Angel S01 E06 – Beaten with the feelings stick

Previously: Doyle found Cordy a new apartment, which turned out to be haunted by two different ghosts and have a body in the walls. Nice work, Doyle!
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Sense & Sensitivity

Kirsti: We open in an alley. A bag drops into frame, followed by a man. He starts to walk away, but there’s a short blonde woman standing the shadows. He runs, and she chases him down, eventually delivering a spectacular fly kick when he tries to get in a car. The camera pans out, and the woman is Kate. She roughs him up a little and then arrests him. Cut to the police station. Kate’s trying to get Crook Man to spill the beans on where a certain Mob boss type is, but he’s not spilling. Eventually she snaps and pins him against the wall with an arm across his throat.

Sweeney: A commenter pointed out that Kate is sort of a Buffy-like placeholder. This is one of many scenes this episode that support that idea.

Lorraine: Her run, jump, kick while apprehending the perp especially. Mostly, though, I question her police skillz ’cause of the way she ad-libbed the Miranda Rights and then tried to choke the suspect…

K: Truth. Five other cops rush in to pull her off. Outside the interrogation room, she tells another detective that Crook Man won’t talk. “Then Little Tony is as good as gone. We can’t find him, and I don’t know anyone who can.” Kate gets a SRS THNKNG face, and we cut to Angel defending himself against a multi-tentacled beastie in the sewers. Doyle and Cordy run up with an enchanted sword. Angel kills the beastie, and asks them to do the clean up. Cordy whines about him being clueless to those around him while Doyle is being strangled by a beastie tentacle in the background. Pot, meet kettle. Roll credits.

Cordy and Doyle walk into the office covered in dirt and beastie slime. Angel walks in and tells Cordelia that she needs to…but she cuts him off and says she’s not doing anything until he asks how it went. He stares at her for a minute and then tells her she needs to call her mother. Aaah, the days before mobile phones… Cordy grumbles some more, and Angel asks her if she has a point. “Being that it IS possible to brood AND show a little interest in the feelings of others!” she says, and I laugh hysterically, because there is clearly no room in the Brooding Schedule for that.

There’s some more bickering, and luckily for all concerned, Kate bursts in. She fills Angel in on Little Tony and what she needs him to do. The job is simple – find the guy and call Kate when he does. Seizure cut to the gang doing research in the office. Cordy’s still pissy, and Doyle indicates through head gestures that Angel should say something. He awkwards his way through the following: “Cordelia, I wanted to, – you know, – thank you so much for – going through those coroner reports. Because I can imagine how not fun it is to read about, – you know- coroner stuff.”

Cordy’s not buying it.

Lor: Cordy is getting paid, yeah? Like a job? STFU then.

K: SERIOUSLY. This is why you shouldn’t work for someone you’re friends with. Because that makes things weird when they have to act like YOUR BOSS. Contrivantly, she’s read a bunch of coroner’s reports about dead bodies washing up on the beach. Angel gets the brilliant idea to cross reference where the bodies were found with tide patterns and track them back to a central location. Because, you know, if you’re a big name mobster, you’re going to dump all your victims in the one place…

Sweeney: I was confused by this whole bit not because of that, but because this seems like the sort of thing the police ought to have noticed. I wanted to question how he is now the expert on non-demonic crimes, but then I remembered that Traumaland has a special thing for incompetent police departments whose work is always better performed by a few (or just one!) of our protagonists. It has been so long since we thought about how inept Sunnydale PD must be, or visited any of the old Childhood Trauma books, that I had nearly forgotten this rule. Carry on.

K: Apparently the police are inept EVERYWHERE!! Seizure cut over to the police station where Kate spots an old dude in uniform. It’s her dad. He’s in the process of retiring. This scene serves very little purpose except to inform us that Kate and her dad don’t have the best relationship. (S: Giving Kate the Buffy-like Placeholder Daddy Issues!) Angel phones to let her know that he’s found the Unfindable Guy in like two minutes flat – at the docks. She tells him to get out of there because she’s on her way, and they hang up. But then! A boat approaches. Angel watches it through night vision goggles, which is kind of hilarious because surely creatures of the night should have no need of such things? Anyway, the boat is apparently Little Tony’s way out of town. We head over to the mobsters where Little Tony is telling a minion to water and talk to his plants while he’s gone. LOL, SURE BOSS.

And then. THEN. This happens:

Sweeney: I can only assume Whistler left him that outfit. It’s magical.

K: It really is. In order to stop Little Tony from leaving, Angel put on an ugly hat and a Hawaiian shirt and pretended to be a tourist from Baltimore waiting for a boat trip to Catalina. I can’t even. Angel knocks the minions/bodyguards unconscious and Little Tony tries to make a run for it. But the cops arrive in the nick of time to arrest him. Kate’s super pissed at Angel for not leaving when she told him to, and Little Tony death stares at him from the back of the car as it pulls out.

Back at the police station, Little Tony wants his phone call. Obviously, his lawyers are Wolfram & Hart, because of contrivance.

S: Meh, I don’t think this really qualifies as contrivance. Given what little we currently know about them — that they defend really seriously epic bad guys so well that nobody knows that they’re vampires and shit — it would make sense for him to hire them. Also, having a hookup to demony things would explain much of his criminal success. Seems sort of like the un-contrivance in that sense.

K: True. But I’m still getting the vibe that Wolfram & Hart are literally the only lawyers in Los Angeles… The creepiest lawyers in town are putting plans in place to get rid of the thorn in Little Tony’s side – Kate. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN.

Seizure cut to the interrogation room where Creepy Lawyer is petitioning to have Little Tony moved to a different precinct. Kate and Little Tony have a sass off that ends in Creepy Lawyer threatening to expose police brutality in the precinct. Over at Angel Investigations, Cordy says that it’s nice to have a simple cut and dried case. Then this happens:

Cordy: “Wait. You’ve got pensive face.”
Angel: “I’ve always got pensive face.”
Cordy: “Well, pensive-r face.”

LOL. Anyway, Angel’s not convinced that it’s over while Cordy gets pissy at him for not noticing her new shoes. I don’t blame him. They’re orange sandals that look like they should be worn in the locker room at the public swimming pool. Unluckily for Angel – who’s trying to explain that men don’t notice such things – Doyle walks in and is all “NICE SHOES. Please love me?” Okay, fine, that last part is just heavy implication. Doyle says that he’s heard Little Tony is planning something.

Over at a cop bar, Kate’s getting high fives from fellow officers for finally getting Little Tony off the streets. Her dad’s there, and is SUPER supportive, saying “Here’s hoping the bust doesn’t fall apart before you finish filing the paperwork.  Damn lawyers, huh?” Kate’s all “THANKS DAD… O.o” The other detective from earlier comes up to tell Kate that as a result of how she treated Little Tony, the whole precinct has to attend sensitivity training. We cut over to the training, because apparently it’s happening Right The Fuck Now, where the trainer is telling a room full of cops that he can help them feel “the full range of human emotions.” LOL, WHUT.

Sweeney: On behalf of Team Feels, so often sucked up into a black hole of feels: THIS SOUNDS TERRIFYING. WHAT EMOTIONS COULD WE BE MISSING AND WHY WOULD WE WISH TO ADD THEM?

K: I KNOW. Kate, much like me, facepalms. But it gets worse. There’s a talking stick, and they have to share their feelings. Kate snarks, and the trainer tells her that “your inappropriate sarcasm masks anger.” Here at the Snark Squad, all sarcasm is appropriate because it masks the anger we feel over stupid characters who deserve to be slapped (see: Ana Steele). (S: Truth.) (L: And we don’t even need a fucking talking stick.) The trainer tells Kate that she’s afraid of being hurt, and he’s using her name in practically every sentence, and it’s giving me the wiggins. He asks who she’s afraid is going to hurt her and the Flutes of Sadness strike up.

In a dingy office, Angel and Doyle are grilling a heavy set man in a tracksuit who is using a really weird exercise machine for information on Little Tony’s plan. After some back and forth of little consequence, Angel twigs that they’re going after Kate and we seizure cut back to the police station. Angel turns up and tells Kate that they need to talk. She thanks him for the other night as a result of her sensitivity training, and then asks if he’ll go with her to her dad’s retirement party. He agrees, and then warns her about Little Tony’s plan. She uses some sensitivity training buzz words, and Angel’s all “Uhhhh. Whut?”. Cut to a mysterious mansion, where it turns out that the Sensitivity Trainer is working for Creepy Lawyer. He tells Creepy Lawyer that after another day of training, he’ll see incredible results, and we fade to black with ominous music.

Over at the cop bar, the retirement party is in full swing when Kate and Angel arrive. Kate’s nervous about having to make a speech, and Angel reminds her to picture the audience in their underwear. She looks him up and down and says “Way ahead of you” in our at-least-once-an-episode reminder than Angel is apparently hot. (S: SHOTS!) She introduces Angel to her dad, who basically says “Oh good, a man. I thought you were gay.” Kate, not surprisingly, chugs her drink.

Sweeney: Been there. I feel Kate’s pain.

Lor:  Um, I’m in my late 20’s, single and spend absurd amounts of time on the Internet. Yeah. Been there.

K: I think we’ve all been there. My favourite was when I complained about cramps and my mother asked me if I was transgender, because she’s heard on the radio that transgender people express hatred towards their reproductive organs…

BACK TO LOS ANGELES. It’s time for Kate’s speech. It starts out fine, but then it starts to get personal. And then it turns into her crying and talking about how her dad pushed her away after her mother died. The guys who were at the Sensitivity Training with her cry as well, while the few who weren’t awkward turtle. Then the Sensitivity Cops get into a fight about whether Kate just had a breakthrough or not. Said fight turns physical, and Angel drags Kate away.

Cut to Angel Investigations. Kate’s still acting weird, and Cordy assumes she’s drunk. Angel gets the memo about the training from Kate and goes to look up the trainer’s address. Kate, meanwhile, points out that Doyle has a massive crush on Cordy, and that maybe it’s time for Cordy to open her heart to new love. Doyle looks like he wishes the floor would swallow him (shame we’re not in Sunnydale, where that’s an actual possibility!) and Cordy yells for Angel. He’s got the address and tells Cordy and Doyle to stay with Kate while he’s gone.

We head over to the mysterious mansion as the Bongos of Suspense (seriously. I have no fucking clue what the music is doing any more) play in the background. Angel heads inside and finds a creepy altar set up on top of what I swear to God is a wine rack. The talking stick is lying on top of a book. Angel walks towards it, but Sensitivity Trainer turns up and asks what the hell is going on. Back at the office, Kate is rocking back and forth and talking about her daddy issues. She decides that she needs to find her father, and when Cordy and Doyle try to talk her out of leaving, she pulls her gun.

Cut back to the mansion. Sensitivity Trainer apparently gets his power from demon worship, and then pulls his “What were your parents like?” routine on Angel. Who vamps out and replies “My parents were great. They tasted a lot like chicken.” I genuinely don’t know whether to laugh or be grossed out…

Lor: That means the line was EWSOME!

K: How foolish of me to forget! At the police station, all hell has broken loose – cops are hugging and crying and fighting all over the place. One cop decides that it’s not fair to have people locked up, and releases all the prisoners, including Little Tony. Obviously, they beat the shit out of him before leaving. The chaos extends to the streets, where cops are telling people to consider their mugger’s feelings and all about their personal problems. Cordy and Doyle meet Angel outside the precinct and explain the “Kate’s gone crazy” situation. His response? “Okay, I think someone needs a hug.”

Apparently the Sensitivity Trainer used the talking stick on Angel after “[looks ashamed] I threatened him with physical violence.” And when they tell Angel that it’s time to go save the day, he refuses because he thinks they judge him when he vamps out. Ugh. This episode is making me want to smash my head against a wall.

Sweeney: Sorry not sorry, I found all of this hilarious. Here, have more Imaginary Internet Booze.

K: Thank you. That helps. Back inside, Detective Guy tells Kate that he’s been in love with her for two years and WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK. Thankfully, it’s interrupted by a gun blast – the released prisoners, led by Little Tony, have broken into the armoury. The gang break in through the locker room, and Angel says they should leave a note to atone for their vandalism. Cordy’s exasperated, but Angel’s response is this:

Sweeney: This moment made me laugh, but you are wrong, sir. The Table of Ugh brings us together, which is pretty magical.

Lor: Besides, when words fail us, there is nothing a solid UGH cannot magically fix.

K: SERIOUSLY. Maybe we need to send him a copy of the floorplan for Snark Headquarters. Little Tony and his new-found minions have their guns pointed at Kate when Angel walks in and starts talking about the negative energy in the room. Cordy and Doyle are all “DUDE. LESS TALKING, MORE FIGHTING”, but he just keeps going. And then he hits Little Tony in the face with a chair. Kate shoots one of the minions, while Doyle knocks out the other. There’s a bit of a fight between Angel and Little Tony, but it ends with this completely awful bit of blurgh:

Yup. Angel made a terrible pun that involved the use of air quotes. I can’t even.

Sweeney: It was not his finest moment.

Lor: Lame-bow.

K: A+, Lor. Bonus points for not using air quotes. Kate and Angel hug, and Cordy channels me with an eye roll and an “Anyone for vomit?” Seizure cut to Wolfram & Hart where Creepy Lawyer tells Little Tony that shooting up a police station is a sure fire way to have Wolfram & Hart NOT be your lawyers any more. Womp womp. Little Tony is pissed.

Sweeney: I think pretty much everyone is a lot more afraid of Wolfram & Hart than you, LT.

K: At the precinct the next day, Kate tells Angel that the theory going around is that the punch at the retirement party was spiked. A round of applause for the LAPD and that Sunnydale-esque explanation! Angel leaves, and HOLY CRAP KATE’S UGLY MUSTARD COLOURED CORDS ARE GIVING HER A TERRIBLE CASE OF POLTERWANG Kate’s father turns up. He tells her that she acted like an idiot and embarrassed him, then walks away. She looks hurt and we fade to black.

Welp. That’s a nice cheerful way to end things. Let’s just go back to the start and laugh at Angel in that ugly hat and Hawaiian shirt, shall we?

Next time on Angel: Doyle’s wife turns up. SAY WHAT? Find out the story in S01 E07 – The Bachelor Party.

K (all posts)

I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.