Game of Thrones S04 E04 – Efficient justice

Marines Game of Thrones, Season 4, TV , , , ,

Previously: Tywin Lannister gave 0 fucks about his dead grandson, no one was rushing to help out Tyrion, Sansa’s life probably got worse and Dany kept up her brown-people-liberation tour.
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Oathkeeper

Lorraine: The credits on fire take us through Kings’ Landing, Dragonstone, the dreaded Dreadfort, Winterfell, The Wall, and finally forever away to Meereen.

We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that’s the kind of thing you’d remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that’s BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn’t want to return. He wants to kill all the masters. There is a fire burning behind them and I’m not sure if these two talking about being kidnapped into slavery is supposed to have romantic undertones, but that fire is trying to convince me that it should.

Daenerys Stormborn Cockblock comes in to asks how the lessons are going and Missandei and Grey Worm quickly stand. Grey Worm assures Dany that Missandei is “teacher good,” and Dany smirks a bit at them. Anyways, the lessons will have to continue later because it’s time. We cut to a group of Unsullied, dressed as slaves, breaking into Meereen. You have to wonder a bit about the schedule Grey Worm keeps. English lessons at 5. Storming a city a 6. Best to plan a nap at 4, then.

Sweeney: Definitely gotta make sure you’re penciling those in if you want to bring your A game to the chain-breaking business.

Lor: Inside the city, a group of slaves are gathered, because the masters of Meeren are idiots and let them congregate after a woman talked to them about how awesome freedom is. (S: You’d think that they’d be a little bit better at this slavery thing by now. Good to know that in addition to being terrible people, they’re also stupid.) The slaves are discussing Dany’s big speech. There is one Brave Slave who wants to believe Dany, but the rest have big time doubts– namely about the strength of their masters. One guy straight up says he just wants to live. It’s a small moment but an interesting look at those who place more value on life versus quality of life. Grey Worm and his team make it into this room, to the surprise of the slaves, and he introduces himself and gives his background: He was kidnapped as a boy and trained as an Unsullied but now he fights for the Mother of Dragons and Breaker of Chains. Dany needs to stop racking up these titles because at some point, they are just going to get burdensome.

There are still doubtful slaves, because they are not warriors and have no weapons. Grey Worm and Co. have them covered, though, complete with weapons and stats: there are three slaves to every master in Meeren.

Outside, a master and two guards find “kill the masters” written on a wall, and maybe Grey Worm wrote it with his new found Common Tongue skillz. (S: It’s a weird moment because it’s reacted to in a language other than the Common Tongue because nobody in this town seems to speak it as their first language. I’m assuming it’s meant to be not CT, but presented as such because the visual of blood on the wall gets diluted if you have to check a subtitle.) Soon to Be Dead Master considers it for all of a second before he’s overcome by a bunch of angry, we-ain’t-your-slaves-anymore. Grey Worm said three slaves to every master, but probably these slaves aren’t so good with the maths, because these are a shit ton of slaves to one master. They should spread out.

We cut to Dany walking through her adoring fans, like this is a One Direction concert or something. I actually started drafting this post before Sweeney finished the Breaker of Chains recap, and went into a full few lines about the White Savior trope and how much it weirds me out, but we covered a lot of that in the comments last time. So yes. That.

Sweeney: It’s endlessly weird and frustrating. Last season’s finale was probably the pinnacle of that. BUT in her little One Direction moment she has a really genuine happy smile and it was delightful.

(I’m basically prepping myself up with, “Well, that was a a thing that was nice!” to power me through moments later in the episode.)

Lor: Dany walks up to a raised platform and considers the people as well as the group of captured masters. She asks how many slaves were used as mile markers on the road to Meereen, and Ser Barristan answers her, “163.” She signals Grey Worm who signals some other dude and they start corralling the masters. Ser Barristan, reading her intentions, tries to tell her that since the battle is over, she could answer injustice with mercy, and Dany’s all, “fuck your mercy.” But not in so many words:

We cut to an icky scene of all of the masters of Meereen being half crucified in the way they once did to their slaves. It seems like it’s a lot more than 163, or at least, that they are much closer than every mile. I guess you wouldn’t want to do all that walking when you are doling out justice. You’d just dole out efficient justice. Some least-effort-required justice, you know? That I can respect. (S: +1)

Dany stands on one of the walls of Meereen, as we hear the screams of the masters, and the shot pulls out to reveal a giant black flag behind her, bearing a red, three-headed dragon.

King’s Landing. Bronn is training with Jamie in that pretty by-the-seas place. Jaime is doing better, but still struggling against Bronn. Jaime thinks he’s got the upperhand for a second (unintentional pun! Wait for it…) when Bronn grabs his golden hand and smacks him with it, knocking him to the ground. Jaime asks what they hell that move was. Bronn is all, “GOT ‘EM.”

Talk turns to Tyrion. Bronn doesn’t think Tyrion killed Joffrey, because poison, and murder aren’t really his style. Bronn says Jaime should go visit him. Jaime dismisses Bronn, but he isn’t done saying his piece. He asks if Jaime knows the story of how he came to be in Tyrion’s service. Jaime knows it happened at the Eyrie, when Tyrion chose Bronn as his champion. That’s true, but it was only because Breastfeed Forever Lady Lysa insisted that the duel happen that day. Tyrion first named Jaime as his champion, because he knew his big brother would come fight for him. “Are you going to fight for him now?” Bronn asks, and Jaime looks at him pensively. Bronn should probably just tell him NOT to fight for Tyrion. Jaime likes doing the opposite of no.

Sweeney: I know I asked for more of these scenes, show, but you ruined it when you included a rape that you were too daft to understand was a rape.

Lor: Jaime does go visit Tyrion in the dungeon and tries to cheer him up by being a one upper, which is never, ever going to cheer anyone up, ever. “I’m glad you were covered in your own shit for months,” says Tyrion, “BUT THIS IS ABOUT ME.” Not really. Jaime apologizes for not coming to see his brother sooner. Tyrion knows the deal though: it’s complicated. He even asks how their sister, Cersei the complication, is doing.

Tyrion knows that a trial is coming up, and that Cersei is probably trying to have him killed before the trial ever happens. Jaime admits that Cersei did indeed ask him to kill their brother. Tyrion wonders if he should turn around and wait for the blow. Jaime asks if he did it. Instead of answering straight away, Tyrion jokes that the “Kingslayer Brothers” has a nice ring to it.

Sweeney: Their boyband name! Plot twist: The Game of Thrones will actually be settled with a season of Westerosi Idol. Dany’s not raising an army – she’s recruiting fans. And my-oh-my is it a crowd-pleaser to have your own pyrotechnics!

Lor: I’m torn because I’ve never liked Tyrion or hated Jaime more. Voting will be hard!

Tyrion says the clear way to help is to break him out, but Jaime can’t do that. Tyrion rightly calls him out on suddenly being all against doing inappropriate things, especially since Tyrion is innocent. Jaime says that’s what the trial is for, but Tyrion knows it won’t matter. The real killer could confess and Cersei wouldn’t care. She just wants his head on a spike. But it isn’t only his head; Cersei is offering knighthood to whoever finds Sansa. Tyrion is quick to defend Sansa. She couldn’t have done this, even though she did suspiciously disappear the night of the murder. “Sansa’s not a killer,” Tyrion says. “Not yet anyway.”

Sweeney: This line gave me sads.

Lor: Boat of Pedobears and Future Killers. Littlefinger is taking going to marry Sansa’s aunt Lysa and says she’ll be safe at the Eyrie. Sansa asks if he killed Joffrey and he says he’s been at the Vale for weeks. Sansa figures he had help, though quickly dismisses Ser Dontos as his accomplice, claiming Littlefinger’s too smart to trust a drunk. Littlefinger asks if maybe it was Tyrion, and just as quickly as he defended her, she defends him. (S: I loved those two moments individually, but all the more together.) She just knows he didn’t do it, and Littlefinger says she’s right. Tyrion wasn’t his accomplice; Sansa was. She’s confused so he explains that she must’ve noticed that the necklace he had fashioned for her was missing a stone after the feast. Sansa realizes that the poison was in the stone. She doesn’t understand why Littlefinger would do such a thing when the Lannisters gave him wealth, power and Harrenhal. Probably she hasn’t seen Harrenhal because that place is a wreck and if someone gave me that as a gift, I might jewellery poison them too.

Littlefinger says that a man with no motive is a man no one suspects. If your enemies don’t know who you are and what you want, they can’t know what you’ll do next. I could never confuse my enemies because they’ll always know what I want to do next is either nap or eat. All of my plans would be foiled.

Sansa doesn’t believe that he’d murder someone, risk being caught, just to confuse his enemies. Littlefinger would risk everything to get what he wants. He says this while placing his gross hand on her. Sansa asks what he wants, and he slides that hand down her arm and looks at her admiringly. “Everything,” is the answer. His “friendship” with the Lannisters was useful but Joffrey was a Little Shit, which made him an unreliable, untrustworthy ally. Littlefinger has new friends who are more reasonable and predictable, who wanted the death of Joffrey very badly. This whole time Littlefinger has been Villain Gloating, I only half believed him, until this point, where he admitted that he was again working for/with someone new. We fade out of that scene and see Grandma Flowerboss and Margaery walking together in the gardens as Littlfinger’s voice over says that there’s nothing like a gift to cement a new friendship.

WELL DAMN.

I suspected Grandma Flowerboss, but still, the editing choice made it a woah-ho-ho! moment. Well done.

Sweeney: The editing, coupled with his extended explanation of how much more pragmatic his new friends are. It was a nice little transition.

Lor: Grandma Flowerboss is telling Margaery that it’s time for her to leave King’s Landing. Flowerboss wonders if Margaery had gone to see Tommen. She hasn’t, and doesn’t even know if the Lannisters have approved the match. Grandma Flowerboos launches into a story about how she was originally intended to marry a Targaryen, and her sister, Luther Tyrell. Flowerboss wasn’t a fan of the Targaryen’s ferret face and silver hair so she “got lost” and found herself in Luther’s room. The next day, he didn’t ever make it down stairs to propose to her sister. He only wanted what she gave him, ifyaknowwhatImean. Margaery has to make a move and get to Tommen before Cersei has a chance to turn him against her. Luckily, Cersei’s pretty distracted with that whole her incest child was murdered and she’s falsely accusing her brother thing. Flowerboss knows Tyrion didn’t do it.

 

SHE KNOW ‘CAUSE SHE’S A LITTLE SHIT MURDERING BOSS. “You didn’t think I’d let you marry that beast, did you?” she says, and Margaery is having a hard time processing this. Flowerboss shushes her and tells her just to worry about doing what needs to be done. (Also, I found this on Youtube if you want to see the scene again, and watch as Olenna removes the poison stone from Sansa.)

Sweeney: #TEAMFLOWERBOSS

Lor: We head North all the way to the Wall where Jon is training men to fight Wildlings. Jon picks on two guys for a demonstration and one of them is Locke, famous for chopping Jaime’s hand off, and probably someone we shouldn’t trust, yeah? We called him Raping Douche back then because he threatened to rape Brienne.

Sweeney: Also, I didn’t name him in the recap but he was ordered up to the wall in 4×02 by Bolton after Theon’s reveal that Bran and Rickon are still alive.

Lor: Ser Alliser Thorne comes along to yell at his army men for doing dumb shit like training so they can do dumb shit like stay alive. Jon says someone has to train them, and Alliser say that someone isn’t him. Jon glares at him for a while, but backs down and moves on.

Janos Slynt tells Alliser that Jon is obviously well liked, and that Alliser may be acting commander, but can’t be forever. He suggests sending Jon to Craster’s with some men, and hoping for a death.

Sweeney: Boys with twinkly eyes and shiny hair get tons of ravens sent in from Westerosi Idol voters.

Lor: Even if they are a weeee bit boring. That hair is so shiny.

Locke finds Jon Snow, and starts the conversation with, “bastard, eh?” Locke introduces himself and gives his story of how he ended up at the wall, endearing himself to Jon by calling Alliser a highborn cunt.

Jaime visits Cersei so they can have some interactions that in no way acknowledges that the last time we saw them together, Jaime raped Cersei. He greets her formally, and she asks how many men are posted outside of Tommen’s door. Only one, though Jaime assures her that he’s safe. She’s doubtful, since her other incest baby is now dead and was supposed to be safe too. She changes gears and asks why Catelyn Stark let him go. He admits that he swore to return her daughters, all in an effort to get back to Cersei. She wonders if he has any loyalty left to Catelyn, and he points out that she’s dead. Cersei hypothetically asks him to leave King’s Landing and go find Sansa for her, but he makes no reply. She knows he went to go visit Tyrion. Jaime says Tyrion didn’t do it. Cersei thinks Jaime just pities him. She stops to drink deeply from her Big Ass Goblet of Win, then orders Jaime to post four men at Tommen’s door before dismissing him.

Sweeney: Yaaaay for writing this scene in a way that totally doesn’t acknowledge the rape scene in the last episode! -_-

Lor: Tommen is roused from sleep and calls out for a Ser Pounce. Instead, he finds Margaery sneaking into his room. He gets nervous, as he doesn’t think she should be there. His mom doesn’t let him have visitors after curfew! She isn’t a visitor, though. She’s his intended and thinks they should get to know each other before they get married. It can be their secret from his mother, probably the first of many secrets they’ll have. Margaery asks him to tell her a secret, and this poor boy is sweating. He’s saved by Ser Pounce, who turns out to be cat. Margaery pets him as Tommen shares that Joffrey hated the cat, and threatened to skin him alive and feed him to Tom. Margaery calls that cruel. Tommen isn’t cruel, though, and she thinks that’s awesome, because once they marry, she’ll be his forever. She’ll be his when he hits puberty and his voice changes! She’ll be his when he can stay outside past when the streetlights come on! She’ll be his when he can legally drink and rent a car! It’s going to be a long life together.

Margaery says it’s time for her to get going and gets really close to his face to remind him that their meeting is a secret. He wants her to come again and she moves to kiss him, but at the last pecks second his forehead. Tommen smiles as he climbs into bed, preparing himself for all of those awesome wet dreams that I’m sure will keep him deep in sleep.

Sweeney: It was pretty obvious that we were headed here when Tommen was miraculously aged up (after being quite possibly the only still-a-small-child character) and everyone was all, “Guys, Natalie Dormer is 32. Let’s think about our choices for a minute.” Still, this was so, so awkward and skeevy.

Lor: Speaking of awkward and skeevy, here is Jaime again! He’s with Brienne and she’s reading his entry into that Big Book o’ Kingsguardsmen. After she’s done, Jaime hands her his Valyrian steel sword and gifts it to her. She protests, but he wants her to use it to protect the Stark girls. He swore an oath. Though Cat is dead, and Arya is probably dead (YEAH RIGHT, SUCKA), Sansa can still be saved. Jaime has a part 2 to this awesome gift, and it’s a new suit of armor for Brienne. She promises to find Sansa, for Lady Cat… and for Jaime. There’s a pregnant pause before Jaime says he has one more gift for her.

Cut to the road outside King’s Landing, where Jaime stands with Pod, who is grinning like a huge dork. Brienne doesn’t want a squire who will just slow her down, but Pod isn’t safe in KL, which means Brienne can protect him. Bronn is also there and he has a gift from Tyrion to Pod: the axe Tyrion used in the battle at the Blackwater. Pod is awestruck, and has to be hurried on to his task of readying the horses. Jaime says all the best swords have names and after thinking on it for a bit, Brienne names the sword, “Rapist.” JUST KIDDING. Sorry. Twice in this recap I reminded y’all, right? Three times? I feel like I didn’t over do it. I’m proud of myself.

She picks, “Oathkeeper,” and she probably just should’ve gone with, “Jaime,” since it’s clear she’s naming her sword after him– she who knows the truth of the Kingslayer, once oathbreaker, now oathkeeper. Of course, naming it Jaime would rob her of a GOLD STAR.

title star

Jaime says goodbye, and clearly overwhelmed, Brienne just nods and takes off. Jaime watches Pod and Brienne ride off, and she turns back one last time because it’s tradition! He always waves at the gate! They watch each other for a while and the sad, dramatic music tells us this is definitely goodbye. SOMEONE IS PROBABLY GOING TO DIE. It’s been a while since we guessed someone/everyone was going to die, but that soundtrack made me believe it’s time. I know it isn’t Jaime, and I hope it isn’t Brienne, though I do hope that Oathkeeper-NOT-REALLY-IT’S-NED’S-SWORD-ICE ends up back in the hands of a Stark.

Sweeney: Jaime was in this episode a lot and they would have all been great scenes if the one in the last episode didn’t happen, but it did and so these scenes were just gross and unsettling.

Lor: Agreed.

Castle Black. Sam is regretting his decision to send Gilly to that Creep Inn. Jon tries to tell him it was the right choice, but Sam’s still freaking out and wants to go back and get Gilly. Jon knows how he feels, because when Sam told him about Bran beyond the Wall, he was dying to go find his brother. Jon is studying a map, wondering how far Bran could’ve possibly gone, especially since a lot of these cities are empty now, save for Craster’s old place. These two are interrupted by Locke, who is like the Game of Thrones equivalent of Cousin Nate who just showed up out of nowhere and is being way too aggressive. HE ISN’T YOUR COUSIN, JON SNOW. RUN AWAY.

Not Cousin Locke is just there to bring Jon to Alliser who gives him permission to take volunteers to Craster’s place. Jon gets the attention of the brothers and asks for volunteers to get to the mutineers first before Mance does. He also reminds them all that the mutineers killed Mormont, and he deserves justice. Slowly but surely, a couple of men volunteer. Alliser is shocked as men keep standing. The swelling hero music becomes a DUN DUN DUN when Not Cousin Locke stands to volunteer. Even though he’s just a recruit, Alliser approves him to go.

Craster’s Keep. The first thing we hear is a woman saying, “no, please, ow.”

Sweeney: THIS FUCKING SHOW.

Lor: Some dude is drinking wine from Commander Mormont’s skull, while a bloody and bruised woman sits next to him, no expression on her face. “Fuck them until they’re dead,” he yells to his men, and we see a man raping a woman. Skull Wine dude starts telling a story and behind him, another man is raping a woman. Because we’ve moved on from rape between main characters that will not be acknowledge to literally background rape. RAPE TO SET THE MOOD. I seriously did not catch a word of what he said and I refuse to rewind. I hope it wasn’t important. He said cunt a lot. He also orders Rast, who I vaguely recognize as a guy who used to train with Jon Snow way back when he got to Castle Black, to go “feed the beast.” Rast is hesitant.

An older woman walks in with a baby swaddled in a blanket. Craster’s women all start chanting, “a gift for the gods,” and Skull Wine asks what they heck is going on. Older Woman is holding Craster’s last child. A boy. Skull Wine doesn’t know what to do with it, and assumes Craster just killed all his boys before they had a chance to grow up. He takes out his knife and Older Woman says that Craster didn’t kill the boys, he offered them to the gods. “Gift for the gods,” they all start chanting again, each broken, bloody and dirty. Skull Wine yells for them to shut up and grabs the Last Baby agreeing to sacrifice him to the White Walkers. He hands the baby, and the task, to Rast.

Rast drops the baby off in some snow and takes off,  leaving the poor thing crying. Rast walks past a cage WHERE THEY HAVE GHOST LOCKED UP. DAMMIT. Ghost growls at Rast, who yells back at him and taunts the beast by pouring water out just outside his cage. Ghost barks and it scares the shit out of Rast and I cheered. Things get creepier as a bunch of ravens appear and the water insta-freezes.

Nearby, Jojen, Bran, Rickon, Hodor and Meera have set-up their camp. Well, shit. They hear the baby crying and Bran decides to go check it out, Warg style, in Summer. We Summer-vision for a bit, running out towards the baby, until something grabs Summer and Bran is thrown back into his body. He tells the others that who ever has Summer now, also have Ghost.

They late spy on Craster’s Keep. Meera sees a man grab an unwilling woman, and quickly deduces that these men were once brothers of the Night’s Watch, but not anymore. She wants to GTFO, but Bran doesn’t want to leave without Summer. Meera doesn’t get very far in her recovery mission before she’s knocked out by some Ex-Brothers. I mean, they weren’t hiding very well and they were kind of talking loud. They are surrounded.

The Ex-Brothers chain Hodor up and are taunting him with spears. Rast stabs him and Hodor goes down.

Sweeney: I CAN’T HANDLE THIS. There’s honestly a lot of episode that I didn’t really watch because I just couldn’t. Too much stomach turning. Just hearing Hodor cry out his name in pain was awful.

Lor: Inside, Meera, Jojen and Bran have been brought before Skull Wine, who immediately notices that Bran is highborn and dressed in fine leathers. Bran won’t answer who he is and gets a smack for his trouble. Skull Wine says more threatening things when Jojen starts convulsing. Meera moves toward him, but Skull holds her back, knife to her throat. To save his friends, Bran admits who he is, Brandon Stark of Winterfell. Rast clarifies for Skull, that he’s Jon Snow’s brother. Skull releases Meera who goes to help her brother.

Snowy Hell. Captain White Walker on his zombie horse is riding along with his baby sacrifice. He reaches some sort of icicle altar and places the baby on top. Another White Walker comes forward, picks the baby up, and with a single nail to the face, makes the baby’s eyes turn frozen, White Walker blue.

I’m not sure what that was all about, but I’m pretty upset about everything that happened at Craster’s. More Starks in danger? Shit.

Sweeney: The Flowerboss scene was pretty great, as were some elements of the Sansa/Littlefinger scene (that she was certain of Tyrion’s innocence and the transition into the Flowerboss scene) but this episode left me with a really strong feeling of show burnout. We’re only on episode 4 and I’m already kind of eager for this season to be done.

Lor: Let’s try to turn that depressing note around with some of our favorite #gameofsnark Tweets from this past week:

 

 

 

Don’t forget to join us this Sunday (or after, if you aren’t viewing live!) for #gameofsnark. Tag your Tweets and we’ll find them!

 

Next time: We’ve got a new king and Arya pokes the crap out of the Hound with Needle in Game of Throne S04 E05 – First of His Name.

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





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