Previously: Different planes, ghost wounds, racism and weird sexual tension.
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Marines: Ghost Grams is overseeing wedding preparations. Ghost Grams has some weird views on how if “love is a quest, a wedding is the conquest.” Prue lightly makes fun of her for getting married a lot. Everything is uncomfortable.
Next, Prue yawns her way through reading the rest of the to-do list, and Phoebe tells her to maybe go get some sleep. Prue says she hasn’t been able to sleep recently because of a reoccurring dream. Phoebe and Grams seem very concerned. Prue says it’s got this kind of hot, kind of dangerous biker guy in it and that consumes the entirety of Phoebe’s attention span, apparently, because that’s all the description of Prue’s reoccurring dream that we get.
Jessica: I’m sure it’s nothing, and just a totally normal dream.
Mari: Yeah, for sure!
Piper comes downstairs with an expression on her face I can’t identify. It certainly isn’t happy, and I certainly don’t believer her when she says everything looks great. Maybe she’s meant to be sad because she says that all that’s missing is their mom. Grams says she can’t do anything to help there. The only reason she’s allowed to be ghosting this ceremony up is because they need a high priestess. She’s on a time-clock, too, and needs to be back by the witching hour the next day. Phoebe says maybe a picture of their mom would help.
Piper still looks sad so Prue asks what’s wrong. I thought we just went over this? It’s cool she has a new answer: She can’t believe how close she came to calling off her wedding because of all the demons and false starts and trouble. Grams tells her not to think that way. The important thing is that she made it. Prue promises to kick demon butt if any try to ruin the day. Except she yawns through that too, so Phoebe offers to tuck Prue in. Weirdly, they actually go off together.
Grams says goodbye to Piper, calling her Mrs. Halliwell, because the women in this family keep their names. Piper giggles.
Upstairs, Prue is asleep but tossing about so we can tell she’s ~dreaming~. In her dream, Prue’s at a bar, beating some biker guys at pool. She asks for the $20 they owe her. Biker Guy say they never agreed to that, so a Bland Charmed Guy (this time in a leather jacket!) (J: how else would we know he’s a Bad Boy™?) walks over and says thems the rules and threatens to beat Biker Guy up. The biker guys are like oooookaaaaay and hand over the money. Prue tucks it into her bra and asks Bland Charmed Guy [BCG] if he wants something in return for helping her. BCG is like yep, but Prue says he’ll have to win it. He grabs her forcefully and says maybe he’ll just take it. Prue tells him to leave her alone since he has no idea who he’s messing with. And then they kiss because they were just PLAYING assault and they actually know each other.
BCG apologizes for being late. Prue says she’s sorry too because now she has to leave. BCG tells her to stay, but Prue says she can’t. She has responsibilities. BCG (he gets the name TJ, which mine was better) tells her to blow her responsibilities off. Prue kisses him again and leaves. TJ yells after her that maybe she can just tell him her name?
Outside, the biker guy from earlier is still salty about losing $20. He also gets sexual assault-y, but this time it’s not jokes, you see? Prue beats him up some, but then suddenly, she astral projects away? But then also wakes up? Shenanigans.
I AM THE SAHN.
Morning at the manor. Piper wakes up to the sound of Leo tinkling out of her room. (J: This sentence made me giggle.) She sits up and sees her bed is covered in rose petals.
She giggles just as Phoebe walks in with breakfast in bed. As an aside, Phoebe leaves the tray like over by the dresser so later Piper will have to GET UP to collect her BREAKFAST IN BED. Half-assed job. (J: Rude.)
Anyway, Piper says she’s really happy. Phoebe jumps into the bed and starts tossing rose petals around. Prue comes in to rain on the fun parade and talk more about her bad dreams in biker bars. Piper worries about having to vanquish a demon in her wedding dressing, but Prue assures her something witchy is most certainly, definitely not happening. It’s just dreams! Prue and Phoebe scurry away for wedding prep. Piper looks… say it with me… concerned.
Murder scene. The dead guy is Biker Guy from Prue’s dreams! (J: The salty ‘give me money’ one, not the leather jacket one.) Some investigator who isn’t Daryl (wtf) is questioning people including TJ (who is leather jacket one). He shows TJ footage of Prue attacking Biker Gu. Not Daryl asks TJ what Prue’s name is, but TJ doesn’t know. He insists that Prue couldn’t be a murderer, but some other rando dude swears he saw what happened and Prue is definitely the killer. (J: Conundrum! Who will Not Daryl believe?)
Manor. Phoebe found Melinda Warren’s old blessing cup in the attic, meaning they now have their something old to add to their something new, borrowed and blue. Prue checks that off her to-do list and says next they need to move the buffet table. Seems like something you could, I don’t know, TELEKINESIS girl. (J: Right??? You guys are doing powers wrong.) Phoebe’s suggestion is that they wait for Cole to arrive, ’cause he’ll be there any minute. Prue is upset because it’s one thing for Cole to come to the wedding and another for him to be hanging out all day during family time. Cole is still a demon and the last thing Piper needs is a demon.
Piper yelps. In the foyer, she’s hiding from Leo, telling him it’s bad luck to see the wedding dress before the wedding. Leo points out that she’s not wearing one, so Piper says it’s bad luck to see the bride’s curlers, too. She runs off. Prue and Phoebe greet Leo, who says he’s just looking for a place to change. He’s carrying his “formal Whitelighter robe.” Phoebe breaks the news that hell no, they rented him a tux.
Victor arrives and Phoebe greets him with a baby voiced “daddy!” Their relationship weirds me out so much, I’m sorry. Victor coldly greets Leo. Prue suddenly feels dizzy and has to sit. Leo is concerned about this, especially when Prue starts to talk about her dreams. Prue realizes she’s worrying everyone and says it’s nothing. Phoebe backs her up and says it definitely isn’t anything to worry about. They leave Prue sitting on the stairs while Phoebe takes Leo and Victor to the basement to get dressed.
Jessica: Apparently the only thing Prue can say about her dreams is there is a hot guy. Not a single other detail or piece of information. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mari: There were fights and sexual assault and it’s oddly specific and reoccurring but HOT GUY.
Phoebe checks in on Prue who confesses that things are not okay. She’s tired all the time. Her dreams are so real it feels like she’s awake 24/7. Phoebe reminds Prue what Piper said about calling off the wedding if one more thing went wrong. That’s a hell of a lot of pressure to put on everyone, PIPER. Anyway, Phoebe tells Prue to hand over her to-do list and go upstairs to rest. Not sleep, just rest. Prue does so willingly, which is how Phoebe knows she must really be tired. Phoebe picks up a nearby picture of their mom and asks her to help them through this day.
Upstairs, Prue gets in bed… and immediately falls asleep. Except she’s astral projecting, obviously, and she goes to that bar. TJ finds her and explains that the cops think she is a murderer. Prue says, “I’m not!” and TJ is like “great, I knew it!” despite not knowing a damn thing about Prue. Also, Prue weirdly calls this, presumably TJ defending her to the cops and then waiting around for her, the sexiest thing a man has ever done for her. Like, girl. I’m not sure what part of being accused of murder is sexy to you but please stop.
TJ segues seamlessly from murder investigations to living a life with no rules. He pulls Prue outside so they can ride off to no-rules-land, but unfortunately, the police are there before they can get away. The investigator cuffs Prue and puts her in the back seat. Back at the manor, Phoebe shakes Prue away. She disappears from the cop car and wakes up in the manor. Not Daryl is confusion. Prue is confusion. (J: I am exasperation.)
After a not!break, Prue is explaining that she was wanted for murder but a really sexy guy was willing to risk his life to save her. Phoebe is like OMG FORGET THE GUY, FOCUS ON THE MURDER. Prue actually goes, “right, uh, okay.” It’s too much. Prue focuses and says that she didn’t want to wake up. It was like her dream was overpowering her. Phoebe says that’s what her premonitions feel like. Prue thinks maybe someone or something is pulling her into another dimension or something. They agree to go take a look at the Book of Shadows and to keep Piper out of this.
In the hallway, Piper catches them looking suspicious and heading to the attic. She asks wtf is going on, and they lie very badly about going to the attic to look for something old, new, borrowed and blue. Prue insists some more that it’s going to be a demon-free day. Cole shimmers in behind Piper, scaring her. He completely fails to read the room and makes like 10 demon jokes and then tosses Piper her wedding gift. What a charmer.
In the basement, Victor and Leo are still getting dressed and having tense chats, all around the fact that Victor ruined his marriage and still blames a whitelighter for it. GTFO, Victor. Leo basically tells him to get over his shit because this isn’t about him and Patty, it’s about Leo and Piper. He loves Piper and he’s going to love her forever and marry her no matter what Victor says. Victor is like, “okay,” and helps him tie his bow-tie.
Jessica: Apparently he’s cool with it because he doesn’t bring it up again the whole episode.
Mari: A demon didn’t not-steal his ex-wife.
Upstairs, Prue wasn’t able to find anything about her dreams in the book. There’s only 30 minutes left until Piper’s wedding though, so it’s time to get dressed and get through it.
Piper is in her wedding dress, which isn’t as garrishly 90’s as I thought it would be? It’s rather sweet. (J: Now I am confusion. But also, yay for a good dress!) Piper finishes getting ready when her mom tinkles in behind her. Piper is immediately on her guard because ghosts glow and Patty isn’t glowing. Patty explains that she isn’t a ghost– not today. The TPTB(c) thought they owed Piper a solid after all they put her through with Leo, so they sent Patty for the day. Patty notices that Piper is wearing her hair the same way she did when she got married. Piper knows. She used to look at Patty’s wedding photos every night, like a bedtime story. Patty says she knew Piper would be the first to get married. She’s the heart of their family. They hug and Piper cries.
Phoebe and Prue walk in. Piper tells them quickly that TPTB(c) sent Patty for the day. Patty goes to Prue and says she knows it’s been very hard on her. Unfair. Prue says yes, but then amends that it doesn’t matter. She just wanted to make Patty proud. Patty says she is. Prue has protected her sisters better than she could. They also hug and cry.
Patty then turns to Phoebe, who never got to know her mom.
It’s in moments like these that I truly think you can tell that Alyssa Milano is the weakest actress? Like, I’m not gonna lie, I’m having some dead mom on a wedding day feels right now, but Phoebe’s “some nights I just wanted you to hold me” is wooden, and I’m back to feeling nothing. Anyway, Patty says that she never worried about Phoebe because on the day she was born, Patty had a premonition. She saw this moment. They all hug.
Downstairs, Ghost Grams shows up and the ceremony is about start. Except the doorbell rings. Piper yells for someone to get it. Prue rushes over and it’s Daryl. She thinks he’s just late for the wedding, but he’s here with the news that Prue is wanted for murder and fled custody this morning. Prue says they can go downtown and figure this all out after the wedding. Daryl says it better be a fast wedding.
Everyone gets into place, including Patty. Naturally Victor is shocked to see his dead ex-wife, but there’s not really time to linger there. Piper comes downstairs, but before the ceremony can start in earnest, some guy on a motorcycle drives into the manor, tearing down all the decorations as he goes. Turns out it’s TJ! He yells for Prue, who passes out, and Astral Prue appears, hops on TJ’s bike and they ride out of there, toppling the wedding cake over as they go.
Jessica: I mean, obviously you drive the motorcycle into the manor.
Mari: Duh.
Piper freaks out. She says that’s it. This is the final straw. The wedding is over. She steps over her sister’s actual passed out body and storms away. After a not!break, Piper says that a demon she could’ve handled (really? My money’s on not) but she definitely cannot handle her own big sister ruining her wedding. Leo comes over and she apologizes to him, but says that it just isn’t meant to be. She goes outside. (J: All the eye rolls. All of them!)
Back in the living room, Victor has scooped up Prue’s body and put her on the couch. Phoebe tries to shake her awake, but Patty says that won’t work. Some part of Prue wanted to escape and it’s using her astral form (in the same J.Lo jean jumpsuit every time) to do it. Grams says she has to go. She’s only here to conduct the wedding. Victor says maybe Piper’s right about the wedding. Leo says NO because LOVE. Phoebe agrees and suggests that they fix this. Daryl has to go and deal with all the murder charge stuff.
Leo starts delegating: Victor and Patty have to find Piper and bring her back. Phoebe gets Book of Shadows duty to find a spell to bring Prue’s astral self back. Cole and Leo are going to go investigate.
Cole shimmers and Leo tinkles into the bar. Cole exposits about how few humans have the heart for murder so he can sense the ones who do. Because demon. He quickly locates the big biker dude who claimed he saw Prue murder his biker friend. Cole tells Leo to go get Daryl.
P^3. Patty and Victor find Piper there being sad. They try to tell her that it’s totally not true that she’s cursed. Piper insists that Halliwells are blessed as witches and cursed as women. She’s all, “just look at your failed marriage.” Patty is at a loss for words, so Victor steps in. Being married to Patty made for some of the best days of his life and gave them their children. Yeah, it hurt when that didn’t last, but maybe being their parents was their destiny. Piper says she needs to be alone.
Manor. Phoebe finds a spell.
Astral Prue and TJ are having some kind of fugitive sexy times, idk. He wants her to promise that she won’t leave, so of course, a second later, she feels herself being pulled back. Astral Prue is pissed she was brought back to the manor by Phoebe. Astral Prue is ranting about wanting to be free of responsibilities and free to fall in love. Phoebe cottons on to what’s happening– this is Prue’s desires, the id, and passed out Prue is the ego. All of the sacrifices that Prue made for them throughout the years caused her to suppress her inner desires. Prue has got to stop devoting her entire self to the Charmed Ones because it’s tearing her apart. Astral Prue asks if Piper is very mad at her. Phoebe says Piper will get over it because they are both okay now. They’ve both got passion and purpose in their lives and Prue gave them that. She took care of them. Now it’s time to take care of herself. Astral Prue joins back with Prue Prue and she wakes up. She thanks Phoebe for her help, but then takes a look at how she wrecked Piper’s wedding. Before they can think of how to fix it, Not Daryl barges in with some cops to arrest Prue for murder.
Jessica: They cut the power and everything. People are super disrespecting this house today! Also, how will the alleged murderer be easier to catch in the dark?
Mari: I wish I had answers.
Prue is booked and taken to an interrogation room.
Leo brings Daryl to the bar where the plan is basically for Cole to ask Killer Biker if he is a killer. Killer Biker goes outside for a smoke and Cole confronts him, taunting him until he attacks. And then Cole puts his demon face on and is like CONFESS OR ELSE. It works. (J: *throws confetti*)
Manor. They’ve cleaned everything up as best they could. Grams appears to take Patty back, but they still have 5 minutes left. The power is still off. Prue and Daryl finally make it back from the station and Piper is close behind them and ready to get married. Grams uses her magic to get the chimes playing some music. Leo uses his magic to get some better lighting. Grams conducts the ceremony in double time and we end the episode with Leo and Piper kissing.
I’m honestly just shocked that they made Piper’s entire wedding episode about Prue.
Next time on Charmed: Prue takes on the angel of death in S03 E16 – Death Takes a Halliwell.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
