Previously: Diana called up very sad wind, and it was impressive.
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Episode 4
Marines: This week’s SOME OTHER BEGINNINGS END voice over plays as we watch Matthew drive through a village. The villagers all gawk at him. Once the voice over is done, Diana asks if the villages know about who Matthew is. They do. (T: They’re actually just staring at his fancy car.) It’s safer for vampires when they are in a community. Meanwhile, a blond woman looks out over her estate.
Diana asks if Matthew’s mother is expecting them. There is a bit of a pause before he says, “yeah.”
Thais: Uh-oh.
Rebecca: His lying voice is the most I’ve related to him so far. He immediately flew back into his 13-year-old body.
Mari: Matthew’s mom, the blond woman, watches as Matthew pulls up to their castle. Matthew and Diana get out and meet mom on the stairs. Matthew makes the introductions (Ysabeau, Diana), but Ysabeau says nothing. Matthew asks if they can maybe go inside and continue this there. Ysabeau stands aside.
Inside, Ysabeau says that Matthew could’ve show a bit more consideration, as she is not fond of change. Diana thanks Ysabeau for opening up her home, apparently not really picking up that she is super not wanted here. Ysabeau replies, and Matthew translates that she is happy to have Diana. Ysabeau then scoffs that of course this modern witch only knows English and “new French,” so poorly educated, with her not knowing dead languages, I guess. Ysabeau sits, so she can better glare at Diana from over there.
Thais: Did Diana even need a translation, though? Matthew barely let his mom finish before translating. The rhythm of this conversation was so weird.
Mari: Another older lady comes in and more warmly greets Matthew and Diana. Apparently, Marthe has been “with the family” for centuries. This woman has been the same family’s housekeeper for CENTURIES? Dear girl. Get you another gig. (T: Surely she’s made enough money by now to buy her own castle! Unless… oh no.) (R: oh no) (M: OH NO.) Matthew offers to take Diana to her room himself, and Ysabeau just stays and glares.
Rebecca: Moms, amiright? No one’s ever good enough for their boy. At least she’s alive? Don’t see a lot of living moms in fiction these days. Or any days.
Mari: Up in Matthew’s tower, he tells Diana to get some rest. She thinks he must be tired too, but vampires don’t need to sleep as often. Diana points out the obvious: Ysabeau doesn’t want her here. Matthew says it’s been a long time since there were any visitors at Sept-Tours, not since his step-father’s death. Philippe was killed during World War II, but Matthew doesn’t share any more.
Thais: I can’t wait to find out that there was a whole alternate WWII going on in the fantastical world like all these urban fantasy settings do.
Mari: Marcus and Miriam are talking on the phone. She’s in the lab and Marcus is approaching Matthew’s apartment. He hears something, though, and goes quiet. Inside the apartment, he finds Juliette. She’s looking for Matthew and wonders if he’s off with the witch. Marcus plays like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Also Juliette pronounces “Gertbert” and it is very not like my American mind read it wow. (T: Lol, they really love to French it up with the pronunciations.) I’m still calling him the Gertbert Baby. (R: Good.)
Juliette attacks Marcus, but in a flash, Miriam is there and takes her down. Juliette tells Marcus he can never do anything himself. Miriam gets a dig of her own in, telling Juliette that an eternity is long time to chase a man who doesn’t want her. Juliette leaves. Miriam’s cat eye liner is fantastic.
Rebecca: Truly highlighting how bad I am at eye liner. Also agree about not chasing a man for eternity. Even a great man isn’t worth that effort, but all this for Matthew? Come on, my gal. You’ve got eternal life! There are billions of people on Earth. BILLIONS!
Mari: And plenty of time to get over stupid Matthew.
Sept-Tours. Matthew tries to get into a room only to find that it’s locked. Ysabeau is glaring from around the corner. She says she doesn’t want that door open while Diana is in the house. Matthew very menacingly says that he has work to do and would like to do it in Philippe’s office and he needs the key and he doesn’t want to fight. Ysabeau points out that she isn’t fighting, but when Matthew says that Diana didn’t kill Philippe, Ysabeau hands over the key. She does say, though, that Diana’s kind killed Philippe. Does Matthew understand what they are exposing them too?
Sad music plays as Matthew enters Philippe’s office and leans over his desk.
Rebecca: I hate “your kind/family killed my loved one so now I hate all of you” trope. It’s so boring. What a weak character trait.
Mari: Truly not surprising as this show consistently does the most boring thing.
Diana is sleeping, but magical indoor wind full of glowy dust clues us into the fact that she’s dreaming. (R: My allergies disagree.) Diana opens her eyes in her dream and sees her mother standing by the window. She calls out, but when her mother turns around, she’s bloody and… murdered. Diana reaches out for her mother, but her arm is covered in webs. Diana startles awake. I’m actually really surprised that Matthew doesn’t super-run in all “I smelled your adrenaline from three wings over!”
Diana’s phone is ringing. She answers and her Aunts ask where tf she is. Diana gives the Cliff’s notes version of Knox threatening her, leaving Oxford, going to France. Sarah connects the dots to Ysabeau de Clairmont and tells Diana to get the hell out of there. Ysabeau is a witch killer. She’s destroyed entire covens. Diana takes this news very calmly.
Thais: Also, Matthew can barely contain his murderous energy–Team Aunts. How are they so smart, but Diana just keeps blundering into dangerous situations?
Rebecca: Because she’s our blonde haired heroine! And who cares how much a man takes deep whiffs of your sweater when he’s sooOooOooo dreamy?!
Mari: Yes.
Boats. Agatha, mother of the boy opening demon chatrooms, arrives at the congregation meeting place. When Aliser Thorne Knox sees her, he exposits to Satu that she’s the leader of the demons. Knox doesn’t plan on telling them about the book, but he does want their support. He and Satu walk over to greet Agatha. Knox says that Agatha is always saying they need to up their woman count on the congregation, which always makes the vampires mad. (T: Of course the demons are the most progressive!) Satu wonders why. Agatha says that every vampire appointed over the last 900 years has been a white male.
Rebecca: We have a hard enough time dealing with white boomers. Imagine trying to change the minds of boomers who are hundreds of years old? I shudder.
Mari: On cue, the white male vampires stroll in. The Head Vampire in Charge, Baldwin, asks if Agatha is quite finished. She sasses back that she was just getting started. Now that they are all together, each Congregation member pulls out a key. The keys stack on top of each other to make a super key– one for each the demons, vampires and witches. They use the super keys to open the congregation meeting room. As the music builds up, I tell myself to prepare to be disappointed. And indeed, it’s just a dusty room with a big sky light.
Thais: So much drama for NOTHING.
Mari: Matthew is looking over crime scene photos of Diana’s parents. He spots something and enlarges it. “Merde,” he says, which isn’t helpful, because I still don’t know what we are looking at. A leaf? A leaf in a witches’ circle? That’s all I got.
Thais: I saw a weird line of light, but who knows?
Rebecca: Merde! A SHOE!
Mari: We head back to the congregation, where the meeting is called to order, and Knox is given the floor. Knox announces that Matthew de Clairmont has broken congregation rules and abducted a witch. Everyone looks around very dramatically.
Matthew and Diana are having more feelsy chats, again about Matthew’s dead father. He died in the second World War, and Diana knows that some witches helped the Nazis, which would explain why Ysabeau went on a witch murder bender. Matthew says all of that has nothing to do with Diana, but she knows that for Ysabeau it does.
Miriam and Marcus are working at the lab. Marcus snaps because he wants to know about his test results and why he couldn’t turn James. Miriam says there were markers in his blood they’d seen in other cases. She doesn’t share more because Marcus gets a phone call from Baldwin. We saw him at the Congregation meeting and apparently he’s Matthew’s brother. Baldwin wants to know what’s going on and where Matthew is. Marcus stumbles around what he should say. Seems to me he had a lot of time to practice and come up with a story. C’mon, Marcus.
Thais: Can we talk about how all of Matthew’s family have Frenchy names, but then he has a brother named BALDWIN?!
Rebecca: Is he the one from Bio-dome?
Mari: Back at Sept-Tours, Matthew is helping Diana get ready to go riding. Ysabeau and the Eternal Maid are looking on. Eternal Maid says that she hasn’t smelled so much power for centuries. Ysabeau thinks Diana has bewitched Matthew.
Diana and Matthew head off. Diana starts picking up speed, which worries Matthew but then we just watch them ride in slow motion with dramatic music.
Thais: Diana is fully decked in equestrian gear. Did she pack it all when they were fleeing Oxford?
Rebecca: I’m truly feeling their love grow. It’s like in Attack of the Clones when they roll down the hills. Pure art.
Mari: Back at the congregation meeting, Knox is going on about the witch abduction. Baldwin asks if Diana is a powerful witch. Satu says no too quickly and too sharply. The witches had Diana tested as a child, and she showed no power. Knox cuts her off and insists that’s beside the point, but Baldwin is newly armed with knowledge. He knows that Diana discovered the Book of Life. Everyone starts arguing and speaking over each other until Baldwin yells that that’s enough. Matthew has Diana at Sept-Tours. He proposes that they will send a Congregation representative, and Matthew most certainly will hand her over for investigation.
Rebecca: A lot more dramatic staring going on as well. These old white dudes love gaping at each other.
Mari: It’s true, and also very boring.
Diana tells Matthew that she should go home. Her aunts and their coven can protect her. (T: YES!) (R: Finally.) She’s got to face Knox eventually. Matthew tells her it isn’t just about Knox. She can’t trust the witches. He examined the photos of her dead parents and they were staged. Under the debris, though, he saw a witches’ circle. Diana’s parents were killed by witches. (T: Merde, indeed.)
Knox is looking over a file when Satu comes in, asking why he didn’t tell her that he had Diana tested as a child and missed her power. Knox removes a ball from his pocket and suddenly speaks a spell word that makes Satu go rigid. Only her panicked eyes can move. Through the use of the ball–twisting it and squeezing it– Knox moves Satu around, turning her and then throwing her onto a nearby table where she convulses. (T: I hate all of this. We get it, Knox is evil.) Knox says that he brought her here to be an ally, not for her to question him. Knox tortures her a bit more before releasing her and calmly saying that they can only protect themselves if they work together. Satu nods compliantly but then glares at him as he leaves the room. I am not invested in any part of this show EXCEPT NOW I will watch until Satu kills Knox. I want that.
Thais: I’d also be cool if Satu whisked Diana away from Matthew, but I know not to wait for that.
Rebecca: That would be wonderful, but we’ll settle for Satu slaughtering Knox someday.
Mari: Keeping our expectations realistic.
Agatha is also doing some research and decides to call her son. He wants to know if Agatha has talked to the congregation about changing the demon rules yet, but Agatha quickly says she hasn’t gotten the chance. She’s really calling to talk to his girlfriend, Sophie. Sophie grabs the phone, and Agatha asks her about the huntress statue she has and why she links it to alchemy. Sophie says it’s because of the moon in the huntress’s hair and because she’s had visions of the person who she needs to give it to. In those visions, she’s been able to see that this person is also in alchemy. In her visions, the huntress (we know it’s Diana) is in a castle with seven towers. (T: That’s what Sept Tours means. Thanks, show!) Sophie might just want to google “castle with seven towers” and see if she gets anywhere. Sophie has also kind of seen Matthew, Diana’s “dark king.” Agatha warns her to keep all this to herself. Sophie guesses that Agatha knows who the huntress is, and wants Agatha to take her to her. Agatha won’t.
Rebecca: I’m really loving this little demon family and want them to live.
Mari: Diana bathes, sadly, and has visions of her mom or flashbacks to visions of her mom. Something about her mom.
Rebecca: Maybe we’ll see, dare I say it, character development? Maybe I’m asking too much.
Mari: Baldwin is assuring Gerbert Baby that he’s totes in control of Matthew and everything will be fine. Gerbert doesn’t think so. He remembers ye good olde days when the vampires ruled the other creatures with an iron fist. Baldwin says that here in the 21st century, they have to at least pretend to like democracy. Gerbert ignores that and keeps on about how it seems to him like the De Clairmonts are finally losing their power.
Thais: Baldwin’s accent is so confusing. He speaks in a Welsh (I think?) accent, but Matthew’s is Southern English, but the De Clairmonts are supposed to be French, but none of them are genetically related–I think I’m overthinking this (or the show is underthinking).
Rebecca: I think it’s both, Thais.
Mari: Definitely both.
Diana looks like she’s trying to sneak up on Ysabeau, and I literally couldn’t try to explain why. Obviously, Ysabeau knows she’s there and tells her she should’ve stayed her ass in her own tower. Diana says that she’s here to make up her own mind about Ysabeau, despite all the stories she’s heard. Diana asks about how her husband died and she gets angry and doesn’t answer. Instead she asks Diana why her parents were murdered. Diana doesn’t know. Ysabeau suggests Diana get revenge, because even though it does’t take the pain away, it helps.
Dinner. Diana is making small talk about vampires liking red wine and riding horses.
Thais: And Matthew brags about how his family doesn’t drink as much as “other vampires.”
Rebecca: They’re not like other vampires.
Mari: After dinner, they sit around near a fire and reminisce about the parties they used to throw at Sept Tours. (T: The vampires used to host Christmas parties for the villagers, wow.) Matthew starts up the gramophone and invites his mother to dance. We watch that happen for a while. (R: Too long, I’m gonna say.) Then, Matthew puts on a tango and invites Diana to dance, despite her protestations. He leads her around and teaches her the steps, and then she starts glowing? And Matthew is like WONDERFUL WOW! And I can’t tell if her magic power is instantly learning how to dance or lighting up like a glow stick.
Mari: Later, Matthew and Diana are walking together, and Matthew is like “wow, I’ve never seen you enjoy your magic as much as you enjoyed being a disco ball.” Diana says it’s all… because of him. They kiss.
Thais: I hate it.
Rebecca: I’m pretty easy to please with romance, or so I thought. But wow they’re boring.
Mari: Remarkably so.
Fucking Gillian is saying goodbye to members of her coven after a meeting. Sylvia sticks around to tell her that Diana is indeed with Matthew at Sept Tours. Gillian can’t believe Diana would go willingly, but Sylvia believes it, seeing as how Diana almost winded them to death with her Witch Wind. That’s kind of true, but also, you skipped the part where you all were being shady as hell to her so whatever. The point is that Gillian’s new assignment is to find out what Matthew was up to at Oxford.
Diana asks Matthew to tell her about William Harvey. “It’s not a particularly interesting story,” Matthew says, because they truly never are. Their chat is interrupted when Domenico comes out of the shadows to be creepy and menacing.
Thais: They have a giant fucking castle and people can just waltz in and lurk around? They don’t have vampire security guards or something?
Rebecca: They don’t need guards they are guards!
Mari: Who inexplicably don’t sense danger until it lurks out of the shadows.
Ysabeau and Marthe quickly appear as well. Matthew wants Ysabeau to take Diana to the house, but Domenico tells her to stay while he delivers his message: Diana Bishop is required to go before the congregation to be questioned and to present the Book of Life. Diana says she doesn’t have it, and if the Congregation wants it, they can get it themselves. Matthew chimes in that Diana isn’t going anywhere. Domenico is like “a-ha” because he can tell that Matthew is breaking the congregation’s covenant for LOVE. Diana asks what the covenant even is and Domenico thinks that’s interesting. Marthe grabs Diana and starts hurrying her to the house. Matthew vampire-grabs Domenico and gets him into a headlock. He tells Dom that he’s got his answer, and breaks his leg to emphasize that point. After Matthew releases him, Domenico promises to hunt them down and kill them both, but then he has to limp away, so it doesn’t have quite the effect I would imagine he would want it to.
Rebecca: I’m d y i n g he is less intimidating than my kitten.
Mari: Ysabeau is like “the Book of Life, really?” because Matthew has truly not told anyone anything. Matthew admits that that was what drew him to Diana, but now… it’s about more… (T: The sniffing!) Ysabeau is like “obviously.” She advises him to hand Diana over because they won’t kill her if he does. They definitely will kill her if he doesn’t.
Inside the house, Marthe explains to Diana that the covenant prevents interspecies relationships to protect the balance of power. Matthew and Ysabeau join them. Matthew announces that they will not be breaking the covenant aka he’s breaking up with her. (T: Yes!) Diana is basically like “no the hell you aren’t.” She thinks they are bound together, and he points out that they’ve known each other for exactly 3 weeks and also she kind of hated him for a portion of that? Diana doesn’t care. She’s in love and old laws shouldn’t keep them apart.
Thais:
Rebecca: Seriously. 3 weeks. I’ve had a cold longer than they’ve known each other.
Mari: I’m literally in the middle of a longer term relationship with this cough, so I felt that.
Diana runs after him, but Matthew just drives away from Sept Tours. She starts sobbing, but it’s so much sad and magic that she basically starts making it rain with her sads.
Thais: This is Bella staring blankly as the months go by all over again, except with magic.
Mari: The accuracy.
Next time on A Discovery of Witches: Gillian continues to be a rat in S01 E05.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a loud Brazilian who loves all things fantasy, horror, and YA. I spend most of my spare time reading, bellydancing, making lists, and watching way too much TV. My name is pronounced Tah-ees (it doesn't have a notable meaning, but there's a French opera with the same name!).
I am a book, movie, and TV fanatic over the age of 30. I love baking, video games, and D&D. Legally I must tell you I am a disaster. I've written like 6 novels but haven't had the real courage to query agents yet, and also I don't know how to make decisions (DISASTER). So please send me wine for Courage. Maybe a heart too. Oh and also a brain.
