Lorraine: Hello, friends! Long time no see in this dusty "Fifty Shades" corner of Snark Squad. In fact, the last time we were here, Charlie Hunnam was still slated to play Christian Grey.
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
Pushing the Limits by Katie McGarry Release Date: 1 August 2012 Source: Purchased Order: Amazon || Powell’s In a nutshell: Two messed up teenagers – one a foster kid trying to...
Beauty Queens by Libba Bray Release Date: June 1, 2012 Source: Purchased Order: Amazon || Powell’s In a nutshell: In the not-to-distant future, The Corporation runs everything and an airplane full...
In a nutshell: Two women disappear in Henbane, a generation apart and both connected to Lucy Dane. Her mother, Lila, disappeared when she was just a baby, most presuming that she'd killed herself. Her neighbor and sometimes friend, Cheri, was found cut into pieces, her remains stuffed in a tree. In a split timeline, we both visit the story of Lila's arrival in Henbane in the past, and Lucy's prodding into the secrets of her small town in the present.
We Judge Covers: Not too much to look at. I'm not sure this book would grab my attention in a bookstore, but I suppose the murky, foggy feel fits with the overall atmosphere of the story.
We Judge Covers: Not too much to look at. I'm not sure this book would grab my attention in a bookstore, but I suppose the murky, foggy feel fits with the overall atmosphere of the story.
It's been a while, dear friends, since we visited the great and wonderful world of Sweet Valley. Things have changed a lot around here, but we never forget that this blog was created for the purpose of snarking the terrible books we read as kids.
Despite the fact that months have separated our last SVH recap and this one, we are actually picking up right where we left off. (S: It's really rude that they don't anticipate and respect our erratic blogging schedule.) Elizabeth Wakefield is enjoying her It's Really Cool You Aren't Kidnapped Anymore Party and a young man named Nicholas Morrow has just arrived.
Despite the fact that months have separated our last SVH recap and this one, we are actually picking up right where we left off. (S: It's really rude that they don't anticipate and respect our erratic blogging schedule.) Elizabeth Wakefield is enjoying her It's Really Cool You Aren't Kidnapped Anymore Party and a young man named Nicholas Morrow has just arrived.
In a nutshell: Aliens have made contact and now Cara Sweeny (no extra e, so a lot less cool than everyone's favorite Snark Lady) is chosen to host one of the first ever alien exchange students, Aelyx. (You can tell he's an alien because he has an x in his name.) Cara's doing it for the scholarship she'll get out of it, and she even has an idea to blog about the experience. Things turn sour when people in her town get swept up in an anti-alien paranoia. Plus, she also starts to fall in lurve with Alien Aelyx (shocker) and he's keeping a major (ish) secret.
In a nutshell: Haylee and her father Andy have lived their lives running from the memories that plague him after his time spent in the army. That is until Andy decides he wants to settle down in his old hometown so Haylee can graduate from a real school. Haylee struggles with school, struggles with managing her alcoholic and suffering from PTSD father, she struggles with her feelings for cute boy Finn, struggles with her memories of the past and she probably struggles with all her struggles too.
It's a struggle bus.
It's a struggle bus.
With the third and final book now behind us, it's time to take one last, overarching look at just how stupid it really was, from the insane word counts produced by ELJ's limited grasp of the English language, to the nonsensical pacing in a book originally written as serialized fanfiction by someone without a proper understanding of "plot" or "reality."
Lorraine: We often marveled at how much bad E.L. James managed to stuff into her series, but because we spread our recaps out over so many weeks, we're afraid our readers lose sight of just how horrible this material really is.
Lorraine: We often marveled at how much bad E.L. James managed to stuff into her series, but because we spread our recaps out over so many weeks, we're afraid our readers lose sight of just how horrible this material really is.
Several times throughout our reading journey, we encountered people who assured us that the series got better in the third book. "Christian Grey changes," they told us, and we've since seen that sentiment often echoed amongst fans of the books.
Well. In case it wasn't abundantly clear during our seven month journey, the only way Grey really changes is that he gets worse. We're pointing that out here in a more succinct way. It's an asshole highlight reel, if you will. It'll be a handy link for you to share anytime you hear or see anyone claiming that this is the man of their dreams. Seriously, share this, and ask them to pick a favorite moment.
Ready?
Well. In case it wasn't abundantly clear during our seven month journey, the only way Grey really changes is that he gets worse. We're pointing that out here in a more succinct way. It's an asshole highlight reel, if you will. It'll be a handy link for you to share anytime you hear or see anyone claiming that this is the man of their dreams. Seriously, share this, and ask them to pick a favorite moment.
Ready?
THE END! We obviously spent some time brainstorming the best way to do this whole finale week thing, and we decided that vlogs would be a good way to get some of our "final thoughts" off of our chests. It's also a solid way for us to revive the Segue Magic feature that sort of fizzled and died. (Stay tuned to see if this revival works out.)
We're not operating on a particularly concrete prompt. This is just sort of "closing thoughts," with Lorraine's video on Friday being the final word on our Fifty Shades series. It seems fitting, since she started this treacherous journey on her lonesome.
We're not operating on a particularly concrete prompt. This is just sort of "closing thoughts," with Lorraine's video on Friday being the final word on our Fifty Shades series. It seems fitting, since she started this treacherous journey on her lonesome.
I'm going to try very hard not to get angry during this epilogue because (1) - We have a whole week's worth of series ending posts to get through and I probably have to ration my anger. You know, plan this wisely and avoid an ulcer or drowning my liver or whatever and (2) - THIS IS THE END, FOR REAL. These are the last words to read, EVER. This is really a celebration, so HAPPY EPILOGUE, EVERYONE!
Sweeney: HAPPY EPILOGUE TO YOU TOO, LOR!
Sweeney: HAPPY EPILOGUE TO YOU TOO, LOR!
It's the last fucking chapter and I'm supposed to celebrate, but it's also my last opportunity to make sure you understand that ELJ has the worst chapter transitions ever. (And the worst everything ever, but one step at a time, OK?) The only occasions on which Ana doesn't begin the chapter waking up are those that we begin immediately after the end of the last chapter, in a place where a chapter break makes zero sense. This is of the latter variety.
A consistent feature of both chapter beginnings -- and also all the time always -- is Ana asking a lot of really pointless questions. I spend a lot of time in my own head so I'm not one to judge the idea of a very active inner monologue. But what if my inner monologue consisted only of questions?
A consistent feature of both chapter beginnings -- and also all the time always -- is Ana asking a lot of really pointless questions. I spend a lot of time in my own head so I'm not one to judge the idea of a very active inner monologue. But what if my inner monologue consisted only of questions?
I'm not entirely sure why this is a new chapter. I mean, we always complain about the insanely dumb ways ELJ breaks her writing up, but it usually revolves around some imagined cliffhanger or Ana falling asleep. This isn't even either one of those. We ended last chapter with Grey deciding he liked the nickname "Blip" for his demon spawn, followed by some kissing. We start this chapter STILL KISSING. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CHAPTER BREAK?
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that's how I like to think of it. "Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We've got more stupid to get through!")
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that's how I like to think of it. "Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We've got more stupid to get through!")
Just to mix things up for a change, Ana starts this chapter in the middle of doing her job. LOLJK, she's waking up. (L: LOL. Every time.) Ana is waking up and narrating about burning pain and various voices around her becoming clearer, "a beacon in the darkness." Basically she wakes up long enough to hear Christian Grey angry with the doctor that Ana's not awake yet and also him asking about the baby, which assures Ana that he wants the baby so she can go back to sleep.
Wouldn't the "is the baby alive/well?" question be sort of an automatic point to cover when updating the father on her status? Or maybe the doctor is trying to catch Christian Grey giving no fucks to build the attempted murder case against him?
Wouldn't the "is the baby alive/well?" question be sort of an automatic point to cover when updating the father on her status? Or maybe the doctor is trying to catch Christian Grey giving no fucks to build the attempted murder case against him?
In a nutshell: This is a YA book about vampires. I just wanted to say that right away. In Holly Black's newest, everyone knows vampires exist. In fact, places called Coldtowns exist, walled cities where the fanged creatures can mingle, party, feed off of and (mostly) co-exist with humans. There are those who got stuck in Coldtowns when the walls went up and there are those who chose to go there willingly. The catch is that once you enter a Coldtown, you can never get out.
At the beginning of the book, Tana wakes up after a party to find a house full of corpses. She survived, her ex-boyfriend survived and so did a darkly handsome and entirely strange vampire who looks like he needs Tana's help.
At the beginning of the book, Tana wakes up after a party to find a house full of corpses. She survived, her ex-boyfriend survived and so did a darkly handsome and entirely strange vampire who looks like he needs Tana's help.