful. Words have power, and even stupid taunts like cake-sniffer (or crooked, or a cheatin’, or lying) can be dangerous.
Samantha: The adage “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is just false. Especially as a child.
Mari: And especially so when it’s used by a mob. Most anything in the hands of many against few can be dangerous.
Dani: The Bauderlaires are saved from the ongoing chant of awfulness by the other set of orphans, who tell off Shirley and invite the Baudelaires to sit with them. They introduce themselves as Isadora and Duncan Quagmire. (S: AHHH HAI GUYS!) Klaus and Isadora immediately bond over a shared love of couplets and Ogden Nash, while Violet and Duncan smile adorably at each other. It’s quickly established that both sets of orphans lost their parents in a terrible fire, only Duncan and Isadora also lost their brother Quigley, as well. They were triplets. It’s horrible for obvious reasons but also because anyone with the glorious name of Quigley Quagmire deserves to live a long, amazing life.
The new friends talk about the crabs in the orphan shack. The Quagmires dealt with them by taping metal to their shoes to make noise. Duncan says it worked, but it was exhausting having to tap dance all the time. Plus no one likes tap dancing, a point that Shirley reinforces by stopping by to tap along to another rousing chorus of everyone’s least favorite song, “Cake-sniffing Orphans in the Orphan Shack.”
Violet thinks she can invent something less exhausting to scare away the crabs, but she’ll need materials. She asks everyone to empty their pockets. Klaus and Isadora each pull out their piece of the mysterious spyglass.
Out in the Orphan Shack (god, it hurts my heart just typing that), the kids discover they each found their piece of the spyglass in the ashes of their parents’ homes. Klaus believes it’s more than just a spyglass, as it has dials on it similar to ones he’s seen for cracking codes. They realize their parents must have known each other and wonder why they’d never met. They also wonder why their parents had devices for cracking codes. Duncan says their parents have been hiding a lot of secrets, but Violet wonders if maybe they were going to tell the kids but never got the chance.
While they talk, Sunny uses her super teeth to cut amazingly detailed shapes of marine life out of an old bucket, which Violet uses as a lampshade over the shack’s depressing bare lightbulb. Then she engineers a machine that slowly turns the lampshade, casting fish shapes around the shack that scare away the crabs and also cheer the place up. It’s lovely.
Samantha: I love these kids, I love these kids. I loved them as a fellow kid cause they inspired me and I wanted to be their friend, and I love them now.
Mari: This show is super dark, obviously, but it still has a way of giving us these small triumphs and little bright spots, mostly to encourage our love of these precious children.
Dani: It’s very well done.
Klaus wonders if maybe their parents were hiding all this stuff for a reason. He asks Isadora if she’s sure they’ve never heard of Count Olaf. She hasn’t, but she admits they’ve seen a lot of strange things since their parents died. Klaus mentions the book their Aunt Josephine had, and how it looked like it contained a lot of answers. But they lost it in the hurricane before they could read it. Duncan excitedly shows them a sketch he made of The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations and asks if that was the book. Isadora says their last guardian locked it in a safe after she lost her wife. So in addition to losing their parents, their home, and their sibling, the Quagmires appear to have had the same back luck as the Baudelaires on the guardian front. THESE KIDS, man. I don’t know how they stay so strong and resilient in the face of so much tragedy. It feels like I’ve been typing that a lot lately. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my weeping corner making protest signs …
Dani: Yes! And using it on another Neil Patrick Harris show just made me angry all over again for the way they ended How I Met Your Mother. Now I’m sad AND angry. Sangry?
Violet realizes that if they’ve both seen the same book there must be more copies of it. Klaus asks if the library is open, and Isadora says not for long.
Cut to the library, where Olivia is angrily pushing Shirley out the door. She thrusts a box at Shirley and tells her to give it a decent burial, to which Shirley gleefully responds, “But you told me you like To Kill a Mockingbird, so I did it for you.” Olivia tells Shirley this is her last chance – next time, she’ll call her mother and steal her shoes. Dammit, Olivia, I want to like you. So why not do those things THIS time? Surely murdering an animal warrants a little more than a mere warning? But I’m forgetting … this is ASOUE, and even the “good” adults continually let us down.
Annie: Just want to point out that harming and killing animals is a warning sign for psychopaths. Is it wrong that I want to punch this tiny human in the throat? I know she’s a kid and all, but she is the living worst.
Dani: I cannot disagree with you on that.
Shirley ignores Olivia and sniffs the air dramatically, then turns and says, “I smell people who lost their parents in fires!” to the Baudelaires and Quagmires. (A: Turns out it is totally okay that I want to punch this kid in the throat!) (D: ha!) Olivia sighs and gives the kids a sympathetic look, but again takes no action. Harumph.
Shirley skips off, and Olivia says she’s happy to see the Quagmires and the Baudelaires together. Isadora asks if the library is open, but it’s not because ten minutes goes by so quickly. She suggests they come back tomorrow, but Violet says this can’t wait. They tell her the title of the book, and she sneaks them inside. But they only have three minutes before Nero makes his rounds. If he catches them there after hours, he’ll make them trim his toenails. Eeeiiiewww. The Baudelaires are like, “he wouldn’t!” but the Quagmires say “he would” in a way that indicates they’re speaking from experience. (S: Oh NO.)
Olivia searches the card catalog (heh) for the book, but it’s not there. She offers them some alternate “Incomplete History of …” titles, but the kids kindly decline. Olivia has a friend who’s sending her some new titles, so she suggests the kids check back in a couple of days. Klaus asks if they can have a look around, but the three minutes is up and Nero catches everyone breaking the rules. Olivia tells him he’s just having a dream, but Nero says that only worked on him once. LOL. He tells everyone to report to the athletic field for a mandatory pep rally.
Nero says it’s an exciting day for him, so the three orphans and the two twins should be excited, too. Violet corrects Nero, saying the Quagmires are triplets, not twins. Nero says twins is what you call triplets when one of them has burned to a crisp and omg this guy needs to die like five minutes ago. Nero runs off to fetch his violin, and Olivia tells everyone that in a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s philosophical and literary principles. Klaus says they wholeheartedly agree, and Olivia whispers all decent people do.
Back at the Orphan Shack, the Baudelaires and Quagmires agree to make a plan to find the book after the pep rally. The Quagmires say they’ll sneak in some fruit for the Baudelaires, who thank them for making them feel more at home than they have in a long time. Duncan says that’s what friends are for, and there is much smiling. (S: Oh no, don’t have too many nice moments, it’s a TRAP.)
Inside the school, Shirley catches Larry trying to break into the library. She threatens to tell Nero unless he gives her something. He agrees to keep her from screaming.
Dani: Elsewhere, Duncan and Isadora are making their way back to their broom closet when Count Olaf stops them. Isadora asks who he is, and Olaf is deep into his mustache-twirling villain-rant before realizing he’s not talking to the Baudelaires. When Duncan calls him a miscreant, Olaf recognizes the kids as Quagmires (mistakenly calling Duncan Quigley) and mentions their mother. Isadora wants to know how he knew their mother, and Olaf says he knows everything about them – including how many sapphires are in their secret vaults. He gloats that his trip to Prufrock will be twice as rewarding and no one can stop him. He turns when he hears Larry chasing after Shirley, calling her a miscreant, and by the time he dismisses Larry and turns back around, the Quagmires have taken off.
The Quagmires hurry off to warn the Baudelaires.
Down in the cafeteria, Shirley has cornered Larry. She says she’s there for revenge, because for years he’s infiltrated her schemes, relying on morals and literature to muck up her life. But these are his final days. Larry has no effing clue what she’s talking about, because those lines were supposed to be spoken by Olaf, who steps out of the shadows. He sends Shirley away and makes a joke about working with kids (Doogie Howser, anyone?) (S: HA!) before sparring with Larry. Larry puts up a good fight, but the creepy old-lady-henchtwins sneak up behind him and toss him into the walk-in freezer. Dammit, Larry.
Out on the athletic field, Shirley is leading school cheers when the Quagmires join the Baudelaires and warn them they’re in terrible danger. Cut to Poe assuring his boss that the Baudelaires are in no danger whatsoever. Jacqueline gets a call from Larry and huddles beneath her desk to speak to him, much to Poe’s consternation. Oh, THAT he’ll notice?! Freaking Poe, man. Larry admits that he failed to deliver the book and also he’s locked in the freezer. Jacqueline promises to call him a taxi. She recommends he jump up and down to stay warm, or recite a Jack London book from memory. Larry hangs up and wanders the freezer looking dismal.
Jacqueline makes a call to “Snicket” and requests a ride for Larry. The voice on the phone says, “The world is—” and Jacqueline finishes, “—is quiet here.” Cut to Lemony in front of a taxi stand, telling us that “the world is quiet here” might sound curious, like the motto of a secret organization. Or like something your brother says when he arrives in his taxi to smuggle you across the border and into the mountains. Aha. (S: Looooving this. Ahhhhh.)
Next we see Lemony on the athletic field, dressed in his Prufrock hat and cardigan. Excuse me while I swoon. He tells us when the world is noisy, it can seem like everything is falling apart. The crowd cheers noisily around him as the Quagmires try to tell the Baudelaires about seeing Olaf. The noise makes it impossible.
Nero begins the pep rally by bringing the mascot up on stage. Prufrock’s mascot is a dead horse (naturally), because you can’t beat a dead horse. The Quagmires again try to tell the Baudelaires about Olaf, but they’re rudely shushed by Mrs. Bass. Nero mentions the athletes, cheerleaders, and gym teacher who all mysteriously vanished recently, but thanks to some cash bribes he’s hired a new gym teacher. He introduces “Coach Genghis” with much fanfare, and the Baudelaires immediately recognize Count Olaf.
Mari: This entire disguise is worthy of a ?
Dani: The crowd cheers while Olaf stares menacingly at the Baudelaires. In a creepy Southern infomercial voice he muses that there’s “so much to learn, and I am here to school you.”
Thus ends part one of the season opener. I thought this episode was okay the first time I watched it, but this is one of those rare shows that actually improves upon recapping. There’s so many over-the-top elements packed into each episode, but there are wonderfully subtle things that I only ever catch upon rewatch (having never read the books).
Take, for instance, the theme of labels and their power in this episode. The Bauderlaires and Quagmires are repeatedly referred to as orphans, and while the label is technically accurate, they didn’t choose it and it certainly does not define who they are. The Quagmires are triplets and identify themselves as such, but the dismissive way they’re referred to as twins shows how awful it is when people refuse to recognize someone’s identity and force their own presumptions and labels upon them.
The show does this subtle stuff really well, which helps balance the awful things… like the rage that comes from watching terrible people being horrible to amazing kids, or the frustration of seeing good, well-meaning people inadvertently doing the same. It’s one of the things (aside from my love of grammar jokes and my not-so-secret crush on Lemony) that keeps me watching.
Samantha: I love all the call backs to the aspects that kept me interested in the books as a kid, like the Baudelaire’s making the best of bad and the secrets and the Snickets. As an adult I can’t help but see the reflection of our current world, where the adults are failing to protect the kids, and feeling a lot of feelings.
Dani: Agreed. I don’t know what to tell you, other than that in a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be hard to stay true to one’s philosophical and literary principles. Does that help?
I’m a serial procrastinator and a genuinely terrible singer, and if anyone knows how to monetize either of these skills please hit me up. In my spare time, I like to study Dutch painters, Italian architecture, and Canadian bacon.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.