Previously: Mated for sure now.
—
Episode 6
Marines: We start the episode by seeing that Diana has been kidnapped by Satu, who is flying them, much to Diana’s shock and surprise. As Matthew does his “some other beginning’s end’ voice over, we watch Gerbert enter an office with his head in a box.
Thais: Aw man, for like half a second, I thought we were being spared Matthew’s opening theme narration, but nooo…
Mari: It’s here to stay.
Diana falls into a courtyard. She’s very dirty so I don’t understand what happened while they were flying. (R: Need that sexy, sexy dirt.) Satu lands on her feet, next to Diana. Diana stands and tries to make a run for it, but she runs straight into Gerbert. He first tells Satu that it’s been many years since he’s seen a witch in flight. Then he turns to Diana and takes a big sniff, saying it’s hard to differentiate her scent from Matthew’s. (T: I guess this is a vampire thing, then? It’s gross.) He gets creepy close as he wonders if lust attracted Matthew to her as well as the book. Satu tells him to get his hands off, but not really for a noble reason, but because they agreed that she would get her turn first before Gerbert gets to “examine her.” He’s like fine and leaves.
Mari: Diana asks what Satu wants with her. Satu says they are both witches, not enemies, which is a funny thing to say to someone you just kidnapped. Diana tries to run again, but Satu uses magic to close a gate and trap Diana. Satu wants to know how powerful Diana is, but she insists that she has no magical aptitude. Satu tells her that she isn’t a normal witch; she’s a Bishop. They would’ve noticed her magical aptitude, but they did her a great disservice by not teaching her how to control it. Satu wants to teach her now. (T: Satu gets how much negging works on Diana.) She grabs Diana’s hand and asks her to show her power so that she doesn’t have to go through this alone. Diana says she’s not alone. “The vampire?” Satu asks and this causes Diana’s hand to buzz with power.
Satu insists that they don’t have much time. Diana needs to learn how to protect herself against Matthew. Diana points out that Matthew isn’t the one holding her against her will. I mean… not right now, but his family sure was like “you can’t leave because Matthew said so” so….
Rebecca: Currently imagining the AU where these two witches fly away together and become powerful witches and rule the world. Where’s that show?
Thais: I think you’re thinking of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.
Mari: Anyway, Satu tells Diana that Matthew is deceiving her. All he wants is the manuscript, and he’ll take what he wants and discard her, like he did with Gillian. Satu lies that that Gillian is dead. (R: I mean she ALMOST died.) Diana doesn’t think that Matthew would do that. Satu attacks her until Diana has enough and retaliates with magic.
Gebert is in his study with his Head in a Box. He tells her that there are two witches here, one light and one dark. The Head repeats the bit about bewaring the one with the blood of the lion and the wolf. Gerbert asks which witch it is.
Satu calls Diana a traitor, telling her to think of her parents and what they would want. This sends Diana into another rage, especially since she now knows that witches killed her parents. She gets some witch wind going, but it has no effect on Satu.
Thais: I mean, I know we’re supposed to be rooting for Diana, but Satu seems to be the most prepared and clear-headed. Team Satu!
Mari: Diana tells Satu to ask Knox about the truth of the death of Diana’s parents. Satu seems a little taken aback by this, but then she’s like, eh, they must’ve been keeping secrets, a totally okay reason to murder people. Diana is like, okay, are you going to murder me right now? Satu threatens to do whatever it takes.
Rebecca: I would think a witch fight would be cooler than this, but it’s just like “here, let’s blow a fan on ’em that’s badass right?”
Thais: “Yield to the power of my almighty blowout!”
Mari: Meanwhile, the most useless vampire boyfriend is just waking up from his beauty sleep. He calls for Diana.
Rebecca: He NEEDS that beauty sleep to look like his BEAUTIFUL mediocre white man self, Mari.
Mari: Satu uses a little drum to call upon the elements. Diana just looks around wildly. Like I get that that Diana isn’t as magically gifted but surely there is a rock you can chuck at a head or a way to smack the little drum out of her hands or something. Satu lifts Diana with her powers and then drops her on the ground, again and again, demanding to know Diana’s secrets.
Thais: Satu is going to be really disappointed to find out that there’s not much to gain here. Diana doesn’t even know how she got the book.
Mari: Aunts. Emily is doing a spell and sees that Diana is in pain.
Matthew goes into another part of the house and yells, “Diana?”
Thais: Even from half a world away, Diana’s aunts are able to tell something is wrong before Matthew the amazing vampire can.
Rebecca: If only he was still Ozymandias. They’d be home and having tea by now.
Mari: Satu burns Diana some more. Diana screams.
Baldwin arrives at Sept-Tours by helicopter. Inside, Matthew attacks him, demanding to know what the congregation has done with Diana. He even bites him. (T: Hello, brother.) Baldwin says that if he knew where Diana was, he’d have brought her to Venice. Marthe runs in and says that she caught Diana’s scent in the garden, along with someone else’s. Matthew does the weirdest half-turn off the table and run. It’s really funny, but it isn’t supposed to be.
Rebecca: I fucking. I can’t breathe. It was like a child learning to dismount a pony.
Mari: A+
Satu burns some more as Diana screams and cries. Satu keeps going until she falls to her knees, spent. Diana also drops to the ground.
Thais: Um, ladies? I know you’re tired and all, but there’s an active burning fire encircling the two of you. Either of you gonna do something about that or what?
Mari: Nah.
Matthew finds the spot where Diana’s scent ends.
Satu comes to before Diana. She grabs Diana by the leg and drags her along the ground and into Gerbert’s castle house.
Baldwin calls Knox, who is still sitting in the archives in Venice. Baldwin wants to know where Diana is, but Knox assures him that whatever’s happened, it has nothing to do with him. Baldwin reminds him that he’s the most powerful witch in the congregation so it does have to do with him. He asks where Sigusmund and Satu are. Knox answers that Sigusmund is right in front of him and Satu… He stumbles… Satu is here, too. Good recovery. Totally believable. After the call, Knox takes a moment and then asks, “Where is Satu?”
Satu is dragging Diana still, and then drops her in some castle pit.
Thais: Is this turning into The Ring? Is Diana gonna come haunt our asses now?
Mari: Don’t even joke.
Diana screams and it melts into the scream/words of the Head in the Box: beware the witch, etc.
Rebecca: They need to get that Head in the Box a new book to read or something. This is getting old.
Mari: Gerbert must not give her much reading material.
Matthew tells Baldwin that they have to start thinking like witches, split up and widen their search area. (T: How does one “think like a witch,” exactly?) Marthe says that witches can only fly short distances and this one would’ve been slowed down by carrying Diana. Matthew says that one of their neighbors might be harboring them, then. Baldwin asks if this witch is really worth going to war against their own. Matthew slams his fist on the table and yells, “yes!” Through gritted teeth, he tells Baldwin to help him.
Thais: Yeah, Baldwin, we did the weird hand-thing and danced tango, and now we’re vampire-married.
Mari: Gerbert finds Satu and asks what happened. Where is the witch? Satu says she’s down the hole. Gerbert wants her out, because Satu’s torture time is done and it’s his turn. Satu can’t, though, because her powers are gone.
As they look over maps, Baldwin suggests that south makes the most sense. It’s mountainous and difficult to get to, and easy to hide in. South is Gerbert’s territory. It makes sense to Matthew that Gerbert would try to destroy Diana to destroy Matthew. (R: yes everything is all about you, Matthew.) Just then, Matthew gets a call from Sarah. She asks where Diana is. Matthew explains that she’s been taken by a witch. He asks for any information that might help him. Emily explains that she saw Diana in a castle with two figures. Matthew calmly (but like murderously calmly) thanks them and says he’ll phone with more news when he has it. (T: And he rudely hangs up on them!) Ysabeau confirms: Gerbert has Diana. He has a ruined castle and centuries ago, he kept a witch in thrall there. Baldwin says they’ll get there quickest by helicopter. Matthew is up and moving. He and Baldwin ride in the helicopter, ETA 16 minutes.
Rebecca: It’s fun to have stakes. Is that what’s making this episode more interesting? Maybe it’s the day wine talking, but I’m mildly invested, which is a complete turn around from every other episode.
Thais: It’s less that we have stakes and more that people are acting on them. For 5 episodes, it’s just been exposition about all the stakes. Stakes on stakes on stakes, but now people are DOING.
Mari: Amazing, imagine.
Diana groans at the bottom of her pit.
She has a dream or a vision or something. Her parents are there. Her mom tells her it’s time to wake up. Diana wants her mom to tell her a story, but no bad parts. Rebecca says it doesn’t work that way. You can’t skip the bad parts of the story. The last 5 episodes of this very season seem to support that theory.
We get a flashback of Knox standing in front of a window, the glass being blown out into his face. And then we see Matthew fighting and breaking Domenico’s leg.
Rebecca starts the story: The witch was stuck in the dark room, wondering how she would ever get out. But then she heard the prince knocking at the door. Despite all his strength, the prince couldn’t save her. Diana spied a hole in the roof, just big enough for her to fly through, but the prince couldn’t fly, so she had to help herself.
Rebecca: If she doesn’t fly by the end of all this crap I’m gonna be pissed.
Mari: Diana wakes up for real and calls, “mom?” She looks up and sees the hole she was dropped through. She stands with lots of whimpering.
The Clairmonts have reached the castle, but there is nowhere to land. They’ll have to jump.
Gerbert asks Satu what she learned about Diana’s power. Satu says nothing she’d share with Gerbert. He grabs her and drags her to Head in the Box, saying this is what happens to witches that don’t cooperate.
Rebecca: The head in the box looks at her as if to say, “I’ve only been able to say 1 sentence for months, please listen to him.”
Mari: Gerbert hears the helicopter and leaves Satu alone in the room.
Baldwin and Matthew jump from the helicopter with bad CGI. They super run into the castle. In the courtyard, they find the still burning magic circle Satu created.
Thais: Matthew immediately starts shouting for Diana. I guess we’re not trying to sneak in stealthily at all?
Mari: Nah, stealth is for losers, not super-powered vampires.
Satu talks to the Head in the Box and asks her to help her help both of them. Her hands glow with power and she’s able to unlock the door to the office. She packs the Head in the Box up.
Rebecca: Now THIS is the dynamic duo I didn’t know I needed.
Mari: Matthew and Baldwin find Diana. Matthew’s ready to jump down in there with her, but Baldwin is like my man, how will you get out? Diana hears her mother’s voice telling her it’s time to fly. She has flashes back to the previous 5 episodes and the everything/nothing that has happened. “Fly!” she says, but nothing happens. Now she hears her father reminding her that magic is in the heart. She thinks of having hand sex with Matthew in the courtyard last episode and that’s the ticket. She flies out. The boys help her climb out.
Mari: Satu escapes the castle with her witch head.
Matthew, Baldwin and Diana return to Sept-Tours. Ysabeau tells Diana she’s glad she’s safe. Diana wants to call her aunts, but Matthew says Ysabeau will do it. Matthew promises to never let her go again, because stalker boyfriends love safety as an excuse for their stalking, historically.
Rebecca: Like. Can she still pee alone or??? Will he be there for every bowel movement? Every shower? Every time she changes her tampon? I’m concerned.
Mari: We all should be.
Matthew is considering Diana’s wounds. She wonders if her face is broken, since she landed on it. (T: Maybe not your face, but someone with medical expertise should check your brain.) Matthew thinks it’s just bruised and promises to examine her once she is cleaned up. Matthew tells her she was so strong. Marthe and Ysabeau enter with water and rags, but Diana can’t even take the gentlest pressure on her face. Matthew says maybe it’d be better to just get her in bed. When he tries to help her up, she winces. She explains what Satu did to her back, trying to rip her open with magic. Matthew cuts her top off to check out the damage, with permission, and finds that Satu branded Diana with Matthew’s own insignia. He asks if Diana wants to see it, and she does. They walk to the mirror and she looks at the burn. Satu said she was going to open Diana open, but Diana says she didn’t. She gives her reflection a small, triumphant smile.
Rebecca: Help me. I almost like Matthew here. I like how he always explained what he was doing and admired her strength, constantly got permission, and knew she would want to see the scar on her back. As always, the bar for men is on the ground, but he gently hopped over it this time.
Mari: It’s true. It was a good scene and you can imagine that Matthew was indeed a good doctor. I even appreciated Diana’s triumph in the face of this horrible thing that was done to her.
Gerbert is walking through his castle ruins and finds something. I think maybe the little drum Satu was banging? That’s my best guess. The Score Guys want us to know this is creepy bad news.
Thais: But what could he possibly do with it?
Mari: Diana is by the fire having tea. Matthew comes in with snacks. She asks him if he killed Gillian, but he says no. He spared her, which was a MISTAKE, and one he won’t make again. (T: I mean, I hate to agree with Matthew, but…) He promises to hunt down and kill everyone who hurt her. Diana has seen some things now so she’s like “wonderful. I love it.” Actually, she asks him to promise not to go after Satu. She wants to deal with her herself.
Matthew finds Baldwin and thanks him for his help. Baldwin says there is no need for thanks because he’s going to be taking Diana back to the Congregation. Matthew says Diana will be staying, but Baldwin stands and screams that he’s the head of this family. If you have to yell it, it’s probably not true, but go off. Matthew says this isn’t a family matter any longer, because the Knights of Lazarus are going to protect Diana. Baldwin can’t believe that after all these years defunct, Matthew is going to resurrect Lazarus (wow, see that there?) for a witch. (T: That’s the best feature of the Knights of Lazarus!) Matthew lists all the other do-gooder things the Knights once did. They are going to protect Diana. And Matthew heads the Knights. And Baldwin is a knight so he has to obey him, neener neener. Matthew asks what the Congregation is going to do, and a very unhappy Baldwin says that he’ll try and make punishment for Satu the priority.
Rebecca: Just a pissing contest with a lot of fancy names. I guess Matthew won?
Mari: Yep.
On his way out, Baldwin stops to see Diana and tell both her and Matthew that they’ve shown they’ve got some fight in them. They’ll need to hold onto that and do whatever is necessary to survive. The Congregation cannot be held off forever. It’s imperative that they make their next move before the Congregation does. He takes his leave. Matthew and Diana do a little cuddle.
Thais: That was their next move and they already bungled it.
Mari: It is imperative their second move not be a cuddle.
Satu asks the Head in the Box who she is and what Gerbert did to her. Head identifies herself as Meridiana. Satu can’t believe he kept her all this time. Meridiana asks to be released. Satu removes her face covering first, and as she does, Meridiana repeats her prophecy: beware the witch with the blood of the lion and the wolf, for with it she shall destroy the children of the night.
Sophie and Nathaniel are getting ready to tell Agatha their news. Sophie starts by talking about the witch she has to give her statue to. Agatha regrets ever mentioning that because that witch is trouble. Sophie says no, that witch is in trouble. (T: It’s both–definitely both.) She keeps having dreams about Diana and says their connection is so strong because…. she was born of witches. Agatha is like “you are a witch?” And Sophie says no. She’s definitely a demon, but her parents are witches and so were their parents before them. Agatha says that’s impossible.
Later, as they are all drinking tea, Agatha asks if this means the baby could be a witch. Sophie says that she has a very strong suspicious that the baby is. Agatha can’t believe they didn’t tell her. Nathan says they didn’t want to put her in a difficult position as a witch baby born of demons is everything the congregation would hate. Agatha says that he’s her son. He and Sophie and the baby come first. Sophie says they didn’t mean to upset her, but things are complicated. The witch is important to Sophie and the baby. Agatha puts her tea down and as to prove everything she just said, tells them the witch is Diana Bishop.
Rebecca: These three mean more to me than anyone else in this whole damn show.
Thais: How is it that the demons of this show are the most relatable and caring characters? Like can the demons be in charge of everything here?
Mari: I loved Agatha’s reaction and I agree that these 3 are the best.
Satu sets Meridiana on fire, releasing her from her box/thrall. As she disintegrates, she thanks Satu, calling her weaver. Satu is like weaver??
Mari: Back at Sept-Tours, Diana says that she feels so different. Ysabeau says it’s no wonder, now that she’s been liberated and unbound. (T: Violence as a source of liberation. Yay.) Marthe is like SHHHH, but Ysabeau thinks Diana’s proven she doesn’t need coddling. Matthew explains: they think that Diana was spellbound and what happened at La Pierre freed her magic. Marthe asks if she knows anyone who could’ve done this to her. Diana is confused because only witches who have gone mad or who have hurt people are spellbound. She looks at herself in the mirror and asks what she is.
I don’t know if isolation is making me crazy, but I think this might’ve been the best episode yet? I say that comparatively, but it didn’t feel like such a chore to recap this one. Things happened! We didn’t get too many more answers and we don’t end much father along than where we started, but there was action! Amazing.
Rebecca: No this was definitely better. Even the usually unlikable characters were somewhat likable? And Satu is even MORE interesting, and I’m actually excited to see where her character goes.
Thais: I appreciate that there was a lot less exposition in the dialogue. Let people do things without explaining quite so much. But it sucks that it took 6 episodes to happen–we’re almost at the end of the season.
Next time on A Discovery of Witches: Diana confronts her aunts to find out why she was spellbound in S01 E07.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I am a book, movie, and TV fanatic over the age of 30. I love baking, video games, and D&D. Legally I must tell you I am a disaster. I've written like 6 novels but haven't had the real courage to query agents yet, and also I don't know how to make decisions (DISASTER). So please send me wine for Courage. Maybe a heart too. Oh and also a brain.
I'm a loud Brazilian who loves all things fantasy, horror, and YA. I spend most of my spare time reading, bellydancing, making lists, and watching way too much TV. My name is pronounced Tah-ees (it doesn't have a notable meaning, but there's a French opera with the same name!).