Veronica Mars S02 E05 – Who IS your daddy?

Previously: Some girl had a great boyfriend and ruined it by being a snob.
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Blast From the Past

Lorraine: Wallace heads inside, not too long after Stalker Cop approached him with the whole, “I am your father,” deal. Wallace is clearly distraught. Alicia is happily serving dinner and her first clue that something is wrong is that Wallace says he isn’t hungry. He just met a man in the driveway. A man from Chicago. He angrily asks who they buried in Cleveland and who he cried over for so many days. Alicia says that was his father but Wallace doesn’t get how having two fathers works out. Wallace storms away but Alicia follows.

In the living room, she explains: she married Nathan Woods (Stalker Cop) when she was 21 years old. He started off as a narcotics detective but he went so deep undercover that things got bad. He was coming home high and stashing guns and heroin under their bed. She hates that Wallace had to find out this way, but if he’s asking who his real father is? That’s Hank Fennel. She gets up and walks over to her desk, rifling through some files that should look familiar. Keith was going through these files last episode. Alicia wanted to show Wallace his birth certificate but it’s missing. Tersely, she says she knows where it is. The point is that the day Hank Fennel ask Alicia to marry him was the day he signed Wallace’s birth certificate. That’s his real father, forever and ever. Mom and son hug, but Wallace looks unsure.

Democracy Diva: Oh hey, hay fever, you old devil you. Lovely to see you here so early in the episode. Definitely not gearing up for a Wallace FeelsFest! Move right along!

Sweeney: THESE SNARK HQ HAY FEVER OUTBREAKS ARE SUCH A PROBLEM.

Lor: In class, Veronica sits next to Wallace and notices that he’s not in usual spirits. She tries to joke with him but just gets a little smile.

The bell rings and a teacher we’ve seen before, Mr. Wu, says it’s homecoming season. Each homeroom is going to nominate a girl and guy and the top vote getters will be the royalty court. Wallace sinks down in his chair. Veronica leans over and says when she’s feeling glum, she likes to spread some Pirate love. She dramatically raises her hand and enthusiastically nominates Wallace Fennel. He gets some appreciative hoots from the class.

In another homeroom, Corny nominates Veronica. The bitchy 09er Veronica totally owned during the interview assignment asks if he’s serious. He is: She’s badass, smokin’ hot, and overall nice to come home to. Lost Puppy (Mandy) pipes up about the one time Veronica helped her find her dog, plus she also found Polly the Parrot. Not getting that people, particularly Logan and Jackie, are laughing at her she tells Jackie that Veronica is great at helping people. Jackie sarcastically says she’ll keep that in mind.

Diva: I hate that Lost Puppy is back, but I hate Jackie more, so BOOO JACKIE, TEAM LOST PUPPY.

Lor: At lunchtime, Wallace is brooding at a table. Jackie and a friend join him, talking all about homecoming. Jackie snaps at Wallace to get his attention. He turns toward her, and sees Veronica sitting alone at a table. He tells Jackie he has to go talk to Veronica and she is not happy at all.

At the much better table, Wallace has told Veronica about his bio-dad, but is at a loss for words about what he’s like or what comes next. He tells Veronica to keep it to herself. Jackie walks up and conversation stops. She sarcastically asks if they are planning her surprise party. Veronica says hello and Jackie says goodbye and stomps away. Wallace follows after her.

Diva: Random question: does anyone in this town know their actual paternity? Between Veronica, Wallace, Mac, the girl Mac got switched-at-birth with, and God knows who else, Neptune seems to have some serious who-are-my-real-parents issues. Like, even more paternity issues than random murder issues.

Sweeney: I bet Maury would have a field day if he ever happened upon Neptune.

Lor: Our people should call his people.

Mars Investigations. Veronica gets there and finds lots of stinky “Keith Mars for Sheriff” posters laid out. Keith explains that a buddy of his found them in the dumpster downtown. Veronica says at least Lamb didn’t throw them out in a dumpster behind the Sheriff’s department. Credit where credit’s due. Keith doesn’t even care about the stinky signs because Steve Guttenburg’s number people just called and Keith has a 12 point lead. He doesn’t need to roll around in the mud with Lamb. Veronica asks if he needs a photographer who knows how to capture his good side. He sing-songs, “I’ve got nothing but good sides, baby.”

Jackie is getting a psychic reading that is vaguely plot relevant. We cut to Jackie paying for it but her card has been declined. She looks thoughtful. Definitely not the “OMG SO EMBARRASSED” you would expect.

Veronica’s Office Bathroom. Jackie finds her and V sarcastically offers her some lip balm. Jackie’s all business though. She’s in some trouble and Wallace said she might be able to help. Veronica looks totally shocked.

COME ON NOW SUGAR! (That teaser was EIGHT MINUTES LONG. Is eight minutes really a tease?)

Post-credits, Jackie says her credit card was stolen and maxed out. She’s already called the credit card company but the thing is that she suspects her friend Cora of being the one who stole it. She doesn’t want it to be true, because Cora is her only friend here. The way Jackie talks in this whisper-y voice really annoys me. She whips out a list of the charges and says Cora hit up every store in the mall.

Sweeney: Which is the best store, obviously.

Lor: Veronica points out a charge from Consolidated Elemental Industries and asks if Jackie knows what it is. She doesn’t. Jackie asks where Veronica is going to start and V says with the obvious: see if Cora has any of the items on the list of charges.

Mars Investigations. Alicia says she’s there for the documents that Keith stole from her house. Keith says he didn’t steal them, because again, the Marses have these weird concepts of what they are allowed to do. He hangs his head, grabs the papers and returns them. He asks why Alicia didn’t just tell him Stalker Cop was a cop. She says she was trying to protect Wallace. Keith doesn’t doubt that’s true, but he just thinks she should’ve told Wallace. (S: Or Keith! “Protecting Wallace” didn’t answer the question of why she didn’t tell Keith.) Alicia: You are giving me parenting advice? WOOF. I am a defender of Keith’s relationship with Veronica, but I also get that to outsiders, his parenting tactics probably leave something to be desired.

Keith asks WTF she means and she bites back that she protected Wallace’s childhood, she didn’t sell it out. A dig at what? Keith’s book sales? Veronica’s world weary outlook?

Diva: I think it was a dig at the book sales, and maybe the election? It was harsh. Not entirely untrue, but harsh.

Sweeney: 

Lor: Alicia says she will not invite chaos into her house. Keith says she already did, she just postponed it. She storms out. Keith is sad.

Stalker Cop visits Wallace at his job. And then he starts singing “Papa Was A Rolling Stone,” at him. Not badly, either. Where the heck was my musical episode, ROB THOMAS? (S: ANGRY +1) (D: This was my favorite scene of the series so far. When I have too many emotions I have to sing them out too, Wallace! I mean, usually alone in my shower and not directly at someone while at work, but still, I understand you, baby!) Stalker Cop says he isn’t going to defend himself. Wallace asks what brought him to Neptune then, after 18 years. As it turns out, Stalker Cop has been looking for him this whole time. He’s got a stack of “return to sender” letters to prove he’s tried reaching out. Alicia told Wallace that she gave Stalker Cop the choice between his job or being a father. Stalker Cop says had he been given that choice, he would’ve chosen Wallace.

Neptune High. Homecoming King nominees are Duncan Kane, Mark Fraser, Steve Vargo, Hank Ditten and… WALLACE FENNEL. Wallace leans over and asks how many kneecaps Veronica broke to make that happen. “Only like four. The people have spoken,” she replies with a good natured shoulder punch. These two. Queen nominees: Lucy Franks, Josie Shelman, Emma Harris, Liz Levine and Kate Riggs. Lost Puppy is visibly disappointed. Logan says they always have winter carnival and Veronica can be an ice princess. Jackie laughs and asks if they can skate on her. Um, sick burn?

Veronica has a copy of Cora’s class schedule. She sees her coming in a leather jacket. Veronica bumps into her and compliments the jacket. Cora is surprised Veronica knows who she is. Veronica: Eighth-grade badminton partner? You never forget someone you’ve been in the foxhole with. Cora says her jacket is from an outlet mall. She’s going after school for a homecoming dress. Veronica asks if she can tag along. Cora is a little surprised, but she’s unopposed to the idea. Veronica Voice Over tells us that of course, she hasn’t been asked to homecoming yet.

Duncan stages a little run-in of his own, stopping Logan in the parking lot and asking, one emancipated minor to the other, if he wants to hang out on Thursday night.

Logan accepts though and there is a little bit of an awkward pause afterward. Nice moment for the friends who finally confronted each other last episode. It truly wasn’t about Veronica. Not completely, at least.

Veronica is walking Jackie to her car and promises to have a definitive answer on Cora the next day. She says it would be pretty thick of her to wear a stolen jacket to school, but I’m not sure where else you would wear it, amIright? Jackie says Cora is sweet but not bright. Shut up, Jackie.

Sweeney: I instantly love Cora based solely on the fact that nobody deserves Jackie’s bullshit.

Lor: Don Lamb and Keith Mars are participating in a debate in front of the National League of Women Voters. Lamb says that gang violence and illegal immigration “bug him” along with a list of a lot of other things, but he’s confident that the voters of Balboa County will put him, “The Exterminator” back in office. There is polite clapping. Veronica is in the back taking pictures. The next question is for Keith: does the nature of the Lilly Kane murder case or his recall color his feelings for Neptune? A Very Good Question. Keith says he loves Neptune and he wouldn’t be running if he didn’t. What “bugs” Keith are the subtle changes in the community, like the growing tensions. The moderator says the bus crash has certainly been divisive and Lamb was quick to attribute it to driver error. Lamb looks like a puppy with a bone as he says that it has just come to light that in ’89, then Sheriff Mars pulled Ed Doyle over for driving under the influence. Instead of following procedure, he decided to follow him home. Had a DUI showed up on Ed’s record, he would’ve never been hired by the school board. Keith is stunned. Veronica is worried. The audience murmurs. Keith says he isn’t familiar with this, but Lamb has a copy of his patrol log to job his memory.

Diva: Also, someone in this debate noted that violent crime has gone down town in recent months. Yup, a dead body washed up on the town’s shores like a week ago, but that’s still less than the eight billion murders per month Neptune usually has, so violent crime rates are down! Yay!

Lor: I mean, that could also be tied to the fact that sometimes people come to report crimes to Lamb and he tells them to visit the Wizard for something, instead of doing anything remotely police like. That’s just a guess.

Later that day, Veronica is following Cora into her room. She’s borrowing a shirt after spilling coffee all over herself. She not at all subtely rifles through Cora’s closet and looks in a bag Cora says, “NO. DO NOT LOOK IN THERE.” Turns out it’s a chicken costume she wears for work. Veronica grabs a shirt.

We cut to Veronica dropping Cora off post shopping. Cora sweetly says that Duncan will love Veronica’s dress, grabs her things and heads inside. Veronica call the restaurant Cora works for, pretending to be someone from Neptune High, and asks to verify hours worked for Cora. She was working on Sunday, during which some of the credit card purchases went through. Veronica immediately calls Jackie and says they are back to square one.

Emancipated Minors Penthouse. Duncan and Veronica are enjoying room service. Veronica says it’s weird that he lives at a hotel, but he promises he’s not becoming a shut in. They cutely joke about homecoming and Duncan realizes he never asked Veronica. Of course he wants her to go with him. “You’re my woman.” Veronica says she’ll be needing an orchid, a limo and some Kane Software stationary. Duncan asks what for and she tells him he’s here for his looks, not his acting skills. I mean, to do heavy thinking. Actually, this was a really good scene for those two. They seemed like they actually liked each other!

Diva: I thought the same thing! I guess even Duncan can handle acting like he’s totally charmed by Kristen Bell, because everyone alive is totally charmed by Kristen Bell.

Sweeney: Because she’s the cutest.

Lor: Mars Apartment. Veronica is reading about how Keith has lost his plush lead and is now tied with Lamb. Keith ignores her and grabs a bug encased in glass from her book-bag. She grabs it back and tells him to worry about the election. She’ll worry about her bio project. It’s probably not a bio project.

At the Fennel house, Wallace confronts his mother with the return to sender letters. His mom yells that she told him to stay away from Stalker Cop. She also told him that she gave Stalker Cop a choice and Wallace says that was a lie.

At school, Wallace is ranting to Veronica.

 

 

 

One of those very defining Veronica-isms. She won’t be able to understand if Wallace thinks maybe there more to it than that. Also, though, she’s got a missing check for FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS to back her up on this subject.

Sweeney: Truth. Lianne Mars is a shitstain of a human being. But she also doesn’t understand the world isn’t full of black and white truths like she makes it out to be.

Lor: Don Lamb opens up a package that has a bug encased in glass. The letter accompanying it is on Kane Software letterhead. “Dear Exterminator. Knock ’em dead on election day.” Hahahahaha. Hilarious invasion of privacy! (S: Not at all the sort of thing that could get you in serious fucking trouble or anything, V!) Deputy Sacks comes to tell him that he’s got the two guys from Cliffside in the interrogation room. Lamb puts the bug on his desk before leaving.

Veronica is tracking down the charge from Consolidated Elemental Industries and it turns out to be the psychic’s place we saw Jackie at in the forever-teaser. (D: Of course it is. I am ashamed I didn’t see this coming.) Inside, Veronica finds a ton of vanilla scented candles, which were another purchase on the stolen credit card. Cut to Veronica and Jackie hanging out in her room. Veronica is trying to make sense of how the psychic got the card and Jackie admits that Madame Sophie got it from her.  She visits the psychic because her grandmother died two years ago and any connection to her is comforting. It’s Jackie’s secret shame. Jackie asks Veronica what hers is and I shout, “DON’T YOU TRUST HER.” Despite my warning, Veronica shares, “Mamma-Max.” She clarifies that she was a freshman when she used it though! Jackie says she knows how to get back at the Madam Sophie. They are going to go on her TV show.

Cut to Jackie showing Veronica the show. It’s public access TV and Jackie claims everyone at Neptune watches it. On the episode they are watching, Madam Sophie tells a crying girl that someone is trying to contact her. Crying Girl says it must be her friend Rhonda who was on the bus. Terrence Cook interrupts their TV watching. He remembers meeting Veronica right before the bus crash; she said she wouldn’t wash the hand he shook. She jokes that she still hasn’t and people are starting to complain. Either Terrence doesn’t think that’s funny or blank is this actor’s go-to thing. Jackie asks her dad what the sheriff wanted. Terrence has been invited to emcee the charity ball. Jackie is surprised and he says he isn’t joking and then just leaves with no other communication, which is awkward.

VVO tells us, as Veronica gets home later that night, that she and Jackie have come up with a plan to get back at Madam Sophie. Since Sophie would recognize Jackie, Veronica is going to be the one to go on the show and expose her as a fraud. For now, it’s time to check in on the bug in the sheriff’s office. As Veronica skips around the recording, we get a flash of the scene playing out in blue, Lillyback tones. I MISS THE LILLYBACKS. I think Sweeney and Diva have already said that, but it was my turn, so there.

Sweeney: I STILL MISS THEM. We really can’t express enough just how much we miss them.

Lor: In the Lillyback tones, we see the meeting between Lamb and Terrence. Lamb says they are selling $10 tickets for some fundraising event. Terrence is surprised that Lamb asked him all the way down to the station to hit him up for money. Lamb likes to personally get to know the notable citizens of Neptune. Terrence stands and says he’ll buy 2 tickets, clearly done with this whole meeting. Lamb has got more though, the smug tremendodouche. He was thinking Terrence would buy $10,000 worth of tickets and emcee the bachelor auction. And Lamb is telling not asking because he knows that Terrence has millions of dollars in gambling debts and did some favors for people who bet extensively on baseball. Lamb smarms that they have something in common: they both want Terrence to get into the Hall of Fame.

Neptune High for Students Who Watch Public Access TV. Veronica sits next to Crying Girl who, for the record, is not crying right now. V says she saw the girl on TV and wants to know if anyone talked to her before the show. Crying Girl says totally not… except this one crazy lady back stage with big hair and rhinestone glasses. Crying Girl feels better knowing that Rhonda isn’t mad at her for “not picking up.” You can almost hear V’s mental, “SKKKRRT.” Rhonda called Crying before the crash? Yep. And Crying Girl has the voice mail to prove it. Veronica listens as Rhonda happily chatters until we hear something like an explosion, a crash, a screeching of tires, screaming, and then nothing. Veronica is stunned. She lets her hands fall and surreptitiously forwards the voice mail to herself before handing the phone back to Crying Girl.

Duncan and Logan settle in to play video games and be bros.

Veronica is on Madam Sophie’s set. She VVO’s that she spoke to the crazy lady in the rhinestone glasses about her dead (nonexistent) uncle Roger. Madam Sophie says someone is looking for an R and Veronica’s hand shoots up. On stage, Madam Sophie is feeding back all the details she gave to Rhinestone Glasses. Madam Sophie stops, though, and says she’s getting another voice. A letter L, holding out a… lily. Lilly. Wallace and Jackie are watching and so are Duncan and Logan. Sophie says Lilly’s message is, “you should’ve stayed away from my boyfriend.” We DUN DUN DUN right into a Not!Break.

Diva: WHAT THE FUCK, MADAM SOPHIE. Maybe don’t use the widely-available, very public information about this random girl’s dead best friend to slut-shame her on public access television. This is not a thing that cool people do.

Lor: When we return, Sophie says they’re more. Something about… informercials. “Lilly” is saying that Veronica should be happy with her body. “You.. don’t need… the… Mamma-max?” Realization. Giggling from the audience. VERONICA IS GOING TO PUNCH SOMEONE. She smiles and gives a little, “game on,” nod.

In her room that night, Veronica is burning the conversation between Don Lamb and Terrence. She gets a call and answers, “Chesty LaRue.” It’s Duncan. She asks if he knows who is DJing between sets the next night. Corny is, which is perfect for whatever evil plan Veronica is working up. She takes out the CD and labels it “Homecoming Request.” Oh, girl. Oh no.

Sweeney: OH FUCKING NO. Veronica, that’s a whole lot bigger and farther removed from you and Jackie than some shit about boob cream. Calm down.

Lor: Wallace visits and asks how Veronica is. She tells him that it was all Jackie’s doing and she has plans to get back at her. Wallace says Jackie didn’t do it, and even if she did, he’s asking Veronica to let it go. He yells that he’s asking her for a favor. He just learned that his whole life is a lie, and despite always being a shoulder she could lean on, he’s gotten no sympathy or time from her. #Wallacefeels

Diva: Wallace basically brings up all the issues in their friendship that we’ve been talking about since the middle of Season 1, and I had all the feels. This confrontation had to happen sooner or later.

Sweeney: Inevitable and absolutely heartbreaking.

Lor: And it continues as he calls Jackie later and asks her if she set up Veronica. She’s clearly nervous as she swears that it was supposed to be a prank. She wanted to take Veronica down a peg for tattling on her coffee date with Dave, for being the person Wallace turns to and for being some sort of legendary badass. Wallace says that she has no idea what Veronica has been through– defending his friend, even now. Jackie says Sophie got all that Lilly stuff on her own, and only cops to the Mamma-max thing. She wants to make it up to Wallace at the dance, but Wallace says he isn’t going with her. After the call, a teary Jackie takes out a bottle of prescription pills.

Diva: But did she fake the entire credit card theft thing in order to have Veronica solve the crime and thus end up at the psychic’s place? Or was that just, like, a bonus thing Jackie did to the person who just solved her credit card theft, just out of the evilness of her soul? Either way, Jackie is the worst.

Lor: Veronica is all dressed up and Keith gives an adorable little facepalm as he says she looks beautiful. She’s all business, though, because he needs to hear something. She plays him the message and we see him react to the horrific sounds. But he heard it. An explosion before the bus hit the railing. The bus was sabotaged. Veronica thinks he can come forward with this, for the sake of the election, but Keith won’t leverage the deaths of 7 people for an election. If there was an explosion, those kids were murdered, and coming forward with that tape would hinder the investigation. Veronica yells, “What investigation?” Does he think Don Lamb is going to figure this out? The only way the guilty party is brought to justice is if Keith is elected.

The discussion is ended by Duncan’s arrival. Veronica tells Keith not to wait up and Keith says to tell Wallace he’s pulling for him. Duncan’s all, “OUCH,” and Veronica says it’s like rooting for the Yankees. Heh. Keith sees the Homecoming Request CD and asks Veronica if she needs it. She considers it for a second but decides that no. She doesn’t.

Homecoming. The Faders are playing in the long held tradition of TV pretending that is a thing that would actually happen at a high school homecoming. Jackie is trashed. Duncan and Veronica and having a grand time dancing. Later, during a slow jam, Veronica sees Jackie kissing Logan and it’s all:

Veronica yells at Jackie. She won’t stand by and watch her break Wallace’s heart. Jackie cry yells that Veronica should just make up her mind already between Logan and Duncan. “How many guys here do you expect to want only you.” Veronica is barely paying attention to her, because she sees Wallace, watching this all with disapproval. She pushes Jackie out of the way and follows after Wallace instead. She loses him though. Duncan tries to comfort her and say it’ll be alright.

Sweeney: Except for the part where she completely ignored his request to stand the fuck down. Stuff like this grates because the reality is that this was way more for herself than for Wallace. Doing shit people didn’t ask you to do in their name is setting yourself up for shit like this. All the more so when you’re doing shit they explicitly asked you not to do. I love Veronica, I do, but her loyalty is only outdone by her self-righteousness and that’s a troublesome combo.

Lor: Police Station. Keith brings Lamb a CD with the voice mail of the bus crash. Because it was the Right Thing to Do. As he’s telling Lamb that if he wanted to simply win the election with this, he would’ve gone to the news stations, Keith notices Veronica’s bug on Lamb’s desk. He distracts Lamb, grabs the bug and leaves.

Middle of the night. Keith gets a call Alicia, but it isn’t a social call. In the morning, Keith gets home and Veronica asks why he was out all night. Wallace never came home after the dance. Cut to Veronica calling Wallace. He’s on the passenger’s side of a car as he looks at his phone but lets it go to voicemail. Veronica leaves a message. She screwed up. She let him down. She can’t lose another friend. Wallace looks at his phone a little longer and as the shot pulls out, we see he’s sitting next to Stalker Cop.

Next time on Veronica Mars: Abel Koontz is back and he’s looking for his daughter in S02 E06 – Rat Saw God.

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.

DemocracyDiva (all posts)

I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.