Supernatural S03 E01 – Seven’s the magic number

Previously: Dean sold his soul to bring Sam back from the dead, and together they killed the Yellow Eyed Demon. But a crap ton of new demons escaped from Hell. 

The Magnificent Seven

Kirsti: First things first, please welcome my shiny new partner in Supernatural recapping crime, Anna! I am so ridiculously thrilled that she agreed to join me, because words cannot describe how much I did NOT want to recap another seven (or more) seasons of this show alone. (But mostly because she’s hilarious and adorable and spells “realise” the same way I do. #CommonwealthPower)

Anna May: HI. Not gonna lie, I did a little celebratory dance when Kirsti asked me to join her on the Supernatural recaps. All aboard the snarkmobile. Doot doot. (And +1 for non-USA spelling *side-eyes autocorrect*)

K: Celebratory squeeing done, let’s get down to business. We open in Oak Park, Illinois, which is clearly supposed to be a Chicago suburb. A mild-mannered man takes the rubbish out, looking enviously at his neighbour’s fancy car as he does so. He puts the rubbish in the bin and turns back towards the house. The bins start moving of their own accord, but don’t worry. We’re not in an episode of Doctor Who. (A: You say that, but then they start eating people and demanding pizza.) He stares at the bins in confusion. The street lights flicker and there’s a clap of thunder. He looks up to see a writhing cloud of black smoke coming towards him. He runs and little bits of the cloud break off into individual puffs of demon smoke. One knocks him down and flies into his open mouth. When he opens his eyes, they’re black. He watches with a smirk as the demon cloud descends on Chicago.

NOT CREDITS! (Look, the credits for this season feature the demon cloud we just saw, metal letters, and a Devil’s Trap. If you have a better idea of what to call it, please let me know down in the comments because everything I came up with sounded shit.)

Anna May: It kinda looks like Satan’s screensaver.

K: NEW NAME ACCEPTED! One week later, Sam’s reading up on demon deals by torchlight in the Bromobile while Dean gets his rocks off with a random girl in the Motel of the Week.

Anna May: THEY’RE SO YOUNG. The last time I watched SPN was halfway through season 8, by which point Sam and Dean look like Mufasa and Action Man respectively. I had to stop for a moment and just stare at their lil faces. Fetus!Winchesters.

K: Dude, I’ve been having that exact feeling since I started recapping. It was especially brutal when I was watching season 1 and season 9 simultaneously… Sam’s phone rings, and it’s Bobby. He tells Sam that the key to saving Dean won’t be in a book and also that he’s found something. Sam hesitantly enters the motel room, which is strewn with clothes, calling out to his brother. You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet plays as he peers around the door, says “Oh God,” in a disgusted way, and nopes his way out of there.

 

Anna May: Both music choice and reaction are 100% appropriate.

K: Indeed. Cut to the Bromobile flying over a hill, Blues Brothers style, Dean woohooing as he drives. Sam still looks disgusted. He asks for Dean’s knife so he can gouge out his eyes because he never needed to see that part of his brother’s anatomy. Dean thanks him for letting him have all the casual sex, and Sam replies that Dean deserves to have some fun. Dean changes the subject to the case. Bobby’s found a crop failure and an insect plague outside Lincoln, Nebraska but they’re not sure if it’s a demonic sign or just run-of-the-mill Nebraska funtimes. Still, given the total lack of demon activity since the Gates of Hell opened, they’re following it up anyway. Dean wishes the demons would stop waiting and just start the war already. “Be careful what you wish for…” Sam says.

Cut to the next morning. They pull up outside a farmhouse in Nebraska, cicadas singing loudly. Dean munches on a burger, and Bobby gets all concerned parent about his choice of breakfast. Dean says he doesn’t have to worry about cholesterol because he’ll be dead inside a year. Sam asks if they’re dealing with a Biblical plague, and Bobby says there’s only one way to find out. Dean bangs on the door of the house, but there’s no answer.

 

They pick the lock and head inside with their guns drawn, choking a little on the smell inside. They hear screams from another room and burst through the door.

The screams turn out to be the TV. There’s a family of three sitting dead on the sofa in front of it, quietly rotting. (A: Can I just take a moment to EW.) (K: You may.) They start looking for signs of sulphur when Dean hears a creak on the porch outside. He whistles to Bobby and Sam, giving military style gestures of what they should do. He creeps onto the porch and looks around, then gets attacked by a tall black guy with a shotgun. Dean’s knocked to the ground as the man’s wife joins him. Bobby greets them with surprise as Isaac and Tamara (but pronounced Tamra, which annoys me to no end), and they all shake hands, smiling. (A: The “Tamra” thing got me too ’cause I’d automatically pronounce it “Tam-AHHH-ra”. Annoyed me almost as much as “aloominum” does.)  (K: YES. It’s doubly annoying because Pacey Witter’s statutory rapist/teacher was named Tamara, and that was pronounced Tam-AH-ra…) They’re clearly hunters. Dean shoves an arm into the frame and waves it around pathetically. “Hello? Bleeding here!” he says.

Isaac and Tamara’s house, that night. They have some married couple banter, inform us of a holy Peruvian wood that’s toxic to demons and holds them still while you exorcise them, and tell Sam that they’ve been married for eight years.

Anna May: For a moment I was gonna take issue with Tamara’s fake-sounding British accent but the actress is actually British. I think it’s just that our accents sound really weird when surrounded by American ones. See also: Anthony Head as Giles.

K: Australian accents are the same. It’s amazing how awful Australian accents sound after a month surrounded by non-Australians. He asks how they started hunting, and they stare at the ground. (A: I genuinely don’t remember from my first watch but fifty quid says they lost a kid.) Sam apologises for asking personal questions, and the tension is broken by Dean returning from a flirty phone call to the coroner’s assistant. She told him that the whole family died of starvation and dehydration, like they sat down and never stood up again, despite the kitchen being yards away.

Dean asks what they should do, and Isaac snaps that they’re not going to do anything. He and Tamara will take the case, and they have sharing issues. Especially when it would involve sharing with the morons who opened Hell and started the war to begin with. Tamara apologetically drags him out of the room. Later, Bobby stares out the window with concern, then pulls the curtains closed. The camera pans across to the other side of the street, and a girl with long blonde hair steps out of the shadows, staring at the house. She’s not wearing leather, but she still seems to have been to the Faith Lehane School of Bad Girl Styling.

The next day, the mild mannered man from the teaser walks into a shop. He touches a woman on the shoulder and says that the green shoes another woman is holding are nice. There’s a whispering sound in the background as he talks. The woman agrees and walks over to tell Green Shoes Woman that she wants them. Green Shoes Woman apologetically says they’re the last pair and heads to the cash register. Touched By MMM Woman follows Green Shoes Woman out of the shop and demands the shoes. When Green Shoes Woman says no, TBMMM Woman slams her head into the windshield of a car over and over until she’s dead. Then she takes the shoes and walks away as people scream. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Sam watches the crime scene techs do their thing. He heads inside to where Dean’s flirt-errogating witnesses, and is all “Dude, seriously???” Dean plays the I’ll-be-dead-soon card and Sam backs off.

Bobby walks up in a suit and says he spoke to the suspect, claiming to work for the District Attorney’s office. There are no signs that she was possessed, so maybe she just really wanted the shoes. “Spilled a glass of holy water on her just to be sure,” he says because he’s the best. He thinks the two cases are connected, and asks what they’ve found inside. Sam says there’s no sulphur anywhere, and Dean suggests they look at the security footage.

In the back room, Sam watches Mild Mannered Man approach the suspect and touch her shoulder. He says he’s not sure if it’s anything or not, but they clearly think it’s worth investigating. Cut to outside. Sam leaves Dean and Bobby, and walks down the street alone. The Mystery Blonde follows close behind. Sam stops, his Spidey Senses tingling but when he turns around she’s gone. Cut to Dean and Bobby staking out a bar that night. Dean infodumps that Mild Mannered Man drinks there, according to all the people he talked to in town.

Sam bangs on the window, smirking when Dean and Bobby jump. He climbs in and tells them that Mild Mannered Man’s name is Walter Rosen and he went missing the night the Gate opened. Bobby says he’s probably possessed by a new fancy kind of demon that can do weird shit they haven’t seen before. Just then Possessed!Walter arrives. Dean’s ready to attack, but Bobby says they should trail him first. They need to know what he’s capable of first. Sam interjects that waiting isn’t an option because Isaac and Tamara have just walked inside. Bobby swears.

Inside the bar, Possessed!Walter drinks at the bar while Isaac and Tamara order at a table. Isaac pulls a flask of holy water from his pocket as Possessed!Walter walks past to the bathroom, and tells Tamara to pull the car around. They exchange “I love you”s and Isaac stands to head to the bathroom. Someone grabs his arm, and he turns to see a tall bald dude behind him who asks what he’s doing. Isaac’s all “Uh, going to piss?” but Tall Bald Dude grabs his flask and throws it away before asking what he’s doing THERE. His eyes flash black as he asks, and Isaac and Tamara gasp. They look around to see that everyone else in the bar is a demon too. Outside, Bobby and Dean slam themselves against the door, but it won’t open. Possessed!Walter comes back from the bathroom and says “Man, you really walked into the wrong place,” with a grin. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, the demons debate what to do with Tamara and Isaac. One guy steps forward carrying a big bottle of drain cleaner and, placing a hand on Isaac’s shoulder, tells him to have a drink on the house. There’s more of the whispery noises from earlier, and Isaac takes the bottle and drinks it as Tamara screams. The demons laugh as blood pours from Isaac’s mouth and he collapses on the floor, dead. “Alright, honey. Your turn!” Possessed!Walter says to Tamara. Just then, Bobby’s car smashes through the door. The boys and Bobby hurl holy water at the demons. Sam grabs Tamara and shoves her, still screaming, into the back seat. Bobby jumps back in, but Dean’s still caught up in the fight. Sam yells out to him, but he’s grappling with Possessed!Walter. He manages to shove him into the Devil’s Trap-lidded boot, then jumps into the car and orders Bobby to drive. He floors the pedal to the metal (LOL) with a screech of tyres.

Back at the house, Possessed!Walter stares at the Devil’s Trap on the ceiling while Tamara yells that they have to go back for Isaac. Sam says they can’t, because it’s suicide and they have no way of fighting that many demons at once. Bobby enternounces that he knows who they are. There’s seven demons, one for each of the seven deadly sins. “What’s in the boooooooox???” Dean impersonates, then he sad pandas when no one gets it. It’s okay, Dean. I get your cheesy movie references and snigger at them…

Anna May: Shh Dean it’s okay. You get a +1 and a “pfffff” from me too. I forgot what a huge dork he can be sometimes. Also, I might have to rewatch Se7en after this.

K: SUCH A DORK OMG. And yes, me too. Bobby shoves a book at Dean and says that in the sixteenth century, some random dude worked out that the sins were actual demons. The family in Nebraska were touched by Sloth, Walter’s possessed by Envy, and Isaac was touched by Gluttony. Tamara yells that she doesn’t give a fuck who they are, she just wants to kill them. Bobby yells back that they’ve tried her way, and it resulted in Isaac’s death. They’re dealing with demons that haven’t walked the earth in 500 years, so they need to take their time and work out their next move. He quietly offers his condolences, and Tamara leaves the room.

In the next room, Envy chuckles at them working out who he is.

Anna May: When he said “I am legion, for we are many” my initial thought was “why’s he quoting Ghost Rider??” and then I realised that no, that’s actually a biblical quote. Both my Christian parents and fellow Marvel fans would be so disappointed in me.

K: LOL WHOOPS. Sam asks what he wants, and when Envy doesn’t answer, Dean splashes holy water on him. Envy says they have what they want – freedom. He’s just having fun to celebrate. Tamara snaps that she’s going to kill him, and he laughs. He says they’re no better than he is – Dean’s a walking chunk of gluttony and lust, while Tamara’s full of wrath. (A: He has a point.) It’s easier, he says, than facing what caused her to become a hunter. She slaps him, and Bobby and Dean rush forward to pull her away. Envy laughs, saying that she’s just proved his point. They’re not sins, he insists, but natural human instincts. Also, the other six are coming for him. Dean says they won’t find him, and Tamara starts reading an exorcism. The boys and Bobby leave the room to Envy’s screams.

In the other room, Bobby says that Envy’s right – the others will be coming. Dean suggests they take Tamara and leave while he stays behind to slow the demons down. Sam and Bobby are all “FUCK NO”. There’s no point in running because the demons will find them, so they may as well go down together. There’s a scream from the other room, and all the candles go out as Tamara finishes the exorcism. She stomps back in to coldly inform them that Walter didn’t make it.

Anna May: Not sure where I stand on Tamara at the moment. I get she’s grieving and on a rampage etc, but the guy was innocent. Then again being worryingly casual about the death of innocents is kind of a running trait on SPN so I dunno how much I can fault Tamara for that.

K: True. Later, Sam and Dean are preparing for battle in silence. Dean loads his shotgun while Sam fills flasks of holy water. They exchange a feels-laden look, then the radio turns on by itself and starts playing We Shall Not Be Moved. Dean cocks his gun and stands up, crossing to the window. Outside, Isaac – possessed by a demon – approaches, screaming Tamara’s name and begging for help. She looks at Bobby helplessly. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Demon!Isaac keeps screaming for help. He bangs on the door, and Bobby quietly reminds Tamara that it’s not her husband. Demon!Isaac adds in personal information, and Tamara cries as she asks Bobby how the demon could know that. Demon!Isaac starts yelling that letting people die is what Tamara does best, and it’s certainly what she did for their daughter. (A: CALLED IT.) At that, she snaps, ripping open the front door, breaking the salt line and hurling herself at Demon!Isaac. She knocks him down the stairs, landing on top of him. “You’re NOT Isaac!” she says before slamming the sacred Peruvian stake into his chest. There’s a sizzling noise and he screams.

The other demons rush into the house. Most of them head upstairs, while one heavy set guy (Sloth) walks slowly towards Bobby before stopping short. He looks up to find that he’s under a Devil’s Trap. “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son…” Bobby tells him with a grin. Upstairs, Dean’s fighting a girl in a short skirt who’s possessed by Lust. Back downstairs, Bobby starts exorcising Sloth. Upstairs, Lust touches Dean’s shoulder, and there’s a whispering noise. He lunges forward and kisses her.

Sam’s in another room when a business suit-clad demon kicks the door in, two other demons at his back. “Here’s Johnny!” he enternounces. I can’t help but feel that Dean would have applauded that entrance. Sam just looks nervous. Business Suit Demon spots a Devil’s Trap on the ceiling, and is all “Bitch, please”. Sam correctly identifies him as Pride. With a wave of his hand, Pride breaks the trap. He sasses that he knows exactly who Sam is – the boy king who was supposed to lead the demons to war – and says now that the Yellow Eyed Demon is dead, Sam’s fair game. They close in.

Meanwhile, Dean is still kissing Lust. He pulls her backwards across the room until his legs hit a bathtub. He rips the curtain down and spins Lust around before dunking her into it. She screams because it’s filled with holy water. He holds her head under and she continues to scream. Sam’s on the ground, demons attacking him. The Mystery Blonde appears and pulls a knife from a holster on her thigh. She strikes at Gluttony, slitting his throat. There’s a flash of orange light and he drops to the floor, dead.

 

The third demon, a woman possessed by Greed, spins towards Mystery Blonde. “YOU!” she shouts. (A: I had a little snigger at her line delivery. It came out so weird and husky and melodramatic.) (K: It really did.) She punches Mystery Blonde, knocking her away. Mystery Blonde rushes Greed, stabbing the knife into her chest. Another orange flash, another dead demon. Pride lets go of Sam to grab Mystery Blonde, and Sam punches him into the path of Mystery Blonde’s knife. She stabs him through the soft palate and sparks crackle as he gargles to death. She pulls the blade out and Pride drops to the floor. Sam stares in shock and asks who Mystery Blonde is. “I’m the girl who just saved your ass,” she replies. He says he did the same for her, and she chuckles that she’ll see him around. He goes to follow her, but she’s already disappeared. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, it’s the next day. Sam and Dean are laying out the bodies of the demons Mystery Blonde killed in a shallow grave. They pour salt and gasoline onto the bodies, then turn to see Tamara standing over Isaac’s burning body, giving him a hunter’s funeral. Bobby walks up and tells them that the girl possessed by Lust and the guy possessed by Sloth will survive, though they’ll need a lifetime of therapy. Sam asks what kind of knife can kill a demon, and Bobby says he’s never heard of such a thing despite having seen evidence of it with his own eyes. Dean wants to know who Mystery Blonde was and why she can fight better than Sam.

Anna May: Cue my eyeroll at Dean’s casual sexism. Especially when they have a kickass female hunter already in the episode.

K: Agreed. To hell with it, MISOGYNY SHOTS! Sam glares a little, and says that the biggest question is what other demons they’ve let out along with the Seven Deadly Sins. Dean agrees that that’s a troubling question, then drops a book of lit matches into the grave in front of him. The three of them watch as the bodies go up in flames. Later, Tamara heads out. Bobby tells her to be careful and she tells him the same. Bobby tells the boys to keep an eye out for omens, and Sam asks if they can win the war. Bobby doesn’t answer and there’s much awkwardness. He drives off and the boys wave as he goes.

Dean asks Sam where he wants to go next, and Sam suggests Louisiana because Tamara mentioned a hoodoo priestess who might be able to help with Dean’s deal. “Nah,” Dean replies. Sam’s shocked. Dean says it’s a wild goose chase to try and break the deal so why bother? Sam snaps that he’s sick of being nice to Dean and Dean’s new found death wish. Dean insists that it’s not like that, and Sam forces him to explain. Dean sighs and admits that if he tries to get out of the deal in any way, Sam dies. And that if Sam keeps pushing him to get out of the death, he’ll stop Sam himself.

Sam sighs and asks how Dean could have made the deal. “I couldn’t live with you dead,” Dean replies. Sam calls him a hypocrite – he saw how broken Dean was when he found out that Papa Winchester had made a deal to save him, and now he’s selfishly done the same thing to Sam. Sam gets a little teary as he says this. Dean tells his brother that he’s entitled to be selfish after everything he’s done for their family. He’s exhausted and the demon deal is like the light at the end of the tunnel. “It’s Hellfire, Dean…” Sam replies. Dean has no fucks to give. He’s feeling good about his life for the first time in ages, and he wants to spend his last year on earth hunting evil with his brother.

Anna May: Dean Winchester: worryingly casual about serious shit since forever.

K: #accurate “You’re unbelievable,” Sam says sadly. “Very true,” Dean smirks. They get into the Bromobile to the strains of classic rock, and head out. Fade to black.

I have mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, I love the idea of the seven deadly sins being demons. On the other hand, they spend so much of the episode dealing with manpain and other hunters and oh-no-we-freed-all-the-demons reminders that the stuff we get that actually FEATURES the seven deadly sins feels far too short.

Anna May: Agreed. I feel like they could have done so much more with the seven deadly sins – they could at least have been multiple-episode antagonists, given that they’re a pretty big religious/supernatural thing and how much Bobby builds them up halfway through the episode. Maybe the writers were just trying to do what Buffy did with Dracula and get one of the obvious ones out of the way.

Ho hum. Not a terrible episode though.

 

Next time: Dean looks up an old girlfriend and finds that he might just get more than he bargained for in Supernatural S03 E02 – The Kids Are Alright.