Previously: A solar flare plus some manky white goo that can be turned into replica humans led to inevitable badness.
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The Almost People
K: After a brief recap of last time, we pick up exactly where we left off – with the truly horrifying Flesh!Doctor, who starts off by screaming. (M: Same, Flesh!Doctor. Same.) The Doctor informs us that the Flesh is struggling to deal with Doctors 1-10 and all the memories that go along with them. He tells his Flesh!Self to hold on, that he can do this. Flesh!Doctor screams some more.
EXPLAIN TO THE AMERICANS INTRO and DOO-WEE-OOH.
After the credits, the Doctor stares at his Flesh!Self some more. Meanwhile, the Gangers are trying to bash the door down. Eventually, they give up and walk off just as the Flesh!Doctor stabilises. The Doctor quizzes him to make sure that they’re actually the same person. Amy asks if there are any big weapons the Gangers can get to, but LOL NOPE they just use some of the endless supply of acid that’s lying around. Smort. The door starts to dissolve.
The Doctor and the Flesh!Doctor have an “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” conversation and literally all I can think of is Bananas in Pyjamas.
Marines: I mean… equally as terrifying.
K: How very dare you, that is the height of Australian culture.
Anyway, they agree that they should aim to save the people and the Gangers, which DUH. They start finishing each other’s sentences and it’s super creepy. They head over to share their inspired plan with the others. Amy realises she can tell the difference between them because the Doctor is wearing his borrowed boots, thanks to his proper ones – as modelled by the Flesh!Doctor – having melted in acid in the previous episode.
Meanwhile, the Doctors are wibbling on about how they need to establish protocol between the two of them, lest things get confusing. Too late, tbh. Amy sarcastically agrees with me. They tell her that they need to get everyone off the island. Cleaves yells that the Gangers are trying to kill them. Amy points out that they’re trapped. The Doctors stare at the cables that pump goop into the Flesh Bowl (a name that makes me gaggy, tbh), and then realise that it must all be clumped together at some point. The Doctor finds a grate in the wall, then smugly says that he’s getting a sense of how impressive it is to hang out with him. No one likes a gloater, Doctor.
Cut to the Gangers breaking in. The room is empty, and they look around in surprise. Sonicking sounds are coming from behind the grate. Flesh!Cleaves gets there in time to see the Doctor sealing the grate shut. She and her human self lock eyes before the humans scurry off down the tunnel. Flesh!Cleaves groans.
Elsewhere, Flesh!Jennifer is fingerpainting on the walls with Flesh goop. (M: That would be like a human painting with human skin, no? I’m grossing myself out.) (K: Urgh. Horrifying thought.) She commands herself to stop, then stomps off down the corridor. Rory watches her go, then sneaks after her. Down in a corridor under the island, Buzzer insists that the army will send out a recon team. Cleaves points out that they need to find a way to contact the mainland. Amy wants to track down Rory and Jennifer. The Doctor says that the whole island is a maze and it would take too long to find them. Cleaves says if they can get the power back on, it’ll be easy. Then they all start coughing because the acid is dissolving the stone of the monastery and creating some kind of icky gas. They need to get above it. Cleaves leads the way to the evac tower.
In the chapel, Flesh!Jimmy asks how they’re going to find the humans. Flesh!Cleaves says they’re probably heading to the evac tower, above the gas. Flesh!Jimmy’s all in favour of heading straight there, but Flesh!Cleaves says it’s a narrow doorway, easily defended. Then she doubles over with a headache.
Evac Tower. Amy doubles over and clutches her stomach, saying that she coughed so hard she pulled a muscle. She rubs her stomach and the pain passes. Somewhere outside, a bell tolls. Jimmy says that his son is five now, and wishes him happy birthday aloud. Back in the chapel, Flesh!Jimmy is also gushing about his son’s birthday and how he does a little dance when he gets overexcited. Flesh!Jennifer bursts in and says that when they die, their eyes are the last thing to melt back into goop and those eyes ask one question: why. Why should they die so humans can live?
Flesh!Dicken says that there are over ten million Gangers in India. Flesh!Jennifer suggests contacting them, inspiring them to rise up and starting a revolution. Okay, Jen-ilton. Slow your roll. (M: YOU’RE AN ORPHAN? I’M AN ORPHAN.) Flesh!Cleaves just really wants a nap, which is a big ol’ mood. Flesh!Jennifer says that she has to try and remember all the times the humans have killed her, because it’s a standard us-or-them situation. One by one, the others stand with Flesh!Jennifer. “I have a plan, and it’ll destroy them all,” she says gleefully.
Evac Tower. The Doctors finish each others’ sentences while trying to get the power back on. Amy asks them not to do the sentence finishing thing because it’s confusing as hell. She then asks how there can be two Doctors because the Doctor was never hooked up to the Flesh like the others were. The Doctor says it must have been when he examined it. And by “examined”, he means “shoved my hands into it to see what would happen…”
The Flesh!Doctor calls her Pond, and it squicks her out. Flesh!Doctor finds it intriguing that she feels more affection for the original even though they’re the same. She awkwardly says that NEARLY being the Doctor is pretty good, but her heart’s not in it. Flesh!Doctor is all “Ugh, you may as well call me John Smith”, and now I desperately wish I was watching Family of Blood instead…
Anyway, the Doctor gets the power back on and everyone rushes around frantically. Amy wants to know where Rory is, but there’s no sign of him on the screens. Elsewhere, the Gangers find a place where they can intercept the signal and they listen in as Cleaves sends a distress call to the mainland, asking for evacuation and a team to wipe the Gangers out because they’re attacking. The Doctor and Flesh!Doctor get “WAIT, WHAT” face, because that’s not what was agreed to at all.
The mainland confirms that they’re sending an evacuation ship, and Cleaves says they’ll need to be picked up on top of the evac tower. She also says that any future communications will need to include a code word that she types out to them, in case the Gangers are listening in. Flesh!Cleaves says that’s why she gets paid the big bucks. Then she says that Jennifer’s right – they’ll need to fight for survival.
Speaking of Flesh!Jennifer, she’s trying to put her plan in place, but a computer rejects her handprint as not being human. She tries again, and groans when it rejects her again.
Back in the evac tower, Buzzer says they have to get out. Amy snaps that they’re not leaving without Rory and Jennifer. She asks the Doctor what he’s doing, and he says he’s making a phone call, but on delay. He tells her it’s because he’s an eternal optimist. There’s a funny noise, and Amy walks apprehensively towards the back wall. A hatch opens and Eyepatch Woman appears. Amy gasps. The Doctor asks her what’s going on. She tells him that she keeps seeing this woman in the walls. He tells her not to worry about it, because it’s just a time memory.
“It’s in my head…” the Flesh!Doctor says in confusion, staring at the wall. He shakes his head, like he’s trying to unsee something, then walks out. The others get all “DON’T LET HIM LEAVE!!”. Amy goes after him. She finds him outside, and apologises for saying he was almost the Doctor. She asks if he can die, like she saw the Doctor do. He shoves her against the wall and shouts “WHY?” at her. He shakes her as he shouts that he can feel the eyes asking why every day, knowing that they’re going to be destroyed again. She pulls away from him and sprints back inside.
He follows her back into the evac tower, and Amy snaps “Keep him away from me!” at the Doctor. Flesh!Doctor apologises to her, and says that apparently he can connect to the Flesh, that he’s beginning to understand what it wants – it’s angry and it wants revenge. That’s enough for Cleaves to make him go and sit on a barrel in the middle of the room where they can all keep an eye on him.
Mari: Nobody wanted fleshy Doctor and everyone wants angry fleshy Doctor even less.
K: Agreed.
Tunnels. Rory’s acquired a big stick. He hears Jennifer calling for help. He rushes towards her voice, only to discover that Jennifer and Flesh!Jennifer are in the same room. They both tell him not to listen to the other one, and honestly the whole thing is like one of those stupid logic puzzles from maths class where they’re all “Behind one door is a tiger, behind the other is freedom” and I always hated those because I could never work them out so I would really not be able to deal with being in Rory’s shoes right now.
Evac Tower. The evacuation ship has arrived but it can’t land because of reasons. Cleaves rubs her temples and the Doctor sonics her. Amy says she’s going to look for Rory. The Doctor says they can use the Sonic to track him because humans and Gangers give off different signals. Amy’s all “OH, SO THE OTHER DOCTOR *IS* DIFFERENT”. The Doctor says he’s not. She insists that she knows the difference, that he’s HER Doctor. I stare directly into the camera, Jim Halpert style because OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS SO RIDICULOUSLY OBVIOUS MAKE IT STOOOOOOOP.
Meanwhile, Rory’s trapped in his real life logic puzzle. He says the Doctor wants them both to live and can’t we all just get along? One Jennifer is limping, and shows Rory that she has a burn on her leg that she says is from being in the harness earlier. The other Jennifer attacks her. Rory shouts for them to stop. Each briefly gets the upper hand, but it ends with one being pushed into a puddle of acid. She dissolves into Flesh. Jen insists that it was an accident, that she knew Rory would find her, that they have to trust each other. He ushers her away from the puddle o’ Flesh!Jen.
Mari: I was going to make a comment about her being all “trust me! Trust me!” was the most suspect, but also, the Doctor runs around saying “trust me, I’m the Doctor.” Make of all that what you will.
K:
Evac Tower. Buzzer says that they’ve got a visual. It’s Rory and Jen. Cleaves says they’re heading for the thermostatic room and Amy says they should go get them. The Doctor tosses the Sonic to the Flesh!Doctor and everyone’s all “WTF DUDE”. Amy says Flesh!Doctor can’t go, she’s going. Buzzer volunteers to help. The Doctor tells Amy she has to trust his counterpart. “And what if you’re wrong?” she replies.
Meanwhile, Jen’s led Rory to the thermostatic chamber where Flesh!Jen was earlier. They’re both coughing and she says it’ll let them clear the air. Rory waits outside to watch for Gangers. But then she calls him in to help because she’s too little and feeble to turn a wheel. He heads inside and she asks him to put his hand on the scanner. It accepts him as human and he turns the wheel while Jennifer looks on crazily in the background.
Evac Tower. Cleaves is all “WTF why would Jennifer turn off the underground cooling?”. Apparently it’s going to make all the boiling acid heat up the entire island. The whole place shakes, and Dicken says they need to get the hell out. Cleaves tries to call the shuttle but doubles over with a headache again. The Doctor tells her to sit down, but she insists that she’s fine.
Elsewhere, Flesh!Cleaves also has a headache. She says she remembers medics doing tests. Evac Tower. Cleaves says she’s waiting on results. The Doctor instantly diagnoses her and says it’s inoperable on Earth, and she’s all “Welp, guess I’mma die then…” There’s another big shake, and Amy says she heard something crack. Cleaves calls the shuttle again, and they ask for the code word. But before she can give it, the equipment dies. An alarm sounds, and the Doctor rushes everyone out of the room.
Flesh!Cleaves says this is their chance. She’s going to reroute the shuttle. Flesh!Jimmy says she can’t because they don’t have the code word. Except that they do, because she and Cleaves are the same person. It’s “Big Boy”, apparently. (M: Cleaves. Why.) (K: Of all the code words in all the world, Cleaves had to go with that one???) The shuttle confirms and agrees to pick them up in the courtyard. The pilot asks if they still need the Gangers taken out, and she says it’s been dealt with.
Back in the tunnels, Jennifer leads Rory to a room that she says is usually locked and says the power surge must have thrown the bolts open. Suuuuuure, girl, sure. Rory’s all “EW WTF IS THAT?” and we see that in the corner is a big old pile of squashy half-formed Gangers in uniforms. Jennifer says it’s defective Flesh, thrown away and left to rot. I’m honestly reminded of the Abzorbaloff episode, which I would like to revisit literally never on account of there’s not enough brain bleach in the world. Anyway, Rory gets closer and the eyes on one of the Gangers in the pile pop open. Rory’s horrified and says they have to make people see. She says she has an idea, but he’ll have to trust her. (M: TRUUUUST MEEEEE.)
Outside, the Sonic has picked up a human trail. Flesh!Doctor and Buzzer chase down the trail and find a dead Jennifer at the end of it. Flesh!Doctor says she must have been out there for hours and only just died. He joins the dots and realises that Rory’s with a Flesh!Jennifer and is in a big ol’ pile of trouble. Buzzer whacks Flesh!Doctor over the head apologetically, saying it was the boss’ orders.
Meanwhile, the rest of the group are in the corridor where Flesh!Jen was fingerpainting earlier. There are now a bunch of eyes sticking out of the walls??? It’s honestly freaking me and my eyeball phobia out a LOT, so I’ll just say that the Doctor says they’re there “to accuse” and move rapidly along.
Elsewhere in the tunnels, Buzzer mutters that he should have been a postman like his dad. He hears Jennifer’s voice off screen, comforting someone. He follows her voice and finds her stroking the pile of discarded Flesh. “You killed her. You killed our Jen,” he says. She turns and says that she’s stronger because she can grow. She opens her mouth crazy wide and rushes him. It reminds me of The Mummy, which I now want to watch instead of this. Buzzer screams.
Cut to the Doctor and Cleaves in the thermostatic room as alarms sound. The Doctor says he can’t stop it and the place is going to blow. He has no idea how long it will be before it explodes. A klaxon sounds and he orders everyone out. Sparks fly from the machine.
Rory rushes up as they leave the room. He and Amy hug and he tells them that Jennifer’s found a way out – a secret passage under the crypt that he says may even go past the TARDIS. Cleaves says it’s not on the schematics but WHO CARES IT’S A WAY OUT. They all dash off down the corridor, except the Doctor who stays put so the Zoomy Cameraman can earn his pay cheque for the week. Then he runs after them.
Flesh!Doctor wakes up to find himself surrounded by the other Gangers. Flesh!Cleaves says that this is how they’ll always be treated and says he’s one of them. He tucks the Sonic back in his jacket and tells them to call him John Smith.
Acid Room. Jimmy says they can’t leave without Buzzer. Cleaves says she’ll go back for him. Rory awkwardly says to the Doctor that he hasn’t been entirely honest. Just then, Jennifer slams the door, locking everyone in. The Doctor yells through the door to Rory, and he apologetically fills him in on what they’ve been doing with the Flesh. The Doctor’s all “Cool story, but the factory’s going to explode…”
Rory turns to Jen and says he’s not sure about locking them up. She tells him that the little girl in the red wellies got strong, and he’s all “………….the other Jennifer told me about that??”. Her eyes flash creepy blue and she’s all “What other Jennifer?”. Rory gets “I done fucked up” face as Flesh!Jennifer drags him away.
Mari: I’m very curious what part of “and then we lock up all your loved ones in a room over a vat of acid” Rory thought was trustworthy.
K: I love Rory a lot, but sometimes he is very very stupid.
Flesh!Cleaves peers through the door at her other self and says they have to be free. Cleaves says she’s sorry that Flesh!Cleaves got stuck with a busted up human. Except not really. “Welcome to the human race,” she says. Flesh!Cleaves walks away.
Meanwhile, the Doctor is sonicking the vat of acid. He says it’s going to overheat and fill the room. And there’s no way he can stop it. Cleaves is all “Well, fuck.”
Elsewhere, Rory is yelling and pointing at Flesh!Jennifer for tricking him by creating another Ganger. He gets very shouty, which is most unlike Rory. Anyway, the shuttle announces that it’s nearly arrived. Flesh!Jen says that the humans will be melted, like they deserve, the factory will be destroyed, and the real battle will start when they reach the mainland. She does a weird finger gun thing at the Flesh!Doctor and tells him the join the revolution because he’s one of them.
Mari:
K: Exactly like that only shit.
Rory jumps up and says he has to go save the others. Flesh!Doctor shoves him back and goes to stand with Flesh!Jen and Flesh!Cleaves. Rory is horrified. Acid Room. Dicken, Jimmy and Cleaves lower the lid onto the vat of acid as Jimmy says it’ll never hold it. The Doctor’s all “Do you have a better plan? No? Then STFU”.
Back in the dining hall, Rory says that they can’t let everyone die. Flesh!Doctor looks at his watch and says “Ring, ring“. Rory’s all “????” but Flesh!Doctor shoves Rory away and repeats himself. Acid Room. Cleaves yells that the acid is eating through the vat. Dining Hall. The phone rings. The Doctor’s prearranged call from earlier has come through – it’s a hologram of Jimmy’s son, Adam.
Flesh!Doctor is all “Happy birthday! Have you been bouncing on the bed and eating chocolate and I expect you want to talk to your dad?”. He walks over to Flesh!Jimmy, who’s looking shocked. “You’ll do, Jimmy. What does the other Jimmy matter now? You’re both the same dad, aren’t you? Come on, Adam’s waiting,” he says. There’s a rumbling noise again. Adam asks what it is. Flesh!Jimmy runs out of the room. Flesh!Jen is pissed and says he was tricked into an act of weakness. Flesh!Doctor disagrees – he was helped into an act of humanity. Flesh!Cleaves orders Flesh!Dicken to drain the acid. Dicken runs off.
Flesh!Jen is super pissed. Flesh!Cleaves says she’s had enough of all this shit. Jen used to be a sweet kid and now she’s a monster. She doesn’t want her world populated like that. Flesh!Jen snaps that she’ll take revenge on humanity with or without Flesh!Cleaves. Flesh!Doctor says it doesn’t have to be about revenge. But apparently it does because Flesh!Jen dramatically runs off.
Acid room. Jimmy is struggling to hold the lid down on the vat of acid. Flesh!Jimmy and Flesh!Dicken run in, but it’s too late – Jimmy’s been burnt by the acid. He lives just long enough to tell Flesh!Jimmy to be a good dad – he remembers how. He hands over his wedding ring and dies.
Dining hall. Adam’s asking where his daddy is. The Gangers and the rescued humans return. Amy and Rory hug. The two Cleaves stare at each other. Flesh!Jimmy asks Adam about his presents, and tells him to remember that his dad loves him very much. He asks when Daddy’s coming home. Flesh!Jimmy says nothing, but the Doctor says he’s coming home today. Adam’s thrilled. The Doctor says it’s time to move.
Elsewhere, Flesh!Jen is gasping for breath. She hears the others approaching. A klaxon sounds as Flesh!Jen walks towards them, then transforms into…something straight out of Supernatural, tbh. (M: Do we need a salt ring?) (K: Probably) The Doctor tells everyone to run. They get to a new area of tunnels and the Doctor says the roof is about to collapse. Flesh!Dicken goes to shut the door to stop Monster!Jen, but it won’t lock. Dicken says the door at the other end does lock. He runs back towards Monster!Jen – past the signs that say “NO HUMANS” and “USE YOUR GANGER IN THIS AREA” – and struggles with the door. It’s jammed. The handle snaps off. He slams the door shut, trapping himself and Monster!Jen, and then screams.
“No!” screams Flesh!Dicken. Cleave helps him shut the door. “Here she comes...” says the Flesh!Doctor. The TARDIS bursts through the roof, apparently a big fan of the dramatic entrance. Everyone starts rushing towards the TARDIS, but Monster!Jen is slamming away at the door. Flesh!Cleaves and Flesh!Doctor hold the door shut. Cleaves tells Flesh!Cleaves that she’s not leaving. Amy says there has to be a way for both Doctors to survive. Flesh!Doctor reveals that he is, in fact, the real Doctor and that they swapped shoes. No shit, y’all. This was the most obvious plot twist in history.
Anyway, Amy is shooketh even if I’m not, and the Doctor says that they had to know if they were truly the same and the only way to do that was through her eyes. She hugs the Flesh!Doctor (the real Flesh!Doctor?? This episode is a recapping nightmare), and says he’s twice the man she thought he was. He mysteriously tells her to “push, Amy. But only when she tells you to...”
Mari: I’m not entirely sure why real Flesh!Doctor is a prophet but okay.
K: Because of our old friend contrivance, Mari.
There’s a lot of “I’m staying!” and “No, you can’t!” back and forth regarding both Flesh!Cleaves and the Flesh!Doctor. Ultimately, they both stay, with the Sonic screwdriver which the Doctor threw at his Flesh!Self before vworp vworping away in the TARDIS. Flesh!Cleaves says this will dissolve them AND Monster!Jen. Flesh!Doctor says there might be a way back from this. She’s all “From being vapourised??” and he says it’s time to find out. He yanks open the door, yells “GERONIMO!” and sonics Monster!Jen. They all go gloop.
TARDIS. The Doctor says that the energy from the TARDIS has person-ised the Gangers. Uh. Okay. Cleaves asks about her and her brain thing. The Doctor is all “Ooh, I have a thingy! That can fix that!” Apparently it tastes like burnt onions. No thank you. He tosses her a little vial. Then he pulls a red balloon out of nowhere and says “Happy endings…”
Mari: I’d just like to echo your UH. OKAY.
K: Seriously, this scene is a clusterfuck of weirdness.
Cut to Jimmy and Adam reuniting on a beach as the Doctor watches from a distance. The TARDIS vworp vworps away and they land at corporate headquarters. The Doctor tells Cleaves that the company is telling the world that it’s over, but she needs to tell them that it’s just beginning. People need to understand what they’re doing to the Flesh and stop. Cleaves and Flesh!Dicken head into a press conference.
The Doctor turns to Amy and tells her to breathe. She’s all “WTF?” then doubles over in pain, clutching her stomach. Rory panics, and the Doctor tells him to get her back to the TARDIS. Inside, Rory demands to know what’s happening to Amy. “Contractions,” the Doctor says. “She’s going into labour“. They’re both like “……….WHAT”
The Doctor says that he had to see the Flesh in its earliest days, that’s the whole reason they went to the island in the first place. He needed enough information to be able to block the signal to the Flesh, to her. They’re both like “NO, SERIOUSLY, WTF??”. The Doctor yells at Rory to stand back. He reluctantly does. Amy says she’s terrified. The Doctor tells her not to panic because they’re coming for her, that they’ll find her no matter what. She says she’s right there. “No, you’re not. You haven’t been for a long, long time…” he says. Then he pulls out the Sonic (????? But he just gave it to his Ganger???) and points it at her. Amy goes gloop.
And then she wakes up in a big white box. A hatch opens in the ceiling and Eyepatch Lady peers in. “Well, dear, you’re ready to pop, aren’t you? Little one’s on its way. Here it comes. Push!” she says. Amy stares down at her huge pregnant belly and screams.
TO BE CONTINUED, apparently.
I…didn’t hate this episode on rewatch. Yes, it was a recapping nightmare from start to finish, and Flesh!Jen was chewing the scenery for all she was worth. But the big reveal about Amy was still surprisingly effective, so… *shrug*
Mari: I have a feeling I’m going to have feelings about Amy’s mystic pregnancy, but the story was indeed effective. Not bad, especially if I never have to see a fleshy Doctor face again.
K: That’s the dream.
Next time on Doctor Who: The Doctor and Rory go looking for the real Amy. Find out where she’s been all this time in S06 E07 – A Good Man Goes to War.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
