Previously: Abby continued to be a life-ruiner, and we discovered that Andie and Pacey had sex. (But no one else did.)
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Uncharted Waters
Democracy Diva: Shrine O’Spielberg. Pacey is playing Dawson while Dawson tries to add something anyone but him gives a shit about character details to his script. Dawson explains that The Great Santini is about father-son angst, which Pacey knows a bit about. Dawson proves he understands nothing about his best friend by saying dumb things, like this:
Brilliant logic, Dawson.
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, “I’d hate to live in a world where I didn’t.” Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn’t a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS) Pacey decides that if he hits the bulls-eye, they’ll have a great, happy, non-father/son-angsty weekend. He hits it perfectly, and Dawson’s all, yeah, maybe throw it again.
I DON’T WANNA WAIT.
Dawson and Pacey are biking when they run into Mr. Witter.
Ugh. I already hate this guy.
Kirsti: I have a “it’s that guy from that thing!” moment because Pacey’s dad was also the boss in Cold Case. This does not, however, make me like him in his current role.
Diva: Cold Case Boss AKA Mr. Witter is immediately an asshole to Pacey, and supremely intense to a ridiculous degree about how they have to win this fishing trophy or they will LITERALLY DIE. Bro. It’s just fishing. Chill the fuck out. Mr. Witter is also incomprehensibly complimentary of Dawson, even though Pacey is infinitely more awesome than Dawson. (For evidence, see every single one of our recaps for this show.) Anyway, Dawson calls Mr. Witter “classic.” Well, if by that, you mean he’s a fucking dickwad who’s really weird about fishing, then yes, I’d agree. (K: A+)
Capeside High. Dawson and Joey are talking about his movie, and he gushes about how great a producer Jen is. Joey immediately gets defensive, and when Jen comes over, Joey is needlessly rude to her and tries to leave the two filmmakers extraordinaire alone together. But actually, Jen wants to talk to Joey about a news story she’s helping Gail out with. Joey’s all, YOU MEAN MRS. LEERY?! Ugh, shut up, you brat. Anyway, Gail is doing a story on teen girls as the new consumer phenomenon, and what they think and care about. Joey is a dick about it, but Jen insists they need smart, articulate, opinionated girls to answer some questions for the story. Girls like Joey. Even though this is a massively awesome compliment, Joey just smirks. You know, like assholes do.
This is pretty much her face for the entire episode.
K: This entire plot is clearly “the guys are on a fishing trip, someone come up with a girly bonding activity!” contrivance.
Diva: YES. I had the exact same realization.
Fishing trip time. Mitch is waxing philosophical to his son about the boundless, mysterious open sea, and I already hate this entire episode. But then Jack arrives (much to Dawson’s surprise, since Pacey forgot to mention he invited Jack along) and I’m happier. But Dawson is pissed and not about to make nice with Jack even though it would make things a lot less awkward for everyone else stuck on this boat with them. Cut to Leery Manor. Andie, Joey, and Abby are there with Jen, Gail, and her cameraman for the interviews.
K: I laughed because Andie’s reaction to Abby’s presence is “Oh God, not you.“
Diva: Andie read my mind.
Back on the Boat of Testosterone, Jack is attempting to fish, and Dawson is trying his best to keep one eyebrow raised in Jack’s direction while never actually looking at him. Jack didn’t know Dawson was going to be on this trip either, but he’s willing to try and work out their issues instead of ruining this weekend. Dawson expresses amazement that Jack would leave Joey alone all weekend this early in the relationship. Doesn’t he know that some artsy type will come steal her away? I’ll pause my COMPLETE AND TOTAL RAGE at this sentiment because Jack gets to it shortly.
Leery Manor of Estrogen. Gail is interviewing all the girls together, on camera, and wants to know what important issues are facing teens today. Everyone is silent. Gail pulls Jen aside to be like, uh, WTF is going on. Jen is like, uh, maybe 15-year-old girls are not super-comfortable talking about important issues on camera with a stranger and/or their ex-boyfriend’s mom. So she suggests some bonding, and Gail bribes the rest of the girls with a junk-food-heavy ladies’ night. Oh, and Abby says some horrific things about Andie’s mother’s mental illness, because this is just a thing that she does casually and constantly like it’s not a hideously offensive thing to do.
Cut to the boat, where Mr. Witter emotionally abuses his son and pretends he’s teaching him life lessons. Back at Leery Manor of Estrogen, Abby wants to go look through Dawson’s bedroom. The other girls hesitate for a hot second, then follow, because privacy rights are lame.
Boat of Testosterone. Jack points out everything that I was yelling at the screen earlier – namely, that Jack didn’t “steal” Joey, because Joey is a strong-willed, smart woman who cannot get “stolen.” Because she’s not your fucking property, you misogynistic pathetic mess of a boy. (I may have added that last part, but Jack was absolutely thinking it, because Jack is the best.)
K:
Diva: *bows graciously*
Dawson insists that Jack doesn’t know anything about Joey, because obviously she is Dawson’s own personal toy, and if left alone, her brain will fall out of her head and she’ll fuck any guy who looks at her, I guess. Dawson insists things aren’t over with him and Joey, which is probably unfortunately true even though he treats her like an object at every turn, but Jack’s all, whatever, because I’ve got something with her too. And I am infinitely better than you in every single way. (Again, I might be extrapolating.)
Leery Manor of Estrogen. The girls found a porno in Dawson’s room, and it’s called GOOD WILL HUMPING. I mean, there’s no way that’s the title of a heterosexual porno, right? That’s got to be some Matt Damon/Ben Affleck slash-fic porn.
K: Unless it’s Matt Damon/Robin Williams slash-fic porn. Excuse me while I go and search for excess brain bleach…
Diva: I’d rather watch that than watch Dawson and Joey talk about sex.
Testosterone Boat. Mr. Witter continues to be awful, berating Pacey for being an idiot. Then Dawson comes over to berate Pacey for inviting Jack. Pacey continues to be the best person ever by explaining that he was doing this for Andie, because Jack doesn’t know anyone else in town, and because Mama McPhee is not doing well and the boy could use a fucking fishing trip. Dawson says, fine, be a nice person, whatever, but how could you forget to tell me? And Pacey understandably overreacts to this, because he just can’t handle one more person in his life thinking that he’s stupid.
Estrogen Manor. We watch each girl react to the porn, and it’s absolutely hilarious. There’s a lot of giggling and euphemisms for masturbation that no one has ever used. Jen can’t imagine what kind of girl does porn (so I guess it’s not a Matt & Ben gay porno, sadly), and Abby jokes that in a few years, that could be Jen! Joey cracks up, but Jen gets pissed. (K: Which is 10000% legit, because DUDE WHAT THE FUCK.) Gail strolls into the room and is like, hey ladies, watchya watching? The girls try to play it cool, but Abby straight-up says, your son’s porn, because he’s a pervert.
Jen finally/yet again confronts Joey about why she hates Jen so much. Joey makes this face like a skunk just sprayed her directly in the face. Joey accuses Jen of encroaching on what’s hers (oh, so Dawson is her property too? Awesome. This is definitely a healthy relationship worth pursuing) and trying to replace her at every turn. Jen says Joey’s just insecure, and Joey says that might be true, but Jen is still trying to get Dawson back and not admitting that that’s her game plan.
Bar that high school students should probably not be allowed to be in. Mr. Witter tells the boys to “drop anchors here,” because he only speaks in fishing cliches. I hate this character so much, and not in an “I’m supposed to hate you” way. I mean, also in that way, because Team Pacey, but mostly, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FISHING. Anyway, Dawson mentions his dad’s mid-life crisis (seriously? he’s just fishing!) and Pacey is all, stop being a dick about your perfect father. Dawson doesn’t understand why Pacey can’t just tell his father he’s upset with him, but it’s not that simple for Pacey. Dawson can sit Mitch down for a heart-to-heart, but Pacey can’t do that with his own father. Dawson is like, well, then why is me being around pissing you off so much? And Jack jumps in to point out that it’s because Mr. Witter puts Dawson on a pedestal for no reason at all, and Pacey can’t possibly live up to that.
K: All of which just serves to demonstrate exactly how blind Dawson really is. I mean, he and Pacey have been best friends since, like, forever. And yet Jack – who’s known Pacey for a few months and met his dad for the first time a red hot second ago – can see EXACTLY what’s happening. As if we didn’t already know that Dawson was the worst friend ever when he forgot Pacey’s birthday…
Diva: Estrogen Manor. Abby truly out-does her previously sociopathic behavior by saying, on camera, “I make a cancer joke, and Joey gets upset. I make a crazy joke, and Andie gets upset. Or you make a crack about ho-bags and Jen starts humping the couch.” Abby? Sweetheart? SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH. Jen says basically the same thing, and Gail tells the cameraman to stop rolling. She asks Abby to leave, so Abby calls Gail a trashy journalist who sleeps around, and walks out. I can’t even respond to this except in classic Snark Squad gif form:
K: Oh my God, I would LOVE to see Cordelia Chase school Abby Morgan. Excuse me while I go write fan fic…
Diva: Mitch and Dawson having that heart-to-heart. Dawson wants to know what Mitch’s next move is, life-wise. He’s not sure why his dad is on this trip when he could be out job-hunting, or something like that. Mitch says, “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in me,” and my heart breaks just the tiniest bit. Mitch says that there has to be something out there for him, something he can really be passionate about, and he can’t stop looking until he finds it. It’s actually kind of inspiring.
Meanwhile, Mr. Witter is drunk and drinking more. He makes Pacey play darts with him, and Pacey’s kicking his ass at it. For just a moment, things are sweet and normal, until Mr. Witter gets unreasonably serious about the game, and the tinkly orchestra of feels comes in, and he’s all, “BEAT THAT! BEAT THAT!” and glaring at his son as if to say, I fucking DARE you to beat me and see what I do in retaliation.
No one should ever be this intense about darts.
Pacey misses on purpose, and his father is happy, and orders another drink. God, I just want to dive into my computer screen and rescue Pacey from this horrible man.
K: YUP. Join us in Snark HQ, Intern Pacey. It’s safe there. And if you’re lucky, Sandy Cohen will stop by and adopt you.
Diva: Estrogen Manor. The girls all start to open up about their insecurities. Andie says she has to be perfect at everything, so that people won’t know that she’s faking it and her home life is a mess. Jen talks about how she was the precocious ingenue in New York, and the big city wild child/town slut in Capeside. Joey says that when a girl comes along who’s more experienced than her, she gets defensive because she can’t compete. She’s just a small-town girl living in a lonely world who will never leave the creek. Joey, you could have gone to freakin’ FRANCE on a scholarship and YOU DECLINED. If you never leave Capeside, it’s not because of your small-town upbringing and fucked-up family, it’s because YOU’RE AN IDIOT WHO CHOSE DAWSON OVER PARIS.
K:
Diva: A+ gif selection.
Testosterone Boat. Jack is seasick (K: And they’re moored at the docks…). (D: Actually, I was on a boat a total of like two times in my life, and you feel the rocking of the boat about a thousand times more when the boat is still or moving slowly than you do when it’s moving fast. But still, stupid seasick is stupid because JUST GET OFF THE BOAT.) Dawson says he didn’t envision that the father-son weekend would go like this, but Jack says, at least your dad is still around. Andie pretends that their father is in Providence working, but he’s actually there because he left them. With a mother who’s mentally ill. Less than a year after their brother died. Jesus Christ, these McPhees. Can I just rescue these poor kids too? Is there a Snark Squad Home for Troubled Youths where we can take care of all the kids with shitty parents? (I guess in Traumaland, it would be a pretty damn over-crowded place.) (K: Run by Sandy Cohen, Rupert Giles, and Bobby Singer) (D: And Keith Mars.) Anyway, Dawson insists he knows what that’s like, but Jack rightfully is like, uh, NOPE. Your dad moved down the street, not hours away, and your mom is mentally stable, though her hair often suggests otherwise.
Pacey is literally carrying his drunk father back from the bar, he’s so wasted. Mr. Witter basically passes out, leaving Pacey to have a father-son talk with himself, playing both roles. He tells his father (but really himself) that he’s doing better in school and he met an amazing girl. And then Pacey’s voice breaks and his eyes fill with tears, and I can’t even recap this without shedding a tear.
Pacey sobs and I sob and his father is passed out and I have too many feels.
K: Riiiiiiiiiiiight there with you. This scene was heartbreaking. And considering how crappy a lot of the acting/scriptwriting/everything on this show can be, Joshua Jackson smashed it out of the park here.
Diva: Absolutely. The next morning, Jack gets a fish on his line. (Or something. Fishing is not my department.) Pacey helps Jack reel it in, teaching him how to do it. Finally, Jack hands the pole off to Pacey, who finishes reeling in this monster of a fish himself. Mr. Witter helps him, and for a second, things are okay between them. And Pacey poses with his fish.
Like a boss.
Gail is thanking Joey for all her help on this story, and wants her to know she has a confession too. Hearing all the girl talk made Gail a little sad, because she always wanted a daughter. But then she realized she has a daughter – she has Joey, who has always been like a child to Gail. And, okay, I might be crying again when Gail tells Joey how proud she is of the woman she’s becoming. Even though Joey’s been a total brat this episode, I have even more feels as they hug.
Andie leaves Estrogen Manor and sees Abby in the backyard. She’s been out there all night, waiting for her mom to pick her up, since she thought Abby would be spending the night there. Andie says that Abby makes life a living hell for everyone else, but Abby says that’s not true. She plays a crucial role in this group – the one everyone can hate and blame for their problems. Andie is like, yeah, BECAUSE YOU CREATE THESE PROBLEMS, LIFE-RUINER. Abby says that “being sweet is boring.” She doesn’t have an imprisoned father or a mentally ill mother, just a boring life with no drama. So she has to fabricate her own. I think we’re supposed to feel bad for Abby here, but NOPE. This is horseshit.
K: I think it’s kind of meant to be like in the beauty pageant episode where the rich girl who belonged in Heathers was a total judgey bitch the whole time and then she revealed at the end that she’s the failure of the family and everyone ignores her. Like that, but not.
Diva: Andie calls Abby’s bullshit too, though in a much more polite way. She always wanted a normal, boring life with normal people problems, like Abby’s. We’re supposed to end this scene being all, everyone thinks someone else has it better! But that’s not true. Abby KNOWS Andie has it much, much worse than her, and STILL goes out of her way to make Andie’s life miserable at every turn. Sorry, Abby, but I am officially over you as a person, even if you offer Andie a ride home.
Joey and Jen have a reconciliation in Dawson’s bedroom (but not before they fight about who can share their feels first). Joey says that the people she respects the most are the people she becomes the most competitive with. She can’t really get the words out, but she’s trying to apologize. Jen is gracious about it, and says that there’s room in Dawson’s life for both of them. Joey tells Jen that she respects her, and it makes Jen so happy that I have even more feels.
Pacey and his dad raise high their fishing trophy, and a fish that I don’t even think is the same fish as the one we saw earlier.
Sorry, dead fish actor, you’ve been replaced.
Dawson and Jack say goodbye to each other and seem to have reached some sort of understanding that they’re no longer actively at war, at least for the moment. Pacey is excited and proud of his achievement, and Mr. Witter tells him to enjoy the moment, since “you probably won’t have many more like it.” (K: I reach through my television and punch him in the dick) Pacey sits down, defeated and deflated. He can’t believe he’s still setting himself up for moments like this, just wanting to get one unconditional “good job” from his dad. Dawson reminds Pacey that there are people in his life who know how wonderful and smart he is. People like Dawson, and Andie. This brings a smile to Pacey’s face that just makes me want to hug his face off.
K: YES. BUT. While I want to hug Pacey, I also want to punch Dawson. Because for him to realise for the first time just how fucked up Pacey’s relationship with his father is and then be like “Okay, your life sucks. But other people are proud of you, so…yeah” wasn’t really an adequate response.
Diva: Mitch and Dawson, unpacking the car after the trip. Mitch says that father-son relationships are complicated, but he’s trying to be the best dad he can be. Dawson thanks him for never being a disappointment, and always being there for him. Now that he’s seen Pacey interact with his father, he knows how lucky he is to have Mitch. They hug, and Mitch starts to walk into the house with Dawson, before he suddenly realizes that he doesn’t live there anymore. Mitch gets into his car and drives away.
Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I need to go splash cold some water on my face, and call my dad and tell him I love him.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Pacey discovers the truth about Andie’s medication, so we’re definitely in for some more feels in S02 E13 – His Leading Lady.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
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