Dollhouse S01 E01 – Specially programmed traits

This post was originally published in October of 2014. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the first TV show we ever recapped on this website, and then we went through a pretty serious Whedon phase, continuing our forever love/hate relationship with his work and hate/hate relationship with his person.

Revisit season one recaps with us on our Throwback Thursdays.

The post has been lightly edited for content and style.

Ghost

Marines: First thing’s first: Sweeney and I knew we wanted to do this quite a while ago. All the usual things stopped us from getting to it right, right away: time, naps, time, trying to pay our bills with real people money, adulthood and time. When we met up in Paris in August, we discussed this project (amongst many others) and quickly decided that the best way to make it a reality was to invite another person to blog with us.

We’ve announced this before, but please officially welcome our newest Snark Lady, Stephanie!

Stephanie: Hello, friends!

Mari: Stephanie and I have seen the show before (though I think I quit before the end, as I do, and have definitely never rewatched). Sweeney is our resident Snow.

Introductions all out of the way, now we head to episode:

Eliza Dushku (FAITH!) is sitting opposite Olivia Williams, perhaps sporting just a touch of the Coma Make-Up she once made so famous. (To us.) Olivia (Adelle DeWitt) says lots of cryptic things to Eliza (Caroline) about clean slates, though Caroline isn’t buying it. She points out that even when you clean a slate, you can see what was on it before. (~Foreshadowing~)

Olivia pushes some papers toward Caroline and asks if she’s volunteering. Caroline gets riled up, standing as she yells that she doesn’t have much of a choice. The jist of the rest of their back and forth is that Caroline did a bad thing (though she tells us she was just trying to make a difference) and the thing Adelle is offering her is a way to take care of the Bad Thing. It’s a five year term and then Caroline walks away clean. Caroline seems resigned as she recognizes that actions have consequences. Adelle leans forward and asks, “but what if they didn’t?”

We cut to two people riding their motorcycles like there ain’t even a single consequence around. One of the riders veers off to what we can assume is a shortcut, but the rider wipes out. She stands and removes her helmet for reasons that are beyond my comprehension of safety but well within my understanding of contrivance and TV, because it’s Caroline! SURPRISE! Having just fallen on her ass, she leaves her helmet behind (?) and catches up to the other rider. They drive straight into a restaurant, where there is a birthday party happening for the dude, Matt. They argue playfully for a little bit about the motorcycle race. Caroline challenges him to a rematch but he says he just wants to dance.

Cut to a bunch of people just dancing while “Just Dance” by Lady Gaga plays. Eliza Dushku’s dance moves give me some wicked nostalgia.

Stephanie: Yes! Eliza Dushku is basically Faith all the time. That’s a bad thing considering the premise of this show…

Sweeney: But she’s really good at being Faith! And JUST DANCING when that time comes. Both valuable life skills.

Mari: Also, she’s wearing a dress that might actually be a shirt. She was wearing pants while on the motorcycle, so maybe she just took the pants off and was ready to dance. (S: My notes just say, “WHERE ARE HER PANTS?!”) Anyway, she’s having a great time with Matt. After the song is over, he pulls her off the dance floor. He knows they said the weekend would be no strings attached, but it’s been amazing for him and he’ll always remember it.  Caroline says she will too, but Matt looks doubtful. He gives her a necklace with a heart pendant and she thanks him sincerely for being a wonderful guy. Matt says it’s getting late, but Caroline wants one more dance. Matt is going to grab a drink first. Alone, Caroline smiles to herself happily, but suddenly looks like, “where DID I leave my pants?” and makes for the door. Matt watches her go.

Outside, she’s still got some bounce to her step as she approaches a black van. The door opens and a man with a lovely speaking voice asks if she’s ready for her treatment. (S: He’s also been in everything ever. I’m ashamed to admit that I currently see him every week on The Blacklist, a terrible show that I can’t stop watching.) Caroline says it’s about that time and gets in the van. Lovely Speaking Voice asks if she had a nice time and she smiles as she says she met a guy. Back at the party, one of Matt’s friends asks where the girl went and he makes references to Cinderella, the end of the ball, and the stroke of midnight.

We cut again to a parking garage. A woman in a kimono is ushered into a black van. Lovely Speaking Voice leads Caroline into an elevator. She asks if she can go back to the party after her treatment. LSV says he’ll wait for her but his face conveys doubt, many feelings and secrets.

Upstairs, Caroline is putting on some much comfier looking clothing as she keeps rattling on about meeting someone special. Fran Kranz! (playing a science geek) (you can mostly tell from his shirt) watches Caroline climb into a chair and tells her that the procedure might pinch a bit. Caroline’s body goes rigid as the thing around her head lights up. We get a quick flash of some of her memories of the night, back to meeting Matt and then back to being a baby in crib. The necklace she was clutching falls symbolically to the floor, for so too went all her memories. #deep

Stephanie: It’s not a Whedon show without the metaphors. 

Sweeney: I believe the “look at all the metaphors” tag was born in our Buffy days. Early on, too.

Mari: She opens her eyes and Science Geek asks her, calling her Echo, how she’s feeling. “Did I fall asleep,” she asks. “For a little while,” he replies. “Shall I go now?” Science Geek tells her to go if she’d like. She stands and leaves the room. Science Geek grabs a video tape looking thing from the chair Echo was just sitting in and takes it into the next room where Lovely Speaking Voice is waiting. He asks if everything went okay with Echo’s wipe. Geek jokes that LSV should ask Echo. But lol memory wipe! It went totally fine. Geek goes on about what awesome humanitarians they are for giving two people a great weekend. LSV clearly has his doubts as he looks out over the facility that gives me a bit of a Kill Bill, The Bride killing off the Crazy 88 vibe. He says they would all go to jail if they were discovered. Geek shares none of these doubts and says Echo is living the dream. “Whose dream,” LSV asks. “Who’s next?” Geek responds.

Segue Magic to a little girl pouring herself a boring pretzel snack. Girl, you need ice cream in your life. (S: Team pretzels.) She’s talking to her dad on the phone, trying to get him to let her watch some reality TV. We jump between the girl in her house and her father, riding in a limo. They are cute and so probably bad things are going to happen to them. The limo stops and the man asks what’s going on. He tells his daughter he has to go and she falls dramatically back in her bed, calling her father a tyrant. A second later, two people grab her, subdue her and put her in what looks like a body bag.

We usually shout something at you guys to indicate where the credits go. These credits are a bunch of shots of Eliza Dushku doing different things while a breathy voice sings la-la-la-la-la at us over and over again. It ends with Echo climbing into a pod. The screen blacks out except for the lights of the pods which form a sort of asterisk as the music gets lullaby tinkly. Joss Whedon’s name and title credits.

I guess all that means we’re left with: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.

Sweeney: On a related note, this show all-around lacks in the art department. I generally base the thumbnails on DVD art (or poster art, with the new shows!) but my Google Image Search was giving me nothing to work with. I managed to force something out of  these credits, but OOF. Struggle.

Mari: After the credits, Adelle pours some alcohol for Papa Tyrant as he explains that his daughter’s kidnappers are demanding five million dollars. He’ll pay it. A Mr. Dominic appears to say “bro, did you call the cops?” Papa Tyrant did not because the kidnappers instructed him not to. That’s really why he’s here. He doesn’t want Rambo, he wants a negotiator– someone who will make the transaction go off like clockwork. Adelle assure him they can help him, but reminds him that “the active” won’t know they came from “this place.” Any mention of any of that and it will confuse them. Papa Tyrant understands. He thanks Adelle and leaves.

Down in the Dollhouse, Actives are working out and relaxing and getting massages and shit. Please keep in mind that this place is unethical and maybe evil, but all of that looked pretty fantastic. (S: I’m okay with unethical if it means I get to wear yoga pants and forget about all the times I go outside.) (S: What are ethics in the face of a life of free massages and non-real pants?) Echo is being examined by DOCTOR AMY ACKER! I love Amy Acker. I love her so much even after every single thing Angel did to Fred. (S: Part of me says, “that’s a deep love,” but also, the awful things Angel did to Fred were a different kind of awful, in terms of jeopardizing your perception of a character/actress than, say, the awful things they did poor Cordelia. I’d call this aside pointless, but I don’t get the sense that this show was watched by anybody but Whedon devotees, so. There’s that.)

Her character here has got a large scar across her forehead and down the side of her lips. Dr. Scarred for Life says that Echo’s knee is tight and something heavy must’ve fallen on it. Echo can’t remember what it was. Other than that, Echo is in perfect health, and Dr. Scarred for Life is going to ask the staff to work on her knee. Echo repeats that she can’t remember what fell on her. The doctor asks if that bothers her. “Should it,” Echo asks. Dr. Scarred for Life says they look out for her. Echo reaches out and touches the doctor’s face, asking if anyone looks out for her. Dr. Scarred for Life’s personal space has been invaded and she backs away quickly.

Stephanie: I have a lot of problems with Eliza Dusku’s doll state acting. All of those problems are that it’s terrible.

Mari: lol

Echo leaves the room and sees flashing lights from the Science Geek’s room upstairs. She goes to investigate and hears a female crying. She opens the doors to the room where the imprinting chair is. There is a woman there, needles sticking out of her body, in some very apparent pain. Echo makes her presence known by saying that the girl isn’t asleep. Science Geek tells the other two techs to keep “mapping the tissue” and pushes Echo out of the room. Science Geek tries to explain to Echo that the woman was in pain because this is her first time in the chair, and she needs more extensive work to make her happy. Dr. Scarred for Life sneaks into the room just as Science Geek says that soon, Echo will have a new friend named Sierra. He tells her to go off with Dr. Sanders for her massage.

We get one last shot of Sierra in pain before we fade over to a sweaty man in a boxing ring. About 67% of the time, I think Tahmoh Penikett is one weird looking fella. The remaining time, I think he’s cute. His face is very confusing for me.

Stephanie: I felt the same way about Tahmoh the first time I saw him. Then I fell in love with him on Battlestar Galactica and like his weird face very much now.

Sweeney: Weird ass faces have a way of growing on you. Especially when combined with dem abs, as we learned in Rosewood.

Mari: We cut back and forth between Tahmoh (Agent Ballard) at a police station and in the ring, I guess so that we know he’s a cop and also likes to punch things. Plus, dem abs.

At the station, one of his superiors asks about his progress on “Dollhouse.” Agent Ballard admits that it’s slow, opening the way for Mr. Superior to list all the things that have gone wrong, from his interference in an ongoing human trafficking investigation to his recent divorce. Mr. Superior asks why rich people who have everything would even go to the Dollhouse. That is a Very Good Question. For now, let’s go with Ballard’s explanation that when you have everything, you still want more things – extreme and perfect things. Ballard says that the only way to imprint a person with a new personality is to remove the existing one. Mr Superior is all, “cool story. STOP INTERFERING WITH OUR HUMAN TRAFFICKING INVESTIGATION.” Paul says that won’t be a problem.

 
 
Stephanie: I don’t understand why any of this boxing stuff happened, but my eyeballs thank you. 

Mari: Echo comes back into the imprinting room. She eyes the chair suspiciously for a moment, but Science Geek asks her to sit and she does with a small smile. The chair reclines and PAIN.

Adelle is in her office with the security guy, Mr. Dominic. They are explaining to Lovely Speaking Voice (Boyd) that should anything go or feel wrong, Boyd is to extract Echo immediately. Dominic tells Boyd not to pull any ex-cop heroics, and Boyd also says that it’s not a problem. Boyd asks who Echo thinks she is.

Segue Magic to Echo in a suit, hair pulled back in a bun wearing glasses. She walks into Papa Tyrant’s house and tells him very dramatically that she’s there to help. After a Not!Break, she introduces herself as Eleanor Penn, saying she was referred by their friend. Papa Tyrant protests on account of Eleanor!Echo being pretty and pretty girls tend to rile the men folk up, not put them at ease. Fatherly types like Edward James Olmos soothe people. Also, EJO was on Battlestar Galactica with Tahmoh Penikett. WEEEE. Eleanor!Echo insists she’s the best most qualified person for the job because she’s been doing this all her life.

In his Stalkermobile, Boyd is watching Echo on some security tape. He asks Topher (the Science Geek) about the glasses. Topher goes on a very long winded rant about how he made Echo’s brain believe she was nearsighted. Boyd is all, “WTF.” because this is a dangerous mission, you know. Topher says that the imprints are pulled from real people and the point is to make the doll realistic. Which pretty much goes against that whole speech Ballard gave about perfection so IDK GUYS. I guess the Dollhouse’s spiel is, “pay lots of money for perfectly imperfect people, it’ll be great!”

 
 
 
Topher leers at Sierra and then Dr. Saunders as he keeps expositing some crap too boring to pay attention to and finishes by mentioning that Eleanor!Echo also has asthma. HOPE NOTHING GOES WRONG WITH THAT!

Stephanie: I don’t know what you’re talking about. It seems like a really good idea to give a doll conditions that might interfere with their missions. 

Mari: At Casa de Tyrant, the phone rings and Eleanor!Echo motions everyone into position. She picks up the phone and Papa Tyrant grabs the other line. The kidnapper, a Mr. Sunshine, accuses Eleanor!Echo of being a cop, but she convinces him she’s just there to facilitate the transfer. Mr. Sunshine is still pretty prickly with Eleanor. To assert her authority, she says she’ll pay 8 million instead of 5, “two million each,” if Sunshine calls in 40 minutes and lets Papa Tyrant speak to his daughter. She hangs up and Papa Tyrant give her a look because it most definitely would’ve been polite to be all, “hey, can I offer up THREE MILLION MORE DOLLARS OF YOUR MONEY?” He is pretty impressed that she rightly guessed that there were four of them. Probably not three million dollars impressed, though.

Ballard is at a club somewhere, watching some guy he says is a talker. He’s talking to himself, too, so he probably only said that line to give us a handy nickname. He takes a cell phone pic of Talker and makes a call.

Back at Casa de Tyrant, Sunshine calls back and now demands 1o million. Eleanor!Echo hangs up. Sunshine calls right back and yells at her, but she evenly asks if Davina can talk to Papa Tyrant now. They put her on the phone and she tells them there is one kidnapper who wears a mask and never speaks. She tries to tell her father about what kind of sounds she hears, but Eleanor!Echo interrupts her to make sure the kidnappers are feeding her and stuff. Papa Tyrant says he loves her, and Eleanor!Echo tells Davina to pass the phone back to Sunshine. He tells her that he’ll call with a drop off location at noon. Eleanor makes it clear that they will only pay if Davina is there.

Papa Tyrant is pissed. He thought Eleanor!Echo was good with people. She clarifies that she’s good at people. (S: What the hell does that even mean?) Papa is sure Davina was going to give them a clue to where she was being held. Eleanore!Echo agrees, which is precisely why she stopped the girl. The kidnappers would’ve probably reacted badly to her giving up their location. She says that he has to trust that she’s been doing this for years, and he laughs humorlessly. “Yesterday you weren’t a nurse or a clown in the circus?” Probably not because anyone who wanted a nurse or a clown in the circus would probably hire, you know, AN ACTUAL NURSE OR A CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS.

Stephanie: Yeah, but would a real clown have specially programmed traits like asthma?

Mari : Damn, you got me there! Probably not!

Eleanor!Echo starts listing her qualifications but Papa Tyrant wants to know why. The question seems a little bit off given what he knows, but he could be probing the imprint, so to speak. Boyd is still watching all of this happen. Eleanor!Echo admits that she was kidnapped when she was 9. Papa Tyrant pushes, asking if the men did unprofessional things to her. She says one of her kidnappers killed his partners. Papa Tyrant wonders, more to himself than anything, why “they” would put such terrible memories in her head. Eleanor!Echo is quickly losing her composure and she has a flash back to Sierra in the imprinting chair. She steadies herself and says she’s fine but needs some sleep. When Papa Tyrant is gone, she takes out her inhaler.

In the club, the Talker pays a waitress to make sure his table has lots of champagne. Talker goes to the bathroom and Ballard is there, waiting. By the urinal. He pulls out a gun and makes Talker say, “Dollhouse.” He repeats it a few times and I’m slightly in love with his delivery of, “doll freaking house.”  It becomes clear that Ballard is still following the Russian human trafficking lead, which is exactly what his superiors told him not to do. He wants Talker to find the location of the Dollhouse and leaves with a snarky, “wash your hands. And your shoes.”

Papa Tyrant and Eleanor!Echo drive up to the transfer spot which is by some docks. Boyd is nearby, sniper rifle all ready to go, in case. Mr. Sunshine asks for the money, but Eleanor!Echo wants to see Davina first. The other kidnappers show the girl who is waiting nearby on a boat. They then push her back down inside the boat which was probably the first indication that they aren’t really planning on returning the girl? SPOILER, SORRY. Papa Tyrant brings out the money and Eleanor!Echo watches as the three other kidnappers get off the boat to collect it. She recognizes one of the kidnappers and starts hyperventilating. Topher is monitoring Echo from the Dollhouse and radios into Boyd that something is wrong. At the docks, Eleanor!Echo fumbles her inhaler and when Papa Tyrant bends to help her, she wheezes out that they aren’t going to give Davina back. Papa Tyrant tries to stop Mr. Sunshine and is shot. From his perch, Boyd shoots Mr. Sunshine, calls for an ambulance and rushes to Echo’s side. He asks if she’s ready for her treatment and she looks up at him, but she’s still panicking.

dollhouse animated GIF

Sweeney: GHOST! She said ghost! Sorry about your meltdown and all, but congrats, girl!

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Mari: In the Stalkermobile, Eleanor!Echo is still having her breakdown. She’s saying a lot of things about being in the dark, about someone being all thumbs (ew), about the man being old now. Boyd figures out that the older man is the same man who took Eleanor, the real Eleanor we can guess, when she was just a girl. Eleanor!Echo says that man called himself a ghost, and would tell her that you can’t fight a ghost. Eleanor!Echo calms herself enough to tell Boyd that she knows what’s going to happen next. The Ghost will wait until they are dividing up the money, he’ll kill the other two men and will be free to do to Davina what he one did to Eleanor. Somehow, Eleanor!Echo knows they have six hours before this all happens.

Boyd and Eleanor!Echo start piecing information together. Only one of the kidnappers wore a mask, which probably means the girl knows him. They arrive at the Dollhouse and Eleanor!Echo hops out to get her treatment. Boyd tries to follow but Dominic is there to debrief since weapons were fired and their client is hospitalized.

Upstairs, Topher is assuring someone that the imprint didn’t have a glitch. This was a very bad thing that happened to the real Eleanor Penn, which is to say, one of the people they made that imprint up of. Eleanor!Echo enters in her Dollhouse pajamas and tells Topher to do the treatment quickly.

Boyd storms into Adelle’s office with Dominic on his tail. Adelle tells him he botched the mission and he’s all, “YOU DID BITCH,” because they gave Echo the memories of an abused girl and then brought her face to face with her abuser. Boyd thinks Echo is the right person to find Davina. Dominic suggests distancing themselves from the job because it could attract attention. Adelle says that they no longer have a client, which is a real crappy thing to say, considering Papa Tyrant probably paid them already. One bullet in the shoulder and suddenly you’re not even a client! Boyd passionately yells that they have a mission. Adelle says that they prefer to call them “engagements,” but she’ll forgive his error since he’s kind of a newbie. Boyd’s been around long enough to know that Adelle likes to tell herself that what they do helps people. He asks her to let Echo save this girl.

Boyd runs through the Dollhouse to the imprinting room. Echo is just standing up from the chair. They look at each other for a weird amount of time, just staring. Echo looks a little blank so you see Boyd’s face go, “aw crap.” But then Eleanor!Echo asks for her glasses. She puts them on and says she knows how to find Davina. We cut to Eleanor!Echo and Boyd in an elevator. She reminds him that on the first call with Mr. Sunshine, he said, “you’re the schoolteacher now,” emphasis on the “you’re.” The man in the mask is probably one of Davina’s teachers. On the ground level, Dominic introduces himself to Eleanor!Echo. He’ll be accompanying Echo on the mission and Boyd is staying behind. Probably mostly as a neener, neener from Adelle who doesn’t seem like the type who likes to be shown up or told what to do.

Sweeney: I’LL SHOW YOU! (By cutting off my nose to spite my face.)

Mari: Eleanor!Echo and Dominic are in the chopper when Boyd radios in the information he found for a teacher that’s been out sick for 12 days. His sister’s got an isolated house, perfect for relaxing getaways or possibly kidnapping people. Dominic isn’t so sure about sending Eleanor!Echo into the house but she demands 10 minutes with the men or else Davina will die.

We see the isolated house, and I take back what I said about relaxing getaways.

Stephanie: It’s… rustic. 

Mari: At the Dollhouse, Boyd goes to see Topher and asks how Echo is doing. Topher’s got brain scans up on his screen and says the blue areas indicate fear. Boyd notes that it all looks blue, which was Topher’s point. He tells us what we already know, about one of the people of the imprint being abused by Ghost. Topher looked this person up and it turns out they killed themselves. Isn’t that something you would look up BEFORE inserting a personality into someone’s brain?

Eleanor!Echo knocks on the door all polite and stuff. Ghost pulls Eleanor!Echo inside. She identifies the teacher by name and says that soon people will be onto them, since they’ve left quite a trail. She speaks to Teacher and Other Guy and tells them that their biggest problem is actually Ghost, who was planning on killing them because he’s more interested in being a pedophile than 8 million dollars. Eleanor!Echo knows Davina is in the fridge. Other Guy is buying the story and turns his gun onto Ghost. Eleanor!Echo goes into more detail about all the other girls Ghost kept, including the one he dumped into the river before he knew she was dead. Ghost hits her across the face, sending her glasses flying. She looks up at him and says, “You can’t fight a ghost.” And Echo is a ghost and the woman whose memories these are is dead and gone and also a ghost.

A gun fight breaks out and Eleanor!Echo rushes into the kitchen to grab Davina. Other Guy comes into the kitchen and tells Eleanor!Echo she can go. She rushes out and sees that Ghost is dead. Before she reaches the door, it’s blown back. Sierra enters and calmly shoots Teacher and Other Guy.

Eleanor!Echo is shaken up. She told them to wait. Sierra says that they heard shots and made a judgement call. That and probably they wanted to package all of this up in a tidy bow.

Sweeney: Also because I assume Sierra needed something to do in this episode besides sit in the chair and be in pain and stuff. Gotta have actual lines in all of your contracted episodes!

Mari: Eleanor!Echo leaves the house carrying and comforting Davina. This fades to Echo in the Dollhouse, just after her wipe.

Cut to Sierra in a communal shower where we see that there are also guy dolls. Sierra leaves and Echo enters the shower. In her office, Dominic is telling Adelle that this all worked our really well for them, because apparently they are just going to keep the ransom money for themselves. This mission almost fell apart, but they managed to contain it. Adelle hands Dominic a folder and asks how they are going to contain whatever problem is inside. We only see the first page says, “Alpha.”

The dolls file into a room that has their sleeping pods. They get in quietly, all with eerie coordination. We cut from Echo climbing into her pod to a video of Caroline from college. There is a man watching this video as he takes a picture of Echo and puts it in an envelope with Ballard’s name on it. The back says, “keep looking.” The shot pulls back to reveal two corpses behind the man, one male and one female.

Back at the Dollhouse, the cover of Echo’s sleeping pod slides forward. You know who likes sleeping in arrangements kind of like these? VAMPIRES. Faith would not approve.

I have to admit that for the problems I had with this episode, it is indeed a solid pilot. It’s intriguing, has emotion and action and sets-up the world and premise with a passable amount of exposition. It hinges on a pretty big coincidence though, what with Echo finding the abuser from someone else’s memories. Plus, I don’t think the episode did a great job selling the concept, especially by highlighting everything that can go wrong when you put real, flawed personalities inside these dolls. So… why get a doll?

Maybe we’ll find out next time.

Stephanie: I agree with all of those points. I think this pilot works better when you know where the show is going, because there’s a lot of little foreshadowy moments happening. I can see why this might not work as a new watcher since there’s so much introduced in this first 40 minutes, and I remember being so overwhelmed/confused. I guess what I’m trying to say is that knowing the future has improved this episode a great deal for me. Or maybe I was really bad at watching TV 5 years ago. 

Sweeney: Yeah, I’m definitely with you on the overwhelmed/confused thing.  There were just too many things that didn’t make adequate sense in a way that I found more annoying than intriguing. I’d keep watching, even independent of the recaps, but that’s a choice I’d make more on Joss Whedon’s credit than anything else. Plus, it is a fascinating concept and I’m truly looking forward to seeing what he does with it.

 

Next time on Dollhouse: Echo is imprinted to be an outdoorsy girl and possibly also a murder victim in S01 E02 – The Target.

 

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





Stephanie (all posts)

I'm a miniature adult who still gets offered the kid's coloring menu at restaurants. I like to pretend I'm an illustrator, but mostly I spend my time complaining about TV on Twitter. My life dream is to have my consciousness placed into an android body so that I'll have more time to watch/read things.





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