The OC S01 E26 – ‘The Petting Zoo’

 Previously: More sisters making messes in The OC when Julie’s sister came to down for her bridal shower.
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The Strip

Risha: One of the few (conscious) memories I have of ever watching a complete episode of the OC is from when I was horribly hungover at university, feeling very sorry for myself, and being unable to muster up enough energy to change the damn channel. Even with half my braincells devoted to feeling utterly wretched, my main- and recurring- thought about this show is best summed up as ‘what the fuck is this?’.

Caveat: while I have some vague awareness of the characters and their backstories, I have no idea what the plot line is or what the last twenty five episodes have been banging on about and the ‘previously on.. ‘ doesn’t really help me at all.

Sweeney: I think the editors in charge of the “previously on…” section have the hardest job on the show. “Some shit went down, man. I don’t know.”

Lorraine: “This pretty person was sad. And this pretty person was sad. This pretty person was super sad.”

Risha: We begin at what I can only assume is a sleepover, with stupid Adam Brody (Seth) whispering in the dark with the classic, ‘Hey man, are you asleep?’ which we all know is just pretend solicitousness, especially when said stupid boy turns on the light and proceeds to pinch? prod? the poor man sleeping on the floor.

Clearly, in this world, middle-of-the-night heart-to-heart >> sleep.

Sweeney: This is a favorite gif around here. I love Seth Cohen, but people disturbing my slumber in this fashion should be prepared for a throat punch.

Risha: Seth is having a ‘my girlfriend is going to dump me’ crisis and is framed beautifully by posters of Ben Folds Five and Nirvana. Fittingly, he soliloquises about his problems:

A man after my own heart, this one.

Sweeney: Dearly as we love to beg characters to USE THEIR WORDS, when I’m being honest with myself I can acknowledge that this, right here, is pretty much where I am often at when most any kind of confrontation is on the table.

Risha: Seth annoys the poor-trying-to-sleep-on-floor man (‘Ryan’) awake by switching to talking about how, comparatively, his problems aren’t nearly as bad as Ryan’s (yeah, also because you actually *have* a bed and weren’t pinched awake by some idiot whinging about his girlfriend).

Ryan’s only out of a proper bed because he’s so chivalrous (Seth’s word) he’s letting his ex-girlfriend sleep in it. Chivalry isn’t dead, y’all…

…it’s on Adam Brody’s grotty floor, trying and failing to sleep! Also, I’m not entirely sure you’re using that word correctly.

Seth continues to prod (metaphorically this time) Ryan about how his current girlfriend (‘Marissa’) is dismayed about the setup and, really, how would Ryan feel if her ex-boyfriend was sleeping on the couch? IMPORTANT LIFE QUESTIONS!

A testy exchange ensues with Ryan declaring that he isn’t worried about it (when Theresa-the ex-is going to leave), Seth is suddenly attacked by the sleep angels and he tucks himself in; leaving Ryan to stare moodily at us from the floor as he worries about it.

I thought they were going to cut away to the opening credits with that, but NO! Ryan decides he does want to talk to Theresa about it! And obviously that means right now in the middle of the night, so Ryan and Seth (not awkward at all) walk over to the pool house (this teenager has a pool house for a room?!) to make sure more people are sleep-deprived in the morning!

They call out for Theresa (not a pretend solicitousness to be found) who appears wide-awake and dressed. She does get a kind ‘let me know if you need anything’ from Seth which she parries with a ‘Thanks, but I’m not staying long’ and assuages Ryan’s unspoken worries (‘I have some family I can call’) though it feels like a great big lie to me.

(Why isn’t she curious about why these boys are here to see her in the middle of the night? If someone dropped by like that, I’d think something horrible had happened!) (S: WHO DIED?) (R: MTE. MTE.)

Awkward conversation about meeting up after school/negotiating work schedules ensues; further emphasising the divide between Theresa and the Boys. They agree to meet after school – all of them – and Seth’s goes off about his girlfriend… but that’s cut short by a stern & exasperated ‘Seth!’ from Ryan and they say their goodnights and piss off to bed… but not before lingering eye-contact and softly-whispered ‘good nights’ between Theresa and Ryan.

Theresa then takes a box out of the toiletries bag, and we’re treated to a long shot of her holding a pregnancy test (wonder if that’s included in all the toiletries your mum has, Seth?) as she sighs and take a fortifying breath.

and finally, we cut to opening credits!

We come back to a cosy family-in-the-kitchen scene, except not because clearly people are irritating each other: I can’t tell if it’s because of the hideous top Marissa’s mum is wearing (hello early 2000s, why must you haunt me so?) or because nobody got any sleep last night as this family is likely to be full of waker-uppers.

Seth’s mum’s name is Kiki and she is mighty annoyed with her father (Caleb) for skipping out on breakfast, despite his really rubbish apology. Turns out he’s been using work as an excuse to skip out on wedding planning with Julie (Marissa’s mum), and using wedding planning as an excuse to ditch Kiki. He’s clearly the world’s worst liar (as witnessed by his rubbish apology earlier in this scene)

…but refuses to quit while he’s ahead… and gets caught up in his own crappy lies and evasion tactics! He’s off to Nevada for ‘business’, if business actually means ‘hiring strippers, drinking too much and gambling all night’ AKA stag night!!!!11111!

Good-natured ribbing ensues from Sandy Cohen, his eyebrows, and the Boys (who are wide awake and chipper after a sleepless night… ah! youth!) where Seth somehow manages to invite all four of them (including the eyebrows) to ‘The Vegas’ for his grandfather’s stag do (who is marrying Ryan’s girlfriend’s mum).

Lor: It’s really impressive that you’ve got all that down. A+, girl.

Risha: Sandy goes to hang out with Jimmy (Marissa’s dad) who has bought a new house on the beach which is, apparently, perfect and will give Marissa a ‘home’. Sandy then invites him to the stag do, and he is only too happy to accept and is, in fact, so happy he’ll buy the groom-to-be his first lapdance!

The estate agent shows up in a bright red pantsuit and is adorably chatty (why are estate agents always portrayed as chatty?) and asks, cutting straight to the chase, ‘What’re you gonna do next?’

Sandy Cohen’s surprised face is obviously the best segue into a shot of something I assume is meant to be a school but looks like the grounds of a Church built in the early 1990s, with Marissa Cooper’s whiny voice saying ‘I wanna kill him…’

She’s talking to at poor Ryan (who can’t get a word in) about how, by whatever she’s waffling on about, she won’t have to tell her father that she’s moving out. Poor, faithful, chivalrous, Ryan asks, ‘You still haven’t told him?’ (I don’t blame him for not paying attention. Poor sod, sleepless and constantly talked at) and Marissa prattles on until Ryan casually mentions that her father would be going to Vegas this weekend…

…and he might be going too for Caleb’s stag do…

…but no, he’s not going to go because he can’t leave Theresa here by herself. (Self sacrificing and chivalrous!)

‘Theresa?! What.. what about me?‘ Marissa asks, her eyes huge and pouty.

After he reassures her that yes, she is his girlfriend and snogs her into silence (without actually responding to her convoluted logic about friends of her boyfriend being her friends too), all is smiley and happy and snoggy. (Seriously? Is this meant to be some big conflict set-up or what?) (L: It’s safe to go with that assumption. Just about everything that happens is a big conflict set-up.)

Aaaand we’re back to Julie telling Kiki that she would like male strippers and bottomless margaritas for her hen do, please and thank you. No, don’t be silly; there’s actually no please and no thank you here. Just general ordering around, which Kiki counters with an offer to ‘invite the girls around’ for a ‘lovely, catered cocktail bachelorette party’.

Yeah, I’d go with the margaritas… and Julie clearly knows how to negotiate as she tacks on, ‘..with strippers!’

Kiki insists that they are ‘smart, sophisticated women’ and they don’t need ‘strange, naked men dancing in front of us to be entertained’ and huffs off, but not before Julie tells her that she isn’t nearly as smart as Kiki… and the boys are getting strippers because apparently, in The Vegas, you get strippers as a side with your entrée (also with an undercurrent of: don’t be so fucking naive, Kiki. NOT SO SOPHISTICATED NOW, ARE YOU?).

Julie tries to tell us about ‘The Petting Zoo’ which isn’t exactly legal, but Kiki is a killjoy so she doesn’t want to go there because we don’t know where the pets have been. You can add ‘snob’ to ‘smart’ and ‘sophisticated’ as a self-descriptor, Kiki! Julie begs and pleads her way to ‘one, little stripper who’s never hurt anyone and is only trying to make his way in the world…. naked’ (note from the wise: googling ‘stripper gifs’ is definitely NSFW).

Sweeney: Don’t worry, we’ve already been informed that the blog is blocked by places with policies on things like this. (Thanks, Fifty Shades!) And just in case that’s changed, I suspect repeated mention of STRIPPERS in this post has put us back on the blocked list where we so clearly belong.

Risha: Seth Cohen is telling the season of his dreams, Summer (why are all the MPDG’s named ‘Summer’?) about the stag do in The Vegas, and they both do hideous jobs of pretending not to care…and he ends up asking about the state of their relationship in a rhyme (that’s kind of cute, I have to admit).

‘Tell me you’re not going to break up with me because of what your dad thinks of me!’
‘Um… he’s my dad!’ *shrug*
‘I don’t care about your dad- I care about you! I care about you a LOT and if that’s not good enough for you… ‘ and he soliloquises himself to going to The Vegas, leaving Summer sputtering a barely heard, ‘www..wait’ that he’s already walked away from.

Seth Cohen, everybody: cute, awkward, and completely unable to let anybody else speak. (S: Accurate.)

We’re back at the pool house, where Ryan is talking to a visibly uncomfortable Theresa who clearly doesn’t want to hang out with Marissa and Ryan, so much that she wants to move to Atlanta. Even Ryan’s a bit shocked by that, ‘Atlanta?’ he asks, his eyebrows doing an uncanny Sandy Cohen impression.

Sweeney: I love “BRB, MOVING TO ATLANTA!” We love it when characters give us new ways to avoid social interactions.

Lor: “Hanging out tonight, you say? Oh, I would, but I’m moving to Atlanta…”

Risha: But then he offers to ask the Cohens for $2,000 so Theresa can go to Atlanta and she refuses because, ‘This is not your problem, OK?’. (Which is pretty damn strong of her, given her overwhelming need to get away and her possible pregnancy-related concerns. Also, yes, thank you! It’s one thing to be a friend and offer to support/help out, it’s quite another to say ‘I’ll do this’ without asking if it would be all right.)

Of course he doesn’t listen because Ryan doesn’t care if you don’t want his help, he’s so chivalrous he’s going to help you anyway!  He goes off to talk to Seth and Marissa about it (honestly, does this show not understand the concept of privacy or boundaries?!). (S: No, it definitely doesn’t. But while we’re on the topic, I’m thoroughly enjoying watching you yell at everyone for it.) Seth, for some reason, has about $1,000 (how do these kids even have that much money at – what? – 17?) (S: RICH KID LIFE!) but Ryan can’t ask Marissa for her ‘couple of hundred’ or Seth for his bar mitzvah dosh… but he can go with Seth’s idea to take their money to The Vegas and triple it at the blackjack tables. And Seth has fake IDs too!

<side note: is it me or does Ryan sound increasingly sarcastic in his interactions with Marissa? She’s all ‘you didn’t ask, we volunteered!’ and he’s all *sarcasm engage* ‘Thanks’>

Lor: Maybe. I mostly just think that Ben McKenzie struggles with, you know, acting. 

Risha: This has got to be one of the worst montages of The Vegas, ever – even if they tried to cool it up with a Beastie Boys tune. And of course, a bright red limo with flames on the front pulls up in front of the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino (Wow! So cool! Much awesome!) and Ryan & Seth emerge; followed by the Grandfather, the Eyebrows (hidden behind truly hideous shades), and the Embezzler. It’s a boy band just waiting to form! (sound off on potential names in the comments!) (S: A+)

Sandy Cohen makes a funny and explains Hard Rock Hotel and Casino to Caleb, telling him it’s ‘ground zero for aging hipsters like you’; which LOLFOREVER because isn’t Hard Rock far too ~mainstream~ for hipsters? And there’s a Sex Pistols decal over Sandy Cohen’s head which adds to the lols for sheer incongruity, if nothing else.

Cute father-son bonding moment as Seth Cohen books the penthouse on the ‘old man’s card’, because why not. Of course, what is Seth Cohen doing with his grandfather’s credit card (and isn’t, IDK, regularly buying tickets to hipster concerts) is not a valid question.

‘It’s like a million dollar frat house‘, Caleb says. I don’t blame him: did you even see that colour scheme by the bowling alley bit?

Amy, the very nice concierge lady, scuppers the boys’ plans by telling them about how they’ve had to chuck people out of the hotel for using fake IDs. Which makes it hard for Seth because he loves the hotel so much he wants to marry it. Ryan cares so much about his friend’s future hotel babies he suggests finding another casino. My first legit LOL of this episode is prompted by Seth’s response, ‘What? Like a youth casino?’

Obviously, a casino is the best place to drop bombshells. Caleb tells Sandy about how Marissa’s planning on moving in with Caleb and Julie, not with Jimmy. Sandy Cohen stares at him as he wonders how to be a good friend and break poor Jimmy’s buying-a-home-for-my-daughter heart.

Cut to the ladies of the The O.C.! sitting around on a sofa, watching ‘The Valley marathon’ and looking bored/irritated/expressionless. The girls are just so engrossed in the TV show/ their own lives, it takes them a few seconds to realise that Summer’s crying.

Coop explains that Summer’s crying because she broke up with Seth ‘cos her dad doesn’t approve, which devolves into a ‘none of our parents approve of who we’re dating’ whingefest because obviously, ‘It’s like a rule, like, your parents almost have to disapprove. Otherwise, the sex isn’t any good.‘ This is all life advice I never received so I’m a little sad that Marissa and Summer are saved from more TMI revelations by the doorbell – and the timely arrival of Kiki!

Kiki wants Hailey’s help to book strippers for Julie’s party and obviously Hailey would know because she used to be a stripper! (Does anyone in this show even try to be polite and make small-talk before jumping to asking for a favour? RUDE!) (S: Again, no, they don’t. ENDLESS RUDENESS.) After waffling about how much they don’t like Julie Cooper or why it’s unfair, Hailey agrees to help and she knows just the man for the job.

Lor: She says it with the biggest smirk on her face. I don’t know how Kirsten’s all, “great thanks” and not all, “NEVERMIND, EVIL. This will not end well.”

Risha: Back to The Vegas where you have girls frolicking in the pool and Seth Cohen casually objectifying all the bikini-clad women distracting him from thoughts of Summer. I’m not sure why Seth is shirtless and Ryan has a shirt and a singlet on, but that’s how it is and after more blahblah about Summer, Seth’s feeling liberated enough to walk up to said bikini-clad women and just.. converse.

Of course, that’s a load of crap and he comes back to Ryan and spouts more nonsense until this woman comes up to him and says, ‘excuse me, would you mind if I kissed you?‘ and snogs him before he has a chance to react. She explains that you can’t use the beach unless you’re with a guest, and by the way Seth’s a great kisser (Ryan’s face throughout this exchange is GOLD) and offers to buy them a drink, but Seth’s phone rings and it’s a sad-sounding Summer!

This girl (I don’t know/care what her name is) spots a Hard Rock employee watching her and kisses Seth again (I really don’t understand how this works. Some random woman assaults you at will and you don’t even think about objecting or figuring out just what the fuck is going on here?), just as Summer is about to say something important. Obviously she hears everything and is none too pleased with Seth and his playboy ways and hangs up on him.

Marissa’s answer to Summer’s Seth problem is to suggest a girl’s night out!

HardRock! Girl feels bad about ruining Seth’s love life and decides to bail (what a lot of work for nothing) and the boys have to leave too when we learn that she goes to university here and could probably give them a ride. She offers to get them into a ‘poker thing’ downtown, even though it’s kinda intense. Does anyone else feel like this is a big con? How come the Boy From Chino doesn’t have any street smarts on him and doesn’t smell anything fishy?! Anyway, they agree to go to play some poker!

Sandy and Jimmy rendezvous at the same wading pool thing and have a chat about Caleb being a total shark. Sandy tells Jimmy to think about retracting his bid on the house because his daughter doesn’t love him is moving in with Caleb. Jimmy’s heartbroken face is also his constipated face. (S: Constipated face as a stand-in for emoting is something of a Traumaland epidemic.)

Marissa is doing her best to be friends with Theresa who looks like she just cannot with this shit. Going by Marissa’s inane list of stuff to do/eat/drink, this sounds like a terrible ‘Let’s make Summer feel better, night out’. Theresa’s obviously hedging on the raw fish and the booze given her ‘am I preggers’ woes, and Marissa cracks a ‘what are you, pregnant?‘ non-joke (because when is this ever funny?) and Theresa’s guilty face gives her away.

An approximation of Marissa’s face by a more talented actress:

Back in The Vegas, the boys and Hard Rock! Girl (miraculously doesn’t need her glasses anymore) are in some dingy bar where the bouncer lets them in when HR!Girl gives him a simpering little wave. (L: WTF.)

They boys look at the poker players nervously (GREAT POKER FACE, GUYS) and Ryan reckons they don’t have to do this, but Seth asks the big question ‘What about Theresa?‘ ‘Theresa’s not your responsibility‘, Ryan counters. And Seth lays a smackdown that should’ve also smacked some sense into both of them, but doesn’t: Well, she’s not yours either, but here we are. (Honestly, I can’t tell if this the worst case of a saviour complex I’ve ever seen on a silly TV show or not). (L: I mean, for sure, top 3.)

And then there’s a lot of male posturing with money being chucked carelessly onto a table, and lots of eye-contact and nodding.

Back to the ladies, where they’re just staring pensively at their tea (hasn’t that teabag been dipped enough, Marissa?). Tea always prompts confessions, so Theresa shares how she hasn’t told anyone yet (does this make Marissa her BFF now?) and Marissa assures her that she won’t tell anyone. She tries to escape from ALL THE AWKWARD and the WORK that goes into being a decent friend by offering to talk about something else, but Theresa’s just so glad to have someone to talk to right now and not having to keep it all to her self. Sorry, Marissa; guess being a friend is about more than just making someone a cup of tea that they don’t actually drink!

Theresa’s broke so going to Atlanta seems like a bit of a stretch, and she can’t even utter the word ‘abortion’, only hinting at it with a sad face and haunted eyes. She talks about what options she has, ‘..I work in a bakery!‘; and a heart-wrenching, ‘what am I supposed to do?‘. Marissa suggests Teresa talk to her abusive ex Eddie, but Theresa shoots that down quickly because he might make her marry him, or question paternity. Marissa, never having learnt the art of not asking questions you don’t want the answer to, asks ‘Who else could it be?‘. Teresa just stares at her with all the guilt of the world in her eyes. SAD.

Back in The Vegas, Seth sips his drink (through a straw…) and Ryan plays poker. Guy in a trucker hat decides to go ‘all in’, and Ryan somewhat calmly reveals his aces (!) and, I assume, wins (I don’t know anything about poker). Trucker Hat leaves the table angry and Ryan smirks to himself. Ryan grabs the chips but Seth wants him to continue to play and urges Ryan to get back in there. Ryan points out Trucker Hat, but Seth reckons he’s just angry because he’s realised nobody wears trucker hats anymore. But then Hard Rock! girl comes back and they invite her round to the hotel room. She’s all ‘Are you in the penthouse?! My girlfriends and I have always wanted to rent that out!’ (this is a real thing people want to spend their money on?!) Seth tells her to invite them and her grandmother along, ‘cos why not?

At the Julie’s classic cocktail hen do, the bell rings and Julie is excited about maybe signing a package or having the plumber show up… but it’s just Hailey at the door. She saw a fire truck outside and wanted to make sure everything was OK. Julie’s brain melts at the words ‘fire truck’ and a fireman walks in with ‘Is it hot in here,’ *takes off shirt* ‘or is it just me?’.

A couple of firemen walk in, grab Julie and the party really gets going. Kiki, of course, needs to hand out a maths lesson in the middle of this: I said *one* stripper! These ladies know how to party: dancing on tables and slinging back drinks like it’s the Great Gatsby.

Kiki answers the phone and it’s Sandy checking in from The Vegas. He has sage advice for Kiki’s stripper problem: try to keep them off the furniture! Sandy though, is calling with a legit question: why were they denied their liquor licence even after the powerful Caleb Nichols bought into the restaurant? They wonder why he’d do something like that when he knows everyone on the liquor board? Sandy knows the answer: so he could buy them out cheap and sell it to Robert Campbell for ten times as much!

Kiki: So, what’re you gonna do?
Sandy: I’m going to talk to your father.

The boys are walking into the hotel and Seth is explaining to Hard Rock! girl how they’re going to play strip bowling and not just plain old boring bowling because why not, right? when Jimmy beckons Ryan over. He asks Ryan if he knows anything about Marissa moving in with Caleb, and Ryan assumes Marissa’s finally had a chat with her father about this. Jimmy’s ‘No‘ is pretty good at conveying the ‘what the fuck are you on about?’ that he really wants to ask. Ryan tries to hedge but makes it worse by saying ‘They had a deal‘ that obviously Jimmy has no idea about. Ryan has a pretty crap poker face for someone who’s just won a lot of money.

He looks away from Jimmy’s steely gaze and we see Summer waltz in, asking for ‘Cohen’. Meanwhile, Hard Rock! girl has changed into her bikini and takes off her robe so Seth can admire it too. Of course, he begins soliloquising and tells her about how he’s in love with his girlfriend, but she corrects him ‘ex girlfriend, right?’ and kisses him. Enter Summer! followed by Ryan, who’s really just tagging along at this point – what else has he done all episode?

Summer’s ‘Cohen!‘ breaks up the kissing, and just as she’s about to work up a head of steam; Hard Rock! girl’s friends walk in. Summer is definitely unimpressed. And SURPRISE! There’s two dangerous looking dudes that are there too. Turns out she is a sex-worker and Summer can’t help her triumphant ‘I knew it!‘

Sweeney: It’s super satisfying to find out you were right all along after someone corrects you on something. The, “I TOLD YOU SO,” is irresistible in such a scenario.

Risha: Lucas does some maths and tells them it’ll be $5000 that they can pay in cash, cheque, or charge. (Since Seth has Caleb’s credit card, why doesn’t he just charge it to that – I seriously doubt he checks or anything) While Seth, Ryan and Summer try to work something out, everyone else’s just hanging out and (regular) bowling. Summer is obviously unimpressed with the Boys’ stupidity and refuses to give them any money. It devolves into a fight with poor Ryan just stuck in the middle.

Somehow, Seth manages to say the right things and Summer is placated – for now. Between the money from their poker winnings and Summer’s $500 contribution, they’ve got $3,500. Hard Rock! girl enters and suggests they have time for more poker! Seth clarifies for Summer: that’s a card game, not hooker talk. She’s got a suitably irritated look as a response.

At the hen do, Julie is chatting up one of the strippers who propositions her. As she rushes off to grab her purse, she runs into Kiki who tells her that the strippers are all Hailey’s old friends and she set it all up. Julie confronts Hailey about setting her up, but it turns into a fight about how Julie’s marriages are really just about money and Hailey tells her ‘Jeffrey here might be a stripper, but honey; you’re a whore!‘ and Julie slaps her for it.

 

Obviously Kiki is useless at stopping the fight and the two (Hailey and Julie) end up in the pool where they continue to fight. Kiki’s totally over this predictable shitshow and opts to drink instead. (S: Wise move.) (L: But also, she pretty much always decides to drink instead. I mean, I love her for it.) (R: I don’t blame her at all, not with her batshit crazy family and ‘friends’. Coping mechanism- she’s got hers sorted.)

Sandy barges into some fancy wood-panelled rich peoples’ restaurant and yells ‘Caleb‘ from across the room and invites himself to dinner with Robert the Businessman. Sandy decides to tell poor Robert the entire sorry story about being stabbed in the back by one of the partners. Then he morphs into cutthroat lawyer mode, threatening civil litigation.

Caleb decides to intervene but Sandy is incensed (INCENSED, I SAY). I’d listen to those eyebrows and back the fuck up, Caleb. Jimmy chooses this exact moment to enter the fray and decks Caleb, shouting ‘You manipulate me?! You hold my daughter hostage?!‘ Even Sandy’s eyebrows are taken aback and don’t know how to react. They leave Caleb lying on the floor, ‘We’ll see you back in Newport, dad!‘

Ryan’s at the poker table, and Trucker Hat guy looks back at him; utterly implacable.  Ryan folds. And then asks Hard Rock! girl for some money. She’s smart enough to say no (he lost $3000??) and warns him about how much trouble they could get into. Ryan’s all ‘yeah, well, whose fault is that?!‘ (yours + Seth’s, imbecile). But then he reveals that he lost on purpose so the Trucker Hat guy would feel confident… so she lends him some money so he can get back in there.

He obviously wins everything back, including the angry trucker hat. Alas, they’ve only managed to pay off the pimps but have lost the bar mitzvah money and Teresa’s money. They also manage to lose the trucker hat when Seth flings it into a boat (must’ve offended his hipster sensibilities) and we’re back to loving The Vegas.

Sandy sneaks home to Kiki and they are really very sweet together (you can kind of see where Seth gets his sweetboy routine from); and Ryan knocks on Marissa’s door. Marissa is clearly angry with Ryan for telling Jimmy about The Deal, and almost breaks her pinkyswear promise to Teresa. Ryan shoulders his way in and Marissa tells him about Teresa’s pregnancy (GOD MARISSA YOU ARE THE WORST). As Ryan tries to wrap his head around that, Marissa drops the second bombshell, ‘And, it might not be Eddie’s’.

And with Ryan and Marissa standing and staring awkwardly at each other, we go to episode credits.

This episode was excruciating and as I said on Twitter, I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. Just sos I feel as though these hours were somewhat productive, here’s what I learnt from The OC.

LIFE LESSONS FROM THE OC:

• True friendship means being able to wake your mates up with a stupid soliloquy in the middle of the night and trust that they will not punch you in the face.
• It’s ‘The Vegas’, thank you very much.
• Your boyfriend’s friends are automatically your friends and THERE’S NOTHING THEY CAN DO ABOUT IT.
• Want a girl to shut up? SNOG HER INTO SILENCE.
• There is a thing in the world called a ‘petting zoo’ that isn’t exactly legal, but..
• ‘Smart, sophisticated women’ like lovely, catered cocktail parties for their hen dos.
• Strippers in ‘The Vegas’ come with the entrée (I can’t even fucking deal with this whole setup – the moral lens, the language used – it causes me so much lolrage).
• Hard Rock Hotel and Casino has a permanent Springsteen exhibit, unlike Caesar’s that only has Celine Dion.
• The sex isn’t any good unless your parents disapprove of your partner.
• Nobody wears Angry Trucker Hats anymore.
• You can soliloquise your way into *everything*.

Overall, my experience of the OC is best summed up in a series of Harry Potter-related gifs:

Thanks for having me, Snark Squad!

 

Next time on The OC: Weddings and baby drama abound in the season finale, S01 E27 – The Ties That Bind.